topic I'm scared about my relationship in Relationship and family issues

I'm scared about my relationship

Pawelski — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 11:05:40 GMT

I always have This feeling that partner is cheating on me. I've never caught her doing anything wrong though. I just feel like she doesn't love me like she used to. Every time I come home early from work I'm scared that I'm going to find a another man in my bed with the love of my life. I'm scared of what I would do to said man.

I always try to play it off and be romantic (flowers and chocolate) that sort of thing. I work every day for 13-14 hours straight and the only alone time is when she come to visit for lunch or when I come home late from work. I'm scared that she doesn't love me anymore.

Can I please get some help with this matter I'm scared I'm going to lose her. Every time I think about it I start to cry and I can't stop until I've had a panic attack.

I'm scared about my relationship

Gruffudd — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 11:41:36 GMT

Hi Pawelski,

Sounds some challenging thoughts that you are having about your relationship there. When I think like that I feel a little overwhelmed and cry a little too. If you step back for a moment it is something you fear, the reality is that it hasn't happened, right? I don't think it ever hurts to talk, I think it means more than chocolate or flowers but they are still lovely. So what would you say to her that you haven't yet? Feeling that way can't be nice, perhaps do something different or say something different. Remember to do something nice for yourself too.

Rob.

I'm scared about my relationship

BballJ — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 11:41:59 GMT

Hi Pawelski,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

My first thought would be, have you tried talking to her about what you are feeling? Relationships and love in general have a way of making us think of things in a completely irrational light and I have felt this way before but my anxiety made it worse because I am a chronic overthinker.

You need to see the positive in her, she hasn't done anything wrong as you said but has she given you any reason to believe she may cheat on you? People get comfortable in relationships and that may just be her, being comfortable which can come across as "not loving like they used too"

My best for you,

Jay

I'm scared about my relationship

Lisa2 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 06:12:30 GMT

Hey Pawelski,

I can understand how that constant worry that your partner may be cheating on you and thinking you will find another man in bed with her must be extremely difficult. What comes to mind first is what makes you think that she doesn't love you anymore? It is true, as BballJ said, sometimes people get comfortable in relationships and they may come across as they are less into you. Like my boyfriend does not always give me the attention which I got from him at the start of our relationship. Having said that though, your feelings are totally valid. Take every situation as feedback. Perhaps by you thinking she doesn't love you is highlighting something in your relationship that can be improved on.

I think you can perhaps take everyday as it comes. Looking into the future and speculating what may happen will drive you crazy. "The best way you can take care of the future, is to take care of the present moment" (Thich Nhat Hahn).I think its important to remember you are worthy, you are good enough. You must love yourself 100%. All you can do is give a relationship your all and be yourself. And what will be will be.

I hope this helps in some way. I will be interested to hear your thoughts.

Lisa.

I'm scared about my relationship

geoff — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 22:28:21 GMT

hi Pawelski, how I see it is that for some reason there is a great feeling of insecurity between the two of you, but you are working such long hours and as soon as you get home all you want to do is sit down and relax, maybe have a beer or two and then go to bed where you flake, so the communication between the two of you is minimal, but maybe your partner wants more than this.
Can I ask you is it better for you to work long hours everyday to buy a house, for example, or to cut your hours and have a great r/ship with your partner, the house can wait if that's why you work long hours, otherwise you will be the only one moving into the house.
13-14 hours each day will make your partner bored, OK she can sleep in, watch some TV and then make some dinner, but to do this everyday is a chore, and I'm certainly not suggesting anything could happen so don't worry about that, but you need to cut down your hours and/or days if you want to keep any partner.
A lady wants company, time alone with her partner to go out and go places, because the hours you work no matter how romantic you are won't be the same as being with her.
I learnt my lesson working in a pub from 7 am until 11pm Monday till Friday and on Saturdays 7 am until 3am but my wife left me about 3 times because I spent little time with her and our two young sons, don't let this happen to you. Geoff.

I'm scared about my relationship

Lisa2 — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 06:37:40 GMT

Hey Pawelski,

I think the points Geoff made were spot on . Woman need to spend quality time with their partners to feel that they are loved. Flowers and chocolates are nice in the moment but they do not make us feel any more loved/appreciated in the long run. Quality time is such an essential thing to make your relationship stronger and more fulfilling. Perhaps she is acting off with you or acting like she does not love you because she barely gets to see you and so she is becoming out of touch with you and disconnecting from you more and more. As Geoff said, if you think this lovely lady is the love of your life, I think you should seriously consider cutting your hours at work or changing jobs.

Best,

Lisa

I'm scared about my relationship

Apollo_Black — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 08:46:41 GMT

I'm more concerned your working 13-14 hours every day. Hopefully you're earning mega cash or have the promise of earning mega cash because that's unsustainable long-term. Junior doctors are about the only people I know who work those hours - but there's a goal in sight. No wonder you're stressed.

Can you provide more info please? Do you live together, how long have you been together, do you spend quality time together on your days off??? Seriously though, working those hours is not hugely conducive to a productive relationship, unless it's only for the short term