topic Heartbroken by same Libra man twice in Relationship and family issues

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 23:37:13 GMT

Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through with it and went back to his wife for the sake of his son. Fast forward to the last year - he is now divorced. I went crazy, thinking I could rekindle our love and pick up where we left off, and although he still has feelings for me, he doesn't want a relationship. And he says he has feelings for a number of others. We have been intimate again and I thought this was the start, but when I asked if there was a future for us, he shut me down. I'm devastated all over again.

How do I move on and stop thinking about him every minute of the day? How do I accept that we will never be together?

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

pipsy — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 01:42:00 GMT

Hi Jilted. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to commit, there isn't much you can do. He sounds as though he doesn't want a relationship anyway. If he is 'playing the field' as the saying goes, you are wasting precious time trying to get a commitment. You can't force someone to love you when they obviously don't want to be that committed. The longer you try to 'force' yourself on someone who doesn't want you in the same way, the more hurt you're going to be. You're going to have to accept he isn't the one for you and try to move on with your life. I hear your pain, but I also know you're going to get more hurt by persisting. I'm sorry you are hurting, I actually understand more than you realize. He may eventually come back when he wants to settle, but for now you need to accept he doesn't want a relationship and move on.

Lynda

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Wednesday — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 01:47:45 GMT

Dear Jilted,

I'm so sorry that so much of your life has revolved around a man so unworthy of your love. Dear one he has been clear please don't punish yourself any longer, you deserve so much more. While you hold on to any thought that this may happen one day you stop other lovely relationships coming forward. How could you ever trust a word this man says to you. His history shows you how little he really cares for the people, he doesn't its all about him. He did a good job of stringing you and others along. Don't spend to much more time this master manipulator he doesn't deserve your thoughts or care.

This place you are at is just awful, grief for things planned, loved and memories.

What if instead of concentrating on what is lost you write a couple of lists? Firstly write down all the things you don't / didn't like about him. Secondly write about what you can now do happily with your life free of his disruptive and selfish influence. Just a thought...

This is just moment in time. You will get there, every day will get a little better then one day you'll realise you haven't thought about him for ages. What do you do that makes you happy? Read, see a movie, talk to friends, do it all. Keep reaching out, come back and chat anytime, there are a lot of people on here who have shared your experience and will be happy to chat.

Here's a warm hug.

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 02:21:13 GMT

Thank you so much - everything you say makes sense about him being selfish and stringing people on. I needed that fresh perspective because I only see him as wonderful and now unattainable - and I feel not good enough for him now. But I also think he's missing out on someone that could have been fun and loving in a way that he hasn't had before.

I'm trying no contact and failing miserably, but I guess I will get better if I distract myself.

You are also right that I will hurt as long as I persist. I'm trying to be just friends, but I think that I will hurt whenever I hear how great he's doing, and how many friends he has and I'm not part of any of it.

Thanks again - you have helped me a lot today.

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Wednesday — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 02:50:10 GMT

Hello again Jilted,

Thank you for the feedback.

I so know how hard this is, been there. No dear one he doesn't deserve you. You are a wonderful, intelligent woman who deserves a fulfilling loyal partner to build a happy life with.

With this man you would never truly be at ease. Relationships have to be based on respect and trust, neither would seem to be possible with this man. He is not able to be a friend, don't try. I get it, we all do it... it doesn't work. It's a sad trap to fall for. He has proven over along period of time that he is not worth your time, don't waste anymore of your life on this one.

What friends? Really you believe that he has true friends? He may be able to fool some of the people some of the time, but, you know him better than that don't you?

Block his number, delete his contact details from everywhere, do whatever it takes, cancel your Facebook page. Be brutal, be clear, you are a strong amazing woman that deserves so much more than to be treated with such disrespect. Don't be sad get angry at this man that treated you so poorly.

You will feel better and you can do this every baby step helps.

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

pipsy — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 04:09:39 GMT

Hi Jilted. Unfortunately, you can't be friends with someone like him. He won't appreciate your genuine friendship because he is false. No matter what you may think, that he has many friends, even lovers etc. I doubt very much he has anything like that as he would have to be prepared to give in order to receive. Friendship/relationships are two-way streets. He is definitely one way - his way. Wednesday gave you some valuable feedback re: fb, and deleting any details of him. In time you will meet someone who will treat you with 100% love and respect. Settle for nothing less. Friendships are true and unconditional, as is love.

Lynda

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 04:38:06 GMT

I'm amazed at the insight you both have Pipsy and Wednesday. It really helps me put things into perspective.

