topic What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind) in Relationship and family issues

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 00:23:25 GMT

I read of so many situations within relationships where people find it difficult to deal with their partner/boss/family/friend etc. "How can I help them to overcome and treat me better?"

This plea arrives on the forums every day. The simple (it would seem) and rational answer is to be the best we can be regardless, and to think of ourselves first. Easier said than done yeah?

I was placed in a dangerous situation with a stranger recently. I acted quickly to protect myself and my property with positive results. It was scary and anxiety challenged me afterwards so I called Lifeline. A pearl of wisdom came from her which resonated with me; "You put yourself first and this is to be praised, not questioned"

Why is it we don't do this with loved one's or people in our circle of trust until it's too late?

First time posters are more than welcome to contribute as well as our regular members!

Go for it!

Sara xo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 04:28:24 GMT

Great question. I think that because of my own insecurities I naturally assume that others deserve more or are worth more than me. Intellectually I know this is incorrect, but my feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness win out too often. It is difficult to insist that others treat me with respect when I have not been treating myself with respect. I know I should try to put my own needs first, but I also always assume that other's may be going through a hard time and may need me more than I need them. I give and give until there is nothing left, and then will finally put my foot down when, as you said, it is too late. I think it is important to set boundaries for ourselves and those closest to us, to make sure everyone understands that there is a certain level of mutual respect and kindness that should always be maintained. It is not fair for one person to always put others first when it could mean so much detriment to their own health and happiness. It is more important to know what you want, what you deserve and what you are worth and expect others to treat you as such. In the end, people who love you will happily treat you with care and respect anyway, anyone who is treating you poorly should really not be in your circle of trust anyway. You should always put yourself first and understand that this is not selfishness, it is survival. You are just as important as any other person and protecting yourself is often the only thing within your power to do anyway. What happens to others is a product of their life choices and is not your responsibility. Take care and be kind to yourself, and never feel bad for doing this 🙂

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 05:10:55 GMT

Great response Boo;

Welcome to our forum! I haven't seen you on here before, that doesn't mean I don't care, just that we might run in different circles. Your words are well written and wise from specific experience I gather? Would you like to elaborate on this?

You started off by admitting you think of others first, then made some pretty amazing comments; Quote:

'You should always put yourself first and understand that this is not selfishness, it is survival. You are just as important as any other person and protecting yourself is often the only thing within your power to do anyway'

I agree totally. What I've found though, is I had to 'learn' boundaries and putting me first. It isn't as easy as one might think. It's a long winding road of trial and error, especially when I came from a childhood where 'big' people were more important than me..'little'.

I also think saying 'should' instead of 'could', may put pressure on us to do what's supposedly right, vs making a conscious decision/choice weighing up options and intent.

What do you think?

If you could use an event from your life that'd be great!

Hugs...Sara

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 23:21:27 GMT

Thanks Sara, I am new here, earlier this month I was having a pretty hard time and know from the past that the more I withdraw, the harder things get... so I had a look on the website and posted a question. I received some lovely, thoughtful and heartfelt responses from the members here and it really helped. I thought whenever I am feeling up to it, I can help others in the same way you have all helped me, so I have kept posting wherever I thought I could help 🙂

I think a lot of my issues stem from my childhood. My father has (undiagnosed) NPD, and my mother... who knows! Needless to say their relationship was somewhat dysfunctional. They are also very religious (Mormons) and as a result, have a very 'traditional' view of gender roles. My dad was the head of the household and my mum was subservient to him. I think from a very young age I thought that women are not as important as men, and it has really caused me some issues in my own relationships. An ex-boyfriend of mine was emotionally, financially and even physically abusive. I was in a relationship with him for about 2.5 years. He ended up owing me over $11000, attempted (twice) to steal my dog, and at one point actually hurt me. There had been a few incidents previously where he had manhandled me but when he actually hurt me I finally realised and admitted to myself what was going on.

