topic Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends in Relationship and family issues

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 10:11:43 GMT

Hi I am new here, for a very long time have tried to cope in life by icolating myself from people as I have never felt good enough to be considered friend matrial. I am now near fifty and have no real friends whom would want to spend time with me. I consider myself as worthless to others, but so want to change just to find one soul mate in life, don’t we all deserve that, I don’t know how, I am male , but just need some guardian angels to help.. anyone out there ...

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

BballJ — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:31:13 GMT

Hi Kidle,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for reaching out for some support, it is never easy.

There are many people who have come onto these forums in similar positions to yourself and it is never a question that is easy to answer. Is there anything you enjoy doing where you can meet new people, something as simple as playing golf, or poker or anything that has a team environment, even maybe some volunteer work to meet likeminded people. You are never too old to make friends in my opinion.

I think one thing to know is that you have come to a very good forum and you will find many kind people here who just want to talk and listen to what you have to say which we hope helps you as well.

My best for you,

Jay

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Ellie05 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:46:55 GMT

Hi Kidle,

We do all deserve that.

I don't know if you're a handyman or not, but try looking into Men's Shed. It was an initiative brought about to reduce loneliness and social isolation amongst men. There seem to be a lot of active groups on their site.

Another thing could be to try your local community centre. They often have social things on or classes for adults etc.

If you haven't already, It's also worthwhile speaking to your GP about getting a referral to see a psychologist. They might be able to give you some techniques to help overcome your lack of self worth. No one deserves to feel like that.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

LuLu_ — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:50:42 GMT

I feel similarly. That I am not good enough. I isolate myself.

But I believe in you and I believe in your worth. I think anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. I give you my best wishes.

I wish I could fix everything for you. But I suppose only we can do that. Something I find hard to do or even think about.

I wish you the very best of luck

lulu

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 19:21:33 GMT

Thanks everyone so far, thanks Lulu , just nice to take one small step. I am only an ave guy with no real skills in the world to join a group with any self confidence, I do have empathy and a warm soul, and I am trying to seek that link of friendship, it’s been years since I have even been invited somewhere just to have a coffee with someone, always putting others before me but I am the lonely one, will be blessed with what ever support I can get here ...

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

White_Rose — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 20:15:38 GMT

Dear Kidle

Hello and welcome. Many of the people who post here have the same difficulty as you. Browse the forum and see what people are talking about. It's easy to join in a conversation and it may help to brush up your talking skills. Whether you write a short message or a long one you are still joining in

The replies above have some good ideas to meet people. Mens Shed was set up for that reason but you may not have one in your area. Try searching on the internet for information. Volunteering is also good option. I presume you are still working? How do you get on with your colleagues? Do you talk to your neighbours? Do any of them need small jobs completing but have no one to do them?

Ellie suggests talking to a psychologist about your feelings of unworthiness. It's a good idea if you believe you can never forma friendship and a chat with your GP may help to make this decision. I think you will regain your skills simply by talking to people but of course the question is how do you start talking.

Your local library may host a book club or other group events. Again a good idea to check out. Think about what interests you and find a group that does this.

Perhaps you would like to continue posting here. That's great.

Mary

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Guest_1584 — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 08:44:09 GMT

Hi Kidle , and l'm sorry about your sitch and feelings.

Were you married earlier or ? If nt , interested in female company at all maybe you could try a date site or asking the single lady up the road out or something. You might be more suited to just that one on one thing with a partner rather than lots of friends,

Maybe the mens shed idea might also be worth a shot to for some male contact, won't matter how handy or not you are and the taking up a hobby thing also.

Anyway , one thing l learned early in life is you'll be amazed at who will enjoy talking with you and listening and your company and also at the difference it can make to just start being a bit more friendly, neighbors , shops, people you know. try a bit of convo with people, some will take notice and enjoy it , some won't. lt's never everyone but ya don't worry about them.

Good luck.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

BballJ — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 12:02:26 GMT

Hi Kidle,

I don't think you need any skills to join a group, it is just being yourself and having the ability to listen to people. I know it is a lot easier said than done. I do encourage you to join the BB Café part of these forums as that is just for people seeking comfort in simply talking to people without talking about anything mental health related, you may find it useful.

My best,

Jay

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Andymac — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 01:35:25 GMT

Hi, your post strikes a chord with a lot of people and really sorry to hear you're feeling worthless as a person.

from my point of view I saw my doctor and was referred to a psychologist and that was really very helpful. I also did some hypnotherapy and that was great for getting my self esteem back.. I wish you all the best.

writing here on this forum is a great thing to do also, you are not alone...

