topic 25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser. in Relationship and family issues

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 13:30:21 GMT

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated.

I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone. I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships.

I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me.

There are times where I feel that I cannot relate to most people my age because I just have not had the same experiences as them. I dread conversations about sex or relationships with my friends. It feels pretty crappy to wonder why everyone manages to get a girlfriend while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It really does makes you feel less of a man.

I'm also extremely worried that because I have literally no intimate experience whatsoever with anyone, girls will not want to get involved with me because of it. I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

geoff — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 21:40:31 GMT

dear SC, thanks for posting your comment here, and how I can relate to this same problem, while others will reply back to you, which I hope they do and they will have more experience than you and I.

However it wasn't until I was 20 until I fell in love and who I married for 25 years when I was 21, and she was my first and only love in my life, but we aren't still together, but that's not the point here for your post.

What you are going through is very sad, I know, it was frustrating and felt left out, and some of your peers may suggest going online for a dating service, but these lead you on and only cost money and then more money as you get hooked on the dating site promising you the world, but then nothing.

I'm not saying that they are all fake as some people will vouch for them.

When you see and then meet someone just ask them about their life, what they do and what they like to do, this will then let them know that you are interested in what they do, so what if it's not what you like, because down the track you may learn that you will eventually like it doing it.

If you dominate what you like first of all then that's a turn off straight away, and make yourself presentable, not that I'm saying you don't already.

Just remember that your mates will exaggerate on what they say about their relationships, because if by chance you asked their partner about what they said I.m sure they would be horrified.

I hope that other people will join the conversation. Geoff.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Doolhof — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 22:23:49 GMT

Hi SC,

I wish I had met a guy like you when I was younger! Let me explain. I grew up in a rural area where the local guys used to have competitions to see how many females they could "have" in a weekend and would mark their conquests with a notch on their steering wheels or dashboard!

I was determined to not be a part of this culture and moved out of the town, but not before I was almost taken advantage of by three of these guys while I was out walking.

My sister was not so lucky and was raped in bed while being the guest of one of these guys mothers.

So what kind of guy would I have preferred to have known? One like you "down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tender-hearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hook-ups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships."

Where were guys like you when I was younger?

Hold on to your morals and your self respect, also tot he respect of others.

I'm hoping that one day you will meet a lady who will love all of your amazing qualities.

Like Geoff mentioned, don't worry about what your mates say, do they respect women, are they exaggerating a little, who knows.

He also gave you some good tips on how to communicate with people in general. Ask them about themselves, that helps get the conversation going.

You sound like a great guy! I hope you get back to us and let us know how you are getting on.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 23:35:59 GMT

Hi Doolhof and Geoff, thank you for your replies.

My opportunities to meet women have been quite limited. I live in a rural mining town in QLD. Like most mining towns pretty much the whole social scene revolves around drinking alcohol and partying on the weekend. Because I don't drink and bars/pubs/clubs are not my thing, meeting a girl I feel compatible with is like finding a needle in a haystack as most of the girls are into "party mode" which is something I'm just not into.

Last year I met a girl whom I really liked a lot. We became good friends and I really wanted get to know her better as a person. I had high hopes that she really liked me too and I had plans to muster up the courage and ask her on a date. Just as I was about to do that she met someone else and refuses to talk to me now and treats me like I don't exist, which really hurt me a lot.

For some reason I was always the so called “nice guy” that girls can only view as a friend. Why that is I have no idea. When I would get close to a girl and express my feelings I was always met with rejection with the same old line: "You're a lovely guy but I just want to be friends." After having this said to me over and over again, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

This whole thing has battered my self-esteem. Apart from work, I rarely leave the house and I just don't have the passion for life I once had. I'm convinced no girl would possibly want to be with me, so why put myself out there and risk getting hurt like I have time after time. Plus, it's safe to say that most women won't want anything to do with a guy who hasn't even been kissed at the age of 25.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Doolhof — Fri, 19 Jun 2015 10:42:00 GMT

Hi SC,

I'm so sorry I seem to have been unaware you had made a reply! I am so very sorry for the lack of communication!

I haven't been feeling myself lately due to some unwanted side effects with medication and then needing to come off them.

