topic How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Elizabeth CP — Mon, 04 Jan 2016 08:49:21 GMT

I started seeing a psychologist several years ago to cope while supporting my son who was depressed and suicidal. Over time he has helped me deal with lots of issues. My husband has a degenerative condition which has progressed over the last few years with lots of hospital admissions some were he became extremely ill, he became blind and has problems with eating so he sometimes requires feeding by tube. He manages to use a white cane to walk around now so when he is well he isn't too bad. Prior to my husband's illness I had looked after my mother for 12 years while bringing up my children but I am finding it harder to be a carer for my husband. Over time I have had to take on all the tasks we previously shared and had to move house as the block was too dangerous for my husband and too hard for me to look after. I have had several health issues myself. I'm currently recovering from a broken ankle. Each thing on its own would be OK but I have lost resilience and become overstressed.

My problem is that my sessions end up about damage control -Just dealing with the latest problem. Each time we start something to help the root issues it is sidetracked because I'm unable to cope emotionally and then feel guilty for being dependent on him and not progressing.

I have very low self esteem due to bullying when I was a child. I also have PTSD from being caught in a bushfire when 10yrs old. I feel like my life is over and my relationship with my husband is lost as we can't do the things we used to enjoy or they are very hard for me.

Medication for depression made things worse because of the side effects and I am too scared to try anything else.

My ways of coping are no longer working

Has anyone got any suggestions to help me so I'm not wasting seessions talking about everything which is wrong and actually addressing the problems so I don't feel so bad about myseld and can deal with things which go wrong

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

white knight — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 12:14:55 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

I am not experienced much in therapy sessions. However carrying your noted and reading them out at the beginning of the session will help draw the therapists mind and focus onto those issues.

Many years ago I attended a GROW meeting. I only went once. That session changed my life a lot. After telling the group of my main issue with my mother, one man passed me a GROW book and said "read chapter 3"

It was all about emotional blackmail, an art my mother was expert at. Hence it was the beginning of my act of defense against her manipulative ways. So you can see that one session can make a difference.

In your case you have to your credit cared for many years. Your batteries are run down and need recharging. Again I'm not experienced in these matters but this post will likely now go to the top again and maybe you'll get another reply.

All the best. Tony WK

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Durras — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 20:21:18 GMT

Hi White Knight,

I went to a GROW session last year, it was also my first session but it was also their last session for the year. I left feeling unsure about it and as you said they got us to read a chapter out of a book which I couldn't really make head or tales what it was going on about. I was thinking of going back but feeling within an uneasiness like it will change me in away that may not be the right direction or fit for me, I left with a feeling that it was a pressuring group like do these steps, read through these books, I didn't think it was really so internal to help out with my mental and emotional problems.

I have now found an Australian online clinic called Mind spot and they do free assessments and online courses so I was thinking of this and just working with a psychologist also. I have also ordered some information from BB website and a book called Managing Depression with Mindfulness for Dummies. I ordered it on 15th Dec and still waiting for it. I hope all these will help so yeah not sure about going back to GROW.

What things do you find help you?

Durras

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Guest_5218 — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 03:35:44 GMT

Hi Elizabeth CP,

Yes I see what you mean about Psych appointments going into damage control. It used to be like that for me too. Initially I was referred to my psych for pain management for a long term injury I have. And as I become more comfortable with her, I eventually told her about a trauma I experienced about 20 years ago. She is a very good psych and it turns out that she had been digging into this for some time, or so she tells me. So eventually I cracked, and told her things that I had never spoken about to anyone before. So I then started therapy for ptsd. But along the way things happen and you end up discussing unrelated things. I know for me it was hard last year because I went through a pretty difficult time over the last part of the year. A close family member (11 yo child) died in a car crash, I had 2 elderly friends die, I lost my job due to the business being sold and my husband was going through mental and physical problems of his own. So there were a succession of things all going wrong, and everything just kept building up.

Although my issues sound pretty petty compared to yours, it was still a very difficult time for me. And it seemed that every time I went to see my psych for CBT therapy for ptsd, we lost time to all the other stuff going on.

