topic Coping with coming off strong medication in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 06:59:41 GMT

Hi all,

Its been a long time since I posted here but I've never forgotten the support I received during some very difficult times. Without going into a lot of details I have had major depression and anxiety for a number of years. Several admissions to psych hospitals, countless medication addictions and ongoing therapy and still I'm not "well".

I have tried to live a 'normal' life these last couple of years, as possible as that is while still heavily medicated, I've had a job ( retrenched before Christmas) , seen my daughter marry and the birth of my first grandchild- all good for sure.

But the price for this normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication. But no more. I decided a week ago I cant live in this twilight world any longer and stopped one of my meds that left me so zoned out I could only take it at night or if I knew I wasn't go anywhere. not to mention the 30 plus kgs I've put on.

I have a supportive psych who I see regularly and while he wasn't happy I stopped without talking to him first he understands my need to try and gain back some control of my life.

Dear Readers I know I'm doing the right thing, but I have been on these meds for so long I'm scared I wont be able to hang in there. Its not my first time coming off strong medication but before I was in hospital and it was still very hard. I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders.

If anyone has gone through similar experience I would appreciate any support or advice.

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

startingnew — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 07:13:39 GMT

hi stressless

i dont have experince with medication addiction or withdrawals but i do have the smae feelings as you with the struggling to live a normal life with depression.

its good you have a supportive psychologist or psychiatrist .. or both..?

if you gut says thats the rigth thing to do then i think you should continue with what your doing.

i too joined BB as i have no suppirt from friends or family esp since i disclosed early last year (was 19 now 20) and im finding them to be very helpful

hopefully someone can help you more than i can but i thought id repy to let you know im for you too

Coping with coming off strong medication

Ken1 — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 07:35:19 GMT

Hi Stressless!

I completely understand the place you are coming from. I was on meds for depression and anxiety last year (which I never really wanted in the first place) and HATED it. I decided to go off them October last year without consulting anyone because I was 100% determined that mental illness did not have control over my life. I wanted to be myself again. I admit that it probably would've been easier to go off them gradually instead of cold turkey, and while I suffered major withdrawal symptoms for 2 months I am now fully recovered.

So often have I battled with seeing the anxiety and depression coming right for me and not knowing how to jump out of the way. The way I learned how to do that was to totally take control of my head and say out loud, "My head is not a home for mental illness! I will not let it harbour mental illness." And tell it 'No,' over and over.

I also made sure I had an incentive to work towards - something to give everything I was doing meaning because the fight so often felt meaningless to me.

I also spent time in a Psych ward and after seeing and getting to know other people experiencing mental illness and seeing how broken they were and being able to help them through my understanding conversations with them, I realised that I HAD to get to the other side so that I could help people escape their brokenness. That's my incentive. Perhaps yours is your children/grandchildren now! Would love to know what it is for you.

I believe the difference between you coming off your meds successfully and staying off them is whether you tell yourself you can or you can't. If that means you have to regularly post on here to receive support throughout the process, DO IT! If it means taking time off, DO IT!

If you can fill up your seratonin levels again (which your meds have probably successfully been doing for a while) then YOU will be your own antidepressant or whatever you were taking!

Mental illness is a rotten, rotten thing and I admire your strength and resilience to come this far, let alone making the plunge to come off your meds, because you're right, it's scary but you won't be you until you do it.

Remember, YOU CAN and YOU WILL! Not 'might', 'try' or 'maybe'.

Keep us in the loop! We are rooting for your recovery.

Bonnie

Coping with coming off strong medication

Dr_Kim — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 06:27:37 GMT

Hi Stressless,

I hope its ok if I add something to this thread. I am a little concerned about your decision to cease medications without checking with your health professionals. Why? Not because you don't have the right to question your medication regime, but because it is clear from your long history and multiple hospital admissions that you have a pretty serious case of depression/anxiety and I believe it should not be taken lightly.

Depression can be a serious, even life threatening illness and the treatment of it is taken very seriously by professionals in the area. We know that the medications are far from perfect but you yourself said "But the price for .. normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication”. I took that to mean that the medications have allowed you some respite from the symptoms of depression , enough to at least have some chance at “normality”.

We know that for many people, including it seems you, they come with the downside of side effects. That can vary from fatigue to a hazy feeling, to feeling “dulled” or “zoned out”. You mention weight gain, and for most people luckily with new SSRIs that is not the case. With old fashioned antidepressants and with some mood stabilisers , yes that is certainly an issue.

