topic Nervous about counselling in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Thu, 11 May 2017 12:27:39 GMT

I thought I should post a newbie hello. It seems the polite thing to do, rather than lurking.

I am married, mother of two, working part time.

I've been taking an antidepressant for almost four weeks now, (first time) and need to see my gp again to arrange counselling (also first time). Side effects haven't been too bad, just restlessness and low appetite.

I've realised that I'm particularly bad at talking about myself. I am a really, really good listener, but when it comes to talking, nothing comes out. It's almost as if saying "I'm fine" has become automatic.

Nervous about counselling

BballJ — Thu, 11 May 2017 12:59:50 GMT

Hi Coffeebean,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I have been in this exact situation you find yourself in... when I was diagnosed with anxiety (which I had been fighting for around a decade) I was advised by my GP to go and see a psychologist, I was so nervous, much like yourself because I also hated talking about my feelings and emotions.. it was so much easier to bottle them up and put a smile on my face to cover them up and hit people with the "I'm fine, just tired" line when people would ask how I was or if things were ok. I have found it is a common occurrence with many mental health sufferers.

I eventually agreed to counselling and yes the first session was a little interesting... I walked in thinking what on earth am I going to talk about for an hour.... little did I realise that hour flew by and I wouldn't shut up... the counsellor asks questions to get you thinking and eventually I find you just start talking... the nerves go away and the emotion spills out... I clicked with my psychologist as well as a I found her caring and understanding... the key is clicking with them.. if you find yourself not talking and giving limited information, chances are you haven't clicked with them and you may need to find another counsellor... you don't always click with the first one you meet, remember that.

The weight that comes off your shoulders after getting things out really is great so I do hope you find the courage to talk about what you are exactly feeling with them. You're on the right path to recovery.

My best for you,

Jay

Nervous about counselling

geoff — Thu, 11 May 2017 17:51:49 GMT

hello Coffeebean, it can be very difficult to even start a conversation with a new psychologist, simply because it's a strange person and you don't how they are going to be or what they are going to say to you, maybe there might be some confronting questions and certainly private questions which you haven't told anyone else and now expected to tell this person who you know nothing about.
When you say 'I'm fine' is an indication to someone that there is something wrong, but to open up maybe held back because all you can do is cry, but at last you can cry in front of someone who is caring, it's a release, a freedom, one that you have always hidden away.
Can I suggest that you write down what is troubling you and hand it over to your psychologist, this may break the ice, where they will ask you some delicate questions, but can you also write down at the bottom of what you're written saying that you are very nervous about talking, they will respect this and slower talk with you.
I'm pleased that your medication hasn't been too bad, but if it does affect you then you should see your doctor. Geoff.

Nervous about counselling

Achelois — Sat, 13 May 2017 07:02:44 GMT

Hello Coffeebean!

Welcome to the forums 🙂 I am fairly new here myself. I read your description and it rang a bell for me. I remember being a mum of two diagnosed by my GP with rather severe depression and being on anti-depressants for the first time (mostly to help with getting proper rest). I went to see a counsellor too.

Firstly, none of that is to say "I know how you feel". No one can really know how you feel, but sometimes it helps to have someone understand how it can be, and how it can feel.

You are really brave. It takes courage to face up to what you are going through. You might feel like you don't have the strength, or ability to talk about yourself, or something else - but you will find it.

Geoff had a good suggestion about writing some things down to help "break the ice" with your counsellor. You might even find that writing them helps you a bit all by itself, but you will find even more relief in talking things through with someone who is focussed entirely on you.

If you don't feel a connection with your counsellor, give it a bit of time. But if it does not get to feel "right", don't be afraid to ask to see someone else. The most important thing for you is to feel comfortable, safe and trusting when working with a counsellor. I was fortunate and had a great one first off - you may too! One of the best parts is not being judged - it sounds like you might be doing that to yourself, but the counsellor will not judge and might help you work through your own judgements. I say that because you have already identified that you tend to be quiet and say things are fine, like you are not worth being worried about. You ARE! If you are not feeling the way you want to feel, then you deserve the time and help and attention to help you get there. It will be your journey, but there are people who will help you along the way.

Please, if anything I have said is not quite right, I would love for you to correct me/give me the right story. This is all about you, and this forum is a place to find people who will support you through your journey.

If there is anyway I can support you, please let me know. It may take a day or two, but I will come back and check.

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Sat, 13 May 2017 12:23:10 GMT

Thank you Jay, Geoff and Achelois for replying. It's helpful to feel not so alone, because this is an awfully lonely illness.

