topic done in Relationship and family issues

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leelee1994 — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 02:30:57 GMT

Done with my 5 year relationship leave and never look back now time to get a new life as much as i love him no more will i deal with this everything was grdat i was getting back on track with my deprestion till he flipped have now been flogged to near death one to many times how do i come back from this this time i cant even move

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Zeal — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 02:46:44 GMT

Hi leelee,

It sounds as though this decision was essential for your wellbeing and safety. Violence and mistreatment should not have to be tolerated by anyone, so I'm glad you have been able to leave this unhealthy relationship. It would be worthwhile making an appointment with your GP to discuss your mental health and wellbeing. They may suggest a referral to someone for more specific support.

In addition to seeing a health professional and talking to family and/or close friends, helplines are a great way to get support. Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline is on 1300 22 4636. I've tried this service before and found it helpful.

Best wishes,

Zeal

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White_Rose — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 05:44:22 GMT

Hello Leelee

So much pain in your life already. I think, like Zeal, moving away from your partner is necessary for your health and well-being. It's always hard when a relationship turns bad, and then you remember the happy times and want to go back. I hope you find the courage and strength to start your life again in a place without the BF and keep him out of your life.

You can find a new, good life I assure you. It will take time and hard work but it's definitely achievable. You will find yourself wanting to make up because you miss him so much, but don't be fooled. Inevitably it's worse because you have shown you need him and that is something he can manipulate you about.

I suggest you visit your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor of some description to address your domestic violence issues.

Love to hear more from you.

Mary

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leelee1994 — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 08:23:12 GMT

I just cant do it anymore ive got to walk away from this for good my kids need me alive and they need me to bd happy and strong for them i will be seeing a gp as soon az i can just hard at the moment to find somewhere safe for my kids his hit me befor but never like this never fissicly hold me down sit on me so i couldnt move im done aith this all i havd no choice i was starting to look up in my life and now im stuck in a dark place all over again

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Quiettall — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 11:29:27 GMT

Hi Leelee

It sounds like your partner or ex-partner needs to be restrained and made to realise he cannot do this. Have you thought of taking out a restraining order on him so that you can be protected from him?

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leelee1994 — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 11:47:16 GMT

Is now ex partner im done walking away isnt hurting me one little bit its the fissicle pain to my body that hurts and seeing my kids look at me and asked what happened mum that really kills me inside am thinking of gointlg and getting an avo done as soon as i have somewhere for my kids and i to sleep at night as we ate currently in my unrego car on the side of the highway for tonight

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White_Rose — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 20:35:56 GMT

Hello Leelee

This is really dreadful. Can you go to the police and make a complaint of assault against him? and take out DVO, domestic violence order. He should be the one to leave not you. You need a home for yourself and the children. How old are the children? It is as damaging for them as it is for you to live with violence. Have you explored going to a women;s refuge? The police can tell you where your local hostel is. You will be safe there and have time to sort your life out.

I know this sounds easy and it most certainly is not easy. Try the hostel if you can. Sadly they are often full but it's worth a try.

Please go to your GP or police while you still have bruises etc as this can be evidence of his violence. Also you need to be checked for other damage. I will ask some of the other champions with more knowledge in this area to write to you.

Mary

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leelee1994 — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 12:45:05 GMT

Hi mary

Off to gp in the morning staying at mums for a while got my brother sister and sister inlaw helping look for a house for my boys and i my oldest child understands so much it hurts me because i cant hide anything and i cant lie to him he even told me (mum go docter now please) kind had to say i cant mate its dark out been 10 at night mind you he cant sleep or be good or even eat properly when he knows something wromg with me my youngest is almost 3 and my oldest wil be 5 this year cant hide a great deal from him

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White_Rose — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 20:49:04 GMT

So pleased to hear you are going to see your doctor. I hope she/he will be helpful and supportive.

Yes, children are very perceptive and easily hurt.Your boys will need lots of support from you and your family to help them put all this stuff in perspective. You may want to discuss this with your doctor.

Glad you are away from the BF and staying with your mom. Isn't it great having a mother to care for you? My mom died 17 years ago and I am a grandma, but I still miss her. It seems we never appreciate our mom until we become adults ourselves.

I would like to know how you go with the GP, but only as much as you are willing to share.

Mary

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leelee1994 — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 12:38:22 GMT

Hey am doing alittle better all in all is turning into a court order but oh well hell get what is needed to stay away from us am trying hard for my boys have been aroumd friends and family in the last couple of days has help both boys and i on the whole situation my oldest child is starting to become happyer and is less worried about me thats for sure his been seen his cousins his been aroind a few of my male friends i havent seen in months because of bf and tomorrow is a play date with a few more kids the same age group oldest will be 6 and youngest will be 1 so hopefully while kids are having fun running aroind and playing i can also get a few things off my mind

Dr has told me that he will need to see me within a week as with all the bruising will be harx to tell if there is any real problem unless theysend me to tamworth for a couple day witch aint happening cause i cant take my kids but i have to keep ice on all bruising and my leg needs to stay elivated as much as possible and to take things steady as may have blood clots in my leg and eye as i cant read an eye chart with my left eye at this point but also if my eye doesnt come good i may need something done as he may have rupshed one of my blood vesals in my eye or around my eye and also if my head starts hurting any more then normal threw the day i need to go to hospital asap as maybe damage to my skull/brain and am not to bend over or lift anything as my spin is not looking the greatest at all witch is hard with a 2 year old but gotta listen to him i guess incass it does get worse

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White_Rose — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 22:34:11 GMT

I am so pleased everything is starting to look up for you. Also that your GP has examined you and started some treatment. I hope that as the bruises fade you will find no lasting damage. Having had four children, the eldest five when number four was born, I can appreciate how difficult it must be to follow your doctor's instructions and not pick up the little ones. Please keep trying to look after yourself.

