topic Too much too soon in Relationship and family issues

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Sun, 26 Mar 2017 14:43:06 GMT

I have been visiting this site for a couple of weeks now and have decided to dip my toe into the water and post.

I have always been inclined to depression and anxiety and spent some time in hospital back in 2001 when I suffered what would once have been called a nervous breakdown and I have always been a very shy sensitive type of bloke but for the past few years I have been going ok, at least up until August last year when the wheels started to fall off.

For the past few years I have been helping mum care for my dad who has advanced parkinson's disease,He was hanging in there and then he got pneumonia back in July spent five weeks in hospital and now it looks like motor neurons.disease.We have to hand feed him use a hoist and a shower chair for showers etc, it's just heart and back breaking.

Then just before dad comes home from hospital a painful boil appears on my forearmThe doctor lances and drains it twice . but it ain't going away and then an even nastier one appears on my finger

GP finally decided to do some cultures and it is mrsa After four months of bactrim and doxycycline I finally seem to kick the boils but in the meantime something worse has cropped up.

Around Melbourne Cup time I started getting dizzy spells and feeling very fatigued.

Turns out I have anemia with a blood count of 116 but my iron folate and b12 are all fine.Stool and urine tests are ordered but there is no blood..

Three months later another lot of bloods and blood count is still 116 " if you are really worried I can send you to a haematologist"One thing the last few months has taught me is you have to be assertive with doctors .

Visited the specialist on Friday he ordered more specific bloodwork and a ct scan of my spleen and If that shows nothing he wants a bone marrow biopsy .

Anyway while all this has been going on an older lady I have been doing some odd jobs for every Sunday and who became a close (platonic) friend, indeed my only social contact outside the house and who has an auto immune disease which while she is only mildly symptomatic as we speak could turn nasty at any time decides to move back to Sydney to be closer to her extended family.

My depression was already building but when she told me just before christmas it was like the straw that broke the camels back.I have been trying to put it to the back of my mind but as the day approaches i am starting to feel the isolation building and the depression is really starting to sting and burn

Too much too soon

james1 — Sun, 26 Mar 2017 23:16:26 GMT

Hey Broken Biscuit,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear about your father and the recent developments with your friend and your own physical health issues. You have a lot on your plate and I know what it's like to have physical health issues alongside mental health troubles - not me personally, but I have a friend with surgery induced diabetes as well as endometriosis and it is so hard to deal with either physical health or mental health, let alone both...let alone of multiple people. Truly, my heart goes out to you.

Do you mind if I ask whether you are currently seeing any mental health doctors? I imagine there'd be quite a few doctors for your physical health, but our mental health really is just as important. We can't take care of ourselves physically if our mind isn't up to the task, and it does sound like you are in a very difficult place at the moment.

The other thing I'd suggest is you could maybe look for social groups relating to mental or physical health. Your doctors may know, otherwise I also look on the meet up website. I go to one in Sydney (where I met my friend) and it's nice to have a monthly social event. It just staves off the isolation a bit.

James

Too much too soon

white knight — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 01:54:49 GMT

Hi, welcome, glad to see you finally post.

You have a lot on your plate. Among many things I've learned sbout depression is that when we arent depressed we get a false sense of security that its gone firever only to bite us again. Fir this reason best to accept your depressionas lifelong. Google

Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

You sound run down. A break is needed even a few days. Money might be tight.

Topic: cheap recovery idea- camping- beyondblue

respite? Perhaps a visit to human services.

Finally a hard topic to raise but placing dad in a home should at least be discussed. There are limits for everybody and we all end up thete eventually.

Relaxation classes work.

I hope you feelfeel confident to post again.

Tony WK

Too much too soon

Starwolf — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 02:13:55 GMT

Good to meet you, Broken Biscuit Blues. I am glad you decided to post and share your concerns with us.

It seems there has been a negative momentum build up in the last few months. It could have triggered another wave of depression. Losing your only social contact at this point in time would make coping a lot more difficult. Will you still be able to keep in touch (perhaps via social media) ? Of course, not the same as face to face communication...but it would help.

I agree with James. There is much stress and pressure weighing you down right now. It should require the same medical attention than your physical health concerns. No need to struggle alone with that side of the story. So please take good care of your mental/emotional self too.

