topic Hurting from the unknown in Relationship and family issues

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 05:38:35 GMT

Hi everyone,

My name is Ben and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice/support.

I had met someone a couple of years back and we have been staying in contact via Skype. I'm not quite sure how I'd label our relationship but I have strong feelings for her but unfortunately our distance makes it hard for anything to develop at the moment. Therefore I use exercise and working towards buying my first house as a way to keep my mind focused and to not delve into living in a fantasy world. A few weeks ago I lost complete contact with her and not sure if she has deleted me or there is a technical issue with Skype (as I have read that this has happened before) I have tried to get in contact with her but to no avail. I don't want to come across as needy or being a nuisance but the unknown thoughts are hurting me deeply as I am so confused and scared I may never have contact with her again.

Just for some background on me I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and panic a lot when things are not working. At the moment I don't feel like doing anything other then crawling up and laying in bed or turning to alcohol to help me be happy and not worry so much. I hope this isn't stupid but I do care for this person very much and it feels like this situation has taken over my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 11:38:08 GMT

Hi Ben

Welcome to the forum and it is great to see you opening up. It is definitely a good place for support as I have found the past few days.

I am sorry to hear about your current situation. Firstly long distance is difficult - I have been there before. Secondly not hearing when you try reach out and not knowing why is even harder especially when you care about a person deeply (which I am currently experiencing). I do hope it's just a glitch.

It isn't stupid for you to care about the person so much but try to not let it take over your life. Instead of turning to alcohol is there other things to keep you occupied such as going out with friends, watching a movie, doing a hobby you love?

If need be definitely call up the Beyond blue hotline if you think talking to someone over the phone may help.

Just know that there are a lot of people here who are here to listen and support you. Definitely keep posting.

Anony18

Hurting from the unknown

sydneyharbour17 — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 14:29:32 GMT

Hi there Ben, thank you for having the courage to make your first post 🙂 I know it was hard for me to do.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I, too, have experienced anxiety and a few panic attacks in my life particularly, like you said, when things don't seem to be going to plan. My suggestion would be to find out for sure whether or not the loss of contact is a technical issue or not. If it is, then great, hopefully you can continue your relationship with this person. Although, you do say that this online friendship (?) has been going on for a few years and that the distance has always held it back from progressing further than what it is - perhaps this is holding you back from forging a more meaningful relationship with someone closer by? Something to think about...

If the person has cut off contact then unfortunately there isn't much you can do. It's very hard when you care about the person, believe me I know, I just came out of a 3 year relationship, but if they no longer want you in their life then that is there choice and you must respect it and move on. The best thing for this is to keep busy, especially with friends and hobbies that you enjoy.

I hope I have been helpful in some way and that you will post back to keep us updating on how you are going. 🙂

Take care,

Sydney xx

Hurting from the unknown

geoff — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 20:02:55 GMT

hi Ben, and welcome to the BB site.
I am so sorry for the loss of contact with the person you love, because living apart and communicating by skype is not the perfect way to have a relationship, and sorry when I say that, but there is a great deal of time where either of you aren't able to be in close proximity and the rest of the time you don't know what is happening, and this is not going to help you with your anxiety and panic disorders.
Some people tend to turn to alcohol, just like I did, because we want to numb the hurt or the negative thoughts that keep occuring, but when the next day begins it all returns.
Are you able to send her a text on your mobile and if your phone number has been blocked you will find out, I hope not for your sake, but I also wonder if you go and see one of her friends where you live and ask them whether or not they can contact her.
Is the house you want to buy need much work doing to it or can you just move in, because with interest rates being so low it's a great time to purchase one if it's affordable.
Please let us know how you go. Geoff.

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 00:07:35 GMT

Hi Sydney,

Thanks for your kind words, it means a lot to know people care. I think at the moment I don't have any reasoning or why she would suddenly want to stop contact hurts the most. I keep trying to tell myself to move forward and maybe one day I'll find some answers or if not I would have made enough progress for it not to worry me.

once again, thanks.