Fortunately I had 6 years of Kickboxing under my belt and I defended myself and was so glad to be able to do so and stop just being submissive, being a victim. I stood up for myself and am so proud of myself for that. After that I took out an intervention order against him and resolved never to allow that to happen again (not that abuse is ever the victims fault) but I knew that if there was any (comparatively minor) abuse in future, that I would leave that relationship immediately, before there was any chance of it escalating.

Slowly I am learning to treat myself with respect and show others how I expect to be treated. I may have had to learn the hard way but it was a very valuable lesson. No one has any right to mistreat another, there is just no excuse for that behaviour.

I just hope that as I have a little sister (13 years younger than me) that she will remember my example of standing up for myself and not my mother's example. I want her to be a strong, independent and confident woman who knows she deserves respect and puts herself first.

xoxo Boo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

blondguy — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 23:59:41 GMT

Hi Sara

Great post! So very true that in a relationship or friendship we seem to put ourselves 2nd instead of first. I feel that being of a sensitive nature I have been guilty of continually placing the needs of the other person first thus neglecting my own emotional well being. I have also done this working in corporate. Maybe my self worth was never at a healthy level or Im just a overly caring person

I have learned now that my own self deserves the best without question. Learning to like myself properly started with learning how important it is to say 'no' and then actioning that avenue of self appreciation/respect.

I dont think people have the ability to change or morph into another persona but I am convinced that we can use our background/mistakes to improve our lives and actually believe deeply in our soul that we are a priority.

Its a sense of balance that can be difficult to utilise. As with anything in life eradicating self doubt takes effort and continual practice. This site does offer people the opportunity to understand the importance of learning to find the greatness in ourselves without the automatic interference of past negative thought processes

Boo really covered the thread topic very well..Nice1 Boo!

my kind thoughts

Paulxo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 01:21:57 GMT

Wow Paul!

I'm gob-smacked! You've outdone yourself on this one...absolutely great! You're on the money with grace and prowess my friend.

You know, you can be an amazing writer and today outdid yourself. And as for balance, you continually give on here to others as well as take timing for you when things go awry. (Recent events included)

You mentioned working in 'Corporate' and your self worth. Do you have anything specific to share? It'd be nice if you could elaborate. (just briefly if you like)

It's as Boo says re childhood upbringing. Our conditioning from parents, bosses, teachers and friends for instance, leave a lasting effect on us developing into and during adulthood. And yes, when there are abusive situations, we can stay or pick up and leave and learn from it; hopefully never having to go thru it again.

I do agree and disagree with putting ourselves 2nd in relationships or friendships. Being a caring person isn't a crime; in fact it's admirable. So please don't doubt this aspect of who you are. It's when we do it to our own detriment that's self defeating.

Thankyou so much Paul;

Sara xo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 01:42:48 GMT

Hi again Boo;

Thanks for replying, and what a quality post woman! People who come from religious backgrounds can suffer the effects of spiritual abuse too. You seem to have survived and come out fighting with a vengeance, so kudos for this.

Having a narcissistic dad and a mum who complemented him must've created the perfect co dependent relationship. I guess it's a balancing act of sorts though. Did your mum ever protest or try to put herself first at some stage? More importantly, have you ever seen your mum in you? This is the question men and women alike often ask themselves when getting older. Men 'tend' to take after their dads, and vice versa for women. (Not written in stone mind you)

The relationship you found yourself in took a while to sink in. I've been there and know exactly what you mean. Once we do eventually see the light, it's often after the abuse has 'set in' and become the norm. Asking ourselves if we want to take current circumstances into our future usually gives way to reality.

In saying this though, physical abuse is a deal breaker! It only has to happen once and I make tracks. No excuse is acceptable. The emotional stuff is harder to pinpoint, especially when love 'conquers all'. Blah!!!

I'm so glad you've contributed Boo. It's refreshing when people learn from their mistakes; by that I mean thinking of themselves first and foremost when abuse 'hits' home. Pun intended.

You take care lovely...hope to hear from you soon.

Sara xo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 02:52:50 GMT

It's so refreshing to post here and be surrounded by both positivity and understanding.

