topic Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Sun, 19 Sep 2021 23:34:59 GMT

Hi all,

Don't know why I’m posting. To simplify my back story, I have had generalised and social anxiety for most of my life. been through a few therapists, all of whom have been supportive, though only ever allayed my symptoms marginally...

I went to a clinical psychologist (drove 250kms to really try to sort myself out properly this time.... maybe.... and by halfway through a first session has said maybe I have add and that I shouldn’t her and to find a psychiatrist instead. Without going into my concerns here (simply because the story is lengthy), I don’t agree that there’s nothing she can do for me, she is seeing me for one more session to clarify. Yet part of me is conflicted and hurt- why would a “professional” - with two bachelor degrees and a master degree and a PhD abandon someone after - it was clear by half an hour into the first session that she was not interested.... Why can you not even pay people to talk to you? And why do I want to continue therapy with this person? Part of me is cognizant of how difficult and expensive it has been to set this up but I feel like almost I’ve been betrayed.....

anyway... comment if you have thoughts

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

mmMekitty — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 01:24:16 GMT

Hello Here2Talk,

Why do you want to see someone who seems so disinterested and unwilling to put their skill set to good use?

I had problems finding a PDr I could work with. Money to pay, (even after Medicare) was only one aspect. I was using an antidepressant at the time, so I also wanted a Psychiatrist because they can write prescriptions. Psychiatrists have first trained as medical doctors, then go on to study several more years in order to practice Psychiatry. Mine has further specialist qualifications.

Yes, some Psychiatrists I paid to have the initial consults with did seem uninterested. I discovered they have areas of interest, and I think could be more open about what these are even before making a single appointment.

I had one sit there and fire questions at me. Was I: using drugs, doing crime, have extreme moods or behaviours, on and on She heard nothing I had to say. Crossed her off my list. Another said, he did not do the long-term sort of therapy I think suits me better. Another, the crowded waiting room was too much for me.

The Psychologist I saw to directly help me with wearing a mask, seems too chatty, to eager to let me wander off the subject, not as focused on what I need from her. For now, I am not sure what to do, not while we are required to wear masks inside buildings...

Psychologists too, often have preferred areas of interest, and preferred therapy techniques. There is a Thread somewhere around here which discusses the various therapists and therapies out there. If someone could help with link to that???? Thanks.

All I am saying, I did eventually find a PDr who is, professionally, kind and caring, patient, but does prod me too, who is NOT trying to be a friend, who never has breached his professional boundaries. I am willing to pay extra for someone I can work with,

It is difficult to keep looking for someone to help while you are in such great need. I found the searching to be v disheartening. But without finding someone, well, I simply had to keep looking; giving up was not an option.

There aren't many who work as my PDr does, so I am glad to have found him.

Don't rule out Psychiatrists, if money is an issue, some do actually bulk bill. Have you spoken to your GP about this? I don't know if you have ADD or not, In order to find out, you would need to be assessed. A GP is usually the first step.

Please. while you are still looking for a suitable Psychologist, talk here, or anywhere on the forum you like.

mmMekitty

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

HappyHelper88 — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 11:43:00 GMT

Hi there Here2Talk Thankyou for your post,

Im sorry this has happened to you it does not seem like a good experience i would like you to know that i have had some similar experiences with Pyschs in the past but after looking abit further i did find someone amazing. I think that you should not give up because you should be able to see someone who is interested in what you say, validates your feelings and addresses your concerns. The role of a psychologist is not just to do an assessment but to also do therapy and treatment.

Once again i am sorry you have experienced this!
All the best and I hope you find the support you are looking for. We are all here to help.

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 13:43:58 GMT

Thank you both happy helper and mmMekitty. I really appreciate the reply. You’re both very correct. It disappoints me a lot. You see I have been studying psychology for 7 years now, and half way through honours. I hope you don’t think lowly of me for being a prospective psychologist - why should he have mental health issues. Well, I’ve been slowly working on them for ten years with therapy and self discovery- now life is getting a bit tougher with the kids (both under 7 and one autistic), money, work, study, wondering how to take the next step (can’t work full time and study full time), I was under the hope that one day I would be able to either give up or overcome my issues so that I could function enough to give back to people what (up until now) had been given to me - support, and that I would know inside out not just the theory but also the experience of deep and long lasting psychological pain, which would be useful for others for many reasons including empathy. Now I just feel empty about the whole profession ... at the moment..... I hope that fades

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

geoff — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 16:30:08 GMT

Hello Here2Talk, just because someone has a qualification in psychology doesn't mean that they aren't perverse in getting any type of depression, they are only human and no matter how well trained these people are doesn't mean this can be avoided.

