topic Ask you out girl in Relationship and family issues

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Sun, 18 Dec 2016 10:24:48 GMT

Ladies,

how do you prefer to be asked on a date, and in what circumstance? depending on your relationship with the guy, you're friends, just met, don't speak very often?

Obviously by email, Facebook etc. are out of the question for most, but what should 'he' say to you?

Also, how about a hand written letter? Not so much a love letter, but just expressing interest and a desire to get to know you more... Could this be an option for someone you rarely ever see, and don't have opportunity to speak to?

I appreciate any advice here

Ask you out girl

Boo1986 — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 04:08:37 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

I think it is really sweet that you are putting so much thought into this. I think that you should let this lucky lady know that you are interested, I think any medium is ok, but a handwritten letter is the most genuine/thoughtful.

Perhaps just address her really casually at first so as not to put any pressure on her, just something like 'I was thinking about you and would really like to get to know you better. I'd love it if we could catch up sometime for a coffee and a chat.' and then see if she responds... I guess if she doesn't, she is not interested but if she does (and hopefully she will think it is so sweet to have a handwritten letter that she will!!) then you have an opportunity to see how things go.

If you do get to go out casually/as friends at first, and you feel that you would like to progress the relationship, maybe the second time you go out you could just say 'I would like to take you out as my date to dinner/a movie if that is ok with you' and then if she says yes, then I guess that means she understands that you are interested in her romantically... more than just friends...and she must feel the same.

I guess overall just be yourself and even let her know that you were unsure how to approach this, she may feel uncomfortable about these things too and letting her know how will help her understand you better and bring you closer together... If you try to seem too suave or use some awful 'pick-up line' it may come across 'sleazy', so it is better to just be yourself.

I hope it works out well,

Good luck xo

Ask you out girl

Sandy centre — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 04:14:18 GMT

Dear Lonely22

What a lucky lady!! I think to start with send her a a casual letter as you suggested and just be yourself.

I think being more casual is the best way to be because otherwise you may scare her if you come across to strong.

All the very best

It is really lovely that you are making such a big effort!!

Sylvia

Ask you out girl

Apollo_Black — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 08:20:41 GMT

I know I'm not a lady, but I'd look into Dr Robert Glover. He's known for his book "No More Mr Nice Guy". If you go to his website there's some useful podcasts he does on dating. Download a couple and see what you think. His approach is very direct, but it makes a lot of sense because you cut through a lot of the BS "is she into me?" rubbish. He's really into setting the tone and taking the lead. Hence why dancing lessons is a great way to boost your confidence and practicing to lead. I can't comment on the dancing because I'm terrible and really should try lessons......all the best

Ask you out girl

Guest_322 — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 09:09:08 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

I like Boo1986's suggestions.

I guess it depends on the girl you're interested in as well as your current relationship with her. But keeping it casual (if you were to go ahead with your letter writing idea) as Boo1986 suggested might be a good start.

You will probably do this anyway but, above all, be respectful in your writing as well as in your general approach towards any girl that you're interested in.

All the best 😊

Dottie x

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 09:42:38 GMT

Thanks Boo1986,

That actually gives me a lot of confidence reading how nice you think my effort into this is! I don't have friends to consult, so I truly appreciate your input.

Yes, a letter. A few sentences. I want it to be meaningful. I have a book on writing love letters, but as you said, I'll keep it casual. I really hope she feels the way you do about the idea.

I was thinking I could wait until I see her next, give her the letter and ask in person, but would it be a better approach to send the letter? I don't see her very often at all.

You're absolutely right, I was thinking that I'll say how unsure of myself I am b/c I don't see her very often. 😊

God bless!

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 09:48:27 GMT

Sylvia,

love the name btw! Your comment made me feel very confident in myself, and it's nice of you to consider my efforts lovely, I don't feel this way often and I don't want to ruin it.

Merry Christmas! 🌲

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 09:59:17 GMT

Apollo Black,

not a problem AB. I appreciate all the help I get! Im downloading a podcast right now. I volunteer at a library, practically live in the self-help section right now. Dr Glover will be perfect, hopefully.

You know, I'm not a leader, not in my nature. But it's something I need to improve, especially when it comes to relationships!

Thanks pal!

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 10:06:40 GMT

Dottie,

Thank you for the advice, you know it's difficult to keep it casual when you feel so strongly, and want to make the best effort you possibly can. But you're right, I don't want to come on too strong.

once again, I appreciate your always offering support on these forums, this is my means of social consulting and it's helping me.

Ask you out girl

Guest_322 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 20:45:30 GMT

Hi Lonely22,

I'm happy to hear back from you and your thoughtfulness comes across in your replies.

Yeah, it's hard to keep it casual when you have strong feelings for someone. I guess the good thing is if you're letter writing, you can edit it as many times till you're happy with it.