I guess you are in a tough situation - you need to sit with the question of the list of things the depression makes you feel VS the list of things the medications make you feel. Which is worse? Which can allow you to live a somewhat normal existence with your children and grandchildren ? I am concerned that unmedicated severe anxiety/depression is maybe too great a burden for you to ask of yourself and even you say at the end of the post

"I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders”

Stressless, I would really encourage you to take a list of the symptoms that you find intolerable to your health professional ( GP or Psychiatrist ) and see if you can work with them to either reduce dosage or change medications to relieve your side effects without the dramatic step of ceasing medications.

It may be that you do end up going off all medication at some point , but I would have as a goal “feeling my best” not “ getting off medication”. Granted your best may never be totally depression or anxiety free.. but in working with your health team to maximise your lifestyle factors , cognitive interventions AND your medications - you have the best chance of being your BEST self. Good luck !!

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 11:13:40 GMT

Hi there,

thanks so much for your reply. It means a lot to talk to someone who has been through the same experiences and come out the other side.

My incentive is definitely my family and trying to make up for all the grief I've caused them over the years. My shame is tangible when I remember the things I've done to my loved ones. My psych says I'm too hard on myself but its hard to erase those memories with words alone which is why I must succeed in this.

Thanks again for your support and I would love to keep in touch

Take Care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

MsPurple — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 11:42:02 GMT

Hi Stressless. I think what Dr Kim said is very valuable advice, especially coming from a professional point of view.

I thought I would add in you are definitely not alone in the medication struggles. I too have struggled. I was on a normal first prescribed SSRI as teenager/young adult. They upped the dose after a while as they felt baseline wasn't enough. When I first started uni I stopped taking it and I ended up going down a dark spiral of depression and anxiety. It came and went for 3 years. I initially stopped taking them as I had moved towns and I didn't have my dr to give me the prescription and since I didn't have a diagnosis at the time and I didn't want to get one either (I was young and uneducated and thought a diagnosis would discriminate me to some dr) I decided to stop taking it. That wasn't a smart idea for me. Skip ahead 3 years and I was at my worst. I went to headspace and was put on the same meds at the same dose. Still not enough to stop the anxiety, put on another different med. Then one for my sleep. They didn't want to change my SSRI as I was still at uni and they were concerned it would affect my studies, plus I had placements and wasn't always able to come in often enough for checkups required for a med change. Once I finished uni I moved cities, got a new psych who changed me again this time to an SNRI (she had her reasons but she did this because of my situation, not all need to change classes of meds but for me she believed it was necessary). Finally after a few dose adjustments I feel ok and functional. Probably better then I have been ever. However, I am unhappy with some weight gain but at the moment it is worth it. I am keeping my weight under check with my GP and am going to the gym to help with my personal fitness and body image and satisfaction.

Point is that I was more successful changing meds with the help of my team then alone. It can be frustrating going on and off stuff, and sometimes the side effects outweigh the benefits and if this is the case as Dr Kim said, you need to have open communication with your physician to work together and find something that will work for you.

If ever you are struggling please come back to the forums for support. Many of us are in (or have previously been) the same boat. We are a great community. Hope your journey goes well and you can feel more in the moment

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 11:53:09 GMT

Hi Dr Kim,

Part 1

I really appreciate your comments and concern, much like what my own psych expressed. My story is a very long one but basically I have a very bad relationship with medication. I have suffered chronic pain for over 10 years following a work accident. Following multiple surgeries and loss of career, I was put on all manners of addictive pain medications followed by anti depressants, mood stabilizers etc.

I have now been on a cocktail of medications for over 10 years. Unfortunately during those first few years I abused the meds , resulting in my many admissions to hospital for detox and depression. After detoxing off one i would somehow find myself addicted to its replacement. This cycle continued for 5 years.

In desperation I underwent ECT - 3 separate times over 2 years . Successful to a point but this treatment also came with its own set of problems .Just talking about these times cause me enormous anxiety , but also some pride that I have come such a long way- something my psych constantly tells me. I understand the enormity of what I've done , but what i have been doing is worse.

Regards

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 12:05:35 GMT

Hi Ms Purple

Thanks for your reply and support. As I said to Ken1 it means a lot to talk to some one who has been through the same thing.

I totally respect Dr Kim's advice and replied to her in an effort to try and explain/ justify my reasons.

I welcome any and all advice and support so please keep in touch.

Take Care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 12:09:12 GMT

Hi Starting New,

How kind of you to offer your support. I am sorry you too have been dealing with depression and hope you also find the hep you need.