Driving 250 km is a long way just to be told you need to see a psychiatrist and I can definitely relate to this as I had to travel the same distance to see a psychologist, only to be told she can't see me unless I stopped drinking, a total waste of a day for me.

The psychologist I had seen for about 20 years (WorkCover) had some type of mental illness before I started seeing her, and I only know this because she lived next door to a chap I used to visit every week, so I asked her how did she overcome all of this, she said it was her kids.

The psych you had seen, this was just her opinion and we have to respect that all psych's differ in how they diagnose someone, or how to treat them and may have different points that another psych may not agree with, it all depends on their training and who it's with and may agree on the general diagnosis but deep down the small points regarding someone could be totally different.

Your training, when you finish, may be different to the person sitting next to you but that's your own way on how to treat a person, it's no different to how doctors diagnose a person.

Give yourself some credit, you have a lot on your plate.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 00:14:51 GMT

Question as to why I want to continue..... must be triggering some underlying issue of rejection I didn’t even know I had (weird cause I have always had wonderful parents) because now I’m actually crying a lot which the male stereotype I usually am a rock no matter how much pain I’m in, and I’m starting to want to hurt myself bad but I don’t like that kind of pain and that’s not usually my style.... this is all new to me..... we go to therapy for help with the issues we know we have don’t expect to find out there are others, don’t expect the therapist to be the object of the issues ...

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 01:16:53 GMT

Hi Here2Talk,

I'm really sorry that you had this experience, I've been in a similar boat before and there was a total sense of 'well, what's the point?' if I've come so far and they can't help me.

But what I know now and what I want to share with you is that it's a good thing. I know that sounds awful, but I just wanted to give you a different perspective. As you know from your studies, mental health falls on a big spectrum- it's so broad and vague and courses only lightly touch on everything that psychologists and therapists can encounter. So some will choose to specialise a bit or further their niche on what they like, and others may not learn about certain things. So one person can have 10 PhD's but still know next to nothing about certain areas. I think that's what's happened with your psychologist; that she might be interested but she knows that your issues are out of her scope of practice.

That doesn't mean anything is wrong- it's just really unfortunate that this has happened. But it's also good that you know this now, because the last thing that you want is for her to be like "yeah, sure I can help" and have her waste your time and money.

I hope that you can see this as a hiccup even though from my own experiences it can be devastating. I believe there's a good therapist out there for you who can fill you with confidence about working together in therapy.

p.s. a lot of therapists are 'wounded healers' anyway- going into the field from our own lived experience. That's a good thing too 🙂

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 02:24:52 GMT

I appreciate the reply honestly... there is something different going on here though. This person decided before even the first session that they weren’t going to help... and there’s no reason to not at least try the amount of sessions i originally referred for. No...... this person is making assumptions right off the bat that no person could possibly arrive at....

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 02:31:36 GMT

Literally finding every excuse not to continue (start, really) therapy.... I’m sure she just dislikes me or something.... Yet why does it mean so much to me to continue therapy with this psychologist? .... it’s like it’s not even me choosing to want this

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Sophie_M — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 05:03:29 GMT

Hi Here2Talk,

We can imagine that would be really difficult.

It sounds like it would be really good to reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, they can talk this through with you, and point you towards your next steps for making sure you’re supported through this. They’re also available on webchat, here.

We hope the advice and understanding of romantic_thi3f, HappyHelper88, mmMekitty and Geoff is helpful and comforting. We think they’ve made some really good points, especially around talking to a GP, and looking into bulk billing. You could also have a look at the Find a professional directory on the Beyond Blue site, which you can filter for bulk billing. For psychiatrists specifically, you can use the The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists' Find a Psychiatrist directory, which lists consultant psychiatrists in private practice in Australia.

Please keep sharing, as you can hear in these lovely responses, the community is here for you, and many can relate to what you’re going through.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 07:17:14 GMT

Thanks for the words Geoff. Just wanna express my awe at how you always provide kind and helpful words for others on this forum- I’ve read fragmented little bits and pieces of your story and it is just yeah inspiring- not that others here aren’t too, I just wanted to mention that.

its weird like I said I have always had loving parents no rejection really there, never had friends tho... but it’s still surprised me how I am reacting to this...

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Guest_9872 — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 09:33:36 GMT

Being rejected by a psychologist or counsellor is very painful. I have had similar experiences. I think it is a very hard form of rejection to cope with. But she might be on to something with the add (or adhd). It seems to be a common pattern that parents with adhd have autistic children. It's something I have observed a lot. Addressing the adhd might be the thing you need.

