topic Deaf guy relationship in Relationship and family issues

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 03:18:08 GMT

I'm a Deaf gay from Asian and in my late-30s. My all ex were Deaf and I never had hearing bf. I'm out of relationship with my Deaf ex 3 years ago, and I have rare dating with guys coz of my deafness.

Most of hearing guys rejected me as I'm Deaf Asian guy. Some guys met me just once or twice then dropped me as it's hard to communication with me. I recently met one nice guy and seen him for two weeks, I knew we went too far and he disappeared and nothing hear from him since.

I feel ashame myself being Deaf. If I'm hearing then it will be better (Don't tell me that I should dating with Deaf guys here, it's very low number of Deaf gay guys here). I have a full time job, own my house and car, no smoke and no drug, different hobbies, not into party and health food. I tried to go out and any events but no one come to me. I feel less value and no love by anyone. My family love me but they never talk anything to me; I only have one or two close friends but they can't listen to me all the time, I recently visit my psych and not yet feel better. I feel no love in the world, No one give love to me and I can't give them my love.

I'll be okay however I think I get worst day by day and I cry almost everyday. Sometimes I thought why I'm here? I don't know if you understand me?

Deaf guy relationship

Paul — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 04:23:32 GMT

Hi Deafboy,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. I'm sorry you're having a tough time at the moment.

You know there are some hearing guys who are really horrible. Quite a lot who just want to pick us up and then not contact us after that. I know that being deaf would make this more difficult, but people being horrible like you've described don't limit this to hearing or non hearing people. They are just horrible no matter what.

I haven't met you, but you write beautifully and I can tell you're a sweet guy from how you've written about your experience. Don't ever forget that you're beautiful whether you are hearing or not.

There's a few things that I can think of that might help.

Have a talk to a counsellor who works with non hearing people about relationships and possibly about depression.

Also depending what state you are in I can find the local gay deaf group who host activities and meetings. The counselling service in that state usually has great contacts.

If you are comfortable to let us know what state you live in I'm happy to call the counselling service and find the information for you.

There are also a number of gay social meetup groups @ www.meetup.com there's also a smartphone app. Meetup is non sexual and brings people together who have common interests.

Hugs. Let me know what you think about a counsellor and if you would like me to get some gay deaf social group contacts for you.

Take care.

Paul

Deaf guy relationship

Graceeeeee — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 04:43:09 GMT

Hi Deafboy

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through all this, you can try opening up to your family and close friends more, they will be there to listen, because they love you. Also I think lats has a good point about seeing a counsellor, I think that would really help.

When you say you feel no love in the world that makes me sad, because there is love I know, at least on this forum we love and support each other. I hope you feel better by opening up here.

And just in case you need some love today I'm sending out my love and support to you 🙂

Love,

Grace xx

Deaf guy relationship

white knight — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 12:22:20 GMT

Hi Deafboy,

Please keep reading threads on this forum. There are many that might help you get your confidence back.

You might think that getting a "never give up" attitude is beyond you but it is easy once you gain confidence.

The advice from the others is outstanding also.

Tony WK

Deaf guy relationship

geoff — Sat, 30 Jan 2016 01:45:33 GMT

dear Deafboy, I am sorry that you call yourself by this name, because you're still a person who works and lives with everyone
else in the community, so I feel as though you are already degrading yourself, as this certainly doesn't happen here on this site, where
everyone is equal no matter what colour, shape or size and definitely not what sexual tendencies you are.
There's a TV show on early in the morning which I love to watch where a deaf person works in the FBI, you may know about it
and everyone treats her as being a great asset in the force, where she lip reads what they are saying, as well as does sign
language to the people she has trained.
What I am saying maybe way off what you have posted in about, but there are people who are keen on communicating with
you by writing down what you and he have to say, so don't let this be a barrier stopping you from meeting someone. Geoff.

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 00:43:38 GMT

Thanks lats for your advise. I met different counsellors and they always asked my many questions about my Deaf world, I just wonder if I paid them for education them about my Deaf culture or counsell me?? Recently I found a psych who understand Deaf people and I only met him since late last year and I still need to visit him often if possible. I get depressed when I came out 20 years ago and never have a relationship/dating with hearing bf.

I'm from Melbourne, however I knew all Deaf gay guys here and I know the group. Just don't get me better.

Thank you.

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 00:48:54 GMT

Thank you Grace!!

Deaf guy relationship

Embracing_Tiger — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 00:51:47 GMT

Hi Deafboy,

sorry life is hard for you right now. You seem to genuinely and deeply want to connect with someone on that intimate level.

From your post, I can understand how difficult it is to make these connections and why you would feel ashamed about being deaf. I hope that one day you will see that the way that you are makes you the unique and valuable person that you are. In a lesser way, I used to (and sometimes still do) be ashamed of being Asian, when I saw online profiles saying "no Asians". I feel better about myself now, but it still hurts. The LGBTIQA+ community has to improve its inclusion and understanding of people with a disability.

I can only offer you words of encouragement. You, literally, see the world differently from most people, but that makes you so valuable; to a future partner and to the community at large. Perhaps the online space could be an opportunity to make more friends, or at least, have a chat? There are people on these forums that happy to chat with others, myself included. We're here for you.

