topic Friendship Mass Exodus in Relationship and family issues

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 02:43:01 GMT

This is my life right now. Relationships falling apart everywhere. There's some saying that, when times are tough your true friends are revealed. Well.. Clearly I have none.

My closest friend since school, is constantly harassing me or saying horrible things about my situation.

Another friend is accusing me of been mean and that I owe her an apology for something that I've done nothing wrong. Again this is another 15+ friendship. She also likes trivialising all my problems. I should get over it.

My corporate group of friends are all dwindling off because I no longer work. So I'm too lowly for them. I also don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities.

I have a psychologist accuse me of been OCD when I'm not, & ended up having my psychiatrist assess me to make sure. Even he thought the whole thing was bizzare. She didn't take too kindly to that & I don't feel comfortable seeing her now.

My GP of years that I trusted so much and admired really, I think is trying to remove my mother from my life so she can step in..

I have no friends lol The first time in my entire life to say this, but I really don't.

It's depressing to me. Should I try to salvage any of these relationship or start over?

Has anyone else lost all their friends during difficult times?

Friendship Mass Exodus

kanga_brumby — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 03:00:40 GMT

Possum I rely feel for you.

You ask if any of us have lost friends after hard times. Since my partner and I had children we started to lose friends. Then she got cancer and died from that. That was the middle of the end for our friends then my health went north for the winter. I am now alone in the world. But not down and out the fight is still in this old fella.

Kanga

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 03:14:05 GMT

Hi Kanga

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner to cancer. My mum is battling terminal cancer and it's devastinf. I hope you and the kids are doing alright.

Even just last night I had a friend message me that I should go on Facebook to see all her road trip photos because her road trip is better than mine (that we did last year).

She didn't even ask how I was going with everything she knew I was dealing with. It was just to gloat. My husband said to me, these people are not friends.

I just can't believe that at such a difficult time, people would turn away. I've always been there for everyone and probably cared too much. But that's my nature, I've always felt if I can make a positive difference in someone life then I'll do it. Obviously others don't feel the same way.

So like you it is just my little family vs the world, and I find the hard when I had such a bubbling social life and friends gathered in personal and professional contexts as well as long term friends. It's just bizzare to me.

Are you trying to make new friends and if so how?

Friendship Mass Exodus

kanga_brumby — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 04:19:39 GMT

I have started to learn ukulele and I some times go to a venue where I listen to music, close to my home. Spending as little as possible as I am on a pension. Hopefully by being regular the people will recognize me and become friends. It's a long shot but I am not giving up yet. I look at it like I look at raising children. You don't give up on it till one side or the other is no longer breathing. I don't intend stop trying to find a friend till there are no people left on the planet.

Kanga

Friendship Mass Exodus

clownartist — Tue, 11 Jul 2017 03:40:10 GMT

Hi The Possum

Been there no friends years of bringing up children giving up a lot for kids

Now separated for three years friends just disappeared it so depressing realising how lonely life can be

I don't have the answers yet just living one day at a time CA

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 01:32:20 GMT

Hi kanga

Sorry for the delay I missed this post.

Well firstly I admire your strength and not giving up. It's really quiet inspiring.

Getting yourself out there with your music interests does seem a good way to meet people and make friends so I think that's great.

I'm thinking I need to do something similar. I'm just deciding what.

There's a personal trainer who runs a small group class at my local park, I was thinking of enquiring as it's a good way to get some exercise in and meet people.

Historically I'm a runner and went to the gym. But I'm struggling a bit and don't have the energy. Maybe a small group will be good for me to get back into it.

I hope we both find people on this planet that like us for us!

Have a good day x

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 01:37:47 GMT

Hey CA thanks for posting and sorry for the delay.

I just find it difficult to wrap my head around the fact that when we need people the most is when we lose them.

I actually feel that it was my career propping up most of my relationships and socials because it's been since then that it's downhill.

And if stepping out for health and change of circumstances means I've lost all that then.. Well frankly.. They weren't real friendships in the first place.. Thinking like that makes me feel worse but it seems like the truth.

As for long term close friends well that just saddens me to no end. I feel a bit used really when I think back of all the things I've supported them over the years.

Anyway it's all about moving forward. Dwelling in the past is a waste of time. It changes nothing.

I'm currently looking at what activities and hobbies I can get involved with so I can potentially meet others.

Have you looked into anything like that?