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Take Care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

startingnew — Tue, 04 Apr 2017 12:24:36 GMT

Thats ok stressless we are all in this together.

I hope you also get the help you need.

Hugs xx

Coping with coming off strong medication

blondguy — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 00:13:59 GMT

Hi Stressless

Interesting post and great replies too including Dr Kim's

I understand and respect your reasons for wishing to cease your meds and I wish you the best whether stopping or reducing medication

My background is similar to yours but reversed.

From 1983 to 1996 I suffered badly thinking I could self heal from anxiety & depression. A waste of time (for me)

I ate well always been physically fit & postive etc and looked after myself. It didnt make any difference so in 1996 I started taking meds and its been 21 years now. With super regular therapy combined I had my life back

Quality of life vastly improved
My personal relationships improved
My career performance improved

Other people's situations do vary of course. I just want to enlighten people that meds can be a great help especially combined with frequent counseling

The quote below is from #StigmaFighter/Active Minds for other people (not yourself) that think they dont need medication when having this awful illness.

"Depression is a Serious Illness Just like Diabetes or Heart Disease

Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts"

Great to have you on the forums Stressless 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Coping with coming off strong medication

Rachel_01 — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 01:31:07 GMT

Hi Stressless,

I have experienced exactly what you are going through. I was on strong medications for several years and decided it was time to go off them. It was a crazy rollercoaster ride. I was told to not 'cold turkey' the medication as I will spiral down, therefore slowly coming off the medication, this means halving the mls, grams etc. When I first started I immediately wanted to fall right back thinking how could I ever come off them? I had breakdowns crying almost every minute and getting very aggressive. Eventually with time and support I managed coming off them. That was a year ago. I am so proud of myself that I achieved this as I never thought I could do this. Through the process I worked more on myself. I did a lot of mindfullness activities, exercise especially and regularly going to the psych. Basically I tried 'natural' therapies that supplemented my medications for depression and anxiety. I understand exactly what your going through, it isn't something you choose. Your brain is a strong muscle therefore coming off medications will take time and lots of support. You have done an amazing thing reaching out to beyondblue, I did many times! Keep going, I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Pain is temporary. All the best sending my thoughts with you.
Rachel

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 04:53:09 GMT

Hi Dr Kim,

Part 2

Sorry for disjointed post but I ran out of time and space.

Just to clarify a couple of points I am still taking my anti - depressants ( for now) but have stopped the anxiety / anti psychotic meds.

These meds served their purpose for a time but as I said in part 1 I abused them - if one made me feel ok then 2 or 3 must be better , was my thinking. I know I need better coping skills but when things are so out of control taking a pill or two was easier and less confronting.

These type of meds change who u are - I have not been sober for over 10 years! I don't even know who I am any more. What I do know is a lot of the time I am not a nice person particularly to my husband who always bears the brunt of my issues.

As I tried to explain to my psych , so many areas of my life are out of control I feel I need to gain back some of that control and watching what I put into my system is something I can do.

My current heightened anxiety I believe is because I am waiting for all the terrible side effects I've read about to come crashing down on me and send me back to hospital- obviously something I want to avoid.

So far I'm doing ok- better than I thought and like other posters have mentioned keeping busy, walking my dog on the beach, and keeping in touch with family and friends is a way to take my mind off it.

I appreciate your advice comes from a medical viewpoint and I welcome that, I guess I'm trying to explain that I believe for many reasons I have to make this work - I am trying to claw back some of my old life and persona , good or bad I need to know if I can function without chemicals in my body-

I hope you can appreciate where I'm coming from

Please keep in touch as I truly need all kinds of support

Take Care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 05:02:11 GMT

Hi blondguy,

Thanks so much for your reply - I loved that quote and very true too. I totally agree that meds have their place if used correctly and they work for you. I have no doubt I needed my meds over the last 10 years I was in a terrible state and didn't even realize I had depression, at first until I had a total nervous collapse and had my first admission.

I suffered anxiety and frequent panic attacks during the next few years ,which is where the other meds came in. My problem is that now I have recovered somewhat, I need other ways of dealing with my anxiety rather than popping pills like Tic Tacs

I am so grateful for all your kind words and glad things are working out for you

Wish me luck and keep in touch if you like

Take Care

Stressless

As I explained to Dr Kim in part 2 of my post,

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 05:06:43 GMT

Hi Rachel_01,

You have given me great hope reading your story and I only hope I can be as strong as you.