In the end I would write down, prior to my appointments, everything that was truly bothering me the most, the things I felt I needed to talk about. Then, once I got all the 'petty' things out of the way, I was able to concentrate on the matter at hand. Which for me, was the ptsd therapy. My psych was pretty good and would try to steer things towards the most pressing side issues, but sometimes it is only yourself who knows what the most distressing areas are for yourself. So you do need to take the lead in that regard I found. I was lucky though, because many of my appointments were for up to 4 hours in duration, so we did get to cover quite a lot.

Not sure if any of this helps you Elizabeth. But it worked fairly well for me, and maybe it will for you too. I mean you do have so many other issues which affect your life, so it is understandable that you need to get them off your chest as well. So you do need to unload a bit, prior to taking on the ptsd side of things. Besides, at the end of the day it is all intertwined anyway.

Good luck.

Sherie xx

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 05:32:12 GMT

Hi Tony & Sherie, Thank you for the replys. I Think the suggestion made by Tony & Sherie to write things down before the session is a good idea. Maybe I could write in a notebook each night any pressing issues worth discussing. By going through this before the session it might help me be clearer in knowing what is most important rather than just the events of the last day or what is brought up first in the session. I usually have 1 hour sessions which doesn't leave much time after you have discussed what has happened since the last session. Sherie I hope you are feeling better the issues you have mentioned are not petty compared to mine. It is good to have someone understand a bit what it is like and I appreciate your posts.

I go back to the psychologist next week so it helps to have some ideas as the last few weeks I haven't been coping even though nothing serious has gone wrong but I really need some strategies to cope on hot days When it is cooler am not so tired or anxious and can at least do things to take my mind off things.

I should be grateful for what I have particularly reading some of the posts from people who have experienced terrible things. I at least had a good parents & siblings and my own children have grown up to be good adults. My husband has never abused me and it is not his fault that he is unwell and can't help me as he used to.

One of the problems with therapy sessions is you spend so much time discussing everything which is wrong because that is what I need addressing but sometimes that negative focus is bad.

Any suggestions of how to deal with the bad stuff but get some balance to remember the positives in my life?

Good luck Sherie & Tony

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

white knight — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 07:32:37 GMT

Hi Durras and Elizabeth CP

I recently replied to a similar thread and listed the following to assist that person.

Rather than repeat a lot...you can google the following articles I've written on motivation.

Type - Topic: then the subject -beyondblue

I've written the first one fully for you to google that do the same for the others...

Topic: Does stubbornness have a place? - beyondblue

Festering issues or moving on eg this will be googled as "Topic: festering issues or moving on- beyondblue"

Depression– a ship on the high seas

Feeding your brain

Getting depression into perspective- Please read this, it might help YOU

Who cries over spilt milk?

What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

Do YOU RAMBLE ON? A talker of mental illness all the time?

HOW TO BRAINWASH YOURSELF

Being positive – what’s the secret?

Boredom the closed door to fun?

MELTDOWN –back to basics

Bullying

Meditation – words of wisdom –it helped me for 25 years

DEPRESSION – is there any positive?

Can you force people?

30 minutes can change your life

The best praise you’ll ever get

.............All these will take time for you to digest but it will make a difference. Good luck Tony WK

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 11:44:56 GMT

Thanks Tony for the time you took to list suggested posts. It will take time to read them all but I will. Sorry I'm feeling stupid because I am unable to provide such great insights suggestions etc as you and many other members of BB. I guess in the past I just made myself keep going no matter what but things are catching up with me and my usual ways of coping aren't working any more.

thank you

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

White_Rose — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 12:36:46 GMT

Hello Elizabeth

I have found a similar story with the psych I go to. Initially the sessions were finding out about me and what I needed. Then we did some CBT. Not necessarily advocating CBT, just that this was a process we used to work out how I cope and how I could cope. Now we seem to just chat about whatever has happened lately.

I have been thinking about this during the Christmas break while I have not seen the psych. I think I will talk to him about using the CBT process to manage whatever is happening in my life. Damage control is important, but I am coming to the conclusion that I could continue seeing this psych for the rest of my life just solving problems as they happen rather learning how to solve and manage my problems by myself.

