topic Loneliness... What choices are there? in Relationship and family issues

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 20:46:18 GMT

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people.

This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this.

What's out there to help people?

Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not comfortable face on.

Excercising outside, amongst people, eye contact often connects a smile with people. Lifting

Here & assuming other places in Oz there's through community centres volunteers that visit, take shopping, talk, listen etc or phone calls weekly. (GP would know more)

Public transporting, around people, even if not engaged in convo, still amongst it

Interested hearing suggests

This shouldn't be

Loneliness... What choices are there?

white knight — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 21:59:41 GMT

Hi DB, great needy topic

With many of us not able to socialise due to mental/behaviour restrictions b it t then find lonliness a bigger issue, finding balance isnt easy.

My wife used to say "you only need one good friend" yet mid 2016 we toured around part if Oz with that friend and her husband only to be abandoned in the outback. So without a depth of friends your heart is vulnerable.

Personally I believe a common interest between friends is essential. If you have a friend that is just friendly, or just kind, or just makes you feel relaxed it isnt enough for a solid happy time.

I had a friend that was compassionate, understood my mental issues but every time we conneccted our conversation was about that and that alone. Nice but draining. Since then Ive found another friend into vintage cars like me. That's where our main connection is. And he's kind also.

Oddly enough he is in the UK and we have never met!

Tony WK

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Ulysses — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 02:22:17 GMT

Yep agree with white night, mental health problems are a black hole for relationships (sometimes). Not everyone struggles I suppose, but I know i do. I have about three friends, but we only ever talk on the phone for the last year because they were all smart enough to move away from one of the loneliest cities I've ever lived in. So I'm going to a city about an hour's drive away to a group to meet new people. I think though the easiest way to make friends is to practically live together ie workplace friends. I've found now that I'm not working that I've cut ties a lot with my old workmates. But I've always struggles with friends. And the ones i talk to on the phone, well it all revolves around our mental health issues. Yes, we all have depression, anxiety etc. If I knew the answer to this one I'd give it to you with bells attached. But for now all i can offer is this "you're not alone in this". I know I can be funny, engaging, loyal, caring, helpful etc but when my mental health starts to slide, so do my friendships. Ugh

Loneliness... What choices are there?

krystalramone — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 05:11:47 GMT

Hi demonblaster,

loneliness is something I struggle with constantly due to anxiety/depression.

I moved interstate nearly 4 years ago and since than I have struggled to find close friends. People I can relate tp, trust and just generally hang out when I'm having a rough time.

My current medical support network have suggested me to do some group activities and or volunteering.

I keep backing out, as my anxiety begins negative talk. I want to make friends and be more social like I used to be back home. I am just really struggling at the moment to do these things, get out of the house.

But remember you're not alone as Ulysses said. I only recently joined the BB forums, but I have found them useful for connecting to others on a rough day.

Much love to you,

krystalramone

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 08:39:33 GMT

Hi All 🙂 thanks for input

Yeah I'm not lonely as in day to day, luckily I have a lot of love/like & know a lot of people for a natter if walking or activities. I organise tt (T.tennis) so also have more people contact there too, it's going from someone loving you & ditto unconditionally for 28yrs happy (late partner '15) thought we were gunna grow old together, to blank. We all need love

Many thanks for your lovely care & support, this is moreso for sooo many I've read here it's too common & terribly sad, hollow existance. Also saw it untold doing door to door over the yrs. A chat made a difference in their lives temporarily. Heartbreaking esp the elderly.

I think for me it's a lot easier as I'm an extrovert so strike up convo happily with strangers and get my energy & happies being around people, think it's big contributor to keeping BP (Bipolar) demons at bay with effort this time around.
Very difficult for shy & Yes depression being the base to at least most MH problems I think, it does coccoon us.
I've pushed through some incredibly Black times going out when I really didn't want to but came home perked up at least for few hrs.