My parents are now divorced, after 28 years and 3 children it is very sad, but admittedly it was the best thing to do. Their relationship had failed many many years before that and once it got to a certain point there was really no way to save it. I think that had they recognised their faults earlier and sought help via counselling or even by having frank discussions with trusted friends (my dad forbade talking about 'family matters' outside of our own family and was very resistant to talking to a professional because he was unwilling to admit there was anything wrong. I am glad that my mum put her foot down after my father admitted to an emotional affair (although that was all he would admit to there are still suspicions there was more to it than that) but I do wish she had the courage to leave long before that. I feel that for myself and my sisters, the damage was already done.

Their involvement in their church played a big part in them staying married for much too long as the Mormons frown upon divorce, even in cases of infidelity and abuse. The church is a patriarchy, and this model influences their views on family structure too. If you take for example their (now illegal) practice of polygamy, in their doctrine men could marry multiple women, but women could not marry multiple men. Only men can hold key positions in their church (priests/bishops etc) and bishops are given authority to counsel members of their ward despite the fact that they have no training or qualifications. The 'boys club' stick together, and often shame women if they are considering leaving their husbands and claim that they will be condemned etc by god.

This is definitely spiritual abuse in my books. Another thing that I am very proud of is having the strength to get out of that cult and never look back. When my little sister came to me a few years ago and asked for my help to tell my mum she didn't want to go to church anymore and didn't believe, I was so relieved that she saw the hypocrisy and recognised it was wrong. I never tried to influence her because she was young and I didn't think it would be fair to confuse her. She just knew that I didn't go to church. When she told me she didn't believe I could finally tell her all my reasons and she told me all of hers. It was one of the best moments of my life 🙂

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

blondguy — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 08:41:40 GMT

Hey Boo and thankyou Sara for the post and the ton (not tonne) of encouragement 🙂

Boo, if I can quote you re your little sister please;

"I never tried to influence her because she was young and I didn't think it would be fair to confuse her"

You have an innate sense of clarity and fairness and you should be very proud of the kind heart you possess

Like your parents, mine separated after 49 years of marriage. We were so happy as the never ending fighting stopped....it was like a major relief.

my kind thoughts Boo...great to have you on the forums 🙂

Paulxo (excuse I for hijacking your thread Sara)

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 22:35:50 GMT

Thank-you Paul. I think I realised that it was unfair for my parents to indoctrinate us as children into their church. I understand most of the time this is how it works, if your parents are Catholic, you are raised Catholic, if your parents are Muslim, you are raised Muslim etc but I think it is really wrong to make such a huge decision for your children before they are old enough to understand the implications. I will never do this to anyone.

Now that she is older and knows her own mind, it is ok to have discussions with her even if we disagree because I don't have as much influence over her. Now she has friends, family, teachers, mentors etc that she can draw influence from, therefore she can decide what she is comfortable with and what she believes in.

I am very shocked that your parents separated after 49 years of marriage!!!! I don't understand how people can decide to get married (surely they loved each other at the time) but then let their love die... for me it is not divorce that is sad, it's that people let it get to that stage where divorce is the only option. I think if you have decided to get married, you owe it to yourself and your partner (and children) to keep your love alive. No-one wants to live in a loveless marriage, no-one wants to fight all the time. People need to do more to prevent things from getting to this stage in the first place...

Look at me here on my soap box, it is obviously much easier said than done... I have never been married so its easy for me to preach about it!!! I will never get married unless my partner feels the same way, it takes two so if my partner isn't willing to keep the love alive it will be impossible for me to do it on my own.

I am really enjoying conversing with intelligent, kind and genuine people. It's so uplifting and has really helped me feel connected. I really struggle to find people like you in the 'real world' but it is nice to know there are definitely good people out there 🙂

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 12:06:50 GMT

Hey Paul;

You're not hijacking the thread at all. You've contributed quality posts and it's appreciated. The more the merrier! I like the quote you took from Boo's words...spot on...Sara xo

Hi there Boo;

You know, I thought the same thing when I first posted over a yr ago. My life was full of isolation, confusion and pain. This site gave me a voice, and kind/warm caring people who shared their knowledge and experience with me. It became a family of sorts. None of my own family had the same empathy, understanding or encouragement to offer. So here I am supporting others like me.