Peace x

Friendship Mass Exodus

velvetfaerie — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 03:14:20 GMT

Ah yep. A lot of my friends all did the domesticated thing, (no offence guys if you are partnered, married, parents etc. To be honest a part of me regrets never doing that, but then I am a non conformist!), and therefor I am out in the cold because I don't fit in with the niche anymore.

But hey when they need something, who do they run to? -.-

On the flip side to everyone, if people are being as described above, is it not better to boot them to the curb?

I understand how painful it is. If we were all nearby I would totally hope I have found real life friends amongst you all!!

Gym friends are great. My old long time old band mates are great. I am going to go back into music again next year just to make noise and be social. I miss that. It is usually with a beer in hand HAHAH.

Velvz.

Friendship Mass Exodus

quirkywords — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 06:06:27 GMT

Possum

I like this thread. I am sorry for the friends that have left.

Maybe I am different but I have never had many friends never been popular.

This means the few I have are very loyal and trustworthy and supportive,.

I suppose I make a distinction between friends and acquaintances.

Hi Kanga, clownartist, Velvet, and all those reading.

Quirky

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 07:11:24 GMT

Hey Velvz

Getting back to your own band mates seems like it's getting back to your soul mates! So I say go for it, and it's great you have them to go back to.

I will keep looking into my options. I have this rapid cycling bipolar issues to sort out right now and have had some not pleasant thought which is why I was in contact with my psychiatrist on holidays. So I might lay low until im feeling a bit better. Never really felt as strange as I do right now.

Take care x

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 07:18:52 GMT

Hi Quirky

It's disappointing for me across the board but I've also learnt (well trained) professionally how to be resilient and move on quickly from these things. So whilst I acknowledge and feel the pain of it, I am able to put that aside.

I guess for me even professionally in business I've met a lot of people and become close by that I mean incited to weddings, christening, visiting for dinner parties. Even with clients this has been the case. I know there are boundaries etc but in the right way that can be balanced.

So I've had a big social life in that respect. Well my whole family have really as a result of it. Now we are outcasted from that because of my situation.

I guess close friends turning away bothers me a lot more as I had a loyalty expectation there due to the long term value of it.

So put it altogether and it seems like a massive lot of people I no longer have to communicate with. You're right about the distinction between acquaintance and loyal friend. But I've lost all of them.

Even those in the medical profession has turned to rubbish and I'm still scratching me head over that. Well my whole family is to be honest.

Anyway hopefully I'll find and make new friends through some other activities.

Do you have plans to meet others or happy to cruise in how it is?

Friendship Mass Exodus

Airies — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 08:18:51 GMT

Hi Possum,

i used to have a small network of friends, however since my illness these have petered off.Some people dropped me like a hot scon. A couple, one a former work colleague and a friend of 20+ years I ceased contact with. Another a friend of 40 years who was hard work and toxic to be with. My wife is my best friend. So I have less then a handful of friends whom I'm lucky to see 3-4 times a year.

I guess a lot of people don't understand mental illness and once we mention it they won't touch you with a 10 foot pole.Some people get it. A lot here do and so do members of my psych group who can relate.

i could join a cycling group or play table tennis or something, but after a lifetime of giving , I'm happy with very little company outside my immediate family.Im sociable when people engage in conversation but I don't go looking for it.

Re: running and gym you will get back into when you are ready. I didn't cycle for over a 18 months as I just couldn't do it. Since Xmas I try to ride a 3 times a week or row on my indoor rower.Tried the gym thing over the years but long distant running and cycling on my own was my thing.Always been a bit of a loner but people always said how happy and gregarious I was.

As I've become older, since my breakdown and diagnosis I've become very isolated but that's ok. As long as I have my family that's the important thing,

take care, be kind to yourself

cheers LM

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 08:34:26 GMT

Thanks Len

I appreciate that and I love the way you see things too. So thank you.

To be honest my husband is the same as you. He has only ever had two close friends that we see twice or three times a year as they aren't located here. And he isn't in the least bit phased.

His work team of six are lovely and he will go out for the occasion beer after work with the mates. But other than that he is happy with just me and the kids and doesn't really care about others or their opinions.

I guess we are different in that regard and there isn't a right or wrong and he has never forced his opinion down my throat either. If anything he encourages me to meet others if that is what I want.

I guess it's because I was so social before so it's a massive change. I feel like I've lost a lot. Career, health, money, friends.. It's just a lot at once.

Anyway you're right about exercise, my psychiatrist even said, small steps, if you used to run, then walk with your dog and build up slowly. So I've just been trying to do that.

