topic Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected. in Relationship and family issues

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 23:52:08 GMT

Well not a good day for me. I am so down and out and sick of everything. My 2 older kids went interstate with their dad (my ex husband) last week for a few days as his new GF lives there. My eldest daughter cam home sick, coughing, sneezing etc. She has ben sick for a week and still not better. My little one is now also coughing and sneezy. My ex husband has gone back interstate of course as he is renting an apartment there and goes back and forth every week. It frustrates me that his life just goes on like one big holiday while I am stuck looking after sick kids. He is a selfish liar, doesn't think he should have to do anything. Does not think about anyone but himself and putting on a show to impress people. He works for himself, always used the excuse of work to get out of things but clearly its just another lie as he can work from interstate while he visits his GF without any problem. I am so tired, not much sleep as the girls are coughing at night. My little ones dad does all his things first and I feel worries about us last and i'm so sick of it. I feel they both just expect me to deal with everything, making excuses to get out of any responsibility. I don't ask much of anyone but when I do I always have to be let down. Selfish, selfish, selfish liars. Am I that worthless to everyone? I mean seriously do they really expect me to just do everything? I feel like telling them both to go to hell and packing up and moving. It is so cold today. I cant take much more of everyone being sick and the cold weather.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

blondguy — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 00:08:19 GMT

Hi cmf

I know your ex husband is placing himself first and has no empathy for what you are going through too. Then your children get sick....I hear you loud and clear.Your plate is overflowing for sure.

I have seen you help so many people here on the forums its sad that you dont get some good karma where your quality of life is concerned.

I feel your pain on this cold weather too, I just walked Prince in 10C....ugh! It reminded me of working at Mt Buller...so cold....

Do you have any support ...friends...family that can help? You deserve a break cmf

25C in Melbourne tomorrow and 24C on Friday......cant wait.

I hope your day gets better cmf....seriously

(Warm Hugs)

Paul

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 00:42:41 GMT

Hi Paul,

Arctic weather in Melbourne, that's for sure. I'm so sick of it. I do hope the next few days are better.

I enjoy looking around the forums to see if I can be of any help. I am hoping some good karma comes my way with other things I do in life too. I feel unheard, un noticed.

I don't have much support really. My parents have passed away, my siblings don't live close by and they work and have their own lives. They are quite a bit older than me. Its just me and the kids. The little ones dad tries to help but he is oblivious to many things. Always late, I feel I cant trust or rely on him or maybe I'm too harsh on him because of the past. Maybe I need to let go a little and have more trust in him. He's just let me down so much in the past. We clash on so many levels.

I just don't know anymore.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

blondguy — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 11:55:11 GMT

Hey cmf, you and I have gone through the same with contact (access) I am not saying what you are going through isnt a pain at all. I tried to see my 3 year old daughter for 10 months and my ex kept preventing access (contact)

If I may ask...why is your youngest one's dad being a pain in the bum? I understand he is late and oblivious which is a pain but why cant you trust him? (I am not supporting him...just envious of the contact he has with his son/daughter)

Im not an expert in anyway...but is there a pseudonym or a 'tag'/'name' that I can address you by? (cmf is fine of course if thats what you wish) Excuse I...just asking...:-)

Im sorry about your parents cmf, (Hugs) Paul x

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Solosombra — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 12:23:20 GMT

Ah cmf it seems like things are overflowing for you as of late. I dont know what its like having to deal with sick children but i do know what its like to deal with selfish people who like to take advantage. Its never a nice thing especially when said person is supposed to be helping....

and trusting someone who has constantly let you down is never easy so dont be so hard on urself when it comes to that, i get why you would be weary of trusting him again.

I do believe good karma will come back for you cmf 🙂 stay strong xox

I might not reply straight away but i will read and reply as soon as i can

Big hugs

Kiamau x

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 01:16:10 GMT

Hi Paul and Kiamau,

I find it hard to trust him as I find him to be a little irresponsible and careless at times. When the little one was a baby he would suggest not buckling her into her car seat as it was too restricting or when she was walking and he would cross the road not at a crossing her would let her walk across rather than carry her. I had to point out how dangerous this was as drivers cannot see children as they are below the level of the bonnet. even if he held her hand she was not visible to drivers. It freaked me out that he would even do this. I know he has not had children before but this is common sense. There are other things where he is careless not related to her so this makes be doubt him a lot. I feel he is not aware of things that you need to careful of with children.

I am very protective of her. She had surgery at 5 weeks old and I thought I was going to lose her. I don't trust anyone with here really but that is my fear/issue. Not long ago he came past and wanted to take her out shopping to a large shopping centre. In the past I have said I wasn't comfortable as I'm worried he might lose her. Anyway on this day I let them go. They had a good time an I had a bit of 'me' time. I've been to a few markets on the weekends and he has looked after her for the time I'm away and its gone well. It is actually good for me to have that break but being anxious as I am I get scared. If he had to pick her up from kinder I would not trust him to be on time for example. Also I have a fear that anything he I involved in goes wrong, like he is a jinx. This has formed from a history of things going wrong when he is around so yes I am paranoid. I am trying to let go a little and have more faith in him but after what I have seen her go through as a baby I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her.