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

mmMekitty — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 09:08:00 GMT

Hello Here2Talk,

Thought I'd check in with you, see how you're going.

Reading through the posts, I began thinking of the struggles I have had with, firstly, a PDr who decided to take up further training, in Sydney (I'm in Brisbane), and realising how much I had come to depend on him. It was not until he told me he would be leaving that I had even suspected how I would feel about it. I didn't get much time to deal with those feelings with him before he left.

I was hurt by his departure. I withdrew, in a sense, saying 'eff off then', wanting to hurt him in return.

But I did ask him to refer me on to someone who practised similarly to himself. I was very hurt to discover he had referred me to someone who was very different in his approach to how he treated his patients. (not just me).

I began looking for someone else again. It was expensive, and I did not find someone at first. Continued seeing the PDr who I did not feel had my interests in mind, because I felt stuck with him, too frightened to not see anyone at all as well.

Still, I realised, with every break, holiday, Xmas (the worst), I felt my anxiety go up to the sky. I had become attached despite my dislike of the fellow. What the?? I must laugh, I think I was being irrational ... & continued until I could tolerate him no more. He was not hearing my complaints, so I was literally unheard. I was feeling worse as time when on.

Eventually, I did find someone, but she could not give me the frequency or length of sessions I feel are better for me.

So I went looking again. I have found someone who is much more like the one who went to Sydney, and part of what I want to work through is the unfinished work I had begun so long before. I feel I am, in a round-about way, doing that.

He does hear me, he has expressly asked me to bring up any issues I have with the relationship we have.

And again, I am attached to him too! I am anxious every break and holiday, fearful he will not be back, or I will have some major event occur, and thoughts, such as, although I told him how I feel, he still goes away, as if what I said doesn't matter. (How ridiculous and unreasonable is that?)

Deep problem, eh? You bet, and deeper.

By the way, I acknowledge he needs breaks. ✅ I got that.

Your experiences are valuable. You won't make the same mistake that Clinical Psychologist did with you. that's some compensation?? Maybe.

mmMekitty

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 12:25:19 GMT

PART 1:

Hi again mmMekitty,

Thanks for the in depth explanation in your post. I love hearing minute little details of what people think and feel inside.Your story is particularly interesting.

I have always tried to never get too attached to anyone... Like excepting that I have a great relationship with my parents and wife and young kids - I've never trusted anyone much apart from that. And usually I have not regretted not trusting people, although it's probable that part of that outcome is due to self-fulfilling prophecy.... I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I had only met the psychologist once so I don't even know it was attachment... Probably just desperation at the way my anxiety is making me crumble harder the more complicated my life gets... Too many problems (debt, finances, having to sacrifice things for my education which has been such a drawn out process). I guess I was hoping in light of all this complexity that something would help me go into remission for GAD after suffering since a child.... I don't know how to feel now, but at least the distress at losing what I thought might be a way out is now gone... just a distant memory... How quickly panic and terror can come and go like it was never there at all.

I have gotten attached to a couple of therapists in the past, but not in a big way. I have either had to move myself or just felt like I outgrew them (like they had reached all they could do for me).

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 00:20:40 GMT

A bit disappointed at psychology in general though.... I left the last one because he was looking like closing the books in the future.... I didn't want a precarious relationship like that one. And you know of the very recent one... I am so put off now.... Do you try one of very few psychologists in your small town, try the next suggestion of your GP which might fail, or try via spending a tonne of money and inconvenience looking for one who is actually experienced in psychological disorders... to have it maybe blow up in your face anyway... IDK.

A little phrase has been going through my head lately... "good mental health, for those who can afford it". It's just so expensive and... of limited value at times... I wonder if there is a better way than going to someone whom you have to give like a quarter of a thousand dollars for 50 minutes of their time... I don't know what that would be, but I feel like if there were other options that would be good. Puts me in a weird state of mind considering the kind of career I am trying to get into.

Partly that is because of the way these monetary societies are set up. Partly there are no other good ways people can get good help also because bureaucracies and organisations set up monopolies on titles (e.g. it is illegal to call yourself a psychologist without at least 6 years preparation with courses that are approved by a specific bureaucracy (the Psych board of Australia). And just about everything can be litigated in court... Part of me understands that this is in place to protect vulnerable people; but when the professions leave people behind - and from what I've read in these forums, they do it A LOT - it would be nicer if there were other things available to individuals who are suffering...

I have heard of new access and various programs, and it is great what forums like this and phone help lines etc. do, but stuff is either helpful to people who are experiencing mild problems (e.g. this forum). Help lines are not suited to mild problems, or chronic problems such as that I have experienced for a couple of decades. Forums like this are okay for mild problems. Maybe help lines are good for people with severe problems sometimes, but not for people repeatedly in crisis.... What people need is sustained relationships with helping people... I don't know how this would ever happen, but I know that what we provide for people is not enough......

