topic Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression in Relationship and family issues

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Sat, 28 Oct 2017 08:31:51 GMT

Hi All,

I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have.

My partner has suffered from depression for the last 10 years and it hasnt been the most well managed either. He recently just told me he had been diagnosed with biploar as well.

In the last 6 months, my partner has changed friendship groups and I have noticed more of a change in him such as, prioritising them, doing drugs often and going away on boys weekends.

He told me out of the blue this week he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, as in our lives together but he still loves me, he just wants to make sure he knows 100% sure he wants our life. I was completely shocked as this was so out of the blue.

i feel like I am in limbo at the moment, do I wait for him to know he wants us 100% or do I leave assuming he doesn’t want us. I’m so lost and upset with what to do.

Any advice or extra information needed, please let me know

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Sat, 28 Oct 2017 09:39:17 GMT

Ahhh Chronic that'd hurt

If yous are going ahead furthur good to be sure now awful though for you & not feeling secure
Sounds like he's talking to you which is good. I reckon see what happens but your choice you know how yous are

Depression and BP Powerful emotions which really is what goes on with MI or any issues really
Bipolar depression goes very deeply Chronic do you know much about it? There's a lot of info on the net and sites, that's how I've learnt a lot and thinking it out too there's a thread here, think "this Bipolar life" & if you search it find other stuff, up to you but give you some insight.

Sorry for your hurt
let us know hun

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Sat, 28 Oct 2017 09:48:52 GMT

Thanks demonblaster.

I work in the medical industry but the last 4 years I’ve done a lot of extra research into all of this, and especially bipolar in the last couple of months.

I’m trying my very very best to help him as much as I can but normally he doesn’t open up. This is the first thing he’s told me, and constantly tells me he doesn’t like talking.

This might sound selfish but I just wish I knew what to do, wait for him to potentially break our 4 year relationship, or work out what he wants and how long that will take 😞

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Sat, 28 Oct 2017 09:55:22 GMT

Is there grief with the drugs?

Communications the biggy we need it & we're not overall good at it
What's he like darl, you sound like yous have been happy

Drugs & depression both can cause withdrawal from people

Do yous have a strong love, if you don't wanna answer all good darl

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 04:15:43 GMT

This is how all this came out, he had a massive bender on the weekend with drugs.

We have been very happy for about 3.5 years of the 4 and then a few more downs in the last 6 months since he’s been doing drugs again more and more

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 04:29:48 GMT

Sounds like he's being drawn in, anything that takes us away from ourselves our problems, makes us feel good & free, hopefully you can get through to him now rather than later when it'll be so much harder

It's gunna drag you down, do you think he'll listen to you at this stage, sounds probs not from previous posts.

He probs doesn't see any problems or at least admit that it's causing grief which will make it harder for you to approach him

Is there anyone in his life still that he respects and would listen to if they give him a hard talk?

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 06:13:24 GMT

That’s exactly right, but unfortunately he thinks it’s for fun, nothing more.

I can see him self sabotaging and running things into the ground, and I’m really struggling in my mind now as I don’t want to walk away from him or our life, but it’s really hurting me.

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 07:10:04 GMT

Yeah it would be hurting hard & being in limbo too. Hard not knowing where you stand for sure

Drugs ruin so many lives

I'm not sure how but somehow you need to get through to him, make him listen and understand what it's doing to you & to him too he's kinda left the old life and friends aye

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

Ellie05 — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 21:42:05 GMT

Hi ChronicLearner,

That is a very tricky situation. To be honest I think the only way you're going to be able to determine what he wants is to talk to him about it. It is unfair of him to leave you in limbo like that but both drugs and mental illness can make people do and say strange things.

Maybe it would be good for you to stay with family or friends for a night or two to give you a little bit of a break and time to think about things?

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Mon, 30 Oct 2017 02:44:23 GMT

Agreed Demon, I’m in contact with his old best mate and he’s helping me the best he can. My partner is going over seas for 2 weeks on Sunday with his friends so that will give me some time to myself, I’m telling you I need it!

Thanks for your comment Ellie, we will get there I’m pretty sure, I’m just trying to keep my head as clear as possible which isn’t always easy

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Thu, 02 Nov 2017 20:13:52 GMT

Good glad youre in touch with a mate of his & helping.

Awful situation to be in & the more he does drugs the morehe'll be distancing from good people in his life without realising

Just wondered if you think an i tervention vould help. Something will need to be done sooner than later with drugs being involved

Very good him being away you certainly need this time to think poor darl.