I do have regular support from my psych, thank God, practice mindfulness- the beach is my haven and keep as busy as I can. Looking for work again which at my age is hard, but I have done it before so trying not to get too down.

Thanks again, please keep in touch if you want I value your support and kind wishes

Take Care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

blondguy — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 20:39:00 GMT

Hi Stressless

You have a big heart and thankyou for taking the time and effort to respond to everyone 🙂

I understand you have been through a really dark phase and I cant imagine what you have been through.

You are very strong as well as having your own circumstances to contend with as well

I was just providing my experience with mental illness. Sometimes the more information the better I guess

I would be rapt if you could stick around the forums as I am continually learning about other people's experience with this debilitating illness too

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue Family Stressless

Good to meet you

Paul

Coping with coming off strong medication

geoff — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 23:34:45 GMT

hi Stressless, firstly well done for being dry for 10 years, a great achievement indeed which seems to have been overlooked, never the less what does concern me is that if you are able to keep well by not taking any medication or instead by using 'natural therapies' then that's great, but what this means is that you are almost at the end of your depression, because there is no way anybody can convince me that by not taking any medication if you are deeply depressed you will be OK, simply because your mind is not stable enough to even think clearly, stop those bad periods where all you want to do is go to bed and sleep.
If however you are able to prevent any of these by not taking any medication, then you have almost beaten this disease and coming out to see the light.
If you feel that you are being over medicated and hardly know what you are doing then you need another opinion to have this medication revised by another doctor.
My last point is that if you don't want to take any medication and feel great, then two things, as I said before you're almost cured or you are pretending.
If you want to do things without any medication and try and learn how this can be done, does this mean that everything is going to happen as if you don't have any problems, but what happens when there is a problem, remember depression is so much stronger than what you call a normal mind.
You can come off the medication if your doctor says you can, however there have been many people who stop taking their AD's on their own accord, but sometime later they need to go back onto them because they have fallen back into depression.
I'm not meaning to scare you but face the facts. Geoff.

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 01:41:11 GMT

Hi Geoff,

As always your posts are insightful and supportive. You may not remember me but I was an avid follower of yours a few years back along with Neil.

You always made sense Geoff, and I know your opinions come through your owexperiences which is why I value your input.

Just to clarify though,I have not been dry for 10 years, what I said is I have NOT been sober for 10 years i.e copious different meds.

I don't believe I will ever be cured from my depression as aside from the event 10 years ago that triggered my breakdown , through years of therapy I have learnt that this was only a trigger linked to past incidents and if it didn't happen then it would have happened eventually- so therapy will be with me for a log time I'm sure.

I know my AD's keep me balanced and able to function fairly well, and I am not stopping them in the immediate future. What I have stopped is the anti psychotics which made me foggy at best and comatose at worst- my fault I know for abusing them a lot of the time

But what I am trying to get everyone to understand is these pills have given me an easy out for not confronting my demons. Feeling anxious? pop a pill or two. Can't handle a little stress ? take another. Too many worries?? and on and on .

Please understand what I'm trying to do . I'm no being a hero or think I'm superwoman , in fact the opposite is true which is why I am in this mess.

I am starting to feel chastised, and stupid for trying to live without this med ( not you personally) and wonder if I should have just kept quiet.

it was still good to touch base with you again Geoff

Take care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

Guest_3712 — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 01:53:13 GMT

Hi Blondguy,

Again appreciate your support, but I'm not sure if I will continue on forums.

As I said to Geoff in last post, I'm feeling a little misunderstood and reprimanded although I know the comments come from a well meaning place and in most cases personal experience, which I so appreciate you sharing - maybe my insecurities are showing?

For so long now I have had to make excuses why I couldn't go places, or do things like everyone else because I knew I would eventually have to take my meds- and then either drop off mid conversation or be so zoned out everyone thought I was stoned.

As Geoff suggested I have changed meds many times , too many to recall , and this was actually the best combo. Again I accept this problem is of my making- not the meds - me.

I cannot be trusted around certain types of meds. I have had to be detoxed several times for addiction- I accept this is my fault but for me now I think the only way to stop this cycle is to remove the temptation.

Is that so hard to understand?

Take care

Stressless

Coping with coming off strong medication

startingnew — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 10:42:43 GMT

youve done the right thing by asking for help and advice and there is nothing wrong with asking for abit of support.

feel free to keep speaking out, addictions are very real things and not something that can be cured overnight this too takes time

still her for you Stressless 🙂