I'd never deny him seeing her but I worry about her all the time.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Thu, 06 Oct 2016 13:07:34 GMT

I'm tired, I'm so tired. Tired of my life, tired of stressing, tired of being anxious, tired of being lonely, tired of everything.

im exhausted and can't sleep, my mind won't stop. My goodness I wish it would go away. I look terrible, I feel terrible. Why do others have it so easy? Why do I have to feel like this? Why can't I be happy?

im so tired of it all.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

blondguy — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 13:15:05 GMT

Hey

Im sorry that you were treated this way.....I just dont understand how someone can laugh at you when he has had his own issues with anxiety.....for 2 years too!

Its hard to comment as your old issues are your business and not anyone else's. I just read my first post to your thread (above).....He really doesnt 'get it'...He is really void of any empathy

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Sadnan — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 14:16:38 GMT

Cfm I know how it feels when it seems you just give and give and no one seems to notice or care. You unfortunately can not change the way some people are but instead look for the things that they don't have.

Your interstate ex he may seem to have the great life but seriously while travelling back and forward he is missing out on all that quality time with his children and trust me when they get older they will know who it is that was there all the time. It is you who will share all the special moments with your children who will get the special hugs and love that only a child can give not him.

all babies are precious but when one so small has to undergo lifesaving treatment it makes them even more precious to us. The fact that her father wants to spend so much time with her shows his love unfortunately being a first time dad and probably never having to have the responsibility of caring for anyone other than himself he still needs to learn a lot. I am sure that with patience and baby steps he will Show you that where she is concerned he can be responsible.

Try to find the good in each day.....the smile from your children, the empty plates at the end of dinner, the smell of them when they get out of the bath, snuggling under a blanket while watching a movie. these are the things that will show you what a great job your doing and how much your appreciated. And yes I know it's not always easy to see them when so many negatives seem to jump out in front of you x

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 21:24:39 GMT

Hey Paul,

Yeah, I don't know. I wanted to get out of the house, he suggested dinner, I cant help the way I'm feeling. Oh well. He always picks up on things I'm doing wrong with everything, not necessarily in a bad way, he does it to help but I just feel I'm being hammered into the ground, when I trying to get up. He was worse when he was sick (not his fault) and I told him he just hammers me down. Of course he didn't like that.

I don't want to portray him as a complete meanie, he does try to help and does have peoples best interests at heart, especially for the little one but yes, he just doesn't get it sometimes. He will suggest things that are just not viable and if I point this out he just doesn't understand. He doesn't have to juggle kids and everything else, if he wants to do something he can just do it. I have to rely on others to help out with the kids if I need to do something.

He's just oblivious. Him and my ex husband, but in different ways. Either way I'm the one that suffers.

cmf x

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Music_Freak — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 06:34:25 GMT

I don't feel like I have a lot that I can add, but I can definitely relate to the family having no empathy remark that was made here...my family are just like that!

I really hope you feel more positive soon. I'm here to listen anyway 🙂 Venting is good for the soul too

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 10:56:25 GMT

Hi sadnan,

Thank you for your beautiful words. With my little one in particular I do know the issues are mine and I need to let go. I do think I'm a little hard on him but this stems from a lot of hurt caused by him that I cannot forgive. I guess I'm just hurting myself by being like this. The little one does love him and I'm grateful for that considering he wasn't around much but she knows exactly who he is and he does want the best for her.

thanks again

cmf

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 10:58:54 GMT

Thx Music freak,

yeah it sucks when people who should care just don't. Sorry you have to experience this too.

cmf x

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 09:22:43 GMT

Well I copped his verbal crap again today. I was already depressed, had been crying when we were out. Idont feel well, I'm shivery, feel just not right. he was so busy criticising me for something I said that he turned left into a very narrow street and almost smashed right into a car coming down the street. He's done this before turning into narrow streets. He then joked about it, I was a bit shaken and upset (it's my car) -and he laughed about it. I told him I didn't understand how he found humour in some things and he went off at me. Saying I must be on drugs fir saying it would have been his fault if we had crashed, that he on,y needs to check his right when Turning left. Yes I agree but if turning into a narrow street that does not fit cars going both ways then I think he should have been more cautious as he had a give wY sign. He said he didn't know the car was coming and I said yes and the car wasn't exoecting him to just turn into the st, it had right if way and that he should have been more cautious. He said sorry to the other driver so he knows he was wrong but will not admit it to me. He kept yelling at me saying the other car was on his side of the rd. the street was narrow, it wa s like one lane as there are parked cars, I told him he just can't accept that he was wrong and he yelled and kept yelling. When he got out of the car I just broke down. How do you yell at someone with depression? Is he a normal human being? I already waiting for him to repair the front where he hit a pole.

as I moved to the drivers seat I found a piece of paper. It was the death notice from the newspaper when my dad passed. I had it in my wallet. I have no idea how it wS on the drivers side floor of the car, near the car. How did it get There? Was it a sign? Is my Dad watching over me? I butrstbintontears when I saw it and he just stood there yelling at me. He's just an idiot, he thinks he is just above everyone. We had lunch with his sister and because she had a different opinion on a topic he just telling her she was wrong. She kept saying that a difference of opinion doesn't make her wrong, she is entitled to her opinionated he just kept telling her she was wrong. I seen him do this to her before.

i feel so out of whack. This is not a normal human being. Who does? Who thinks they are so perfect that they can't admit they may have been at fault. Who is this person that yells at someone crying with depression? Who is he? What is he? Idiot!