There is no building friendly contact without mixing with people. Have you thought of signing in as volunteer to help out someone else in need ? It would be worth inquiring which agencies in your area could point you in the right direction. Perhaps a Community Resources or Neighbourhood Center, a Lion's Club... any Social Services org could help. There are lots of people out there who could use assistance with tasks around the house. It could be the beginning of another social connection. It would at least allow you to get out and about and start mingling.

Meanwhile, why not keep talking with us ? Rest assured that you will be heard. The more we get to know you, the better we can support you along your journey of recovery.

Here for you.

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 06:35:32 GMT

Thanking all above for taking the time to reply it is much appreciated.The three of you have covered a lot of ground and it is impossible to cover everything in a single reply.

Dad will not be going to a home .I promised him that I would honour his wish to die at home, breaking that promise will not solve my problems, on the contrary I would carry the guilt to my grave.

Last night he asked me to hold his hand, I enquired as to whether he was in pain and he replied that he was scared that he would fall to sleep and never wake up,He is facing death he is scared he is depressed, he is anxious, he has mental health needs to he is not senile, needs that will not be serviced in a nursing home.

As for talking to the gp I have a hard enough time getting my gp to investigate my physical health issues.,A friend of my mums is a retired gp and she can't believe how casual my gp has been over the past few months especially with regards to the atypical anemia which is often a sign of something very nasty.I tried a different gp when the staph infection was raging and I thought she was even worse.

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 08:27:34 GMT

Thanks to the people above for replying to my post.The three of you have covered a lot of ground too much to deal with in one reply.

lots of issues grief loss and the knowledge that when dad goes it will leave a huge vacuum in my life.The end of regular contact with a genuine friend, and the fear that if something serious is going on with my blood I will have to fight it alone because mum is too old and frail to offer much support.

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 09:10:30 GMT

My friend left for Sydney yesterday, went around to collect some furniture she gave us, so sad seeing the place that has brought me so much comfort these last four years looking bare and lifeless.

Feeling very depressed and also strangely anxious, it's quite creepy actually. I might ring the help line later tonight.need to ta;k to someone.

One ray of light in a sea of gloom is I went to the gp to get the results from the tests the blood specialist ordered and my blood count has improved although I am still anaemic it is up to 125 from 116 so the blood bloke is going to hold off on the blood marrow biopsy and just see if my blood count gets back to normal (135 - 180)within the next three months.Also I tested negative to all the ghastly diseases he tested for.

Still in a lot of pain on my left hand side getting the ct scan in the morning, also for some reason my blood pressure is really low the top number is in the nineties bottom number in the sixties this is a fairly new issue never had problems in the past.As usual my gp is not the slightest bit interested in investigating why I suddenly have low blood pressure.

Too much too soon

Starwolf — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 02:07:33 GMT

I applaud your decision to call the helpline. Unloading the overload sometimes becomes a self-preserving necessity. I hope you went through with it.

Thank you for sharing the good news re a better blood count and the elimination of possible "ghastly diseases". Some important sources of stress have been shelved.

Seeing your friend's place empty must have brought home the void her departure leaves behind. You are grieving the loss of closeness right now, so understandably feel low. Perhaps it has something to do with lower BP.

How are you feeling today ?

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Apollo_Black — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 03:41:37 GMT

Hey BBB. Really sorry to hear about everything going on in your life. I admire your comittment to helping your parents. You are a truly decent human being.

Regarding your BP, it depends what it used to be?? But if you say it's in the 90's AND you're feeling crappy it's worth checking further. Are you getting out of breath at all? It doesn't take much to do an ECG to check your HR and rhythm in the first instance plus listen to your heart for murmurs etc, just to be on the safe side. I don't want to freak you out at all, but you sound like a guy who would appreciate the peace of mind of a thourough medical assessment given your GP's reluctance to do much...

Too much too soon

Jugglin_Strugglin — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 04:10:07 GMT

Hi BBB,

I guess you had the CT done today, so you'll have the results soon. After that, depending on results I guess, I'd definitely try another GP. Perhaps make a double appt so there is time to cover both physical & mental health.

I looked after my mother in my home for 4 yrs. It was definitely not easy, but I'm so thankful I did. She was assessed as High care, but we coped. She did have occasional respite in a nursing home, as I had a toddler at the time, as well as a new business. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I was too busy to think about it, just kept going. I find I'm better off that way, with less time to think (Depression is my companion).

Starwolf advice about volunteering is a great suggestion. It would be good if you could make enquiries straight away, as I can see that it might be easy for you to "lose" that time you gave to you're friend. Please try not to let that happen. Volunteering anywhere opens up so many ways to meet new people, as well as get feelgood feelings from giving back. You might have to push yourself to do it, but try to do it while you can.

