topic Let Down by My Psychologist in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Sat, 09 Jun 2018 06:12:34 GMT

I was just hoping to get another perspective on this - I honestly don't know what to do about it.

Up until January I was seeing a psychologist at a trauma service, for work-related PTSD and depression. For some time I had felt that I had become too dependent on her, which I raised with her more than once. I actually asked for a break from therapy, twice, but she talked me out of it each time and we continued on with weekly sessions. Anyway, the day of my last appointment, I found that I just wasn't up to it and that was it. I stopped sessions altogether. But I pretty well misjudged my own condition and as no discharge plan had been put in place, I suffered accordingly. I've had ongoing problems with depression and anxiety since then.

I had no follow up, not even a "how are you going?" phone call, so I emailed my former psychologist in early May to express my disappointment. She couldn't have come across as less interested. She told me she would pass my feedback to her supervisor, but I've heard nothing since then. This was six weeks ago.

I feel extremely let down. I was a client there for 12 months, but once I left it was like I no longer existed. This was not what I was expecting, at all. I put everything into therapy and trusted my psychologist completely. The complete lack of interest, care and concern shown by her in return has been devastating.

I'm having a hard time, but the last thing I want to do now is engage with another psychologist.

Is this how things normally work in the mental health system?

Let Down by My Psychologist

Croix — Sat, 09 Jun 2018 13:17:50 GMT

Dear CoffeeSnob~

This is a problem many, including myself, have had to face. One of the big traps for me has been to see medical personnel as friends, when in fact they are pay-for. There is a duty of care of course, but this is open to interpretation. While many professionals might follow up in those circumstances, I suppose some would not feel there is an obligation, particularly as you had twice expressed reservations about continuing therapy.

I would think it is necessary to open right up and to reveal one's innermost self in order for problems to be addressed and I guess we all have a sort of built instinct that if we are confiding very personal facts then the person we are talking to must be close. (I did not say this is logical, just that it happens)

So it can come as a pretty big shock when one finds out it is a 'financial transaction'. I'm probably being rather unfair to the many professionals that do care and do try hard over and above what is strictly expected, but fundamentally they are not friends in the normal sense. If for example one retires then hopefully the therapist will have made arrangements for another to take over the case, however that relationship - no matter how longstanding - will cease straight away.

It reminds me of another situation, where we used to employ a private lawyer to conduct prosecutions, and a very easy relationship was formed over time. Then the arrangement came to an end and we saw him as a defense lawyer. All perfectly proper but a surprise nevertheless.

It boils down to the fact that medical treatment of all types is a tool that you use to make yourself better. You do have to rely upon doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists, but that is for their professionalism, to give you their expertise and skill. Anything more is a bonus.

I'm sure I'm only telling you what you already know. Please don't let this incident stop you from obtaining professional help, as I mentioned a while ago it is important.

Croix

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Sun, 10 Jun 2018 00:21:04 GMT

Hi Croix,

Thanks for replying. Of course, this was a professional relationship. I knew that going in. And I'd actually talked with her about it a number of times, so I wasn't under any illusions. I suppose it would have been helpful for me to wind down the sessions - go to fortnightly, then monthly, then stopping. Going from weekly to nothing was hard and I really noticed it after a few weeks. But I suppose I should take more responsibility for that.

When I emailed her I was in pretty bad state, not seeking sympathy but perhaps a referral or something. So yes, that was a shock to realise I was a just a number in the system.

And it has put me off therapy. But maybe that will change in the future.

Let Down by My Psychologist

Ggrand — Sun, 10 Jun 2018 00:33:41 GMT

Hello coffee snob,

Im sorry your psych done that to you...

Mty psych, decided to ring me up and cancelled my appointment over 2 months ago and said she will reappoint the following week..She hasn't...she has just left me in the middle of theraphy, She abandoned me..My mental health nurse and gp both have been trying to reach her now for over 2 months with no success, she is working just not answering her emails to my mental health carers.. No more psych in this little town so I'm on my own to try to sort myself out I have greater issues now then before I started therapy, with my traumas brought forward and not addressed is making things extremely hard..

My abandonment and rejection issues are really high in scale now.....Duty of care , seems to only exist to paying customers...

I just thought I would pop in and let you know that you are not alone..

Grandy..

Let Down by My Psychologist

White_Rose — Sun, 10 Jun 2018 00:58:02 GMT

Dear CoffeSnob

This can be a most distressing event to happen. It is difficult to sever the connection between you and a therapist. It is the nature of the beast that customers become dependant on these people. They are supposed to be trained to handle this transference so either your psychologist was not well trained or cannot be bothered to keep you safe.

No matter how much you understand the relationship it is the responsibility of the therapist to manage this relationship. They are the ones who should be keeping a professional distance and also ensuring you are not harmed. She can have no excuse for not talking about the effect she was having on you.

I actually asked for a break from therapy, twice, but she talked me out of it each time and we continued on with weekly sessions.