I don't know if it interests you, but I did see a ASL "music" clip of the song Same Love. It did seem lovely, and may help you feel less alone.

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 00:56:37 GMT

Thank you Tony WK. I lost any confidence since I came out 20 years ago and feel myself not attracted to anyone however I tried to join sport competition, actor, volunteer but still don't feel better. Hearing won't learn Auslan or try to communication with me, so I feel I'm out of any communities.

I never give up but still never feel that I'm successful.

Deaf guy relationship

Paul — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 01:41:46 GMT

How about meetup Deafboy?

Have you tried finding people who share similar interests whether gay or straight and hearing or non hearing. I'm sure there would be many non hearing groups on there.

www.meetup.com

Paul

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 03:22:12 GMT

Thank you Geoff. I agree with you that everyone is equal but also they have their 'prefer' for their partner, include myself. But who will want disable people as their partner? TV always too good to be true, who always have happy end? lol Anyway yes always good to communication with anyone with writing if they are keen to communication with us. 🙂

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 03:34:09 GMT

Hi ET, yeah I reckon you understand how I feel. We are Asian so lots online profiles that "no Asians", but I'm the worst as I'm Asian and Deaf. I read a book called "The Family Law" (and TV show recently too) and sometimes I wish I'm Benj so it's a bit "easy" life as it's not many Asians in Queensland in 1990s and they also more acceptable with disable people than now.

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 03:36:58 GMT

Thank you Paul. I never hear about Meetup and I'll have a look and see what's happen.

Deaf guy relationship

Graceeeeee — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 04:49:02 GMT

Hey Deafboy!

If it's ok with you could you give us a name to call you by? I agree with geoff that you are just as equal to everybody, and there's absolutely no need to degrade yourself like this. And I agree with ET that I hope one day you will see yourself as the unique and valuable person you truly are. I really admire your spirit, coming out is a huge, courageous step and it's amazing that you did it. I really do hope that you know to love yourself, because there's just no reason not to 🙂

And yes maybe not everything has a good ending like in the TV shows, but I know there's always two ways out of everything: the positive one and the negative one, and the fact that you chose to come and talk about yourself on this forum says that you've chosen the positive one, I hope you realise that and I hope you keep it up 🙂

Hope you have an awesome day, don't forget to love yourself 🙂

With love,

Grace

Deaf guy relationship

pipsy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 05:15:10 GMT

Hi there. I am not going to refer to you as Deafboy, because I'm totally against 'labels' of any description. You are a very warm, loving person with a HUGE heart. These are the things you should be building on. Your grasp of the written word is amazing too. Have you thought about contacting the local school about night classes to learn 'sign language'. These classes are not just for 'deaf' people, but anyone who has a communication problem. Writing things down is time consuming and in todays busy life, you don't always HAVE the time. I joined a 'sign language' class years ago, I was given a book to study where I was able to learn the alphabet, plus little things that were useful in my day to day life. Whether you're gay or not, is not the issue here. The issue is communication. Once you learn to 'sign', the world's your oyster. By the way, you are not disabled, you are actually more sensitive than people who can speak, because you have other senses that you've probably had to rely on. Think about signing up for 'sign language' classes.

Deaf guy relationship

Paul — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 09:18:20 GMT

Hey Db,

You said "Who would want a disabled person as their partner"

The simple answer is, someone with a heart as big as yours! There ARE guys out there with big hearts. We've just got to find them. Or let them find us because when we are ready I believe that it just happens if we are in the right social situation.

Paul x

Deaf guy relationship

Deafboy — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 21:01:12 GMT

Thanks Grace for kind of words. I'm not sure what do you mean that I should go and learn "sign language"? I use Auslan and it's my second language after Chinese. But it's good that you know some Auslan!

Deaf guy relationship

Graceeeeee — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 21:20:15 GMT

Hello again!

Hope you're having a good day today, if you know Auslan then it's good! My first language is actually Chinese too, do you mind talking about where you came from? Perhaps we'll find something in common. I hope you see the world as it loves you, because it does, and we all do. Have you checked out some of the metope websites? If you have tell me how it went!

Hope to hear from you soon, have the best day 🙂

With love,

Grace xx

Deaf guy relationship

Graceeeeee — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 23:45:37 GMT

Hello my dear friend!

I haven't heard from you in a few days, so I thought I'd pop by and see if you're doing ok, if you have anything that you want to talk about with us please do! We will always be here for you. I really do hope to hear from you soon!

Hope you have an awesome day!

With Love,

Grace xx

Deaf guy relationship

pipsy — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 01:14:57 GMT

Hi Deafboy. Auslan is simply another form of sign language. That was also taught when I did the sign language class. I'm slightly deaf, so knowing another 'language' helped me immensely. If you are having a problem hearing, though, have you thought about having a hearing test to see how bad your hearing is? Perhaps a hearing aid might help you. No, in case you're wondering, hearing aids are so small, you can't see them. With my job, a lot of my clients wear them, if they didn't tell me, I wouldn't know. Being deaf shouldn't cause you any major problems in your every day life. Maybe you should talk to someone about sign language, they do incorporate Auslan with sign language. Think about having a test though.