topic Im new, and friendless. in Relationship and family issues

Im new, and friendless.

Lycan — Wed, 28 Jun 2017 08:45:03 GMT

I've had anxiety and depression for years, the depression from a car accident at 18 months of age. Been tossed from dr to dr from moving around alot as dad was in the army, so we moved every two years. Depression destroyed my first marriage.

Im now 54, and its been a roller coaster ride for me, because every different doctor has a different treatment. Im also on disability for having lupus, fibro, polymyalgia, asthma, depression and anxiety.

My new hubby has advanced prostate cancer, and has been told that once his chemo stops working, [ and it will], he wont have too long left. My hubby is my carer. If he dies, i will be dying along with him, as no one wants me, and i cannot live without him. Even now, we cannot afford to live, and cant even afford to die.

I dont know what you can say to help me. I usually cry myself to sleep every night.

Im new, and friendless.

kanga_brumby — Wed, 28 Jun 2017 09:23:05 GMT

Hi there welcome to beyond blue forums. A friendly place to unwind ask for helpful advice. Some of us have similer problems as yourself and your partner. As I have depression, anxiety, ptsd, cancer, artheritis in both knees, asma. Which I think is more than enough. But I am not giving up yet. I have allready lost a partner to cancer, no friends. I made my own purpice to live.

kanga

Im new, and friendless.

Guest_9809 — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 11:00:47 GMT

Hello Lycan welcome to Beyond Blue, it lovely to meet you.

I'm so terribly sorry life has dealt you such a 'bad hand'. Life is never fair though, and I guess all any of us can do is make the most of what we have been dealt.

I too am in my mid 50's and married. And like you, I have both anxiety and depression. For me it is the result of PTSD from a past trauma. Also like you I have physical problems resulting in chronic muscular-skeletal pain and inflamation issues.

Several years ago my husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer, a frightening experience for both of us. Thankfully his affected kidney was removed, but leaving him with chronic kidney disease in his remaining kidney. Then last year he had another cancer scare, this time a melanoma. Again he had successful surgery. So he has had some cancer scares, but thankfully come through reasonably well, physically at any rate. He has mental health and alcohol issues and I am his carer. So we have a few things in common I guess.

Lycan I wish I could wave a magic wand and lighten your very heavy emotional load. Kanga, who has also responded to you, has told you of his own story. Thanks Kanga my friend, you really are an inspiration. There are others here on BB too who have told stories similar to yours.

So you are not alone Lycan. You have been heard and you have been understood. Any time you wish to talk, please feel free to come on line and post again. There are many people here, all like you and I with mental health issues, who are very kind and supportive. We would all love to hear back from you.

People find a way through even the very worst that life throws at them. The human race really are a very resilient bunch. My best wishes are with your husband, as well as for you Lycan. Medicine is always evolving, and new cures for previously untreatable illnesses are constantly being discovered. Please dont give up hope.

You didnt say whether you have tried medication for your depression/anxiety. With everything happening in your life right now, do you think it could be time to consider that as an option? It doesnt have to be a long term solution, unless it works so well that you choose for it to be. Sometimes we just need a little help to get us through a crisis moment. And when the crisis is over, we can go back to self help methods. When was the last time you saw your GP? I would suggest you book an appointment soon.

Sending you a comforting hug. I care about you.

Taurus

Im new, and friendless.

Croix — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 12:22:26 GMT

Dear Lycan~

I've nothing profound or magic to make things better for you -or your husband. Life has dealt the pair of you pretty horrible hands.

I notice in your image there is a little dog I think (bit hard to see) -is it yours? I've 2 cats and a dog that rule the roost, a big part of my life.

I got sidetracked. What I wanted to say was this: at one stage in my life I felt things were hopeless with no hope of improvement - as it turns out I was wrong, but that doesn't matter. I was sitting in front of the tv and just doing nothing, not really even thinking what I saw a very old comedy -Get Smart. It was so ridiculous I actually smiled, and wanted more.

It drove thoughts of my plight out of my mind for a few brief minutes -it was gold.

I'm not belittling your problems, they would be so hard to cope with, but I am wondering if there is anything in your life like Get Smart was in mine, a means of stepping out into a happier place for a little while?

Like Taurus and Kanga I care, and would wish you did not have to cry at night

Croix

Im new, and friendless.

solabear — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 12:36:30 GMT

Dear Lycan, you have friends here, we care and want to be your friend. We are concerned about you and would like to hear from you. We are here for you.

Sola xx

Im new, and friendless.

BballJ — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 13:21:45 GMT

Hi Lycan,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story and as you can see, you have already made friends and people who care about your situation, along with myself.

I am so sorry to read what you and your husband are going through, I couldn't imagine the pain you both are going through. I don't have the magic piece of advice to offer you but I wanted to reach out and offer my support and that you are welcome to post in your thread here as much as you like and we will always try to reply to you, even if you just want to vent or talk about your day. This is a safe, non judgemental forum as well.

May I start by asking and this may be a continuation of what Croix asked, is there anything currently that you enjoy or like doing? Anything that makes you smile?

