topic to good to be true in Relationship and family issues

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 07:24:12 GMT

Dont know what to do anymore was doing so well with my depretion and finally starting to be happy again but since i started becoming a happyer funner mum my partner has now decided he wont text me no more threw the day stopped saying i love you stopped hugging me even touching me or holding my hand he would only txt if i txt first would only do things if i done to him first so i stopped and now its just like im single all over again dont even get a goodnight anymore im done feeling like im nothing these days i stay strong for my kids but i dont think i can deal with this relationship the way it is i go out of my way for him and get apsalutly nothing in return what am i ment to do im doing as he does to me so he knows how it feels to be ignored bit still yet nothing at all and the only time he talks to me is about work work is all everything is to him no how are you how was your day is your depretion ok nothing just dam work ive been crying for 3 days now im just about at my wit ends he wont talk to me about how im feeling he ignores everything

to good to be true

BballJ — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 11:53:44 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

Sorry to hear what you are going through... relationship troubles are always tough and most of us face them... have you both ever considered couples counselling? Maybe that's an avenue that needs to be explored... also are you seeing a psych for your depression? If so, have you found that helps at all?

My best for you and your family,

Jay

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 19:26:44 GMT

No i dont see anyone about my deprtion im tackling it all alone as im gours from anyone that can help and well still no car at all ive asked him about councelling but he always says if you think we need it then why bother been together

H always says hes ganna try his hardest to keep me happy but everytime he says it he distances himself further away from me

But ive also noticed that its hurting him inside that much it shows on his face that witj me doing as he does to me and ignore him its the only thing i can think of doing but yet he always blames work for the way he is but it takes little effort at all to keep me happy but to him thats to much effort even to give me a kiss good afternoon but can always find time to pat the stupid dog

to good to be true

geoff — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 21:24:20 GMT

hi Leelee, it's awful when you love someone but they don't return the favour in telling you and the hugging and kissing is certainly what you are missing from him, and unfortunately doesn't seem as though it will happen, and that's what breaks your heart.
By doing the same as he does, I don't think is going to bother him, and for him to blame his work, then he is only avoiding the issue, whether he doesn't want to talk about it or whether it's something he can't handle, you don't really know.
Can I ask how long the two of you have been together and even if he won't go to any counseling it doesn't mean that you can't go to your doctor and have a talk with them.
They may want to refer you to a psychologist where you are able to be put on a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 free visits to see one, in other words it won't cost you anything.
I truly believe that this is what you need to do, because by him saying 'that if the both of you need to go to counseling then you shouldn't be together' is not right, there are many couples who go to relationship counseling.
It would be nice to hear back from you. Geoff. x

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 23:50:45 GMT

Hi geoff

He use to be one of the most loving popl in the world hens why i fell inlove with him he always made me feel like i was the only one in the whole world he would find any second of anyday to txt or call me while at work just to see how i am going his started changing about 4 months ago and now has stopped everything all together and yes i cant do it no more it is klling me to try and smile or get out of bed all over again

We have been together going on 5 years in ju souvenir a few months

to good to be true

BballJ — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 11:36:40 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

Very tough situation, one I am not great on giving advice too but have you considered calling the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 to discuss what some options you may have as there has to be something for people in rural areas not able to see GP's and psychs as easily as people who live in the metro.

My best,

Jay

to good to be true

Guest_1055 — Sun, 29 Jan 2017 12:59:21 GMT

Hi leelee

You sound ever so sad and lonely behind your words. I am so sorry you are hurting. You were doing so well living on the bright side. It hurts bad doesn't it? We just want out partner or hubby to love us in such a way that we feel cherished and noticed even. I know what this feels like too leelee, for me it is complete misery.

I long to have some answers for you, but the only thing coming to my mind at the moment is this:

Get out a piece of paper or your diary and think about every single way that you felt loved, cherished and noticed by your partner. For example did you feel loved when your partner took you fishing that weekend? If so well that could be the first one on your list. Your page might look like this:

1/ Thank you............( write partners name) for taking the time to take me and my boys fishing. I felt so loved when you did that.

Leelee, like I said I am going through a very similar thing. So you are not alone.

