topic Low self esteem collision (Vent) in Relationship and family issues

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

NerNerNer — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 04:47:54 GMT

Hi all, long time no post. I'm just venting about this, not looking for advice or a solution because I've got to figure it out/work directly with my counselor. However that appointment is over a week away, so venting is required.

Last night I lost my temper with my low self esteem housemate over something arbitrary. A back and forth 'I'm right, you're wrong' over ham packaging. It wasn't even MY back and forth, I was doing a job application and listening to it carry on.

It was because the low self esteem housemate was, understandably, annoyed that our housemate had mistakenly eaten said ham. Other housemate had bought more, but low self esteem housemate decided that the packaging couldn't possibly be the same format she preferred and, without looking at it, got very snippy and resentful and rejected the offer. After a few minutes of listening to my low self esteem housemate trying to prove herself right when the other housemate was, indeed, factually correct I intervened. I have low self esteem myself and the low self esteem housemate has argued with me like this on several occasions on several topics and I can't stand it when she does it to me. The freaking lengths she goes to try to prove me wrong are just incredible, and when she ends up being proven wrong (often indirectly) more often than not, she sulks and won't look me in the face for days. Listening to her do it to someone else was infuriating. I don't need to be right, but listening to someone who was correct being told they were wrong just cooked my bacon.

So, I raised a 'joke' about a manufacturing error with the ham packaging in question so the correct housemate had an excuse to show off the packing and, in sharing the funny error, got to prove who was right and who was wrong. It was one of those packs that have the ham split up into two servings and the manufacturing machine had packed the entire lot into one compartment. The other compartment was sealed but only had a couple of tiny scraps in it. It was seriously 'tee hee lol' when we noticed it, but it certainly wasn't appreciated by the low self esteem housemate.

Gawd, what is wrong with me... I didn't need to intervene. Who cares who was right and who was wrong. Now I'm worried that there is going to be more awkwardness and competition. Gaaah.

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

white knight — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 05:17:58 GMT

Hi nernerner

So is there anything we can do for you?

Tony WK

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

NerNerNer — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 07:15:14 GMT

If you're so moved, you can commiserate with me. I'm not really looking for anything except for the opportunity to vent. How people respond is up to them, so long as it's not advice or a solution. 🙂

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

white knight — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 10:28:02 GMT

If I'm in such a situation where I need to vent but I don't want advice or a solution I write it down in a notebook I keep for that purpose.

Or I write a funny poem about it.

Tony WK

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

NerNerNer — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 10:46:45 GMT

Well, I'm very pleased for you that you have your own way to vent and that I have mine. And I appreciate your not giving me advice and respecting my boundaries. 🙂

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

white knight — Sun, 05 Jun 2016 14:33:55 GMT

You're most welcome

Thankyou

Tony WK

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

geoff — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 00:25:42 GMT

hi, my ex-wife used to pack clothes when we went away I couldn't do it because it wasn't good enough and when the house needed to be cleaned tell me what to do, so she always wanted me to vacuum, so I would pull out the vacuum and leave it outside the bathroom door when she was in the shower, turn it on and then walk away and do something else.
When we went shopping she had to choose everything, and when I did work around the house there was always her way, a better way, so finally I gave up and waited for her to tell me what to do, even though I was a builder, not qualified but a handyman. Geoff.

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

JessF — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 00:29:37 GMT

Hello Ner, I'm hoping you might be able to see the funny side of this in a few days. It sounds like an episode of Seinfeld! And Geoff your story about leaving the vacuum going just had me in stitches. Thanks for brightening up my morning!

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

white knight — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 10:06:05 GMT

Classic Geoff. 🙂

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

NerNerNer — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 14:19:43 GMT

And the drama continues.

Again, please don't offer me advice, coping strategies or your tried and proven methods that help you. I really appreciate the thought, but this is about me venting and keeping my cool until my next counseling session with my wonderfully qualified and very sensible counselor.

In the last two months:

- Housemate B gave housemate A and myself the silent treatment for a week and I don't know why. I even approached housemate B and very gently and supportively asked her what was up, but nada. Things have been so hot and cold, I'd swear housemate B is Melbourne's summer personified.

-Housemate B has continued to be largely hostile, difficult, demanding and very buddy-buddy with housemate C. Housemate B even told housemate A whom they don't want housemate A hanging out with. And if housemate A DOES hang out with people outside the house, then where is housemate B's invitation? And then housemate B will go and hang out with housemate C and not invite housemate A, who then feels like crap. Who tells me they feel like crap, but no, everything is just fine it doesn't affect her at all.

- Came across housemate A visibly shaking with emotion due to a(nother) fight with housemate B. While she was trembling with emotion, she denied that she was affected by the fight. Nope, it was ALL pms. Yeah.

- You can go to bed thinking that everything is fine and then wake up to find that you're in trouble again for some unknown reason that no one will ever tell you.

- Everyone has told me the deepest, darkest and dirtiest on everyone else in the house and it's all really messed up and I'm freaked out as heck.

- Housemate A has (impulsively, spur of the moment) adopted a new cat. That is startlingly like the one that died a couple of months ago. Last night, the cat wanted in to my room and was keeping me awake, so I let it in and left my door open. When housemate A woke up and fed the cat, housemate A made sure to close my door. Housemate A then sent me a text, asking me not to leave my door open so that the cat won't bond more closely to me than her. I'd agreed to keep my bedroom door closed as much as possible, thinking that I was okay with it, but then got less okay with it as the day wore on when I increasingly realised that, to stop the cat from bonding with me, I'll have to have almost nothing to do with the cat at all. Which will be challenging, because it wants everyone to love it.

Gah. Can I get off this ride? It's no fun anymore...

Low self esteem collision (Vent)

NerNerNer — Fri, 02 Sep 2016 01:16:28 GMT

Last night I basically had to chase housemate A around the house to get her to communicate with me about keeping my door closed all the time. It's not working for me, I need a time limit and am not going to take responsibility for how insecure she's feeling. I still want to be kind, flexible and accommodating, but I gotta have my limits.

It took two tries, we finally got there and I'm still not very happy. I'm not happy that it took two tries to get some solid boundaries and limits and I'm not happy that there was a lot of (what felt like) emotional game play and guilt tripping. I stated was that I was happy to keep my door constantly closed for a total of two weeks, but after that I need to be able to have my door open when I want to have it open. She said she understood and that she doesn't want to stop me from doing what I need in the house, but then she started trying to wriggle around what she'd said and brought up her heart breaking if the cat doesn't bond with her. So I left the conversation for a bit, had a think and came back to her again, saying that I just need some rules with the cat.

She opened up a bit more, I told her that the cat won't:

-Sit on my lap.

-Sit on my desk

- Will not be allowed on my bed

- Will not be fed by me in any way, shape or form

-I will not play with the cat. Period.

So then she complained that she felt like she was depriving the cat of attention and I kind of just said to her that if she wants to be a special person to the cat, she's got to make a harsh decision. She's just so convinced the cat will bond with me and not her. I can tell that nothing I said really reached her and this isn't just going away. It's just awful to be so aloof to such a beautiful, friendly cat but I don't know what's worse, getting guilt trips over bonding with the cat or seeing the cat really confused about why I don't pat it and ignoring it when it rubs itself around my legs. It really hurts, actually, because I love animals and making myself NOT be affectionate towards a affectionate animal is against my nature. 😧 And it's isolating too, I don't know if any of the other housemates are getting this pressure as well.

I can't wait until I get a job and this lease is finished. I am so, so gone from this drama fest. Just 100% done.