Thankyou for valuable input

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Fri, 01 Dec 2017 10:14:39 GMT

Knight Hey & all

Yeah I think more friends than ones a good idea, if they move or have fallout can be lonely, yeah common interests help imo but not necessary I think it depends on the people how good conversation flows & interest in the others interests. But sure is a good base

Good point some MH making hard for company

Loneliness

Heard here bb there's few places online that people chat to eachother, cant remember names but could google & assuming its on my threads hope to stumble on & will post.

Some of those places have get togethers

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 07:25:59 GMT

For seniors just heard today if anyone interested in learning computers there's free training (dont know if free everywhere).

Around people

Learning something new

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 07:57:46 GMT

Shyness.

Waiting for bus today thinking about shyness being a problem for many to venture out, causing loneliness which is awful. Have been couple of times, you feel unloved unworthy, hollow & deeply SAD. Saw way too much doing door to door.

ANOTHER of the beasts (depression) tendrils I wonder

Being an extrovert though been in couple of situations feeling uncomfortable have a bit of an idea,if anyone wants to talk about it.

As kids I think safe to say most at least start off shy, I think there's a lot more than we know that stay shy, low self esteem. Depression & people are good at knocking & keeping us down. Gaining confidence helps.

Is it feeling self conscious? Fear of being judged? Nervous? Not feeling secure? Out of comfort zone? All of above I imagine.

If we know what causes our issues, easier to work on.

The beast doesn't want us too but by liking ourselves we get a shield for confidence

How. Thinking about our good points, pretty much nearly all of us have them, believing in ourselves. We are worthy aren't we? Changing what we dont like about ourselves.

Shy people have the goods too, damaged though as with MI but a lot can be changed for the better with internal effort & professional help.

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 15:31:41 GMT

Just a thought

For those that are comfortable in others company could maybe approach a community centre or advertise in paper to start a social group in your area

Soz if repeating, Community centres have a lot of different activities catering for young/elderly/all abilities.

Just takes one person to initiate it 🙂

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 08:10:43 GMT

Great thread idea db,

l wanna come back and read later but l just wanted to sshow some support for this puppy first up but right now l gotta make some tea .

Yaknow, it's a good sign we still get hungry right lol..

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 09:25:54 GMT

Haha it sure is Random, thanks 🙂

Hate people being lonely, been there sometimes, cruel & unnecessary with massive populations, esp with so many others in same boat.

Often it's also not liking ourselves makes it harder.

Classifieds often have groups or singles (careful) some genuinely wanting company

l wanna come back and read later but l just wanted to sshow some support for this puppy first up but right now l gotta make some tea .

Yaknow, it's a good sign we still get hungry right lol..

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 21:28:15 GMT

Walking groups

Again if not one in your area, maybe start one.

Everyone has their own pace & in time with fitness growing it can improve

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Sad_Mushroom — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 22:15:24 GMT

Hi DB and all,

I think this is a great idea.

Years ago (when I was still on medication) I didn't think any 'group' would want me. I wanted to volunteer but thought people would see me as a 'problem' rather than a helper. A friend took me to a "food relief centre" (soup kitchen basically) and I spent the day helping butter bread and cleaning up. At the end of the day everyone thanked me for helping and asked if I wanted to return. I began volunteering 3 days a week and it wasn't long before my cooking skills were realised and I became the main cook.

Due to my MH issues, I was able to 'connect' with the people who came to eat there. I would spend hours each day just sitting around talking with people who were suffering. I didn't realise till then how much knowledge I held in regards to 'support services' in our area.

After a couple of years, I was approached by the local council regarding a pilot program for a service offering support to Frail Aged/Mental Health Clients. (I was just off meds by then) Council provided all the training and courses and I began volunteering there. Within 12 months I was nominated for the state's Volunteer of the Year Award.

All that time, I had spent most of my time with people just like me. I wasn't nervous or scared because they were just like me. I didn't even realise I was helping. I thought I was just talking to people, like me, and making friends.

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 10:18:03 GMT

Sad what an amazing post, so happy it worked out so well for you. Well deserved and to think you thought you wouldn't be wanted, shows depression lies to us aye. Congratulations hun.

Would've been a massive boost to your mental health too I imagine.

The power that can be gained in making that first hard step

Looked at a notice board today in shopping centre....