Jay, I can't count the number of times I've used the "I'm ok, just tired" line to excuse my puffy eyes.

Thanks, Geoff for your suggestion. I'll try writing things down.

Achelois - you're exactly right when you say I feel like I'm not worth worrying about. When everything looks rosey from the outside it's hard for me to justify feeling bad, or to even imagine anyone believing me.

I know I'm sounding pretty negative, but Mother's Day tomorrow has got me down. I'll be ok, I have family around.

Nervous about counselling

Tim1976 — Sat, 13 May 2017 23:12:56 GMT

It is always good to talk to someone who will understand so don't be nervous.

Your GP can only do so much so it is best to see someone who specialises in the area of mental health.

Everyone who loves you wants you to get better so don't worry about what other people think for a while.

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Tue, 16 May 2017 06:09:00 GMT

Well, I'm one step closer. I saw my GP again for my mental health plan today. I've had a rough few days. Every little thing seems to trigger negative thoughts. And the simplest tasks are a huge effort. My husband convinced me to take today off work, and made the appointment for my GP. Not sure where I'd be without him.

Nervous about counselling

Achelois — Tue, 16 May 2017 23:24:05 GMT

Hello Coffeebean,

It is so good that you went to see your GP, and that your husband is doing what he can to support you. Hopefully you get just the right fit of counsellor the first time. Don't give up! You are worth it.

We are here for you.

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Mon, 22 May 2017 08:29:50 GMT

I'm almost 6 weeks into taking medication, and I don't think it's made much difference at all. I sometimes think I feel worse. Just not coping with the smallest things, up and down. I'm struggling to even imagine getting better. How long will this take?

Nervous about counselling

Shred1106 — Mon, 22 May 2017 10:36:16 GMT

Hi there Coffeebean

You've got a lot going on and starting medication takes a lot out of anyone. Struggling to imagine getting better is a part of it all. Can I simply suggest you continue with taking steps rather than looking at time frames? Everyone's path is a little different and your description of the smallest things as well as the up and down is symptomatic. Be kind to yourself and most of all gentle with yourself. When the time is right it will come together but there is no clear time frame.Remember we are all here for each other with no judgement.

Wishing you well...and here to listen

Nervous about counselling

MickeyM — Mon, 22 May 2017 10:58:20 GMT

Hi Coffebean!

I just read your post and some of the responses.

I'm also married, working with 2 kids in Primary school. My husband is very supportive, but as he's the main breadwinner, it's falls on me to get kids organized, keep up with things at school as well as after school activities, plus the running of the house.

Sometimes I think we're so used to being Mum and looking after everyone, we forget to look after ourselves. Well done to you for seeing your GP, I know it's not easy. When is your appointment with the counselor?

I do like Geoff's suggestion of writing things down, it can ease some anxiety if there's something in particular you'd like to say, plus writing it down helps structuring thoughts. When things are really bad, I write in a journal. It still helps. Sometimes I'll feel so messed up, go to my journal and can't help but re-read what I'd written previously. I'll notice how messy my writing is; at that time I couldn't spill my thoughts fast enough. But what I really noticed was an insight to myself, and how far I really did come. Of course it's not always pleasant to read what was happening at that time, but at the risk of sounding self-serving, I always wondered how the hell I coped with everything. But I did. And that in itself gives me strength.

I still get anxious over nothing (generalized anxiety) and it can send me spinning. But there's more good hours, which leads to more good days, more good weeks and so on. As for how long it will take, I would dearly love to answer that, really I would. But the thing is, you might not even notice that you're ok, you'll likely have a good day and all of a sudden you'll reflect and realize that you've had more than one good day.

It's kind of like when you stub your toe or something and it hurts, and gets less painful and it's not until later you realize that it's stopped hurting.

You mentioned in your post that you're struggling to cope with the smallest things. Maybe think about you're achievements each day. Certainly getting kids to school and working is a juggling act, not to mention everything else that goes with it. It's hard. And we really aren't giving ourselves enough credit for things we do manage to achieve. And if you think about all the other Mums who also work part-time, wondering how they manage, just please remember that they are probably wondering at how we're managing, too. (One look at my laundry will give an insight to how!!)

take care

Mickey

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Tue, 23 May 2017 10:02:14 GMT

Thanks Mickey and Shred. This forum makes me feel a bit less less lonely.

I'm in that stage where the medication is causing side effects, but not really making me feel much better. My husband said he has noticed that I'm sleeping better, so I'll try to hold on to that as a positive. And I'll try to let go of timeframes.