Anyway, besides all of that, how are you getting on? Have you managed to get out of your home recently to join in some social events?

I'm not at all familiar with mining towns so don't really know how life ticks along there.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could become involved in? Are there groups in town you might like to join?

Are there nice restaurants about the place? Cinemas? Places to go for a picnic or a walk? Can you invite a small group of people to join you in some kind of activity you would enjoy?

Have you tried dating sites at all? I have no idea at all about them either, but all the ads on t.v. make it look interesting!

Are there ways you can build up your self esteem?

Having people not answer you back here on this forum can't be helping you feel good about yourself either, so I am very sorry about that!

I hope you get back to me and let me know how you are getting on.

Cheers for now from Lauren

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Meegi184 — Sat, 20 Jun 2015 08:34:26 GMT

Dear SC,I would firstly like to say thank you for sharing your post. I found it deeply brave and shows what a kind heart you have.I found myself relating very strongly to a lot of the same things you seem to be feeling. I too am an introvert and quite shy, straight laced, do not like to party and do not drink alcohol. I care deeply for other people and find peace and satisfaction in helping and supporting others. Whilst I am looking for meaningful relationships, I have never been very interested in sex and felt a bit weird and like an outsider.Whilst most of my friends in high school were chasing after boys, I was busy caring for my terminally ill mother. Whilst I do long for the care and support of a committed relationship, I find it difficult to open up to other people emotionally since my mothers passing. I too worry that as I have no intimate experience at the age of almost 23, I have left it too late and find myself surrending to just being on my own. I also find I am able to relate to people much older than myself a lot easier than people my age. The majority of my close friends are in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m sorry to hear that you have been let down and heartbroken in the past as you seem like a wonderful, kind hearted person.Thank you again for being brave enough to share a vary helpful post xx

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

BKYTH — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:07:39 GMT

Everything you said in the first line of your post is also true for me but at 62yo I have a few decades on you. Like you I can only understand sexuality within a committed, loving relationship. I remember reading a book about the English compose Edward Elgar. In it he mentioned an evening when, after a day of teaching violin, he returned home and began to tinker on the piano. At one point, in his own words he said his "Dear wife exclaimed that what he had just played was lovely..........." They had been married for over forty years. His "Dear wife" For me that is far more valuable than the gyrations and fumbling that, as men, we are expected to pursue as if that were the definition of manhood itself. Geoff made some very sound remarks as have others so consider them. I am I suppose what would be called a 'romantic' whatever that means. You are no less a man than any other, unless you measure that in the most superficial of ways, and would be loved as you would wish to love if you don't allow your sense of what important to you to be compromised by what you are told you are supposed to be. Philip.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

SwansFan — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 10:42:44 GMT

Hi Semiconductor,

Dude, you are not alone! I'm a year older than you and have had next to no action either! Part of that was because I only really discovered my sexuality a few years ago (little slow on the uptake) but still -- when it comes to intimacy I'm a complete novice!

And that weighed on me for a loooong time. But you know what? It's not a big deal. Life works in mysterious ways...All these guys you've referenced, who sleep around with countless women? Prob not gonna ever find that someone special! I have friends like that, who focus so heavily on the number of girls they can pull - and I think to myself, Are they happy though?

You seem like a really decent, intelligent dude. Learn to love yourself! Be comfortable in your own skin. Soon you might start radiating confidence! Humour yourself, you might be surprised by what happens. Try eHarmony or one of the apps/dating sites that is for people looking for serious relationships, not just a meaningless fling.

My parents met when they were in their late twenties, and neither of them had had a relationship before. And they're still the happiest couple I know. Focus on yourself, your interests and your goals, and trust that the other side of things will work itself out 😉

Take care,

James

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Peter56 — Thu, 09 Jul 2015 06:57:57 GMT

What you wrote caught my attention and since I'm older, allow me to share some advise into the issues from my life experiences. I am 56, single, lived on my own all my life, have no children and never been married, so I do understand what you are feeling.

First of all, can I please advise you not to try any of those internet dating sites. I have met or spoken with several women over the years from online dating sites and I can assure you they've told me that some can receive dozens, if not hundreds of replies from guys, (depending on how long her profile is on there) so the chances of you getting a reply or even meeting someone is very remote. So forget internet dating for now. It's not the way to go and it will only lower your self esteem from being rejected and that's not what you want at this stage.