Good you are, keep us tuned hun xx

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Fri, 03 Nov 2017 03:12:19 GMT

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for your support. He decided to leave me the other night so trying to deal with all this at the moment.

Appreciate all the advice!

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Fri, 03 Nov 2017 04:16:55 GMT

Ahhh darl (( )) pfffttt raw deal really sorry for your grief.

Talk here anytime you feel upnto it.

Here for ya

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

BruceW1 — Fri, 03 Nov 2017 14:32:39 GMT

Hi ChronicLearner,

Im new to this forum. I googled "feeling lost", and somehow ended up here. I dont know really know what I want to say to you, or even why I am siting here doing this instead of trying to get to sleep. But i guess somethings you said resonated with me. Im currently away with my partner to celebrate our 4yr anniversary. She suffers from depression as well, and we both have anxiety/substance issues.. it gets really messy. We go out to have a drink to unwind and then things get out of hand and spiral out of control. I've never met anyone who has been in my position, to be in love with someone with serious mental health issues. I've never spoken to anyone who understands how painful it is for the person you love to be so messed up that they say the most hurtful things to you, out of the blue. It feels so lonely and scary and helpless.... so many times I've wondered if there are other people out there, going through something similar, who understands what this feels like. Well, it sounds like you have been going through something similar, and for what its worth i just want u to know that I understand how you feel, at least a little bit.

We are still together thankgod, but so many times i have imagined how i would feel if she did leave me. I can only imagine how hurt and confused and abandoned you must feel right now. But just know that no matter what happened, its not your fault. Its mental illnesses fault. Which is a problem that society at large has to find a way to solve. Your pain just makes you another victim to this societal problem, which sucks. But your life goes on, and in time you will find a way to be ok with everything that has happened. In the meantime just allow yourself to feel the pain but know that time heals all wounds. Hope your doing ok

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Sat, 04 Nov 2017 05:56:27 GMT

Hi chronic hope you're finding your way, give yourself time hun & dont be hard on yourself this is his choice & his heads not in a good place atm. From sounds of it its not a reflection on you.

Bruce welcome, good post & clearly you were meant to land here, great place good prople.

Im sorry bout your sitation sounds like a worry.

If you're interested in doing a thread you could use parts of your above post if you want or add stuff up to you, you may get some more support & coping advice also wondering if your gf may like to join here too, a lot of varied insightful threads good people who get it

All best to you all

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 11:15:16 GMT

Bruce, I am so sorry your feeling that way, you know I mean it when I say I know how you feel.

Keep strong and know that your doing the right thing, those hard times for you are when your partner needs you most!

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 22:07:52 GMT

Hi guys,

Sorry I have been MIA the last couple of days. So my partner (now ex) has gone overseas for 3 weeks (something that has been booked for a while) with some mates, who unfortunately I don't think are the best influences for him to be hanging around with, but I cant say too much about that.

If anything, we have been speaking more since he has been gone compared to the week leading up to him going. He is telling me he is struggling over there and his head is a mess because he is trying to work out when he wants in life, he says he feels empty. One minute he tells me how much he misses our cat and puppy (they mean the world to him) and then last night he tells me he feels completely empty thinking about them.

I am trying to support him the best I can, I just don't want to say the wrong thing because he is finally opening up to me. I know if I am not there for him, he will feel like he has no one, and I do still love him but it is very hard! He does not talk to the boys he is with, but I am actually happy about that, because they will not give him help him in any way (the boys who are encouraging the drugs). Mental illness really effects everyone, even the support person, it is such a difficult situation and I just want the best for him, ideally I would love to continue our lives together, but if that is not what he needs right now, I just want what he needs.

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 23:18:18 GMT

Hey darl sounds good that hes still talking with you, soundi ng like there's still something there from him.

Doesnt sound ideal him being o/s with them, at least the trips not permanent

I understand you not wanting to say wrong thing but sounds atm like you're the only stable influence in his life so id be still trying to steer him in right direction.

Quite a load on you atm, here's hoping he gets back on track. The Rd will be harder the longer he leaves it

He's lucky he has you

☺

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

ChronicLearner — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 23:28:37 GMT

Thanks love, I hope he realises that and knows hes not alone! He is my world, just wish he had the same value in himself.

Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

demonblaster — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 23:40:10 GMT

Pleasure

Yeah the drugs would be taking reasonout of his thinking

Thats one of the reasons good fornyou to remind him.

Do you tell him what he means to you? That you love him so much. I imagine yes. Good idea