topic Depression Affecting Relationship in Relationship and family issues

Depression Affecting Relationship

Wallcat — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 14:03:31 GMT

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well.

Sometimes we argue, and she has often described me as being selfish and uncaring - but after a particularly bad fight recently we both came to the conclusion that my own mental health may have been suffering as a result of trying to regularly support her at my own expense.

Is this common? Though I'm sure I'm not alone, It's not easy to find resources for how depression affects partners.

It's also difficult because I want to look after myself, but I don't know how to support my partner at the same time.

Depression Affecting Relationship

geoff — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 17:44:04 GMT

hello Wallcat, depression from one person is likely to start affecting their spouse or partner, especially if it's been happening for a long period of time, why, well because everything you say to her may not happen, just like you talking to brick wall, you may not get an answer or if you do and she says that she will do what you have suggested, but in the end nothing is done, that's why you get a bit annoyed.
If you click onto 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order' or alternatively ring BB and ask them to send it out to you, then the booklet will explain many different avenues associated with MI.
First of all you need to look after yourself, you won't be able to help her or anyone else if you aren't well, because you don't have the strength to deal with any reoccurring change in moods or what like seem to be stubbornish, that's depression doing this.
Both of you need to see your doctor first of all, they will determine whether medication would help and then refer you onto a psychologist and at the moment I would suggest going by yourself, others may disagree and that's fine, you need your strength back. Geoff.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Wallcat — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 22:41:05 GMT

Thank you, geoff. I appreciate your response immensely.

Depression Affecting Relationship

geoff — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 23:56:52 GMT

hi Wallcat, please come back and ask any question which maybe annoying you, I think the more we communicate with people the better it is for them, however some people don't want this to happen, and I totally understand. Geoff.

Depression Affecting Relationship

High_Anxiety — Wed, 13 Sep 2017 14:46:01 GMT

Hi Wallcat,

I too had a relationship with a depressed or mentally dysfunctional woman, after about 18 months or so I too started to become depressed and started to self medicate with drugs, I had a mini meltdown and ended up seeing a pychologist who then perscribed me anti depressants. What I found in hindsight is that what I was doing was taking these drugs just to tollerate a toxic relationship, once I ended the relationship there was no need to take the drugs anymore. I got myself back on track and met a new lady who became my wife.

If it's toxic and affecting you take the steps to get yourself sorted.

Cheers HA

Depression Affecting Relationship

geoff — Wed, 13 Sep 2017 18:23:57 GMT

hello High Anxiety, if you like you can start your own thread but pleased you have replied to Wallcat.
What you have said is a great example why someone can stop taking drugs or drinking too much alcohol and ow you're married, congratuations, it's not that easy but it can be done. Geoff.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Mystera — Wed, 13 Sep 2017 22:21:05 GMT

Hi Wallcat,

I can completely relate to your post and it is good to know that we are not alone. My partner (now fiancee) have been chronically depressed most of her life and when I met her, I really liked her calmness, slow pace, tenderness...but now, after 2 years in a relationship I know that most of that is her depression and medications she is on. I am very impulsive, energetic, self driven person (or at least used to be) and now I'm struggling to even do things that I am most passionate about. I feel that I let her depression "crawled" into my mind and put all this walls and blockages (like not going out much, not communicating with friends...)

I hear what most of the people tell us to look after ourselves and that is easier to say then to do when everything stand still, (with small spikes of mostly erratic energy) except when we (drivers) try to do organise something. Someone said that depression is toxic and I can really feel that. I am very different person of what I used to be only a year ago. I am seeing psychologist and hopefully will find a way to fill myself with a light I need to shine on our path we walk together, otherwise I feel that she will lose herself and will not be able to follow/walk beside me.

Good luck mate, keep sharing, it does help.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Helplessly_helpless — Thu, 14 Sep 2017 02:23:11 GMT

I would agree 100 percent that your own mental an emotional health suffers.. my H has severe depression and anxiety.. most of the time.. and we have kids too .. after a number of years it takes it toll on you.. so i am feeling your pain.

