topic Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward in Relationship and family issues

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 01:59:17 GMT

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. I done nothing but love and care for him but he has decided he wants a single life and hang with his mates ect we have a 3 yr old son. Now he wants to spent every weekend here with us like we are happily married but then leaves Sunday and acts single all week I don't know how to feel or think anymore I've done it for 2 weekends for our sons sake but it's killing me inside any advice would be great

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

pipsy — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 02:57:55 GMT

Hi Michelle77. Sorry to say this, it's going to hurt. Hubby wants best of both worlds. You're basically going to have to ask him straight out which means more, his mates or you and his family? When men marry, some of them do so because their mates are marrying and they want to be part of that scene. If he has married believing he wants to bemarried, what's caused him to change his mind? Can I ask if there's a possibility there could be someone else. How long have you been together? Perhaps suggesting marriage counselling might help. He wants the stability, but he wants the freedom. Is he a good father? I'm sure it is killing you, not knowing or understanding why would be tearing you in half. I would be asking him straight. You need to know.

Lynda

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

redgirl-blackdog — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 03:17:03 GMT

Hi Michelle, hope you're ok. First up we've got to be strong for our kids. He doesn't sound very fair. Does he deserve your tears?My husband left 9 months ago because he loved beer (& his mates)more than us. At first he tried to play happy families & include us but when I said not if there was grog involved, we weren't included but he still tried to make out to family/friends that everything was all good.I'm sorry but I think a lot of men want the rewards but not the responsibility, especially if & when the going gets hard. I read somewhere that kids spell love, T-I-M-E. That's what I do with mine, wipe away the tears, put on a happy face & make quality time count, make memories happy ones for them, so at least they know that their mum really cares about them & loves them no matter what.Would he agree to counselling? Mine said it was for loonies & he wouldn't go, but maybe you could ask him & try, if you think he's worth it. Anyway good luck, give your boy a big hug, it'll make you feel better for a bit

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 16:51:43 GMT

Thanks so much we been together 13 yrs and yes he is sort of a good dad but not a priority if you understand that he soon find a excuse to cover up for him not doing dad stuff

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 16:57:10 GMT

Thanks no he won't doing counselling at all as its of course all my fault even tho I can't see where I went so wrong I don't even have friends my self as he is so jealous. And have to agree cuddling my boy is the best feeling and makes me smile inside out

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

blondguy — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 18:16:19 GMT

Hey Michelle

Sorry about the late post to your thread. Just from a guys prospective....if a guy wont even attend counseling to save his marriage it is his problem not yours. He will fall flat on his face and do this again Michelle. He even blames you....Thats just not on. I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now.

If I wanted to save a relationship I would be at counseling in flash..

My Kind thoughts for you and your son

Paulx

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

geoff — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 19:16:00 GMT

hi Michelle, I can only agree with what the others have said, however your house should not be one where he decides himself whether or not he can come and go at his own leisure, because he has left you 5 days a week so he he has to organise with you when he can come and go, but the big question is why doesn't he want to have your son at his other home, and there must be a reason whether or not he does have another lady is something he needs to answer, but will he tell you the truth. Geoff. x

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 02:04:24 GMT

Thank you so much everyone for answering it means so much that people care. I don't know his address and I have offered to take Ashley to him for weekend instead of coming here but won't have it and so Ashley doesn't miss out on seeing him I just let him come as at least Ashley is happy

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 02:06:01 GMT

It helps a lot getting a blokes point of view so thanks for that 😊

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Apollo_Black — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 02:25:11 GMT

Hi Michelle

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, it certainly doesn't sound sustainable. Have you sought legal advice?

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

pipsy — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 03:59:55 GMT

Hi Michelle. It's highly possible hubby won't attend counselling for the same reason mine wouldn't. Easier to blame others than look in the mirror. I hate to say this, but his reluctance to even give you his address is very suss. If he is not involved with someone else and you are not that agro with him, there must be some reason why. However, from another point, perhaps having Ashley is better with you. If hubby is boozing frequently, I think I'd be happier knowing the child was in a safer environment. Often excessive drinking lowers our capability of caring for children and Ashley needs to be looked after. I do agree to the setting of boundaries as far as the access etc, goes. If hubby arrives after heavy drinking, it might be advisable to limit the time spent

Lynda.

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 08:27:48 GMT

Does any one know how long it takes to get over as I didn't see this coming at all and am so lost ATM my anxiety is through the roof and can't seem to think straight regarding all this. I use to be such a happy person and always smiling I literally lived for him and Ashley now am just floored as what to do or think Yes Ashley still is my world and love him more then life it self

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

pipsy — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 08:45:53 GMT

Hi Michelle. Asking how long it takes to accept/get over marriage breakdown, death of a spouse/child/parent. Each person who has this happen has their own way of dealing with the grief process. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, some toss their heads back and just get on with their lives. What sort of person do you think you might be? Are you: a); hopeful that you might reconcile, or b); oh, well, such is life. Only you know how you feel, what you want. You had expectations, you were denied these when your hubby decided to reconnect with his lost youth. I do know you will have moments when you regret everything. You may even self blame, victims do this often to justify why things happen that they didn't anticipate or couldn't prevent. You will have moments when you'll weaken and want him back at any cost. He'll arrive, possibly swearing undying love etc, you'll believe him because you want to, then question everything that's happened. These are what I refer to as 'withdrawal' symptoms. Normal, because your life has changed. These symptoms will gradually recede, but how long, again, depends on you and your emotional strength. There is no 'one answer fits all', everyone is different.

Lynda

Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward

Michelle77 — Tue, 14 Jun 2016 12:36:08 GMT

Thanks so much Pipsy your advice has help me hugely xx