topic Should i quit? in Relationship and family issues

Should i quit?

___4 — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 02:06:19 GMT

I'm in a job i absolutely hate and its ruining my mental health as well as relationships around me.

I've been in my job for a few years and cannot stand the people i work with along with the line of work i am doing. it has caused me a lot of stress and sadness over the past year as i think to myself i shouldn't be this unhappy in a job at such a young age. but i feel stuck.

I am 100% leaving the job at the end of this year as i plan to travel anyway but I'm not sure how much longer i can stay in it.

I keep going to and fro in my mind and all that is keeping me here is the money, and the fact it will fund my future travels. But with the amount of unhappiness i feel, is it worth it?

I have thought about leaving but at my age and the full time hours i currently do get, i feel looking for another job to get me by till the end of the year will be quite tough especially finding a job with the right amount of hours or money on offer.

This job has caused a lot strain on my relationships around me, more importantly with my partner as the 'stress of work' takes its toll. I am constantly tired and grumpy and have a very short temper towards my partner who tries to do the right thing, but we both know its because I'm so unhappy where i am at the moment.

I just ask anyones opinion on whether i should stick it out for the next 12ish months or if i should quit (which also could be a bad thing as i could end up being unhappy if i struggle to find a job that will give me the same money as my current one, which gives me funds to save for my trip at the end of the year)

Should i quit?

Croix — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 03:27:19 GMT

Dear +_+

Thank you for your post, I'm afraid I can't find your other 4 posts, so I guess I'll talk as if this was your first.

For anyone that does not have a job the lifestyle and search is soul-destroying. Applications ignored, failed applications, diminishing money, lowering self-esteem - and that's if you have an average run!

From what you say Centerlink is not something you'd have to face if you quit - though I might be making a bit of an assumption there.

Let's see if I've got things straight:-

You hate your job, which - I'm supposing - has the right hours and money.

You want to travel in 12 months and need the money from this job to travel.

If you quit then you have no job and no travel, and no guaranteed future employment - you say at desired hours and money - but in reality no guaranteed employment at all.

Have I grasped what you were saying?

So what to do?

May I suggest 2 things? First keep your existing job whilst looking out for a better one. You loose nothing that way.

Second work at lightening your stress load whilst you have this horrible job. Perhaps there are distasteful parts of your existing job you can alter -I don't know, is it worth finding out?

More practical is to reduce total life stress. Healthy food, exercise, sleep hygiene, coping mechanisms for times when you are tired, grumpy and short-tempered. Even phone apps like 'Smiling Mind' which basically is about grounding, may be a help - they've helped others.

I guess if things were to head towards depression have a word with your GP, and get a medical person's take. (You might have to book a long consultation)

There is one bit of gold in your life (apart from actually having a job)

my partner who tries to do the right thing

Please post again and let us know how you are getting on

Croix

Should i quit?

___4 — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 23:10:51 GMT

Hi Croix,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it!

What you've said has basically grasped the most of it. I know keeping the job whilst i have nothing else to fall back on would be the most sensible reason and i think that's why i continue to get up and come to work every morning because I'm also afraid of putting myself out there for something new as 'change' is a big thing for me and although could be a good thing if it were to happen it would also be very nerve racking for me.

I think my attitude towards work isn't helping the negativity of it all but personally its very difficult for me to want to change that and wake up saying today will be a good day when i know i only look forward to knock off.

I have taken up after work hobbies etc and enjoy the time off from thinking about work but i also often slip back into well this is only for a few hours and when i go to sleep and wake up again I'm back in the same daily grind and cant enjoy myself that much. (i also struggle to find the motivation for these activities as after a long day at work the exhaustion takes over) also (Sundays are the worst for me as i try and enjoy the day off and make the most of it but in the back of my mind i get a little upset that Monday is the next day and i have a whole nother week to face)

And thank you for pointing out my 'gold in life' as lately i haven't been appreciating my partner enough as i should be.

Should i quit?

