topic A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it in Relationship and family issues

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Tue, 17 May 2016 04:26:10 GMT

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

white knight — Tue, 17 May 2016 06:37:50 GMT

Hi again MisterM

Sometimes we don't know why people act the way they do. If she was more mature or outgoing she might have used some tact.

I work on a road crew once. The boys bought some smelling cans and one by one they stank the bosses van out. It was hilarious. Yet when I did the same he berated me.

Was it because the joke had ran its course? Or he had a foul mood, or didn't like me? The point is, he wouldn't tell me when I asked. So in my mind he had worse fault than me.

Be logical in your mind. There was nothing wrong in asking her out, nothing wrong in joking with her....so on.

Whatever her reason for her behaviour its her problem not yours.

Google: Topic: so what are their mental illnesses,beyondblue

Tony WK

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

pipsy — Tue, 17 May 2016 06:38:47 GMT

Hi MisterM. It sounds to me like this girl is ultra-sensitive about her suburb. You've apologised, there's not much more you can do. Was there something specific on the video or just a general overview of the area? I'd be inclined to leave it for now, be nice, smile. Let her know you meant no harm, I know you've apologised, but some people need constant reassurance there was no harm intended. How well do you know her? Perhaps she's just over sensitive and needs time to accept you meant no harm. Try not to beat yourself up, you've been doing so well, don't let this set-back knock you. The girl has the problem really, not you. It has nothing to do with you're never having had a gf, you're not a creep. It could be she's been a victim of a stalker, in which case she's obviously trying to overcome her own fears. Just continue as you have been going, don't do anything differently, don't take her fear on, it's her problem not yours. You're not a mind-reader, how could you possibly know she would react as she did?

Lynda.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Tue, 17 May 2016 07:04:16 GMT

Hi, thank you for your replies.
The video was just of her suburb, the main shopping strip and surrounds with nice acoustic guitar music.
I apologised on facebook after she told me off and also today in person, she told me no need to apologise.

I feel like she does not believe me and I reckon she did overreact.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

Apollo_Black — Tue, 17 May 2016 07:15:09 GMT

Hi MisterM

Can I suggest reading a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover - you can download it from iBooks. There may be some useful stuff you can get from there about dating and moving beyond the "friend zone" thing. He also has some great Podcasts about dating on his website.

Most importantly - testing for interest in women you like is important, however it's important to be outcome independent. ie: if they show little or no interest, move on and don't be upset about it. You'll find the right person for you, who is interested and you'll have a wonderful time.

It sounds like you have to continue to study with her so just keep it business-like from now on and leave it at that. No need to keep apologising nor bring it up again. I know it's hard but don't let it get you down - she's seriously not worth it. Learn from it, dust yourself off, move onward and upward!

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Tue, 17 May 2016 07:37:10 GMT

Hey Apollo Black.
Thank you for your reply.
I've never had a girlfriend and I am 32 nearly.
Somethings wrong when that's the case.
I've watched self help videos by Corey Wayne which my friend said helped him out with the dating game.
I can't shake it off, lying in bed on my laptop, have uni homeowork but I feel terrible and my head hurts. Plus lack of sleep last night.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

Apollo_Black — Tue, 17 May 2016 09:42:03 GMT

So what are you going to do?

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Tue, 17 May 2016 10:19:26 GMT

Not sure. Keep trying I guess. What else can I do.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

white knight — Tue, 17 May 2016 10:31:27 GMT

Internet dating has come a long way.

The major benefits are, matching compatibility, age, location,professions, interests, if you want kids etc. The filtering effect ...well you'd be dating hundreds to find the ideal person the traditional way.

PS. My daughter us getting married in 2017. She met a truly amazing guy on the net.

Tony WK

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

Apollo_Black — Tue, 17 May 2016 10:36:52 GMT

Keep trying what?

Be specific. What are you studying? Are you working at the same time? Are you sill living with your parents? Did you get anything from Corey Wayne? Are you going to read No More Mr Nice Guy? Are you going out with male friends and doing guy stuff? Do you have a hobby? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Does your uni study give you a job at the end of it?

It seems that you are stuck in limbo. Need to move forward you do. You can't shake off what? How this girl reacted? You can't control that. Put down he laptop and go for a long walk, nice and fast, see how you feel when you get back. It will pass

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

Apollo_Black — Tue, 17 May 2016 10:56:15 GMT

Sorry MrM. I don't want you to take what I said the wrong way - I just feel for you that you appear to be spinning your wheels in the mud. Sometimes you need to push the boundaries and face the fears. I've had a read of some of your posts - you like music. You write and play music. You should keep this up, definitely

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

pipsy — Wed, 18 May 2016 04:13:13 GMT

Hi MisterM. You've apologized, it sounds as though she's accepted your apology. It doesn't matter whether you believe she overreacted, if she did, that's her right. If you feel she doesn't believe your apology, there's not a lot you can do about it. You know you won't do it again. Keep moving forward, view this as a set-back- an mistake, that's what it was. Everyone makes mistakes, how were you to know she'd react this way? You could continue beating yourself up over it, who are you hurting - you. Go back to your studying, guitar playing. When you see her, smile. You don't have to waste time interacting, talking, treat her as nice as you did before. As far as she's concerned, be as you were. Once she realizes you didn't do it to deliberately hurt her, who knows, you might become good friends. Anything's possible.