I love the way you write Boo; full of expression and to the point. I like it when people bring multiple subjects into their posts to give strength and character. You're obviously a wise and insightful woman, with masses of empathy and love for your family.

I'm glad you talked about spiritual abuse from first hand experience. It takes so much courage to do so. I agree with your opinions re situations where paternal law is portrayed as God's Law. This isn't just in your background either, it's across the board especially with fundamentalism. War is man's invention! (*No offence to men please! It's a reference to religious groups headed by men who refuse to accept women's place beside them)

I hope your words go out into cyber space with lightening speed to inform and encourage those who feel trapped.

I too cheered when my parents split up. It seem's Paul, yourself and I were products of (better off apart than together) divorce; a commonality that many on BB would put their hands up to.

Your relationship with your sister is caring, kind, patient and admirable. You mentioned sister's? (plural) Can I ask what happened with the other/s.

Has your mum or dad re-married? Is your mum still subservient? Would love to know. It fits right in with the subject matter.

Stay amazing Boo...

Hugs...Sara xo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Sat, 24 Dec 2016 00:34:15 GMT

Good morning all;

I've been thinking today about what challenges arise when faced with unpopular decisions that others may not like...a me first occasion.

I've always tried to keep the peace by going with the flow regarding directions dictated by others in my sphere. Co dependence creates habitual behaviour on both sides that seems to 'fit'. But when I change that direction with self motivated comments, that normal flow is interrupted. Ergo...conflict.

It's felt on both sides of the coin so to speak. I've learned to expect these types of reactions and step back to allow them space to adapt. This works sometimes, and at other times things get worse again challenging me to go back to the 'old ways'.

I'm learning, evolving to accommodate my sense of self and direction instead of people pleasing. It's a process of course and not instantly gratifying. Instead, it has to be done with patience and self nurturing; accepting conflict as a normal par for the course...the storm before the calm.

In most cases either they or I walk away. Some rise to the occasion, gifting me with gratitude, praise and encouragement. However this is the exception to the rule unfortunately. Most can't cope and move on to find another who'll continue to feed their narcissism and insecurities.

Becoming my own cheer squad has to be learned...trial and error; but the personal rewards are boundless.

Thanks for listening...

Sara xoxo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 14:39:27 GMT

Sometimes putting me first challenges to my core. In fact, it can get down right confusing. In the old days I just went with the flow and caused myself grief as a matter of course. It wasn't nice, but at least it felt normal.

Putting me first feels abnormal, strange. I'm trying, I really am. Though time isn't on my side ticking away. There's so much to learn and undo I just can't seem to get a hold. I have dreams and goals, but they seem to fade in the distance along with hope and acceptance they may not eventuate.

When I'm doing things for me, are they to protect me or promote me? This confuses too. I look in the mirror, and I see a young person in an old body. The lines in my face a constant reminder I'm fallible...insecure.

The things I should be doing, seem less important than those I do for others...to keep peace, feel loved, desired and accepted. Is it PTSD?

Damn, I'm not happy today. Post Xmas blues? Who knows? My ex called this morning, he's the past continuing to tempt me. It's where I know my place; small, last, follower.

I'm drinking tonight; no guilt. Is this good for me? Hell no...but no-one else around to talk with.

Whatever!

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Guest_322 — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 18:07:30 GMT

Hi Sara,

Hey, you're trying and surely that must count for something. Effort, right?

I personally think goals and dreams are important because they help us keep going. Yes, time is ticking and this isn't a reference to your age but just a fact.

Time moves forward and never backwards, and when it comes to goals and dreams, I think as long as you do the best you can in whatever time you have/have left, you have done "right" by you.

I guess goals and dreams always exist within parameters and every one of us is limited by time as a parameter. Yes, of course- theoretically- someone younger like me has more time but I'll be your age one day too. Sorry, I'm not sure if I'm making much sense.