I'm glad to hear you cycle and row, those are great exercises! I used to cycle many years ago, more mountain hiking, tracks in the local bushland. Was great. Not sure why I stopped really,.. I think kids came along and I abandoned it!

Take care Len x

Friendship Mass Exodus

Guest_128 — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 09:51:16 GMT

To dear possum and all,

It has taken me 45yrs to realise...... that I'm wrong,and everything that has happened to my friends/family has been caused by me due to this totally endless Mental Health crap,that I was born with and the abuse I have received.

I really don't know what I have done to friends and family all I know is I have stuffed them all.

The only advice for you is to get professional help to find out what you are doing wrong.

I am sorry this is very negative and I am sorry I can't make you feel better.

Latter

Friendship Mass Exodus

quirkywords — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 10:19:29 GMT

Later

I am sorry you feel that way and I am sure that all your problems were not caused by you.

It is sad that you have not received support.

I think it is easy to blame someone with mental illness for causing problems when it may have nothing to do with them.

This is why I think it is so important to have a few close and trustworthy friends.

I find being honest with friends and family has helped me.

Quirky

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 10:28:50 GMT

Later, wow no sugar coating things there lol Sorry but I need to disagree.

You said you don't know what you've done but you've stuffed everyone up. So how exactly have you stuffed them up? How do you know it's you and your mental health issues?

Well I can say with 100% certainly that my relationship issues explained above are not anything that I've done, and historically I've had very stable relationships.

How I know this

1. I have assessed each situation

2. I have no issues apologising if I'm wrong and I've done so when warranted

3. I bounce each situation off my husband. So he must be stuffed too..

4. I have a psychologist I talk to

5. I have a psychiatrist i talk to

So unless everyone is stuffed, I pretty much am sure it's not anything I've done.

If it's the fact I have a mental illness and can't work and therefore don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities.. Then I think the problem remains more with them than me, and they are the ones who are stuffed and need professional help.

I'm really sorry later, that you're walking around thinking that you're to blame in every relationship that hasn't worked out and that you feel you've stuffed up. In all honesty, you're probably not to blame x Maybe you need to consider this and talk to a professional about why you're blaming yourself for everything

Friendship Mass Exodus

Guest_128 — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 11:05:10 GMT

Thanks to the posts,

As you know by now,I like most just say it how it is,thought this was an awesome asset and just being me. Friends and relatives have just disintegrated over the years. Some there has been major fights,others I have no idea.

I have been trying to ask here,how do the so called normal people talk,act,respond,ect to situations. There for what do I do wrong.

I am sorry this is very emotional for me as I have not dealt properly and have lost so many and my family thinks it's all me.

Latter

Friendship Mass Exodus

quirkywords — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 11:31:28 GMT

Latter

I feel your pain. I sometimes get confused, struggle, but if I knowI amdoing my best I try not to blame myself.

My words can be misinterpreted but people who know me, know I would never willingly upset anyone.

You can only be honest and be yourself.

Quirky

Friendship Mass Exodus

Guest_128 — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 11:41:12 GMT

Thankyou but there is what I struggle with the most.

who of me,with all of this is MH is myself?

And to be honest out there in the world,

who is ?

Friendship Mass Exodus

The_Possum — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 14:29:15 GMT

Later, you haven't offended me in the least if that's what you are thinking.. I really like different opinions and views and constructive criticism is enlightening, so don't hesitate to say what you think and feel.

Honestly I don't think you give yourself enough credit.

People behaving like turds, isn't necessarily your fault. Some people are just turds, simple as that.

I'm tried of mental health being used as a scapegoat for others to behave like turds.

Eg. People acting in a nasty or destructive manner, and then pointing the finger at the you and blaming your mental illness as the cause 'oh you're reading into it too much, I didn't mean it'.. No sorry, not buying it, you did mean it!

Unless you can honestly sit there and review a situation and say, yes it was your fault, then likely it wasn't.

If it was your fault then apologise for it. I tend to over apologise. But I'm trying not too unless it's warranted. If family and friends really love you, then they will accept an apology. If they don't, well I question how good that relationship was to start with.

Later you seem like a lovely genuine person to me, of all the posts I've seen. You mentioned you're 45.. So you're really quite young. I'm sorry people haven't been kind to you in the past.

Im going to get out there and try to meet others. I think it's a good healthy thing to do. I think the more we do this the greater our confidence will grow.

And the turds will become but a distant memory.. 💩 lol 😂