topic I'm the bad guy? in Relationship and family issues

I'm the bad guy?

4Cats — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 15:39:52 GMT

Haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days. Feel like there is a lead weight in my abdomen. So depressed and stressed. 93 year old mum in a nursing home. I'm not talking to one sister who refuses to go and see her (mum has dementia and said some strong words to my sister a year ago). Now all of a sudden another sister seems not to be talking to me. I have no idea what I've done and my mind is going through all sorts of catastrophic ideas. I think I'll ring her tomorrow and ask and apologise of i have to. I'm so down on myself as i seem to upset people all the time. Half my friends are sick of me as I'm not fun to be with any more. I gave up drinking 2 months ago but chugged down some whiskey last night so i could sleep. I feel my family don't respect me (youngest of 7) and my opinions don't count. Just so lonely and terrified of the world at the moment. Want to hide away so i don't upset anyone else into hating me.

I'm the bad guy?

geoff — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 17:03:01 GMT

hello 4Cats, it may appear that your 2 sisters have been talking to eachother in collaboration, and the reason is unclear, however it may be something to do about your mother.
It's not so much people are sick of you, it's because many don't know how to communicate with someone suffering from depression, and often believe that there's no reason why anybody should be depressed and this includes your family as well, because they don't know the strength of this illness and what it is capable of doing.
Being in a family of 7 would mean that the eldest siblings may not have much communication with you only because the age difference means that they are doing things far ahead of what you would even consider.
It's not uncommon for someone who has stopped drinking to start once again when they are suffering badly with depression, it's a way for them to release themselves, and this is what has happened with you, but it's only a bandaid, as it won't help you in the long run.
Unfortunately there isn't much that can be done for your mum, as there's no cure for dementia just yet, but what you have to do is get the help that you need for your depression by seeing your doctor, and at the moment I wouldn't ring your sister just yet, and I say this because you're not strong enough to discuss any issue with them, it can wait, because you have to try and get better. Geoff. x

I'm the bad guy?

Croix — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 21:34:43 GMT

Dear 4Cats~

Thanks for posting, I can understand a lot of how you feel. I used to be in a frame of mind where the world was too hard, getting things better just abut impossible, directionless, confused, weighed down.

I guess if I was you I'd try -as Geoff said - to get myself in a better place first before dealing with family. Please go to your GP, set out all that's happened, including your thoughts, and ask to be tested for depression and anxiety.

I found I needed to do two things, firstly book a long appointment, and secondly write everything down first - at my leisure with plenty of time, so I got it all. I never was very good at giving a clear account in the consultation.

You may end up with treatment, a health plan, a psychologist, meds, therapy and self-help.

You may know this already, but depression takes over the thought processes, and things you say and believe are not necessarily so, they are the depression talking.

Have a look in The Facts menu above about causes, symptoms, treatments.

People can find it just about impossible to deal with a parent having dementia. To see the person you love disappear and a lesser stranger which whom you have no bonds take over the parent's body can be devastating.

Deal with it all when you are strong, focused and in a better position.

Please post again, you will receive care and understanding

Croix