Celtic choir & acoustics... all welcome... even if just to listen. Free!

There'd no doubt be many more opportunities on notice boards around the place.

Loneliness... What choices are there?

demonblaster — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 10:53:48 GMT

Forums: (company real people) esp good for those not comfortable with people

Mental Health: Offshoot. Here when you can get a spot in a programme, it's great trained excellent lovely staff visit weekly, take shopping, talk, drive, help with problems.

Walking: Amongst it, often eye contact and smiles or chats

Community centers: Have lot of various activities, groups going on including police checked volunteers who visit, talk, listen, help shop, take for drive etc.

Public transport: Amongst people, even if not talking to them still around people and out of house

A friend that was compassionate, understood my mental issues (although can be the only conversation, good to try for more than one friend if possible with common interests helpful x

Groups to meet new people: Advertised in classifieds & ? Ulysses

GP & medical support network....have info for what's out there

Volunteering: Many different places to help & be amongst people

Online meeting friend sites: that people chat to eachother, Google friend sites (suggest WOT (web of trust) that gives peoples ratings on sites & are checked into. Good guide)

Talking & explaining to friends/family...not for everyone but could avoid loss of friendship due to struggling & lack of understanding. Suggest writing as no interruptions or forgotton words.

Pushing through: Very hard yes, good distraction, around people (depression coccoons us making us feel more lonely

Group activities: Excercise classes, singing, knitting, sports, hobbies etc

Learning computers or ? free training for seniors here (dont know if free everywhere).

Classifieds: Many other lonely people, careful although many are genuine just want company

Mental Health groups: Understanding, support and learning others issues

Walking groups: or start one? Everyone has their own pace, in time with fitness building so does pace

Social group: or start one?

Thanks again everyone 🙂

Ulysses & Krystalramone, apologies not getting back to you both, have used input from your and other posts.

Sorry really am for lonely people, it's a cruel existance, hope this is ongoing with more opportunities

United we can make a difference

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Ulysses — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 11:33:51 GMT

Hi again

i found groups in my city an absolute nightmare because everyone just sits there and stares at each other. Put it this way, I live in a city where a lot of people are introverted but highly educated and I am highly educated but not in the least introverted so social gatherings always ended up with me being too chatty/loud or something like that. After sixteen years in this city I decided to drive an hour away to the countryside. I went to the library and found there was a group that meet once a week. Finally I had found people like me, separate to the zombies I had been surrounded by and rejected by. Now at least once a week I laugh along with the funniest bunch of people and I feel entirely myself. Priceless! Out of all that I say “travel a bit” and “ask at their community centre or library” or just google a town nearby

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 12:10:51 GMT

Great story Ulyss,

But funny ,l've been around very educated people my whole life and man, the ones l know do not shut up . And you'd also think the thing with your town would go with the opposite kinda people to really wouldn't you , or l would so it just goes to show.

l don't fit in my town either although l have met one or two but over all l'm way outa place here, WE'Ve got a lot of surrounding towns here and then the main 25mins up but the one l live in , so far , not doin too well. But l usually get out and about around to all the other towns mainly , for that very reason, l only really use the supermarket here and don't worry about the rest of it anymore.

l am lonely but l'm not really a friendy person , more a partner person. Don't mind a few as long as they aren't in my face, which leads to more a lone time in the end because people either seem too much or not enough.

l do like being around people though , having people about in my town that l feel at home with and things going on around that l feel at home with.

There are places l've lived where looking back now, l wish to hell l stayed .

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Ulysses — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 22:38:44 GMT

Geez I’m not that bad and certainly don’t talk about my education. Lol I’m this town though you get used to trying to justify your worth as a person. I certainly didn’t grow up in an academic family so I’m not a super brain. Just mean I’m not stupid either

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Ulysses — Thu, 07 Dec 2017 22:44:48 GMT

Also I mainly fit in with non academics and they are so clever in other ways.

Loneliness... What choices are there?

Ggrand — Fri, 08 Dec 2017 18:33:48 GMT

Hi DB,

I just found this thread, loneliness, I can't relate to. 4 years on my own. Loneliness is another of depressions favourite food.