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

mmMekitty — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 02:16:25 GMT

Hello Here2Talk
I use BB to supplement what I have with myPDr.
I’ve had conversations with myPDr about the cost of seeing him. I wonder how much he could raise his fees before I would have to decide I could not sustain the ongoing expense. Without Medicare, I'd have not seen him in the first place. He is putting up his fee this month. Medicare usually increases the amount it refunds, but I still end up a little more out of pocket.
He offered to negotiate with me. to agree upon a lower fee, especially when it seemed the Gov might withdraw the COVID-19 telehealth item number he uses. That would have been awful for many people.
I have problems negotiating anything, asking for what I need, having these arguments with people, & then being treated as 'special'. If he reduced his rate for everyone, fine. Or even if he charged according to the individual's means to pay?
I can only pay because I am strict about what is essential, not in debt & only responsible for myself.
I am on DSP, live in low rent social housing.
Still, I keep wondering, how much would I pay to keep going to him, rather than finding, if possible, someone I could work with, as well as I do with him? I need as much continuity of care as I can get.
I wish he never took a break.
Before telehealth, I have wondered just how far a distance I would travel to see him if he was to relocate? Not as far as Sydney, to be sure. That can become an issue for many as well, especially those living in places not far from metropolitan city locations.
I feel I have put myself through this business of finding someone gets too difficult to contemplate doing again.
You can't know in advance if you can work with someone, & you have to pay for the first consult, often at a higher rate than subsequent consults. & Medicare does not refund as much. I'm speaking of Psychiatrists, so I'm not sure if this is the same for Psychologists.
I find Mental Health Care Plans are inadequate. I’m in a close suburb of Brisbane & could not find a Psychologist near enough to be practical, & who could help with my specific problem. I settled for seeing the one who worked part-time from the local GP's office & she could not give me regular appointments, & then wanted to reschedule a couple, & I also didn't think she was responsive to my need to have her more proactive in the pursuit of my needs. She was too much like a friend to be my therapist.

Poverty ✔

Little or no choice ✔

Unable to advocate for myself ✔

= Powerless ✔

mmMekitty

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

Here2Talk — Mon, 11 Oct 2021 20:49:56 GMT

You highlight a lot of problems that I am starting to see myself meKitty. Especially after my recent visit... I am a bit disillusioned with the system at the moment. If only there were a free system that provided some of what professionals do, in a more timely manner... A large part of the benefits of psychotherapy come from the therapeutic relationship itself, rather than all the “techniques” anyway...

Thoughts on rejection by a psychologist

gucia6 — Tue, 12 Oct 2021 00:10:55 GMT

Hi Here2Talk,

I am sorry to see yet another person going through disappointing experience with their psychologists.

And being psychologist or psychiatrist does not give immunity to having mental health problems. I would even say, that they are more exposed to it than an 'average' person.

In terms of experiences with psychologists, I would consider myself lucky. I found an amazing GP who is interested in mental health research, and I am grateful that I can discuss my health concerns with him relatively openly.

When he sent me to first psychologist, I did not know really what to expect. But I felt horribly invalidated when he dismissed all the trauma, depression and anxiety suggestions indicated by my GP. I stuck with him for 3 sessions, and some tools he gave me were actually quite helpful, but he seemed too much focused on the tools rather than somehow moving to the core of the problem. And yeah, this was probably his therapy style, but it did not click with me.

When I went to a counsellor from work, I was told, that my problems were due to my lack of assertiveness. It felt it was my fault to not have it, and I had to be fixed. Fair enough, good to know, but feeling guilty for something I have not signed for (lack of assertiveness caused by many years of abuse) did not go well with me. I cancelled all following appointments.

The psychiatrist I went to get diagnosis seemed rather uninterested, because my issues does not require medication. And it looked like he was not really familiar with my GPs report. But in the end I got official diagnosis of my problems, which pretty much was what I suspected, and gave me directions for therapy. Good enough for me.

The new psychologist my GP sent me to after the official diagnosis seems to be a good fit. I had only one session so far, but I liked her approach and we had a good conversation flow (which is quite unusual for me when meeting new person).

I am learning that people in our lives come and go. That we need to be able to let them in and let them go. That in any interactions if I am feeling comfortable, I will continue. If I am not, I will look for someone else. And because I fear rejection, I am trying not to develop emotional attachments, because it backfires at me (the more I know a person, the easier I am triggered when things change).