You're right - he is not a giver. Everything is done on his timeframe and his terms.

Thanks again

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 08:47:30 GMT

Struggling again today thinking how can he sleep with me one week, then the next tell me to live my own life? It's so hot and cold. I don't know what to believe. I want to believe he has true feelings for me. Or maybe he's just not interested anymore. I'm struggling with that rejection. At 46 years of age I don't know how to accept being cast aside.

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

pipsy — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 09:05:45 GMT

Hi Jilted. You're missing his company, so putting up with his fly-by-night attitude is better than being without him. Do you really want to continue being hurt by him, he is not capable of being what you want. His feelings centre on his own happiness. He is only interested in the next conquest. Once he has what he wants from the next girl he meets, he will soon tire and move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but you never were exclusively 'his', he was never 'yours' either. You deserve better, please forget him and don't worry about him. I hear the pain and sadness, but to pursue him means more of this.

Lynda

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Wednesday — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 07:23:34 GMT

Hi Jilted,

It takes time to get over a relationship, you're hurting, your self esteem is low and your emotions are raw.

This a man has has let you down constantly for a long time. Don't do this to yourself he is playing a nasty game with you. In a sense you have been in an abusive relationship and have learnt to behave in accordance. Its okay we all fall in traps, but its good to see things from another perspective. Can you see the abusive pattern in your relationship the good times followed by the bad times, followed by the honeymoon period, and repeat?

How about writing that list I mentioned of all the things that you didn't like about him and/or your relationship. e.g not having a committed relationship, his lies, his narcism and so on?

Age is just a number at 46 you have a long life left, please don't allow this man to continue to treat this way, you are worth so much more. Once you put him out of your life you will have space to find a lovely new relationship with someone that you deserve and who deserves you.

You can do this, every baby step helps.

Hugs, xx

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 23:49:52 GMT

I'm sorry if this sounds repetitive... he hasn't responded to any emails or texts since telling me to live my own life. I can't understand how he can cut me off like that. He does care, I'm sure - why else would he offer and give me a ride to the airport without me asking? I don't want to lose contact. What can I do? He's confused me completely with being friendly and intimate to cutting me off completely in the space of 3 weeks. It doesn't make sense. I know I pushed him to try and understand his feelings for me, and I've scared him off completely. How do I get him to talk again?

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

pipsy — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 00:59:21 GMT

Dear Jilted. No, I'm sorry to hurt you, but there is no way he cares. His offer to take you to the airport could just mean he is at a loose end. Once he takes you to the airport, the whole game starts again. It's pointless asking him what his game is, he will lie and try to convince you it's you he wants, then another girl comes into his life and he'll leave you again. You haven't scared him. you can't scare someone who has no feelings. You want a commitment, he doesn't want anything, only when he's bored does he contact you. You know from past experience this guy has no conscience, he's bored and just wants to amuse himself till he finds another girl. You said he hasn't responded to texts/emails since telling you to live your own life. That more than spells out his lack of anything remotely connected to you. After 3 weeks, he's suddenly contacting you - because there is no-one else around.

Lynda

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Wednesday — Sat, 07 Jan 2017 04:33:40 GMT

Hello again Jilted,

I am so sorry that this is so very painful. Pipsy is right, this man is not for you and he has said so. Getting over an important relationship is so very hard and you need to grieve. It is so important that you look after yourself:

Ask for help. Talk to friends and family about how you are feeling, or consider joining a support group.
Take care of your physical health.
Grieving can be exhausting, so it's important to eat a healthy diet, exercise and sleep.
Are you able to manage other stress, lighten your load by asking friends, family members or work colleagues to help you with some chores or commitments?
Relaxation and gentle exercise can be helpful.
Do things you enjoy, even if you don’t really feel like doing them.

I know this may sound twee, but it will help. even if you come back and talk to us a little more about what is happening in you life.

You have people on here to talk to don't ever feel alone. As I said you can do this, baby steps. xx

Heartbroken by same Libra man twice

Jilted — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 04:23:06 GMT

Hello again.

He hadn't contacted me because his father passed away suddenly. I feel awful for thinking badly of him. I've been trying to call him to see how he is doing - I know he's struggling, but I think he has blocked my calls.

I know I won't see him again, and he won't let me talk to him other than an occasional email. I don't know how to cope. I don't see how I will ever be happy. All my friends live overseas and they've heard it all before with this man. I miss him so much and just want to stay in contact. The pain is unbearable.