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Music_Freak — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 09:41:48 GMT

I could see a lot of my family in what you wrote, scarily so.

How are you now? Feeling any better or just worse. I'm sorry he was like that with you. Some people are just ass wipes sadly.

I really don't think you did anything wrong. I know just how hard it is to get over things like that so I'm not going to say anything like that (I still struggle with getting over/letting go if stuff). You just have to try and believe you were correct in your concerns and his reaction was extreme.

The death notice may well have been a sign. I like to believe that when I dream about my mum 🙂

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 09:58:23 GMT

Hi Music Freak,

i feel really upset. I want to text him and tell him he is an abusive pig but he doesn't deserve the energy it would take for me to do this.

im so glad the death notice didn't get blown away, it's my only copy. It's so freaky, we were talking about my dad, that's why he was having a go at me in the first place because he disagreed with something I said, it was about mt dad. Why would the notice be on the door frame of my car? How did it get out of my wallet? My wallet was in my bag.

hes sending me a sign. I don't know what it is, I wish I knew as I need some support right now.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 10:13:57 GMT

He's an arrogant pig, a bully. Yelling st me when I've been in tears with depression.

he brags about how good he is with the little one, that she gets her way with me but with him he's so good at teaching her she can't get her way. Pretty easy when you only have to do it once in a blue moon. My goodness, he is just so good at everything. I mean how could anyone even think about questioning anything that comes out of his mouth? He is like a God, he is right and the rest of the WORLD is wrong, yes the WORLD. And you know why everyone is wrong? Because he says so. If he reads it, it's right, if anyone has a different opinion well you're just wrong, there is no other option.

i should be kissing his feet. He is a controlling, overconfident pig who thinks the world owes him but he can abuse who he wants, when he wants and if you stand up to him you're in the firing line.

i want to pack up and piss off out of here, away from him and his crazy family. Gods gift to the world.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Moonstruck — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 10:16:09 GMT

Dear CMF

I am so sorry I haven't seen what a terrible situation you've had crashing down on you like this. Forgive me - I've been so caught up in my own stuff and you've always been so sweet, funny and supportive when I've needed you. I think you're brilliant....this idiot you are describing isn't worth a minute you spend with him.....do you really have to be in his company for lengthy periods of time as it sounds horrendous and not enjoyable at all for you!

Its such a hard situation with your little ones to consider as well, you are invariably locked into an interaction with him yourself, unfortunately.....I couldn't bear it. Can you try and limit the times you are with him alone, i.e. try not to give him the opportunity of belittling you like he does - don't tell him your feelings or share anything you don't have to with him at all! he is not worth even the tiniest little bit of you..(now I am getting angry with him and I haven't even met him!!)

Yes I do think that newspaper clipping was a message...I'm a firm believer in "signs and symbols" that are meant to comfort us when none seems available....it was your father saying

"I'm here, I'm holding you, everything is going to be all right". Much love sweetheart....peace to you tonight.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 10:33:49 GMT

Thank you Moon, I don't know what's wrong with me, why I'm so depressed. It's similar to you, I have bad anxiety and now I'm so depressed.

when it rains or the weather is bad the Chanel 10 stations on my to do not work properly. Last year they were not working at all. The day my Dad died I came home that evening and they were working. They had not worked for so long before that. It was him saying goodbye.

today was extremely windy and early this evening it started raining but I've got the tv on and the channels are working again despite the weather. I'm feeling just as I did the day my Dad died. I'm sitting here crying, watching Chanel 11, I've been upset all day. The day he died I cried in the evening and I was with the little ones dad, same as today. The day my dad died My cousin rang and we had a nice chat, it lifted my spirits. Today my neighbours came past to discuss something with me and we had a bit of a chat, it lifted my spirits fir a short. It's like I'm going through that day again but under different circumstances. I honestly don't know how that death notice found its way there. It was in a compartment of my wallet that I don't really use. I dint take my wallet out in the car so how did it get there?

i don't know what's going on. I need to ride this storm, maybe cry it out.

Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

Music_Freak — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 10:49:23 GMT

Yeah, do everything you can to rise above him (and avoid him whenever possible). You don't need the stress - focus on yourself.

As they say start loving yourself (another thing I know is so hard). I wish I could slap him or something

You cry it out and maybe talk to your dad about stuff. Hopefully you'll wake up to a new better day tomorrow