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 00:22:31 GMT

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for your reply it does mean a lot. Unfortunately Skype was the only way of contact I had as it was convenient and a good way to stay in touch. But as time passed my feelings grew stronger, although I did know that it would most likely end it heart ache, I think I got trapped in a fantasy world.

Thanks for your support

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 00:31:58 GMT

Hi Anony,

I have found this a great place for support and thank you for your response and advice. I try not to let it take over my life but unfortunately the hurt feelings are very raw.

I hope you are able to get through your situation as well.

Thanks for your help.

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 02:22:28 GMT

Hi Geoff,

I thought I should add that although I do have feelings for her I really did enjoy our friendship as I was able to be open with her more so than I felt with my friends and family.

Thanks

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 04:53:39 GMT

Just an update. It appears I was blocked as I got a response on another account I opened up. She said she has met someone else and she won't be using Skype anymore.

I said thanks for letting me know and I will sad to see you go.

deep down though I am absolutely shattered, I feel like I've lost a very close friend forever and I don't know what to do

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 05:41:37 GMT

Hi Ben

Sorry to hear. I understand how tough it must be right now especially how you felt about her. As mentioned previously are there activities that you are able to do, friends to hang out with? Although you may seem right now that they may not help, it may surprise you.

Definitely do keep opening up here as well. We are here to listen to what you are going through. Hopefully this will give you some comfort.

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 05:48:14 GMT

Hi Anony,

I have friends to hang out with but we generally only can make time on weekends. There are some activities I can do but at the moment I just feel so shattered to do anything and my mind just keeps re-living memories.

I appreciate your reply. Thanks

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 05:22:23 GMT

Hi Ben

How are things today?

Anony

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 05:51:19 GMT

Hi Anony,

Thanks for your concern. Still really hurts, losing a friend I really cared for. I've tried hard to keep my mind busy and listen to a few podcast that can bring a smile to my face. Unfortunately there is a lot of time at work for me to start thinking this, but try to battle through. At least now I know the only way is forward as there is no point in going back or hanging in limbo as I had been.

Thanks

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 06:30:25 GMT

Hi Ben

It definitely hurts losing someone you really cared for. The most important thing is to try keep yourself occupied. I know how tough it can be at times - today that is what is happening to me. It is a bit of a tougher day for me emotionally. Keep listening to your podcasts which bring a smile to your face.

Have you made plans with your friends this weekend?

Anony

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 06:50:10 GMT

I'll be able to keep fairly busy throughout the weekend I hope.

I hope things pick up for you. Feel free to keep updated on how you are going. This is such a great community of people on here full of support.

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 07:12:29 GMT

That is really good to hear!

I do keep fairly busy but today my thoughts make it a bit hard to concentrate much - hence on this forum a bit more frequently. Been a week since I have heard from my partner (after the slight frustration he expressed) so it is the unknown of whether we are still together and if he still wants me around for support as he goes through this rough time. I have tried giving him the space to fix himself so am hoping that he firstly doesn't think I abandoned him and secondly he will reach out soon. Will be texting him tomorrow as it is his birthday and let him know that am still around so think tomorrow may be a tougher day for me - unless he responds!

Definitely agree this is a good place for support! Just today is a bit of a rougher day I am experiencing.

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 07:33:02 GMT

I hope it goes well for you. The unknown can be very stressful with the mind racing.

Please keep me updated on how things go.

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Thu, 11 Aug 2016 04:36:34 GMT

Hi Ben

So I sent him a birthday message and he responded with a Thank you which is such a relief! Still have this slightly anxious feeling lingering though. Think it is the worry for him and his situation but I just have to wait til he talks to me so I can see what been happening.

Anony

Hurting from the unknown

Safeasmilk — Thu, 11 Aug 2016 05:05:14 GMT

Hi Anony,

Im glad you have been given some relief. I know how tiring it can be being anxious all the time but at the same time can't relax. Feel free to keep my updated on how things are going.

Thanks

Ben

Hurting from the unknown

Anony18 — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 15:21:16 GMT

Hi Ben

How are you going? Got anything exciting planned this weekend?

Anony