topic Dealing with infidelity and more in Relationship and family issues

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 03:02:50 GMT

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. At the start of the year we took a break after I found out that he'd cheated on me whilst working away for 2 months in India.

We both dated other people, but he came to me promising me everyrhing I wanted if we got back together. It took a couple of months of persuasion, and we got back together in june.

My BF recently went to a weekend festival and made friends with a group of girls. When he came home again it felt exactly like when he returned from India. He's constantly glued to his phone chatting away to these girls.

Its making me feel so insecure that he can no longer just sit with me and enjoy my company. Hes always on his phone or accidently running into them out in the city. I've voiced my concerns, but his opinion is that theres nothing going on and theres nothing wrong with our relationship. Hes totally changed. Hes so distant with me now that its making me miserable and I dont know how to fix us.

I bought a house in the last month, so money is tight for me. I almost feel like hes using it against me because he invites me to join them out in the city when he knows I absolutely cant afford it.

Dealing with infidelity and more

Touille — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 03:17:50 GMT

Hi Friendzle,

Welcome to the forum,

I'm so sorry your BF is cheating on you. He seems like a player, he is using your kind qualities to take advantage of you. He doesn't respect you.

I think it's best you end the relationship, your just going to get really depressed, the guy I'd committed, doesn't want to communicate with you treats you like an idiot. You can do better than that. You need a loyal guy, who communicates well with you, who is not a sneak and values you and wants to make you happy. Your current seems to treat you like a disposable object, as soon as he gets talking to more girls, he can't help himself.

Have a final chat to him or run, your save yourself in the long run.

Take Care

Touille

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 03:28:45 GMT

I'm not sure that he is cheating on me with these girls, but theres definately an infatuation going on.

My BF lost 60kg 2 years ago and has had a bit of an ego ever since. I wonder about whether this is just another ego thing or if hes just leaving me for dust.

I had a really bad day on friday and stayed home to see a doctor and talk about what was going on. I asked him to come home and be with me, but he went out with the girls until midnight because "he didnt want to come home and be sad"

Dealing with infidelity and more

Touille — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 03:37:36 GMT

Hi Friendzle,

I'm so sorry that nobody was there for you. There are many nice people on here who care.

I was in a relationship with a girl, she wanted me to do everything for her and allowed her family to control the way our relationship worked. I ended the relationship a year ago. I sent you the message for your own good, you deserve better. He cheated on you dear, come on, infatuation, why would a guy who claims to be in a living relationship, go out with other girls? It's obvious he is doing more with them. I was only interested in my GF, I had no time to spend if other girls other than occasional friend. You need to make an important decision for your own sake.

It's good you are seeing a GP, you should see a good counsellor too.

Feel free to chat how you feel, you need lots of encouragement.

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 03:51:27 GMT

I have appointments to speak to people this week, but its just eating me up.

I dont mind him having female friends, but the dynamic of our relationship has changed. We used to do everything together. Now he comes over to sit on the couch and play with his phone. (We havent lived together since getting back together)

I literally drove more than an hour to pick up/ drop him off after being out all day yesterday and last night with his friends.

I love him so much, but I hate being excluded just because I dont want to waste money.

Dealing with infidelity and more

Touille — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 04:05:04 GMT

Hey,

It's good you that you seeing a professional this week.

I know it's hard, but your BF doesn't reciprocate your feelings anymore or he wouldn't do what is doing, he is just using. With love, the sincere person looks past major flaws and sadly it's hard to let go, but in the long run, you will miss opportunities with men who wouldn't dare look at other girl's and be your world.

You seem to have a generous kind heart and people with no conscience just take advantage of nice people. Deep down we all wanted our relationships to work out, but we can't with toxic people.

Have you got any good friends or family to chat to in person?

Dealing with infidelity and more

Lightbeam — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 05:06:08 GMT

Hi Friendzle!

I have just read your post, minutes after posting mine, a very similar scenario!

My ex did exactly the same, caught him cheating, he came crawling back promising that he would never hurt me, lie to me or cheat on me again. We had a couple of great years and then guess what, he did exactly what he promised he would never do again. It is absolutely devastating to have to deal with it a second time.

I would be doing some soul searching & work out what it is you want. Have a discussion with your partner & set some clear boundaries & make sure you stick by them. You deserve to be treated with kindness, love and respect. Go with your gut instinct, if something is not feeling right, it probably isn't.

Great idea to get some counselling, input from a neutral source can put a different perspective on your situation.

Stay true to yourself

Lightbeam

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 07:52:53 GMT

7 years is hard to give up on. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me

Dealing with infidelity and more

Apollo_Black — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 08:38:09 GMT

I'm sorry but that's not what he's showing you is it? I'm afraid it's time for you to suit up regarding your boundaries. He's providing you with 0% relationship comfort. He needs to know that you're willing to back up your boundaries (i.e. - lose the chick friends) or your out of there. Or, you could just continue being treated as you are....