Croix — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 00:15:43 GMT

Dear +_+

I'm very pleased you came back, and thank you for showing your appreciation -it makes me feel good, not everyone does say thank you.

I think from what you say you are sensible and have all the knowledge about your situation, but that 'holding on' for the 12 months is a hard task -sometimes no doubt harder than others.

What can I say?

Well two things come to mind. Research what it really feels like to be without a job and on the grinding treadmill of unemployment (even with a buffer of savings) - it can be a true horror story with ramifications you never expect - anything - from too much time at home to sex.

Secondly make the times away from work fill your mind -be engrossed. If possible do something that you are eager to get back to. Mine was reading, I have no idea what yours might be, but there is bound to be something -perhaps art, perhaps study - I don't know, but you will.

You have my best wishes

Croix (who wanted to remind you that looking for a better job whilst employed is a better ball game than when not)

Should i quit?

H2Ohog — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 00:36:16 GMT

I was in a position last year where I was very unhappy at work and had been for a year or so. It didn't cause my depression but it certainly exasperated it. The more I hated work, the worse I got. the more I dreaded going to work the worse I got. It got to the stage of me essentially not doing any work at all and lying about my activity (or lack of) and was fired. This was a HUGE awakening. I knew I wanted to leave but was afraid of change. The humiliation of being fired was hard to deal with on top of my depression. But I realised that no job was worth risking my health over. The silver lining - I'm working again. its not my dream job, but it pays OK and it has very little pressure and the people around me are nice. Now, I can concentrate on getting my depression under control without being bought down by the negativity of hating my job and the people I worked with. I enjoy my weekends again. I don't get anxious on Sundays dreading Mondays. In my opinion (and I don't know your financial situation) no job or pay packet is worth being unhappy about. Don't do what I did though and be too scared to move on and end up getting sacked - it was the worst feeling of guilt and shame ever. But do look around and apply for other jobs. You might find a really good job. You might find an OK job but any job that doesn't cause you distress is better than the one you have. Your mental health and relationships are more important than a job. Remove the negativity in your life. Have some confidence in your own ability and don't be scared to put yourself out there. It is also far easier to get a job when you have a job, so just look around.

Good luck.

Should i quit?

___4 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:39:56 GMT

Thank you for posting this! I think its something i needed to hear.

I have noticed myself too slackening off at work and not paying attention to fine details and often causing little mistakes that are fundamental to the company but it was just due to my lack of passion i have for the job. (I am also currently reading and replying at work so that says a bit about me but the job is almost so boring (and not very busy here) that I've completed my work but not really asking for more at the same time)

I think colleagues around me have also noticed the slight lack of motivation around the place and my boss also. Which brings me to your awakening of getting fired. I have feared this a few times in the past 6-12 months as i have had a few sit downs where I've ended up getting really emotional and apologized and said i would lift my game but have soon slipped back into my old ways - when really i should be telling my boss how unhappy i am but that's just destined for a sacking anyway? (why would they keep someone who isn't passionate about their position.) (i also haven't told anyone about my intent to leave at the end of the year anyway as the way they treat me i feel i just need to give my notice and leave within my contracts expectations. Very sour of me to do but they would probably get rid of me now if they knew and obviously I'm not ready for that)

I am really sorry to hear it ended that way for you as i do fear it a lot myself but i know i should be the one 'getting in first' so to speak and leaving if it really does make me unhappy but also relating back to the fear of change.

Should i quit?

Nervybella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 02:03:37 GMT

Hi +_+

your post really resonated with me. At the beginning of this year I landed my first ever full time "real" job. I lasted about 3 weeks. It was truly an awful awful experience. The boss was horrible, I wasn't even doing the work I was employed to do and my anxiety had never been worse.

After a lot of consultation with those I trust (including my GP and psych) I resigned from the job. I truly believe my health had to come first.

Dont get me wrong, it wasn't easy, and my anxiety didn't disappear after I left, far from it. But I think it was the best decision for me.

My psychologistbasis something that has really stuck with me...she said many people stay doing something that they know is destructive, whether that be a job, relationship etc, and the damage made is permanent. She said if people thought of mental health like physical health life would be very different.

