topic Newly Separated in Relationship and family issues

Newly Separated

Dee20 — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 09:57:48 GMT

After 30 years and 3 beautiful children we are calling it a day. How do you cope with this? The emptiness the unknown? Have we done the right thing? All those questions and more keep running around in my thoughts. How and when will I know what im going to do?

Newly Separated

BballJ — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 13:26:13 GMT

Hi Dee20,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what you are going through.

I am not sure there is a full proof piece of advice I can give that will allow you to cope with this, it is one of those things were time heals all wounds. It hurts I know.

Speaking about it is a good step however. How can we help you from these forums? I am not divorced so don't have experience to offer in regards to that but always happy to support and listen.

My best for you,

Jay

Newly Separated

geoff — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 22:25:44 GMT

hi Dee, I know how devastating this has been for you, and I say this after my 25 year marriage also finished a few years ago, well over 12 I think, but it's still a memory I hold close to my chest, and the questions you are asking yourself will probably remain unknown, because your spouse has made them and whether it had been talked about or not, still doesn't ease this almighty 'what if'.
There are reasons why this happened and it's up to you to tell us if you want, but for me maybe I should explain why ours finished, that may make you feel more comfortable.
My ex tried to help me overcome my depression over a few years, but I was self-medicating with alcohol and using this to think that it would help me, in hindsight it didn't, all it did was block the help I needed, so she divorced me because I wasn't getting better and she hated seeing me intoxicated.
I need to say that now I only drink socially for two reasons, I don't want to drink all the time and secondly I have to limit how much I drink because I certainly don't want to have a grand mal seizure.
I hope that you can get back to us, it's an anonymous and safe site so please feel comfortable coming back to us. Geoff.

Newly Separated

Dee20 — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 02:02:36 GMT

Hello Jay

Thankyou for your kind words, I know I will get through this in time its just the unknown thats scares me.

Dee

Newly Separated

BballJ — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 12:14:08 GMT

Hi Dee20,

I know the unknown is scary, but please be aware we are here to offer support and any advice we can if you need it, always feel free to reach out.

My best,

Jay

Newly Separated

Dee20 — Fri, 18 Aug 2017 16:36:16 GMT

Hello Geoff

thankyou for sharing your experience with me.

There are a lot of reasons for our separation but I do take some responsibility. My husband and I have not had an emotional and physical relationship for a very long time.

I did something stupid and regretful and hate myself for it, and now it seems he has someone and we have only told our families in the last 2 weeks.

Its been a tough 16 months with the passing of my dear Mum and 3 special uncles in 2016. My emotional state is not the best. I am on antidepressants but I feel they have just numbed all my real emotions to be honest.

I'm just feeling so broken at the moment

Newly Separated

geoff — Fri, 18 Aug 2017 17:29:43 GMT

hi Dee, it takes two people to cause any sort of separation and most times there's always one person who comes off second best, wishing it didn't have to happen, maybe regretting something they have done, but it's been done for a reason something that has caused this situation, and being on top of losing your dear mum plus your uncles only compounds what has happened.
It's awful when this does actually happen, I know how you feel because it just numbed me in all ways, I didn't know what to do or who to speak to because my appointments with my psychologist were fortnightly and I'd just seen her the day before, so I felt lost, until eventually I knew that we could not live together again, because the same problems would only come back to haunt me.
I'm truly sorry for you but you can't take all the blame, that has to be shared, and quite option I think whether we could have made it work out, and my answer is no it couldn't. Geoff.

Newly Separated

BballJ — Sun, 20 Aug 2017 12:24:33 GMT

Hi Dee20,

I am sorry to read about the passing of your mum and family members, that is never easy when you are in the best state of mind, add in any mental health concerns and it magnifies is so much more.

I know things are tough but just know we are hear for support and a place where you can vent and let those frustrations out.

My best,

Jay