The children know they are safe with you and not being able to cuddle them for a little while will be OK as you can cuddle them soon. Perhaps you can explain to them, very simply, that mommy is hurt and needs to lie down a lot. Things will be better soon. They can lie on the bed with you or sit on your lap.

While you are with your mom, allow her to look after you. Mom's are good at that. It's good you have someone to look for a house for you. Even if you find somewhere soon, may I suggest you stay with your mom until you are completely healed. As you would know, moving house and caring for children is huge. Add the emotional trauma and lingering effects of the abuse and it's a recipe for you collapsing.

Once you are back on your feet do you think it would be worthwhile to have some grief counselling? Your GP can organise that for you. I suggest this as it may help you move on.

Mary

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leelee1994 — Sat, 11 Feb 2017 01:32:13 GMT

Im on the mend now have been talking to so many people about everything is starting to help me i dont think moving on with my life wil be so hard as i look at my kids they dont want to see him again as ive been told from my 4 year old so having hdar that has made me reliseits not aorth the pain or the feeling for him at all my kids need a lifeand a good one at that as im now a single mum of 2 but i know i can do it with surport from this group and friendz and family so now life is to go forward from here glad my gp is really conserned to be able tohelp me threw this as i can talk to him about anything

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White_Rose — Sat, 11 Feb 2017 01:56:33 GMT

So pleased you are feeling better and great to know you have some support in your life. It's sounds like the boys are feeling happier which is good.

Keep in touch with your GP and accept as much help as he can give. Remember you are a worthwhile person and take care of yourself. I hope you feel like continuing to write in here and tell us how you are going.

Mary

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leelee1994 — Sat, 11 Feb 2017 23:55:47 GMT

Hey

Still very very sore cant do a grdat deal but am feeling alittle bit better within myself been at mum for last couple dayz resting but out amd about today in this lovely hot weather to take kids to play with thers cousins and to talk to my sister and sister inlaw alittle more starting to feel like i got to talk again amd have some time without the kids and relax alittle more

I love this sight it makes me feel like i can open up about everything

Am looking forward to sseing my go again as the bruising and my eye is getting worse so it may mean a trip to tamworth but im not going to live with the deverstating affects of this

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Guest_1055 — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 00:21:56 GMT

Good Morning leelee,

I am so very sorry that you were hurt and abused by the man you used to live with. I read your thread here a few days ago, and felt sad that he did this to you. I was making all these suggestions to you on your other thread without knowing your full circumstances. I am sorry leelee.

Now I am glad you are away from him. I guess you might look at a brand new bright side now. A different and safe one.

Shell xx

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leelee1994 — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 12:13:22 GMT

Hello shell

I took all your advice and everything to make him happy but him having a bad day at work turned into it all been my fault aparently dont know how but yeah but oh well im trying to get past the whole fact of what has happened but with my gp and police friends and family all on my side helping me im sure ill get better very soon shell you have been so helpful threw everything but now im to become a better mother for my boys and on the brighter side my 4 year old starts preschool on friday yay cant wait his going to love it and it may help him get past this as well he tells everone about what happend saddly but his also gone into what some call depretion state of whats happened but hoping friends and preschool may help him to be happy again it makes me cry just the way he is his so worried about men been around even my brother scares him now im so worried its going to affect him in the long run someone he thought he could trust has done something so horrible now he just doesnt want anyone near me even been in so much pain and agony as i am in i still try and spend time with my boys and ahow them im alright i just hope what has happened doesnt affect the rest of my life and the kids

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Guest_1055 — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 13:20:49 GMT

You are a beautiful and loving mother to your little boys leelee. And of course you are concerned for your little ones. Do you think you could ask the GP to have a chat with your 4 year old may be they could help somehow? Or would he be too frightened?

Oh I am glad you have plenty of support around you and also some cousins for your boys to hang out with.

I care and I am thinking about your little precious family.

Shell xx

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leelee1994 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 10:46:56 GMT

Hi shell

Thankyou im slowly getting there looks like i have a seriouse case of hemmertoma in my leg at this point

And my 4year old wont talk to a go or anything his alot like me and wont talk he gets shy when it comes to all that and with him the way he is gis to hyporactive to be sat down to talk but he does start preschool in a few days so hopefully that helps him abit i have also been talking to my oldest sons father alot lately even thi he is on the other side of the country he is a very big help threw this and looks like he maybe moving back this way to help out with his son and my youngest as well so am starting to feel alot better within myself already

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Guest_1055 — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 11:04:30 GMT

Hi leelee,

You poor thing, is the hematoma on your leg hurting a lot? Do you think you will go to Tamworth at all?

It still saddens me to know how were we treated leelee. I long for it not to have happened to you. But you still appear to be plodding along there.

Your four year olds father....is he a good and safe man, like he won't hurt you or anything will he?

Did your little 4 year old go to pre school today? If so, how did he go? Did he find it fun?

Shell xx

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leelee1994 — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 13:12:03 GMT

Hi shell

I shouldnt havent have to go to tamworth hopefully but if i do i do

The avo is now in place we are safe now

My 4 year sons dad is amazing things just didnt work back the cause he wasnt ready for a child but he will not ever hurt me or the kids in anyway i know that for a fact he is an amazing man really

Yes my boy did go to preschool today he had a great day got no goodbye no nothing thismorning he was gone come home with some lovely paintings and made new friends