Have you tried joining a social group? Depending on where you live, most areas will have a social groups which consist of a vast range of activities that attract singles of all ages. Once you get involved, you will meet people and the idea is to build up a social network of friends, whether it be male or female friends, it doesn't matter. Once you get to know people you get to meet and go out with other people from outside the social group. If you meet a girl that your not interested in, just be friends and you will meet more people from having friends. Learn to dance. Go out to dinners. Live bands. Movie nights. Weekends trips. Enrol in a cooking class. The list of activities is endless. These friends will not pre-judge you simply because you've never been in a relationship.

You sound as if you have a steady job, so if you are gainfully employed, you're doing better than me because you are an eligible bachelor. Good luck.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Qualm — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 11:35:11 GMT

Hi SC, I wish I could offer some helpful advice but unfortunately I'm in much the same boat as you, with many of the same fears regarding lack of relationship experience - only I'm five years older. Well done on having the courage to put yourself out there and approach women that you are interested in; I wish I could say the same for myself!

I'd have to agree with Peter regarding online dating. Competition is fierce and you'll more than likely hurt your self-esteem by partaking in it. Perhaps the more serious sites like eHarmony might be better (I haven't tried it), but I can say from experience that services like Oasis, PoF and Tinder should probably be avoided. If you do want to try one of these, then don't let the lack of responses from women get to you.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

MEddy — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 08:18:53 GMT

G'day Sc

Please don't think you are a loser mate, not at all, it sucks that you live in such a rural area to but try some cafes and stuff maybe try google and see if there is any social groups 🙂 I'm 26 so we are around the same age and I think it's really cool to know there is someone else out there that isn't into hook ups and that.

Hope I have helped in someway mate.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

jammajammamohuma — Wed, 05 Aug 2015 03:50:27 GMT

Hi Semiconductor

gosh your story sounds like a very typical young person. I was brought up listening to the "smiths" and all that music that resembled what its like to be a young person and I know how heart wrenching and lonely it is.

your actually in the best position and age to meet someone that is genuine. yes I got through highschool without even have kissed a girl while all my friends had girlfriends and dealt with issues of pregnancy. being dumped and cheated on and having multiple partners. it was pretty heavy. even my parents started to wonder if I was gay or something. even I would question it myself. I started working in a supermarket which is a pretty crappy place to work but had really good social aspect. I would like maybe not really get into it at first but it goes like this: you may talk to a person every once in a while and that once in a while may get to be more frequent which is an indication the other person likes you. yes it may take a long time but things evolve. (pretty sad I know.) Also clubs like gym classes you dont have to talk to anyone but you become a regular you talk to someone sometimes then more frequent ...etc. see where Im going.

you just need to get yourself out there. for you. I had a friend that met there partner playing online games though gaming chics arent people you meet online all the time. there are the chat websites which I dont really trust , theres dating websites which can be a bit of trial and error and theres lots of sleazy opportunist on there that really just want nothing more to get into girls pants.

my point is if your out there your on the market. there are plenty of places for introverted likeminded people. being part of the community is a start.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor — Sat, 05 Sep 2015 10:01:54 GMT

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies and input. I really appreciate it. I would have replied to this post earlier but life has gotten in the way.

Living in a remote mining town there are very little opportunities to really get out and about apart from bars and clubs. I go out with friends to the movies occasionally and I recently began playing mixed Futsal socially. However the ratio from men to women is around 10 men to 1 woman so the amount of women I have to meet is quite limited (single that is). I plan to move sometime next year.

The thing is I'm just too shy and awkward to approach women. It's just too hard. I have tried and every time have failed miserably and learned nothing from it. I can't flirt or chat up woman. I just don't have the confidence to do it. A few weeks ago I went through a really dark period where I considered going to an escort to loose my virginity because I was just so down in the dumps and frustrated about my situation and yearned to experience intimacy and be loved. I told a good friend about my intentions and he talked me out of it. He made me realize a few things, put things in perspective and put my mind at ease.