Think of this...if you fall while running and break your ankle would you keep running because you think you should or would you immediately seek medical help, follow all orders from your doctor, rest your ankle until it's fixed and then ease back into running? I know that's what I would do.

so when we are in a situation that's damaging our mental health why don't we care for ourselves in the same way? Something to think about.

I hope you can take something out of what I've said and I'd like to hear how you go 🙂

Bella

Should i quit?

___4 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 05:35:01 GMT

Hi Bella,

Thanks for your contribution and one thing you've written has really stood out to me and something i need to take on board more seriously being "If people thought of mental health like physical health life would be very different."

I basically just need to do the jump and i know it will be a positive move but the question i keep falling back to is that i know leaving at the end of the year is a permanent but do i go now or put up with it/stick it out till then? but i know that's something i have to answer for myself...

Should i quit?

SarahLulu — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 07:20:11 GMT

Hey there,

I quit my job a few months back because I couldn't deal with it and wasn't helping recovery and so I quit. Best thing I did, but my savings dwindled quite quickly and I have had to return there, however the stresses and anxieties I don't have any more. Maybe you just need a break. I did reduce my hours but that didn't work. How about taking a break for a few months?

Should i quit?

___4 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 23:27:14 GMT

I would love to reduce my hours or take a break but my position is needed full time only so that's not an option. And taking a break from working isn't an option either as i need as much savings for future travels. (as much as i would enjoy taking a break here there's no use when i would only come back for a couple months then be off to travel)

Thanks for your input though, really appreciate it!

Should i quit?

___4 — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 04:02:04 GMT

So my boss was really rude and horrible to me today.
Nothing out of the ordinary, he gets very stressed easily and takes it out on me as its 'my fault' anyway.

But i just cant control my anger and sadness and keep breaking down. i have done it in front of him many times before where ive just balled my eyes out and today i had a teary but didn't let him see that.

I am so sick of being at fault when it is his responsibility anyway and putting in so much hard work and not being recognised.

I am so scared of change let alone facing him and handing in a resignation though i know its the best thing to do (i even know he will turn a bright face on and fight to keep me because i basically hold a lot of this company together but that's his duty to find a replacement and i shouldnt feel obliged to stay because of that) but i keep letting myself string along until the next bad thing happens where i go back to feeling this shit again.

How does one face a boss and resign, i need some tips cause its absolutely daunting as i have never done so before.

Should i quit?

Croix — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 06:39:56 GMT

Dear +_+

I guess if you are really thinking of leaving -and I can well understand what you are going through - then having an ally would be of help.

May I suggest you do see your GP and explain the situation in detail, including your reactions at home, with your partner and in front of your boss.

If your doctor thought it appropriate a medical certificate that coincides with a resignation period could be forwarded with a resignation, thus you do not have to go back. This of course would depend upon your doctor's take on the matter.

I've no idea if your condition makes that appropriate, however at least there would be an opportunity for a proper diagnosis.

However having said that I was in two minds as to posting this message, but decided it's your decision.

Either way you have my best wishes

Croix

Should i quit?

___4 — Tue, 14 Mar 2017 03:34:52 GMT

Thanks Croix for your reply.

Unfortunately that wouldn't be a plausible option for me however it is good to know that option is there.

Thank you for your wishes.

Should i quit?

KayTom — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 09:26:55 GMT

Yes you should definitely quit. This boss is nothing more than a bully and probably enjoys controlling and belittling people (narcissist). You should not only resign you should report his behaviour to his boss (if there is one). You can go to a Dr and get a medical certificate for anxiety and stress for a week and in that time email the company and tell them you want to give your notice (2 weeks is usually the minimum). You then go back to the Dr after a week and get another certificate for the second week. This way you will get all the pay etc., you are entitled to. You only need to cite 'personal reasons' for leaving or you could lie and say you have decided to pursue a more suitable/challenging position. I have personally done this and it is completely above board. GET OUT OF THERE! Life is too short 🙂