Lynda.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 10:44:40 GMT

Hi Tony,

I have never felt comfortable about trying internet dating.
One of my ex friends had a bad experience which put me off.
And my sister thinks it is for creeps. My parents are not cool with it either.
I'd have to lie about how I met her if I met her online.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 10:49:05 GMT

Hi Apollo Black,

To answer your questions (IN CAPS)...

Be specific. What are you studying? (TEACHING/ARTS DEGREE) Are you working at the same time? (NO)
Are you sill living with your parents? (YES) Did you get anything from Corey
Wayne? (SOME THINGS BUT A LOT OF IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S TEACHING GUYS TO HAVE SEX RIGHT AWAY) Are you going to read No More Mr Nice Guy? (IF I GET TIME DUE TO UNI) Are you going out with
male friends and doing guy stuff? (I DON'T HAVE A GROUP OF MALE FRIENDS, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ONE OF THE BOYS, I DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS IN GENERAL) Do you have a hobby? (MUSIC) Where do you see
yourself in 5 years? (HOPEFULLY HAPPY, NOT SURE IF TEACHING IS FOR ME BUT AM GIVING IT A GO, MUSIC IS MY PASSION AND ART, I JUST WANT TO BE AN ARTIST BUT THAT DOES NOT PAY THE BILLS AND GAIN RESPECT FROM MY FAMILY) Does your uni study give you a job at the end of
it? (I HOPE THE FEES ARE WORTH IT)
It seems that you are stuck in limbo. Need to move forward you do.
You can't shake off what? How this girl reacted? (YES, IT'S MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF ESPECIALLY AS SHE IS MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME, MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM A CREEP) You can't control that.
Put down he laptop and go for a long walk, nice and fast, see how you
feel when you get back. It will pass

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 10:53:47 GMT

Hi Apollo Black,

Replying to your second post...

I am not that good a guitarist and singer, if I could I'd just pursue music. But I have financial commitments. Being a musician won't pay bills. My family think it's just a pipe dream for me, they don't support me, it's all about that mortgage. My first semester of uni will be over in a month. I haven't had the time to continue with music due to homework. Once I am a teacher I won't get time for music. I am torn about it all the time as I know I am giving up something that I love so that I can gain full time employment and respect from family. It's like, continue working crappy jobs if I can get them as I have been knocked back so many times by employers and just be a full time poor artist or give that away, finish my degree so I can have financial stability.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 10:57:49 GMT

Hi Lynda,

She sat away from her usual spot during today's lecture and then left early which she never does.
I feel like she is leaving early to avoid me and her walking to the train station to get home at the same time.
It's making me feel terrible that I might be making her feel that way. I have two tutotials with her tomorrow, one of which we need to sit together at a table to work on our assignment.
I doubt she'll ever want to be friends with me.
I am so down and anxiety ridden that someone thinks I am a creep when I am not. I meant no harm.
My mistake was not to think how she could see that link, I saw her as finding it a laugh not as me finding out where she lives.

I haven't played guitar all semester at uni, been too busy. Sad thing about uni it means no time for my passion.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

white knight — Wed, 18 May 2016 11:13:22 GMT

I like Pipsy's idea.

Smile, be your normal nice self, she could one day like you enough to see a future in you.

Until then time is your best healer. Motivation from lectures maybe at uni would help.

Most older people struggled financially and had difficulty getting work. That's life. But it gets better.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 11:22:24 GMT

Hi Tony,

I was stupid for even considering it.
She's going to be 19 soon and me 32. It wouldn't work.
I always seek out those above 23, this was an exception.
I let my despair and desperation at finding someone special get in the way of my judgement.
I had doubts before asking her out but felt she might like me (following me to the station to catch up with me, messaging me first, laughing at me when I wasn't trying to be funny) and thought I should be open minded and give it a shot.
I only thought I'd give it a shot because both my sisters married much older men. My sister was 19 when she met her husband who was 27 at the time. I guess it was a different generation back 20 years ago, girls were much more mature for their age.

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

blondguy — Wed, 18 May 2016 12:27:40 GMT

Hi MisterM

My name is Paul and have been following your thread. I see that you have some excellent advice from very kind and caring people on the forums.

You have had a rough time I do understand where you are coming from. Like Tony WK has mentioned ...the internet has come a long way with dating sites. My daughter has also met a crackerjack guy through internet dating. She is like you...very careful...but has made the effort and reached out despite the negatives and drawbacks some people mention.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM — Wed, 18 May 2016 12:33:28 GMT

Thank you Paul.