Anyway if you decide to give the list a go, will you let me know? If you want to that is. I did have this idea before but never ended up doing it myself. So I am going to do it tomorrow.

Hope you start to feel better leelee.

And it is that a picture of you? You do look sad in it, but it is nice to see what you look like anyway. I did get a pleasant surprise, because I am so used to seeing your pet snake.

Shell xx

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 00:24:11 GMT

Thankyou jay i will look into as much as i possibly can

Hey shell yes that is me saddly was not having a good day at all there everything was going wrong no matter whay way i turned

Yes my sweet little girl she is my baby girl my snake

And thanks shell there is quite a few things i could write down on paper as well as what i dont like there is more then likely hundreds of pages i could end up with just wish he would relise on how much i need him threw all this but just seams like h really couldnt care anymore he always blames me for things that go wrong in the relationship even if he does it ask him to at least meet me half way in this his reply is there is no half way with you no matter what i do isnt good enough hensh in him saying that he litterly does nothing at all try talk to him all i get back is work work work

Im at a lose really he has a 3 day weekend coming up at end of the week so lets see where that goes would love his romantic side back tho

But as always shell i will give your idea a go

leelee xx

to good to be true

BballJ — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 11:24:48 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

Please keep us posted with how you are going, being rural isn't easy but post here as much as you like and you can see people will always be up to talk to you and help where we can 🙂

My best,

Jay

to good to be true

Guest_1055 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 01:15:10 GMT

How are you feeling today leelee?

Yes romance..... I think some women really need this to help them feel loved and wanted. Probably some men as well. I wonder if you could just have a date together once a week. Would that be possible?

Thanks for getting back to me about the list. I do hope it helps you feel loved and to see the good things. I haven't started mine yet though.

Also have you come across the pet thread here on Beyond Blue? Just thought it may help you connect more with others. As far as I know there is anyone else that has pet snakes. You could share stories about them. Plus you have so many other animals on your property too.

Are you still having fun times with your two precious boys?

Shell xx

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 10:45:17 GMT

Hey jay yes rural life is hard but i can get out there and i find spending rime with my goats help me alot when im alone witch is good even tho they may not talk back still good to talk to them from time to time

Hey shell

so good i always take you advice into action and must say the list now i look at my partner in a diffrent way really its hard spending time with my partner dates are not on the list as his working 6 days a week most of the time and is gone 15 hours a day his work os really putting so much strain on our relationship this week his sleeping all day and working night shifts so really doesnt help much at all i get no time to even talk to him now

Im still spending time with my boys and pets spend the weekend with the kids on the bikes and some time with my lovely snakes i also have a new puppie to who has become my best friend atm i carry him everywhere i go even wash up while talking to my new poochy i have not yet found the pet thread tho but will continue on looking threw everything

Hoping the weekend brings more smiles tho partner has a 3 day weekend so hopefully ill have some sort of love back from him as i have told him how i truely feel for the very first time

hankyou everyone for the surport truely am happy i can come here and just let my thoughts go and knowing someon will listen feels great knowing that

Leelee xxx

to good to be true

BballJ — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 11:09:15 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

I think it's great you can talk to the goats, people find solace in animals and pets all the time, sure they may not reply but they are great listeners 🙂

It's great news that you told your partner how you truly feel, how did that go down with him and yourself? I seem to pick up there was some clarity between you as you seem happier?

My best,

Jay

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 11:33:30 GMT

Hi jay

Yes i always talk to my goats about everything even if all they want is food most of the time cause they just dont stop eating but i can tell them anything the only time they walk away is when i say leave witch is hardly ever i must say they are very affectionet animals

I always take shells advice and always seams to change my day to day thinking with as she has threw another idea my way has help a little i look at my partner diffrent even if he doesnt see it

I feel better within myself since i hace finally told him how i feel without the fighting for the very first time its sorta change a couple of things but not a great deal but only time will tell i acturly got a hug and kiss befor he left for work instead of a cya when ever i get home and well i got a i love you text for the first time tonight instead of me texting him he text me first finally for once it wasnt me

Steo by step well see how or if he changes for me to change for him and to be happy again

Leeleee

to good to be true

Guest_1055 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 12:31:42 GMT

Hi leelee,

I agree it is great you told your partner how you feel. I am so proud of you. That is great too that you wrote the list and it helped you. My idea is too keep the list and when special times come to your memory you add them. And also add to the list any brand new times. If you felt loved when he listened to you just recently, well you could write that one in too. You have encouraged me now, so thank you so much.