Dealing with infidelity and more

CMF — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 12:30:26 GMT

Hi,

well, sounds familiar to me. Yes 7 years is a long time but are you happy? If doesn't matter how long you've been together if you're not happy what's the point? Why does he need to chat and catch up with other girls if he has you? Why is he going out and leaving you behind? I'm sorry but it makes me so angry. You asked him to come over and be with you but he went out with the girls because he didn't want to come home and be Sad??? Seriously? What about how you were feeling? Have you met these girls? He comes over and plays on his phone? He's clearly not interested anymore. You know ge dynamics have changed, he has a huge ego by the sound of things. Why hang onto someone who is out having a good time and leaving you behind? I understNd you don't have money to splash around, why doesn't he pay for you? You've been together long enough.

im sorry if I sound harsh but this he's taking you for a ride. I've been there done that. If you used to do everything together and now he goes out with a group of female friends and comes over and plays on his phone, well I think the writing is on the wall.

cmf

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 21:31:32 GMT

We had a serious talk about everything going on last night and how miserable I've been feeling and he says it will take time for things to get better.

I love him so much and I want to do whatever I can to save our relationship, but the feedback I'mgetting is a resounding DUMP HIM!

He says the reason he goes out drinking and dancing with these girls is because while I'm the one he wants to be with and loves doing things with, I'm not as fun to go drinking and dancing with.

Dealing with infidelity and more

CMF — Wed, 19 Oct 2016 02:33:13 GMT

Friendzle,

is he looking for fun or a lifelong partner? For a relationship to work you need to be able to spend time together and time doing your own thing, but not at one persons expense. Isn't your happiness imprtant to him and you? Are you happy when he comes over and plays on his phone, messaging other girls? Looks like his idea of having fun does not include you. Is that a partnership? How would he feel if you befriended a group of guys and went out with Them? He says it will take time for things to get better and he's right but I don't see any effort on his part to try and make it happen. He's out partying and drinking, with other girls, while you sit st home miserable. You taken on the responsibility of buying a house, he doesn't seem to understand what responsibility is as he certainly doesn't respect the sacrifices that come with it. He says you're the one he wants to be with, ask him why. He says you're the one he wants to do things with but he's doing everything with these other girls because you're not fun. What exactly does he like doing with you? His actions do not match his words.

im really sorry but he sounds like a jerk. I have a thread called "lonely hearts club. Do you miss the person or the relationship". He's cheated on you before, how many drinks does he need (or the girls) before that line is crossed again? You don't live together, probably a good thing, but does he come home to you after partying?

ive been with someone who used to go out Saturday nights with his friend and never invited me to come. He may not have cheated but when the shit hit the fan and I questioned that he admitted he wanted to keep his options open.

sorry to be so blunt but it's a touchy subject for me because of personal experience.

Cmf

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 03:11:34 GMT

We keep talking and talking but I just dont think he understands why I feel this way.

is it so wrong for him to have female friends? Is our problem stemming completely from my own insecurities or low self esteem?

Previous to his infidelity we lived together and did everything together, but we also got complacent together. Going out was replaced by sitting together on the couch. I start to wonder if boredom is whats lead him to living this over the top lifestyle of drinks and dancing, because staying in is boring?

Am I just jealous because I'm not getting the attention and focus I'm used to?

The more I try to diagnose and correct whats wrong, the more confused I'm becoming. Maybe the problem is just me? Maybe I expect too much?

Dealing with infidelity and more

Friendzle — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:05:54 GMT

He slept with her. His new bestie.

Can you come back from repeated infidelity? Or should I do what I should've done weeks ago and leave.

I've never been so hurt 😞

Dealing with infidelity and more

JessF — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:14:11 GMT

Hello Friendzle, it seems like the writing is on the wall. Trust is essential for a loving relationship, and you've now had that trust broken twice. Perhaps the first time there could be excuses made (being away for a while in another country), but this time it's happened right under your nose, and when you were assured that nothing was going on. Like Apollo said in the post above, I can't see any evidence from what you're posting that you have security in this relationship.

If I tell you I like oranges, but you never see me eating them, or if I get offered one I always say no, would you still think I liked oranges? Just because someone says they want to be with you isn't enough... it needs to be backed up with actions.

Dealing with infidelity and more

Touille — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:15:05 GMT

You should cut all contact with him like you should of done weeks ago.

The guy is just playing with your emotions, he doesn't care about you, he is just using you. Save yourself now and you will be better off without him.

Sorry that you have to go through that, you seem to nice to be with a player who just sleeps with any girl. You will be better off in the long run.

Hugs,

Touille

Dealing with infidelity and more

CMF — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 10:41:39 GMT

Hi,

so sorry you have been hurt like this again. I say get out of there, you deserve so much better. It was only a matter of time before he crossed the line again. I don't believe someone who wants to part hard and drink is ready to settle down, especially if their partner is sitting at home alone.

He's a player, taking advantage of you. Move on and concentrate on you and your happiness.

cmf x