My first visit with the psychologist is next week.

Nervous about counselling

MickeyM — Wed, 24 May 2017 10:06:34 GMT

Hi Coffebean!

Thanks for posting again, I'm glad you're sleeping better. I've been having terrible night-sweats, but I'm too young for menopause!! It's playing havoc with my sleep. So from one currently bad sleeper to someone who's sleep has improved, Yay! I'm pleased for you.

You know the saying "Don't sweat the small stuff"? Would it be ok if I had a little rant?

So I worked today until 3, then got the kids, took them to the library, made an appointment for a haircut for one of them, groceries, washing, put dinner on and thought, Crap, I need to register and pay for my dd for netball! She's just joined the local team, and we were told that she can't play games, but is welcome to train with them. This is perfect as I literally cannot be in 2 places at once. I've agreed, I'll register & happy to pay for their compliance, etc, etc.

So tonight I sat down, entered her name (it's all online) and there she is, because she's played Net Set Go previously. She's on their system, so I enter my email address, (forgot password) and no, my email is not registered. Tried my work email, which, I didn't think I'd use for my kids' netball, but who knows what I was thinking. No, not there either.

Went to setup new participant & part of it was to enter details, and, would you believe it, there she is! Sent the email for login details...that was a couple of hours ago & haven't received it.

So I nearly burnt dinner, netballs not paid, can't get emails to set the netball password ***sigh***

Time to log onto Beyond Blue, chat to someone who 'gets it!'. Then I'm going to read a book I picked up from the library with a block of chocolate, and...don't sweat the small stuff.

In the meantime, I'm delegating the washing to my husband to hang out.

Take care.

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Thu, 25 May 2017 08:08:55 GMT

No problem, rant away 🙂

Sometimes we all need a bit of chocolate (or as we call it in our house, emergency chocolate).

As in "Mummy, why do you have chocolate in your bathroom cupboard?"

"Oh, that's just emergency chocolate."

Nervous about counselling

MickeyM — Thu, 25 May 2017 08:27:25 GMT

Love it! 😂

Nervous about counselling

Shred1106 — Sun, 28 May 2017 09:18:22 GMT

Go Coffeebean...

Steps are steps that's all and even the smallest of things can be an achievement! I have seen family twice over the weekend for short periods and haven't snapped! - that's my achievement!

So, day by day, I write down what I have done - might be like brought in the wood for the fire.Keep in mind everyone's meds act differently and take differing times to kick in but don't give up!

Sleeping better is a HUGE win!!!! YAY!!!!...(and can you pas some to me please?)

Remember - one step at a time, and steps too can have rounded edges and therefore take a bit more time to negotiate.But, we are here for you!

Sending good vibes!

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Sun, 28 May 2017 10:57:23 GMT

Thanks Shred.

You're right. Celebrate the small steps. Because what might seem like a small step, may have taken quite a lot of effort.

Today I realise another improvement. I have been wearing pyjamas to bed every night, rather than sleeping in my clothes! I know that probably sounds a little strange. But I'm going to celebrate it!

Nervous about counselling

BballJ — Sun, 28 May 2017 12:48:59 GMT

Hi Coffeebean,

My apologies about not replying sooner, I haven't been on the forums for a while. I have read your responses and just wanted to touch on the medication point you made that you don't feel it is working.. my understand is that is can take quite a while for the medication to have a full effect, this is what my doctor told me when I started on medication.. 8 weeks precisely before I start feeling the effects. Has it improved at all or do you feel it is working since you last posted that?

Other than that, how's everything else going? Are you doing any better?

My best,

Jay

Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean — Sun, 28 May 2017 22:31:14 GMT

Hi Jay.

Thanks for checking in. I think the medication is helping, in that I sleep better. I still wake up a lot, but get back to sleep quickly.

But I'm not sure if I can put up with side effects. It's causing a lot of jaw tightness, and I find I'm chewing on my tongue. I also think it might be causing anxiety - comes on about an hour after I take it, and lasts all day.

I'm sitting here with the pill in front of me, wondering if I'll take a day it today.

Nervous about counselling

BballJ — Mon, 29 May 2017 12:41:18 GMT

Hi Coffeebean,

Have you told your GP about these side effects? Finding the right medication can be hard as well because your body has to take to it so I do highly recommend going back to seeing your doctor and advising them off these symptoms. I tend to get some anxiety after I take some medication as I feel sometimes they are doing more harm than good and I worry about that so I can see how you would be feeling that.

My best,

Jay