I also noticed you found a pet thread and I read what you wrote. There is also another one in the "Staying Well Section". I just posted to it, so you may like that one too. It is used fairly often by others as well.

Yeah about the date nights.....my hubby is a shift worker, so I understand you there and it is a challenge to go on dates isn't it? But not impossible. I will think more about this if you would like me too. Maybe something creative.

Aw a puppy..... Was he or she born from your other dogs then? You have quite a few dogs don't you? And goats....I have talked to a goat once or twice. It came up to me walking over anything in its path. I believe there were large pieces of tin sort of sticking flat like amongst a grassy small hill. It didn't bother the goat, it walked right over the top.

You do sound a bit more hopeful leelee.

Shell xx

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 12:48:16 GMT

Hey shell n jay

Yes animals are my help to life i have heaps around also a few new baby goats roaming around yes if they have there mind set on something nothing gets in there way

I have writen down loads of pages and still have more to go as his on night sift i can think of loads more to add and as i can work out our week on the beach is still happening once cars have rego again his full on set for the week on the beach with kids and i as he put it its our week to fall in love again and start our life again and be happy like we should be so thats a wait and see situation i think

Yes my new puppy is from a couple of our dogs was kind of a not ment to have happened litter tho as mother is a boxer and father is well a multess shitzu so as my partner calls it a boxermultsh*t but he is the cutest ever

to good to be true

BballJ — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:35:34 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

That is awesome news on what your partner is doing, texting and hugging without prompting.. talking is an amazing thing.. I am having relationship troubles too and funnily enough the things she bought up were similar to things you expressed so I am also trying to make a concerted effort with her too. I have a puppy who keeps us happy and on our toes too.

Thank you for inspiring me, I want to fix my relationship as I can see the pain it causes when it feels there is no love there.

My best,

Jay

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 12:02:38 GMT

Hi jay

Im glad my expetion can help with yoyr relationship (sorry for spelling havent slept lately)

But always remember its not always the big things that make the diffrents as ive told my partner its the little things that make me happy

May it be hand on leg while taking a drive

Holding hands while walking around street shops

saying i love you just randomly cause you can

May it be even while shes cooking walking up and giving her a hug and kiss from behind

Or just giving hugs kisses just because

Just having someone to make you feel so special with simple things is amazing just wish my partner never stopped i use to always feel like i was the only woman in the world

to good to be true

BballJ — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 10:58:15 GMT

Hi leelee1994,

It breaks my heart because it is what happened to us unfortuntly and you are right the little things make the biggest difference, I am trying my hardest to do it all now, we just lost the spark I guess is the word.

I am glad to read you and your husband are slowly getting there and taking it step by step, I said that to my wife, I said we need to take it day by day and let it flow naturally.

My best,

Jay

to good to be true

leelee1994 — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 11:19:48 GMT

hey jay

Yes it is hard but as ive told my partner if this is going to work we need to work together to get it there

as its not always easy with kids house work small jobs animals etc his work scedual always changing but it will get harder when kids start school and i finally start work we both will be working and when not working we have stuff at home that will need attetion so we will not have alot of time for each other

But in saying that i have also told him that every spear second you have to at least say i love you or even a kiss and back to doing whatever it is every little detail counts

Well when it comes to no time at all for anything really but thats my outlook on things as my oartner and i have diffrent out looks on everything but as i put it its got to be the age diffrents when it comes to his way and my way as we are diffrent people in diffrent state of age mind really

to good to be true

Quiettall — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 12:02:47 GMT

Hi Leelee

When I was away on an overseas aid assignment last year, my wife did some minor home renovations. One thing she did was paint the wall where our bedhead is, light blue. She then got from somewhere, some printing which says "Always kiss me goodnight" and posted it on the wall above the bedhead. It has stayed there and even when we are too bust during the day to say or do anything affectionate, it has become the last thing I do each evening before I turn off the light and go to sleep. It is amazing how one simple step starts to address what was becoming a very humdrum relationship