I'm happy to listen & share experiences of homecare if you need. Good on you!

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 05:59:08 GMT

Once again thanks to those who took the time to reply it is very kind of you.

Things ended up picking up a bit last night.My friend rang from Sydney she is keen to keep in touch ny phone and I am welcome to visit if I wish, out of the question any time soon of course but good to know.

Then my mum's retired Doctor friend rang and while she didn't really have answers to what is wrong with me, she at least gave me a course of action to follow.

She said not to worry about gp's whatever is going on is complicated and the haematologist is the man.She also wants me to see if I can get back in with my old Psychiatrist.

I was in the state system for a few years then went private for a few years then felt I no longer needed it.Thing is I still take the medication and that medication can drop your blood pressure.

Both my gp and mum's friend reckon it would be very unusual for it to suddenly start dropping bp after like fifteen years, but a Psychiatrist has much more experience with it than any gp so I need to see one preferably the one I used to see.

The left sided pain has been torture since 2015, I have seen a cardiologist twice once in Dec 2015 and again in August last year.Had myocardial profusion scan the first time and a stress test the second time and on both occasions passed with passed with flying colours.

Obviously had my bp taken and both times it was in the120's so this low blood pressure is another new and mysterious development.

Jugglun Strugglin I will reply to your post later on when I get some spare time, you raise some good points I would like to expand upon but don't have time art the moment as there are always things that need doing as you know.

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Fri, 31 Mar 2017 12:22:52 GMT

I only work a few hours a week and mum helps out a bit so it is too bad in pure physical terms (although you do get very tired because there is 24/7 element to it ), but it is emotionally draining because I know his life is coming to an end.

I sleep on the old creaky hospital bed he used to sleep in, and he sleeps on the shiny new one we got when he came out of hospital under the medical aid subsidy scheme.

Through the night I often find myself reaching over in the dark and putting my hand on his chest to make sure je is breathing, and the knowledge that the time will come when he won't be is always lurking .

I just have to stay in the moment and concentrate on making what is left of his life as physically and emotionally comfortable as possible, and yes it helps with my depression .

As I mention above there will be a big vacuum when he goes, but I will have to hang tough for the sake of my mum.I have never married I have no kids , but caring for dad has given me a bit of an insight into what it must be like to be a parent, to be forced to tap into a vein of unselfishness, you would not otherwise find.

That is why I am determined to see this through, and why these health issues I am having are so frustrating.The last seven months, firstly with dad and then me has been a real eye opener when it comes to dealing with the medical profession

You have got to push them or they will do nothing and if you are old and sick with a chronic illness you need family who will go into bat for you and are both willing and able to think for themselves not just swallow what the doctor's say.

Too much too soon

Jugglin_Strugglin — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 05:27:44 GMT

"You have got to push them or they will do nothing & if you are old and sick with a chronic illness you need family who will go into bat for you and are both willing and able to think for themselves not just swallow what the doctor's say."

Ain't that the truth!!!

Your parents are so lucky to have you as an advocate. And now that you're eyes are open, you know that you have to stay informed, vocal & assertive about your own healthcare. It should be easier to do this, I don't understand why there are so many barriers in place to try to prevent this. Probably protection from litigation? So much could be said about the state of our health system. It is getting worse. Very frustrating on so many levels. I guess we should be thankful that we are better off than a lot of countries. All we can do is stay strong and to keep being there and look after our own.

I used a baby monitor in mum's room so that I would hear any problems overnight. It was invaluable really. In the daytime I could take the receiver anywhere in the house. I could even get into the garden without having to check on her every minute. It was a great way to get some alone time without worrying and she knew she could just ask if she needed anything.

Having to keep busy is a definite bonus with depression. I know how much of an effort it can be to get out of the door. If you are obligated for another person, it is 'easier ' than if it is something for yourself. I have cancelled all of my own appts lately, I wouldn't even consider doing that if it I was taking someone else.

All of my family has gone now (except my teen son). I have learnt that no matter how much you are expecting the loss, it still comes as such a shock. These feelings surprised me, but I guess they fall into the 'denial stage' of grief, so are very normal. It can be difficult to distinguish between mourning and depression. We must go through a period of grieving and the melancholic feelings are healthy. Different to depression, although I see there are many different 'types' of depression now. Everything just seems to be getting more complicated. Apparently in this digital age, progress & change is now exponential. No wonder we can find it hard to keep up.