I'm glad posting on threads is helping. Feel free to post whenever you need to- we love hearing from you.

Take care.

Dottie x

Ask you out girl

Apollo_Black — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 21:43:53 GMT

You don't have to follow it word for word - just take anything you think might be useful. I mean he's very direct with his approach to women, which I would find very difficult - but I guess that's what he's getting at. Guys like us are typically quite shy, and the idea is to break through that to determine whether or not there is interest. Actually, Dr Glover terms it "testing for interest". I like this because it is a staged approach, easy to follow - and it applies to meeting men and women. Therefore you can practice it everywhere and with everyone. So it would be an important tool in meeting make friends too. The other thing is that it's very important to have male friends to connect to. Easier said than done, but perhaps that's something to work on at the same time. If you are a "Nice Guy" - and he's got a test on his website...you really need outside help to work on recovery, you can't do it by yourself. I think the only actual Nice Guy recovery group is in the Eastern states, but other than that there's a trusted friend, or someone like a therapist. Anyway, I'll shut up now. Can't you just ask her out to dinner or something?

Ask you out girl

james1 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 22:30:42 GMT

Hey lonely,

I'm not a girl as you can tell from my name, but direct and respectful always seems like a good idea. Beating round the bush just gets tiring and confusing for both people.

As for letter/in person/text/call/whatever, that's probably just dependent on the person and your relationship with them.

Best of luck.

James

Ask you out girl

Boo1986 — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 22:44:11 GMT

Hey Lonely22, I'll be thinking of you and keep my fingers crossed that she says yes!!

Merry Christmas xo

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 09:42:04 GMT

AB,

if only it was as simple as asking out to dinner, and it should be, i just hate rejection so much. I'll get over it though.

'Testing for interest' that's great... I'll look into this. You know it's difficult w this girl I rarely get to see. But from what I gather (from past meetings) she at least thinks I'm a nice person.

Definitely a nice guy, don't need a test for that, ha. I'm going to join a group of some sort, not necessarily a confidence boosting one like a nice guy group but something where I can at least attempt to 'test for interest'

thanks AB 🎄 God bless

Ask you out girl

pipsy — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 10:31:15 GMT

Hi Lonely. I like Boo's idea of the casual approach. Why don't you ask face to face? I am the sort who would prefer face to face rather than email/fb/letter. That's just me I guess. If you are on 'hello' terms, engage her in conversation, ask casually if she'd like to meet for coffee and further conversation. If you are shy and find it difficult asking, then by all means a note to ask her to join you for coffee. If you like each other after the first get together, ask her if she would consider seeing you again. She may invite you for the second meeting. Women these days often take the initiative. I'm rather jealous, you sound a lovely gentleman.

Lynda

Ask you out girl

Apollo_Black — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 10:38:56 GMT

I think the key 22 is to condition yourself to not fear rejection. It's about not being attached to outcome. If you get to rejection quickly you stop wasting time. You move on. Why would you bother if they're not interested. If they're not interested who cares? That's not your fault. That just means some else, someone more appropriate gets to experience your awesomeness. So bite the bullet. Just tell her "come out to dinner with me Friday night. I'll book a table at ****, it'll be great". If she says no then that's that. Don't get upset just move on. At least you won't be stressing about her getting a letter, worrying if she's read it, yada yada.... Life is too short to screw around. Go for it, just don't take rejection to heart and keep trying

Ask you out girl

Lonely22 — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 09:37:26 GMT

Lynda,

very nice of you to say, thank you! You know ill just do both. Ask her, and then give a note, expressing how I feel, that I'd love to know her more.

AB,

you know that's the first time I've had that suggested to me. Just go ahead and ask. I mean it's something I've felt lately, just exhausted from going over scenarios, what ifs, does she like me, reading into every detail, took me 6 weeks to ask last girl, don't plan on repeating any time soon. The only issue here is only getting to see this girl sparsely, hence the note idea... But I realise that alone isn't appropriate. So I Hope to see her soon!

Thanks Every1 🎄

Ask you out girl

Apollo_Black — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 10:19:32 GMT

We tend to keep doing the same things that don't work. We all do it. The only way forward is to do it differently. Do think just do it. Just don't take it personally if it doesn't go your way. That's not your fault. And don't overthink. That doesn't get you anywhere. Action does.

Ask you out girl

Apollo_Black — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 10:27:59 GMT

I'm sorry to keep babbling on, but don't limit yourself to one option. You're investing yourself in one girl who you hardly see. Your building her up to way more than she is in your mind. Expand your options. Keep moving forward. Keep testing for interest 🙂

Ask you out girl

Sandy centre — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 00:21:22 GMT

Hi Lonely

I hope you had a relaxing Christmas and hope you are feeling more confident about asking this lucky girl out.

I wish I had your brave manner!!

I do hope it works out for you

All the best

Sylvia x