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Mary_Ploppins — Fri, 10 Nov 2017 07:03:47 GMT

I know exactly how you feel, ive lived with an overbearing husband of 28 years who would not allow me to talk to anyone so i have never been able to have friends, i have not even been allowed to talk to anyone. so i feel how awkward it can feel.Good luck .

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Fri, 10 Nov 2017 10:50:35 GMT

Hi Mary I so feel for you , as everyone needs a soul mate in life, it’s what makes our soul shine. I guess you have adknowleged the problem, now you just have to take baby steps , and find a few people..I am on that journey now , so stay in contact and maybe here and with others we can find a way forward

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Mary_Ploppins — Sat, 11 Nov 2017 09:57:52 GMT

That sounds like a plan, ive actually started joining up with some facebook groups with interests the same as me. I don't expect i would meet up with these people but it gives me something to ready and share recipes in groups with people that have the same interests.Not sure if we can pm here but if you want to feel free to send me a message.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Sat, 11 Nov 2017 12:04:52 GMT

Glad that your taking those baby steps mary.. every new soul you find and person you talk to, hopefully will bring you closer to a new world of friendships. I have good days and bad days where sonetimes I get to talk to some one and other days where I am completely alone ..but realizing that a lot of worse of people in the world so grateful for anyone coming into my bubble .. we can’t send personal messages that I know of here as rules are rules but you never know how journeys go

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Mary_Ploppins — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 04:36:40 GMT

Yes i totally wish i could be like people i see in shopping centres,chatter ,chatter , chatter lol.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 10:17:31 GMT

MM maybe but then that wouldn’t be you, your unique so do things your way, your pace and whom you feel comfy with..sometimes the best chats are where you have no idea of what’s going on around you xx

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

mortica — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 11:09:42 GMT

I once had a group of friends and one I thought was more special but when my daughter had life threatening issues and all I needed was a coffee a kind heart and support NOT a dinner I had noone. I had a relationship that because we were so utterly different it made me feel the loneliest I have ever been. So its important to realise you can have people in your life and be lonely.

I would just like a couple of of like minded single women I could travel with go to see movies etc with . Meetups are supposed to be good so lookup meetups and choose a few that interest you. Dont be disappointed if people are clicky sometime that happens find another group. I got myself a cat and then a dog and love it but be warned this requires a lot of giving !I am totally in love with my pooch and being in nature with him is my daily dose of serotonin.Volunteering in ways u feel good contributing could lead to meeting with likeminded souls. Hopefully u will find some of this useful.

As long as u dont love yourself, a relationship of the soul mate romantic type, will be difficult. U need to explore what made u feel unlovable fully first and try and get to a place of self love. U will be offering someone a full heart then and wont be so vulnerable if the relationship does not work, attract the right people who will not use u and have the self esteem to walk away if the relationship is toxic for u.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Guest_1584 — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 11:43:19 GMT

l have a lot of that too kidle.

work at home on my own.not many people drop in , mainly because l'm a bit funny about that and don't know many here anyway.

lt can easy go a few days without talking to anyone. l'll usually go down the shops or something , be around some people even if just for a few minutes.

Yknow , as far as friends or people in general go, l find people seem to either wanna crowd you and be in your face or not bother at all, l like causal easy somewhere in between but it's always seemed a hard conbo to find.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 10:36:59 GMT

Thanks , guess my analogy , is my friendships are like swimming against the tide.. I am always struggling to keep my friends interested in me, always have to contact them, as they never contact me, it’s like if I am out of sight , I am out of mind. It’s like most people blossom with good friends , I struggle just to get anyone to listen or talk to me...which puts dark clouds around me making me feel worthless .. if only I could make a soul mate where I was first in thier live rather then third or fourth in everyone I know ..

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

LuLu_ — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 12:11:46 GMT

I feel similarly

I am almost always the first to message my friends and I always check up on them but they don’t seem to have much time for me. I excluded myself for a while but I still feel that I deserve some sort of contact or recognition. I feel so alone.

i feel like i am losing all my friends. I am kind of letting it happen because i am tired of reaching out and not getting much in return. I feel like i am always the one keeping my friendships close. I always think about my friends but it appears they never think about me.

It exhausts me even thinking about it. Sometimes it’s easier to be alone because then you don’t have as much to lose.

Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

BballJ — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 12:31:36 GMT

Hi Kidle,

I can relate heavily to your last post, I have the same issue with my friends, unless I make the effort, I rarely hear from them first, it really does hurt and those dark clouds surround us so I do know how you are feeling. I wish I had an answer on how to solve it but I am still trying to work it out myself.

My best,

Jay