Depression Affecting Relationship

geoff — Thu, 14 Sep 2017 22:50:36 GMT

hello Mystera and Helplessly helpless, both your posts need people to reply to them, because even though they are similar to what Wallcat has said, they will get lost sitting here, and that's not what we want, as you may feel as though no one cares about what you have said, quiet to the contrary, you need people to interact with your comments and reply back to you, so can I suggest you both start your own thread and you can do this by clicking on 'All Posts' and then press 'welcome and orientation' where you will see on the right hand corner 'New Thread', press that and then start your post.
Hope to see you both on the forum and if you have already done this and I haven't seen it then I apologise. Geoff.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Guest_1584 — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 11:49:56 GMT

Reading these l already knew deep down l think trying to support my gf and her issues are undoing things for me l spent 3yrs recovering from and repairing , after a divorce. And l'm seeing things it's bringing out in myself, that l really don't like and l'm losing control of, in only 19mths. It's no good for me at all and l see now l have to get away from it.

l think you've really gotta be careful with because here , good luck.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Bpdred — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 12:26:37 GMT

I'm wondering if anyone has some advice for me. I've been married for almost 8 years. My husband has seen me through my most low times. I have bpd, depression and anxiety. I have attachment issues and have a major problem where lies and trust come in to play. He constantly gives me reasons to not trust him. He doesn't seem to understand that even though it may seem like not a huge deal to him it really affects me and I'm left feeling hurt. I just can't trust him at the moment. He constantly says one thing but does another. I can't deal with it. Is it possible to stay in a functional marriage even though I have trust issues

Depression Affecting Relationship

Guest_1584 — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 12:55:24 GMT

Scuse boo boo up there .

Meant to be something like l just think you've really gotta be careful of yourself in this, don't let it take you under too.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Guest_1584 — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 13:13:46 GMT

Hi Bp , don't think they have private email or pm here but man would l like to talk to you. You sound exactly like my gf in things your saying there, yet the harder l tried to show otherwise , the more distrusting and dissecting of every thing l did or word l spoke , she gets. l've been advised she's probably bpd but no way on earth would she ever get help . Of cause l dunno what the sitich is with your h nut l hear it right through your post there.

So please yeah , start your own thread so that not only can people help you out but you might be able to help some of us too.

Depression Affecting Relationship

Mystera — Sun, 17 Sep 2017 23:58:26 GMT

Hi Bpdred,

I can only imagine how hard it is not to have a support when you are struggling. This site is a great source of support and help if you ask for it. I just want to say that sometimes is hard to be supportive when ask for some feedback from your partner you get "I'm fine, truly" and all your senses are screaming that that is not complete truth.

I also understand that people with depression sometimes can't name the feeling they are feeling and it is hard to just let go and watch them sitting in that stillness, soulnesses.. because we love them, because we know that there is so much more of life than that. Sometimes I HAVE to let it go, otherwise it would drive me crazy and stuff my energy completely. I also learned not to judge my partner for not doing much in the house, just accept what it is and try to do as much as I can, until she "wakes up"... hopefully soon...

All the best Bp

Kind regards,

Depression Affecting Relationship

K8ti3 — Sun, 24 Mar 2019 04:29:16 GMT

Hi Need some advice about my partner/ex partner. We have been dating off and on for 3 years when I first met him I knew he didn’t have a good past we got in contact a year later and started to date everything was great got a house together then he told me he didn’t have the right love for me and he needs to break up to work on himself and it wasn’t me. We separated I moved on. I thought he seemed depressed but his answer was I can do it by myself. one night he rang me upset telling me has made a big mistake he can’t let me walk out of his life like this and he was truely in love with me and wanted me back. He promised me everything was different this time and it would never happen again because he was certain! In time we both wanted our own home we got a house together again he took me on a surprise holiday brought me a promise ring and spoke about wedding everything was great come home and we both went back to work. When he got home from work everything was different he acted different he was quiet wanted to go do things by himself and kept telling me he was fine just tired and work has gotten to him so I took his word. while he was at work one night I messaged him because I knew in my gut it wasn’t okay. He finally spoke to me and told me he feels like we aren’t right it’s only him because I’m amazing and it’s nothing to do with our relationship it’s just him. I told him he needed to talk to someone because he can’t just change his feelings over night. He went to a councillor. They told him he isn’t over his past and it’s best for him to break up with me and have time to himself. he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because he just needed time to himself to sort everything out. He is very angry told me he doesn’t know who he is anymore and he is so sorry and doesn’t want to do this to me because he loves me and wants me in his life but can’t sort himself out if I’m still around. He Cried to me in pain telling me he hates the person he has become and he doesn’t understand what’s going on with him. He is now at a friends because he thinks he can’t sort himself out when he is around me or talking to me. I don’t know what to do I don’t know if I’m meant to stick around and support him or walk away??I’ve made him go to the doctors I keep thinking why come back to me wanting me back for all this to happen again is this a depression thing or am I just hoping it is so he will be okay and we will be in a happy relationship again? Please help I’m hurting!