Promotion or protection? I guess they are one and the same in my eyes- or at least to an extent (?) If you self promote, you elevate yourself so you protect your core self anyway. If you protect yourself, you're respecting yourself more thus lifting/raising- promoting- yourself. Although I'm not sure if I'm interpreting promotion the same way as you.

I don't know if how you're feeling is your PTSD or not. I'm not sure...but I will say you are every bit as important as the person next door. So I feel everything you "should" be doing- whatever that means and whatever it might be- is equally important as what you do for others. Is this my cue to go on about the oxygen mask again (laughs)?

Ah your ex...my 2 cents is he belongs in your past and not your present. Yes, he is familiar but familiar doesn't always mean safe or healthy. You deserve better. So much better.

I hear the distress and loneliness in this post and that's what worries me the most. I wish that I could give you a big hug. I know we aren't the same as having a physical body to talk to but you can always chat here. You know that. We care. I care.

Love ya.

You're amaze.

Dottie xxxxxxxx

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Croix — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 23:47:29 GMT

Dear All
I get the feeling there are two difficulties, self-worth & drawing a balance.

If self-worth is low then it is very easy to help & help & h… . Feelings of entitlement to reciprocity are muted and the lop-sidedness forgiven/disregarded & forgiven/disregarded & for...

A self-reinforcing wheel. Habit, custom and expectations by both parties tell the giver that this is their rôle in life. Further confusion leaks in with 'blessed are the meek', 'giving is better than receiving' and so on - you can find umpteen sayings - even Jack Kennedy "Ask not what your country can do for you ..."

Until self-worth is 'topped up' it's not going to be possible to give from strength and receive as one should expect. How that refill is accomplished is probably more suitably dealt with elsewhere

As an aside I work on an honorary basis for a government organization. I’ve been there for ever and they depend on my expertise, however I’m not treated the same as an employee working alongside me. ‘If you act like a servant etc…’ (I remain there because it is worthwhile and also for my own benefit)

Balance is not easy. It’s not possible to keep a ‘score-sheet’ as circumstances and perceptions come into play. I guess in the final analysis both parties have to feel comfortable they have given and received in fair (not necessarily equal) measure over a long period. Each needs to know their actions are effective in helping, and that they receive as needed. Without that pride and confidence the relationship skews.

Circumstances - I've an example of my own. When I was invalided out of the police (stress - PTSD) I was a mess, mostly unable to give warmth, shying away from contact, not dealing with daily issues, angry and unapproachable. My wife felt a failure, then she felt unloved, eventually when matters were explained she was the strength in the family, dealing with me, supporting me, looking after the child, going to work, making the decisions

About as lop-sided as you can get. I guess her motivation was partly love for who I had been and might be again, partly knowing/discovering her own strength, partly necessity

As I improved my ability to show her love and concern, to start to ease back into pulling my weight grew. Eventually the balance was restored, though I was always in debt

Much later she spent 9 months hospitalized & passed away. I had my turn to support. Although heart-broken then, looking back now I realize I was fortunate

My best wishes

Croix (2ȼ donor)

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Just Sara — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 00:52:12 GMT

Dearest Dottie and Croix;

Well don't I feel ashamed and full of hypocrisy! I thought if I hid away on this unused thread, I might shed some alcohol fuelled self pity garbage unopposed. It wasn't my finest hour.

I talk the talk, but walking the walk is so much more complex. Yes, PTSD hit with a brick load of feelings last night. An invisible trigger wielding a stick to beat me down to my 'place' in the world. "Get back down there where you belong bitch!!" Sure, I'll go along with that! Anything to feel normal...

When Hell hits, I want to get it out of me; writing works. My personal journal needs to be retrieved and dusted off. The term 'privacy' should be more valued (and understood) by me. You bought this up yesterday Croix.

Reading your replies bought me to sobbing tears of guilt and realisation; another notch in my self hate belt. The issue I was dealing with is so deep, so personal, I can't even say it out loud anymore. It's been around so long, I've shed a plethora of words and tears in its name...it remains a constant shameful companion.