I find this is unacceptable. Who referred you to this psych? Can you get a referral to someone else? I think you need to talk to someone even though you feel you cannot trust a therapist again. When something similar happened to me my GP arranged for me to see someone else. I think we spent the best of the year dealing with my lack of trust before we actually started therapy.

Was this psych part of your workplace Employee Assistance Service? If so you should report this to your HR department.

Pleas keep writing in.

Mary

Let Down by My Psychologist

clownartist — Sun, 10 Jun 2018 01:25:09 GMT

Hi Coffee Snob,

I have endured the same behaviour from my psychologist.Very disappointing to realise your mental health is a financial transaction.When my mental health plan expired my psychologist offered me a discount for cash The ultimate insult on our final meeting was he gave me a chinese finger trap bizarre.I felt totally abused,no follow up phone call no email.There are good psychologist out there just have to find them.Maybe we need a rating system like Ebay sellers/Tripadvisor have ??Cheers CA

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 01:34:54 GMT

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. I know how hard it is to seek help and then trust a psychologist enough to open up to them.

I hope you find the support you're seeking. In the meantime, you have all of us here on the forums to chat to.

Be kind to yourself.

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 01:39:30 GMT

Hi Mary,

Thanks for your reply. The psychologist I was seeing was part of a very well-regarded trauma service. A lot of police are referred there. I do know they have quite a waiting list, so perhaps this is just how they operate. Once you're out the door, you're not their problem anymore and it opens up a space for someone else. To be honest, that seems a rather callous approach to mental health care, but not sure there's anything I can do about it.

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 01:42:40 GMT

Hi CA,

Thanks for replying. A Chinese finger trap? Really? I'm sorry you were treated like this too, it really sucks. I don't think it's too much to expect some form of follow up. Nobody is expecting to become besties with their psychologist, but some degree of professional aftercare would be appreciated.

Take care.

Let Down by My Psychologist

smallwolf — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 03:53:55 GMT

Just going to through some random thoughts I might put out there...

On being persuaded or talked into of weekly sessions. While each persons case is unique, and sure there are cases where a being talked into a weekly session might be a money grab, when it happened to me, it was actually worth while. At the time I would have questioned it, but in hindsight... (just playing devils advocate here. And I have been lucky with my psychologist.)

A chinese finger trap is not that uncommon in psychology. Push the finger closer together and the trap will loosen. Pull apart and tightens. Picture one finger as you, and the other is stress. Pulling apart might equate to running away and does not help the situation. But if you can get closer to the issues and/to combat them, you have a better chance of "winning". Otherwise putting fingers closer together is like acceptance of the problems?

Tim

Let Down by My Psychologist

CoffeeSnob — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 05:59:30 GMT

Hello Tim,

That does make sense about the finger trap. I would hope CA was given the same explanation - otherwise it may seem like rather a random gift.

The weekly sessions were beneficial, but my problem was I had become too attached and I knew it was going to difficult when it came time to stop therapy. I actually talked to my former psychologist about it months before I left and told her my concerns. As it turned out, I went from weekly sessions to nothing and it was extremely difficult. I think it would have helped me to gradually decrease the frequency of sessions before stopping completely.

Have learnt my lesson.

Let Down by My Psychologist

clownartist — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 06:55:49 GMT

Hello CoffeeSnob,

I completely concur with you in many regards.The chinese finger trap did seem like a random parting gift.I realise my psychologist was sort of making an attempt,but unfortunately some people are completely unsuited to counselling.It is a difficult process,therapy feels like emptying your handbag onto the table and having someone else go thru it who gives a damn but not too much to go thru it.I also agree to go from weekly sessions to nothing is difficult same happened to me.The question I keeping coming back to is What do you hope to achieve from your sessions?A sympathetic ear concern for your welfare and perhaps constructive criticism on how to move forward .It is very difficult dealing with the human mind Cheers CA

Let Down by My Psychologist

White_Rose — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 03:38:35 GMT

Hello Karen

So sorry to read about your interactions with the psychologist. What an unprofessional way to act.

You said, Duty of care , seems to only exist to paying customers... She must have been paid by someone. Were you on a mental health plan? Not that it is an excuse for treating you in this manner, it really is the pits. Are there any psychiatrists in your town or near enough to drive? You will get a rebate from Medicare every time you see a psychiatrist and may well get better service. If someone is available you could have a chat with your GP. Why not see what's available.

I know the word psychiatrist is a bit scary for some people. I see a psychiatrist every week and find it very helpful.You know about the Medicare safety net so that even if your rebate leaves a big out of pocket expense you will soon reach that safety net and have the majority of the fee paid. I pay about $18 per session.

I can relate to being abandoned in that heartless fashion. It is disgusting to leave you to manage on your own just when you were beginning to open up and talk. You do know you can make a complaint about her.

Are there any other options for you? Can your GP offer some MH counselling and/or your MH nurse? I imagine they are supporting you at the moment.

Despite the psych not being available did you learn anything about self soothing and helping you process the different thoughts? It would be good to try to utilise anything you have learned to help you move forward.