It sounds as if you are grateful for the opportunity to be there for your parents. You will not have to live with any regret. I'm glad that your mum is with you, no doubt you are comfort for each other.

Please let us know how you are going. It is helpful to share.

Lee xo

Too much too soon

Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 11:31:00 GMT

I am not very well, I feel like the will to fight this is slowly draining from body and mind.

I will see my old Psychiatrist on April twenty something, couldn't get in any sooner, seems like like a long way away Hell five minutes seems like five Hours my brain is in agony.

Too much too soon

Jugglin_Strugglin — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 23:35:55 GMT

I understand how you feel. I feel the same at the moment. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Can you phone your friend in Sydney, that would pass some time and you might get a different view of everything afterwards.

I must try to dig myself out of the circumstances I find myself in. I have several options, but none of them are ideal. I'd almost prefer no options, as then I wouldn't be ruminating over the best way forward. Anyway, any road forward will not be easy, and at the moment, I just can't find the energy or will to start. Time for decision has long past, Can't delay any longer, yet I probably will, knowing that it will only make everything harder, if not irretrievable.

Of course, the easiest road is not the best alternative. The hardest things to do will give the biggest pay-offs. I believe that is the route you are taking. It will be worth it.

Remember to do some 'nice' things for yourself. If you can feel better, your parents will benefit too.

Warm wishes. Lee x

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Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 03:13:50 GMT

Procrastinate should be my middle name.Why do today what you can put off until a tomorrow that never quite arrives.?

Then suddenly it does appear out of nowhere,bringing with it a crises in part the product of inaction and I move with haste induced by panic and make the wrong call.

I am sorry to hear you are pretty much where I am because it is not a good place to be. I don't feel like I have any options at the moment which might be a good thing as I am not thinking clearly enough to make wise choices.

What makes it hard is you know something has got to change or nothing will change but whatever path you take is fraught with danger and there is no guarantee things will work out So paralysed by energy sapping depression it becomes really hard to get motivated enough to begin a backbreaking march to who knows where.

Thanks for your support I really appreciate it, For the moment we just gotta hang in there.

BBB

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Jugglin_Strugglin — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 04:21:02 GMT

Yes

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Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 12:16:20 GMT

It really is true when they say there is no rest for the wicked.Just as I have started to steady the ship and get my mind back under some sort of control and focus on the tasks at hand a nasty boil appears on my groin.

After five months of antibiotics I was hoping I could ride it out with anti septics but unfortunately by day three it was nasty andstinging and the redness is spreading so I went to the doc today.

He really didn't know what to prescribe, he scratched his head and then put me back on the last antibiotic I was on during that five month period.

So far it is doing nothing and the boil is getting worse.Does anyone on here have experience with mrsa infections?.My biggest fear is I will need IV antibiotics to shift this and that means hospital and then how will mum and dad cope?

Just gotta stay in the moment but I don't like the look or feel of this thing especially the way the redness keeps spreading.

Too much too soon

Jugglin_Strugglin — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 21:34:59 GMT

Not sure re MRSA but my ex and myself get them from time to time. Huge, red swollen. I usually lance them. Used to go to docs, but do it myself now. You could try a poultice like magnaplasm to draw it to a head. Sometimes sticking a sterile needle into it, ouchy, gives it a point to head, ie next day can express it.

Hopefully the ABs will work and you won't need to do anything.

Good luck. Lee!

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Broken_Biscuit_Blues — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 04:00:15 GMT

I am not sure it is wise to lance boils yourself, I have been told you can spread the infection through your body that way if you don't know what you are doing.

MRSA is just an acronym for a species of staph bacteria that is resistant to the type of antibiotics usually used to treat these infections.It has become very common around hospitals.The gp reckons I probably picked it up while I was visiting dad in hospital

Over the last six months I have lost count of how many boils I have had, at one stage I had seven going all the same time including a nasty one just under my eye,and a savage one on my finger that went golf ball size overnight and caused my hand and wrist to swell up like I had broken something.

I had been boil free since mid January and I thought I might have kicked this bug but obviously not.The good news is that this one has got no worse over night and I am not running a fever , the bad news is it is no better.

He can't change the antibiotic because this the only oral ab that my strain is susceptible to, the other two are iv only because they can't be digested in the stomach.

Once again thanks for taking an interest and wishing you all the best.

BBB.