My feelings about my situation are a little better than they used to be but I still have days where I get very upset and down on myself about it all. I find myself in a Catch-22, I'm depressed because I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend, and a virgin who has never had a girlfriend because I am depressed. Seeing my friends with their girlfriends kills me sometimes. I often think "Why can't I have someone in my life?". Then I have days where I think I should just give up on women and go join the priesthood and live the rest of my life in celibacy.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Doolhof — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 08:23:03 GMT

Hi Semiconductor,

It must be really tough being in an area where there just aren't the women to meet in the first place. Maybe if you do move then your will have different opportunities to meet women.

It is wonderful you were able to share how you felt with your friend. He obviously gave you some wise words. Yes, it may have been a wonderful experience for you, but I don't think you have felt any sensation of LOVE that was real from the lady.

There are those of us who are married and no longer have sex for one reason or another. That is tough as well.

It must be tough seeing your friends with their girlfriends. Do you find it hard to chat with these women as well? Maybe you could try and have conversations with them and see how you go. It might help to build up your confidence.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

tulpa — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 12:24:58 GMT

Hi everyone, I'm 29 and don't even understand sex intimacy, I've never had a girlfriend been on a date or kissed a girl it is becoming increasingly unlikely that I every will. All I ever seem to do now is get angrier and lonelier I don't know what I can do about it. All the advice I seem to get starts with, you're a great guy but...

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

KateMate — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 13:05:49 GMT

For what it's worth,

I am a similar aged female, with some sexual experiance, but I wouldn't consider a guys sexual experiences before dating them.

I think for most girls interested in long term relationships at our age... personality, how they treat others, and being a good friend would be much more important. I have never asked about someone's experiance before dating them, or even going further, it would only come up as part of a safe sex talk or conversation about ex's.

I would suggest that it is hard for lots of people to find partners, especially shift workers and people who don't like to drink to socialise. It feels like a big deal to you, but it probably isn't to the right girl and she won't know until you tell her, and then it can spark open and honest conversation about something that we probably rush into, (personally) - feeling like the other person knows more about what they are doing, I'm doing it all wrong etc.

Keep looking, female friends can help build confidence and introduce you to more woman as well, and taking it slow is great too!

Kate

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

MisterM — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 05:10:03 GMT

If it makes you feel any better, I am 31, greying hair, never moved out of home, unemployed, only one friend, and never had a girlfriend or sex.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

JayBui201 — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 08:08:47 GMT

It seems there is pretty enough empathy and shares from people for you. So, I'll give you some useful advices for your issue. First, if your worries about your lack of experience bother you too much, you need to solve it. I mean, if hiring a hooker doesn't make you feel so guilty, just go and try it. At least, it will get you some confidence. Second, if you want your 'right' girls to love you, you have to find out the way to become the their 'right' guy. A love is not defined as being 'nice' and loyal to each other. Love is the way you get broken heart for another person. If you want a girl to fall in love with you, you have to make her interested first. Don't be a boring nice guy, be an interesting good guy. Besides, if you want a good tip to improve yourself, try this 'Stand up, go outside and ask for a number of the fourth girl you'll meet'. Do it and your self esteem will increase in secs

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

BigJ — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 05:43:09 GMT

Hi I have had the same experiences at you did and it really is a place that you don't want to be. If you have a job where you can talk to girls that helps. If you don't not to worry having a girl as a friend is a great way to hook up because they might help you with it, it's as if she was like your best mate and he helps you out.

Think positive and say to yourself it doesn't matter if this girl doesn't like you I'll try the next girl, thinking of asking multiple women too is a good idea also.

Woman Like interesting and confident guys, get to know her and once you know her find something interesting to her and make her laugh too she will love this.

look up some positions in books or even online there's plenty of stuff out there to bring your confident up especially if she hasn't done it before . Sex is not the most important thing in the world if she is experienced at sex she will look after you so finding woman with experience is great also.

So go out there and do this.

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

g_m_p — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 12:14:58 GMT

You have to like yourself first before you can get anyone else to like you

How is your grooming/fashion etc?...best you can be?

I have joined meetup- there are heaps of things you can do-keep yourself in circulation-travel to another town/city? every so often

note- I am married and haven't had sex for 10 years-true-and was one of those guys who played the field (100+)

we all have our demons

Good Luck