Mary

Let Down by My Psychologist

james1 — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 05:09:43 GMT

Hello everyone,

Coffeesnob - I'm really glad you've posted here because you've shared something which many of us have felt too. That sense of abandonment by someone we trust is really hard to deal with, especially when we are not well.

I have expressed a desire to reduce and even quit therapy a number of times with my own psychologist and been talked out of it each time. I've also expressed a desire to quit work and got talked out of that. I am quite glad that I was talked out of it, though I certainly wasn't at the time.

I think it is hard to know what is the "right" thing when it comes to therapy. Sometimes the right thing can feel like the wrong thing to us. For me, dropping therapy seems like a great idea. But I also don't know how close I am to taking a bad mental fall and, if I did, how likely I would be to try and reconnect with a therapist. Not likely, would be my best guess.

So perhaps my current psychologist talks me out of it because she thinks it is best for me. Or perhaps it is a money grab. I do not know.

I think the most important thing is that we are very clear with ourselves as well as with our psychologists about what we want from the therapy. The more clear we are, the more we are able to see if it will be a good match.

I have a friend whose psychologist responds to late night texts. None of mine ever have. But I suppose that is a boundary that they have discussed and which that psychologist is okay with.

James

Let Down by My Psychologist

Lici — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 05:52:54 GMT

Hi CoffeeSnob and all who are reading,

I find this thread very interesting to read as I've felt like this in the past (especially when my psychiatrist retired) but I'm also in my third year of studying to become a psychologist so I can kind of see both sides.

Psychologists have to follow the Australian psychological association's ethical guidelines. There are strict rules that they have to follow in regards to interacting with clients or they can lose their licence to practice. So while it may seem like they are being uncaring and heartless, many may be the complete opposite but their hands are tied. I'm not sure of the complete ethical guidelines as I'm not at that stage of my studies yet, but I do know that they're not allowed to have any form of relationship or friendship with a client outside of the professional role legally for 2 years after they have stopped seeing that client professionally. I'd say for most, they have to detach themselves for their own mental health and well-being. If they care too much and a client suddenly ends the professional relationship without any warning or email to explain that they are no longer coming, I'd imagine it would be rather upsetting.

Another thing to remember is that there is an enormous amount of people seeing "your" psychologist at any one time. The system is underfunded and I'd imagine that it is quite a stressful job. Psychologists are human too and they may forget about clients due to the sheer number of clients they have. I agree that psychologists should answer emails etc a bit better than in the examples here, they may have had 100+ emails that they have to go through.

They may be a psychologist who is also a university lecturer, researcher, forensic psychologist involved in court cases etc. Many don't just have the one role and have to juggle many different aspects of their careers.

It's very easy to become attached to your psychologist or psychiatrist and I'd imagine that the opposite would be true for psychologists and psychiatrists. The difference is though, a psychologist or psychiatrist is not ethically supposed to show that they care etc.

I hope this hasn't come across as too know it all or whatever, I just thought that maybe some of what I know from my studies may shed some light on the other side of the relationship. If I've upset or offended anyone I'm sorry.

Kind regards,

Lici

Let Down by My Psychologist

Doolhof — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 06:11:05 GMT

Hi Lici,

Thanks for your comments, they have been greatly appreciated. It is interesting to get a perspective form the psychologist and psychiatrist point of view.

Cheers from Dools

Let Down by My Psychologist

Lici — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 06:19:41 GMT

Hi Dools,

Thanks for your comment. While I'm far from being a psychologist yet, I'm glad to read that my comment has helped in some way!

I hope you're doing well 😊

Kind regards,

Lici

Let Down by My Psychologist

james1 — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 07:37:15 GMT

Hi Lici,

I have a friend who is a practicing psychologist and she has said the same thing as you.

It is very hard for her as well and sometimes having that very professional and potentially cold attitude after therapy ends is the only way for her to deal with having to "let go". She sees it in a way that is kind of like having adult children leave home and it can be quite hard for her to not worry about the clients who move on.

James

Let Down by My Psychologist

Lici — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 07:48:57 GMT

Hi James,

Thanks for your comment! I hadn't really thought of it being like having children that you have to "let go" as I don't personally have children but your friend is right. I'd imagine that watching someone benefit from therapy and seeing them get better would be extremely rewarding but also kind of sad at the same time as you know that you will most likely never see that person again. If you've been seeing a client for long enough, and they just stop contact, it could potentially drive you to mental illness yourself if you weren't able to disconnect from it all.

I kind of feel bad about the times that I've just left after my metal health plans without a word now. It's so easy to forget that psychologists are real people with real feelings too. It's only been since studying psychology that I've really started to think about the other side of things.

Let Down by My Psychologist

james1 — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 08:33:37 GMT

Yeah I know how you feel. My previous psychologist made one attempt to contact me after our planned christmas break and I just never replied. I do feel bad about it now, but at the time I was pretty mad that she "only" made one attempt. In hindsight, that one's totally on me!

Nice to hear from your (changing) perspective.