Dottie, at this time in your evolution, your pain, you still manage to write with such wisdom and love. Feeling deserving of this challenges me. (To tears..) And Croix, again you're right on the money my friend. It hit me with intensity. Intuition or analysis it matters not. What does matter, is how well you both seem to know me. I feel exposed...

This thread although not taken up by members as relevant, depicts a very real issue that touches so many. My body, mind and spirit is worthy of self - love, respect, protection and value. Yet portrayal is easier than the 'doing'. My mask has been lifted.

I'm sorry but I can't continue. I love you both...Sara xoxo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Guest_322 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 05:25:21 GMT

Hi Sara,

Hey, it's okay...continue or don't continue as much as you see fit on this thread.

Shoot...perhaps I shouldn't have replied as I didn't realise you wanted to vent in this corner and weren't necessarily wanting a response- or at least not from someone who (sort of) "knows" you.

Yes, you are worthy. Big virtual hug. Take good care of yourself.

Keep doing you.

Dottie xxxxxxxxx

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

blondguy — Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:10:09 GMT

Sara...like Dottie and Croix....you are a legend on here.....

If I may quote Croix from his last post.....

"Until self-worth is 'topped up' it's not going to be possible to give
from strength and receive as one should expect. How that refill is
accomplished is probably more suitably dealt with elsewhere"

Hugs

Paulxo

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Thu, 29 Dec 2016 22:53:02 GMT

Hey Sara,

Thank-you so much for all of your kind words, it means so much to me 🙂

I have 2 sisters, my little one and an older sister too. My older sister still goes to church and gets upset when I mention my thoughts/feelings on the issue so I have stopped talking to her about it. I figure that if/when she is open to listening things might change, but I don't want to push her or then I am no different to the controlling men in her life (though her husband is actually such a great man, so good to her!), she is still subject to the 'rule' of the men within her church.

My mum is still subservient in nature but is single so I you would think no one would be able to treat her like that anymore... unfortunately my Nonna (mum's mum) has filled in that role and my mum now just does whatever her mum tells her to do. I guess after half a lifetime being treated that way she is just conditioned now.

My dad is remarried and fortunately his wife is actually a lovely woman and quite a strong woman too so she has helped put him in his place a little so he is not as bad as he used to be. He shows her much more respect than he ever showed my mother so it is great to see that people can change for the better.

I do hope that my mum either finds herself through counselling, meditation and courage... or finds a partner that can help bring out the best in her through support and encouragement. It would be nice to see her grow, I feel like it would give me and my sisters a little more hope and courage for ourselves. I worry that instead my mum is just becoming bitter and thinks that all men are like my father was... as most men that she interacts with are from the church, I can see why she would feel hatred towards them. Many of her female friends are also divorced and I feel they are actually damaging one-another by sitting around picking on their ex-husbands. I know they need to vent, but I worry it is becoming a habit. I know divorce is a major life event, but for their own good at some point they will need to let go of the hurt and just focus on creating a new life for themselves.

If only they could talk to each other the way everyone talks here, still with the understanding and empathy they need after going through a divorce, but also with purpose and conviction of a brighter future. It is ok to feel pain but wallowing in it just extends the duration of the pain.

Maybe I can convince my mum to jump on these forums 🙂

You guys are wonderful!! xoxox

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

Boo1986 — Thu, 29 Dec 2016 23:17:03 GMT

Sara, I hope you are feeling better. Never feel bad when you have a 'moment', remember that you are entitled to have some down time, some time to feel and some time to pull back. You are human and you have been through tough times, it is ok to give yourself what you need to get through (alcohol etc). You have helped me so much... they say that it is impossible to help others when you are struggling too, so you must be very special to have achieved this 🙂 Don't be ashamed to be real. In my darkest hours are sometimes where I have found my greatest strength and my closest friends. People who accept me not because I am fun, happy or entertaining for them, but because I am human, damaged and a lot of work... and here we are, appreciating you for who you are and not just what you can do for us. It's better to share your darkest hours than to be alone. I hope you are ok, please let me know if there is anything I can do xoxox