My best for you and your husband,

Jay

Im new, and friendless.

geoff — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 19:08:39 GMT

hello Lycan, I am so pleased you have made friends already, so I want to join them as well, if you allow me to.
So often we have comments by people that are truly so sad, although each one is, but sometimes there is one that goes that extra distance, so we try our utmost to join with you in your grief, because not only does depression/anxiety cause so much pain is when people are diagnosed with another medical condition that only increases the way you feel.
All men are terrified of getting prostate problems, especially to the extent your husband is at the moment, so I am so very sorry for the two of you, and what it also means is that your depression is only going to compound your condition.
Yes I wish there was a magic wand, wouldn't that just be perfect, and how many times have I always asked for it myself.
All the people above me have given you their very best thoughts, just as I do, but please keep in touch with us, all of us have been through our own terrible experiences and that's why we can relate to your comment. Geoff.

Im new, and friendless.

Lycan — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 06:36:23 GMT

Thank you all for your replys. Im on medication for depression and my dr has put me on medication for anxiety.

Money is a big issue with us as im on a disability and hubby can only work 2 days a week. Even then centerlink deduct from me what he earns.

You ask what would make me happy. If just one person on fb said hello. Or if family members checked up on me. That would make a big difference.

Im worried about the future as we cant afford ti live. The only thing that keeps me going atm are my cats. They cuddle me when im sad.

Thank you for showing me im not alone

Sandy

Im new, and friendless.

Guest_9809 — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 07:29:25 GMT

Hi Lycan and thankyou so much for getting back to us.

I will make this brief, but I wanted you to know that we all care about you, and will be happy to continue to check in with you for however long as you would like. So please know that you can come back any time you want some reassurance that you are not alone.

You may not be getting the support from family members that you would like, or would normally expect, but you will definitely get it from people here.

I accept that things are difficult for you financially, so your options are limited. But where there is a will, there is always a way. I gather from your reply that the anti-anxiety medication is a relatively recent thing? I hope that proves to be successful in reducing your anxiety symptoms.

As for having your cats, I totally understand that. I have a little dog, Tammie, and she is my best mate. Something that may interest you - there is a pet thread in the Staying Well section that you might get some enjoyment from reading. And if you are willing to share some stories of your cats, then your contribution to the thread would be very welcome. Many of us here have pets and love reading about other peoples companion animals. Google the following link:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/pets---helping-you-through-tough-times-and-keeping-you-well

I hope you enjoy reading through the many stories contained there. And I look forward to hearing about your cats too.

Kindest

Taurus

Im new, and friendless.

BballJ — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 13:51:06 GMT

Hi Lycan,

I know it's all tough at the moment but you have come to the right forums in terms of support, as you can tell there is a good support network here for you. You simply just have to write back, this is your thread and you can post here as much as you like, even if it is just to talk.

Please, stay strong.

My best,

Jay

Im new, and friendless.

Lycan — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 05:05:52 GMT

i tried to make a list of things that make me happy vs a list of things that stress me out. I am removing all stressful things from my life. I came to a realization that i want to move to be nearer my children, but my husband and i just dont earn enough to do it. That means going from toowoomba to Perth. there is no chance of saving for it, as he is having chemo atm. There is no way for him to earn money in WA. So its not going to happen. The Dr says i have to accept it and move on. Everything looks bleak, but i am just going to keep on hoping that maybe one day we will win the lotto or it will rain money,{ yes im trying to keep my sense of humor}

Im new, and friendless.

BballJ — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:55:41 GMT

Hi Lycan,

I know the financial side is tough to overcome, I am assuming there is no extra support you can get from the government in these instances?

I wish I knew what to say to help your situation but I don't, I can only keep offering my support to you.

I like the list idea and removing the stressful stuff from your life is a great step.

My best,

Jay

Im new, and friendless.

Lycan — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 00:10:14 GMT

one of my issues is boredom. i need a hobby. But they all cost money. i have tried a few. I have had a lot of bad luck this week, took a fall and did alot of damage. As i fell, i grabbed everything near me and broke my pc, stereo, and other electrical devices. would of been funny if it were a sitcom. Im ok.

Im new, and friendless.

BballJ — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 13:17:59 GMT

Hi Lycan,

Oh, I am sorry to read that you had a fall, good to hear you are ok, but not good you broke a few things as well. They are materialistic and replaceable in time as long as you are ok.

Can I point out from a hobby point of view, maybe joining the BB Café, which is another section on these forums where people don't discuss their mental health concerns but have a laugh and enjoy each others company. It may be a way to take your mind of things, meet new people and it is free as all you need is an internet connection.

My best,

Jay

Im new, and friendless.

Lycan — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 06:30:53 GMT

sorry for the late reply, i have had internet issues, and had to wait to get a new modem. My cats have a instagram account and are making a charity blog to raise money for rspca by selling cards i make. I dont know if im allowed to mention the name on here.

I watch alot of english comedies on tv to make me laugh, the pain is still their but im laughing

Im new, and friendless.

BballJ — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 12:55:56 GMT

Hi Lycan,

That is ok as you can tell, these forums are here whenever you can get on.

That sounds pretty cool that the cats have Instagram, I have seen many pets with Instagram accounts these days. I am not sure of the rules if you can post the name of the charity but maybe read through the forum rules and double check if there states anything about mentioning other charities.

I am glad to see you have been laughing, has everything else been ok or any better?

My best,

Jay