Many psychologists limit therapy sessions to between 12-20 and I suspect this is the reason. Instead of learning to cope on our own we are learning to depend on the psych to manage for us. Do you feel this happens for you? I think when I return next week I will describe a recent situation and how I reacted then suggest we talk about how I could have managed better. All the difficulties we face seem different, and probably are in many ways, but it's the skills we use to manage or resolve these difficulties that is what we need to learn, and I suspect we need far fewer than a different process for each situation.

For example, if I am arguing with someone and get upset, what I need is a way to decide if the discussion is important enough to warrant me getting upset and what I am going to do about it, rather than just vent and perhaps get some reassurance. So perhaps what I need to learn is the ability to stand back and see what is happening. Once I can manage this I can utilise this skill in other situations. Using my own real life problems gives me an ownership of the outcome.

So what do you think? I am hoping this will lead to me being better able to stand on my own two feet. So if you find yourself talking about a panic situation you could discuss what to do in any panic situation. I think I have made it seem easy for myself but I think it will be more difficult in reality. Anyway, I am interested in your thoughts.

Mary

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Gertie_Rose — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 14:53:58 GMT

I also have PTSD. We duck & weave the traumatic memories instinctively and unconsciously. I'd say there is a hidden motivation in your psyche to keep you chatting about relatively superficial spot fires rather than delving into the guts of your trauma. Our minds and bodies are set up to habitually avoid remembering, re-living or discussing.

When we brush against the trauma it can feel like it is going to kill us. It feels like a horrifying undercurrent of fear. There is good reason our minds protect us and distract us for a while, til we're ready.

We also become compulsive carers/rescuers and take on massive amounts of responsibility and control. We can be very outwardly focused people.

The solution with your therapist is very straight forward to my mind. Tell him or her what you have told us and that you'd like support to delve deeper. A skilled therapist may help you trigger the PTSD in the safe space of the consulting room then help you process it as an adult. Tremendous catharsis can ensue as well as significant personal change. Be upfront and direct about what you've noticed and discuss it openly with the therapist.

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Durras — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 18:24:37 GMT

Hi Tony and to all who have posted,

I thank you all very much for your posts, I will re-read them and also try to print them so I have them at hand, I think I have to do things this way thou worry I will end up with lots of paper and maybe taking in so much, I'm a very slow learner and I have to re-read things over and over again and also my vocab is very limited so many times I find myself looking up words to try and understand what people are saying. I am just at the starting point in my recovery and learning from the beginning. I still feel confused with what it is that is paralysing me with my life but I know mentally for me I am not happy and very much out of balance with extremely low self-esteem, confidence and self belief or being worthy.

I know I have suffered depression for many years, thou due to my past life-style with drinking, working and being a solo mum I never focused properly on it, or felt I never had the need to because I had no reason, Yes I had my daughter but I will put that aside for now as I will loose what I am trying to say now.

I have such a wonderful man in my life, he says I am perfect and he loves me for me, but my question is who am I? I want to deal with everything so I can finally find the real me, so I thank you all for your suggestions and help here on BB. I'm not only saying thank you to those who reply to helping me but to everyone for all I read on BB.

I wish I could respond to everyone on here and my sincere apologies that I don't, I just never know what to say how to respond and worried I will sound strange or say something wrong. Believe me I do read many posts each day and my heart goes out to all here on BB.

Sending Big hugs to all

Durras

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

White_Rose — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 21:58:55 GMT

Dear Durras

Thank you for your lovely post. It's always good to feel we are helping anyone in however small a way. Rereading is a lot easier, I have found, when you have the printed version. You can also make notes in the margins about those things that particularly ring bells for you. It can also be useful to write down your own reactions to different comments and see where that leads you.

If you want to reply to anyone on BB and find it takes a lot of time, I have a suggestion. Write your response in Word, or whatever you use, and when you are happy with this copy and paste it into the thread you are answering. That way you will have time to consider what to say and feel comfortable about your answer. It's also useful for those times when the forum throws a temper tantrum and shows an error message. Our posts gets lost and that is so frustrating. But if you have it safe in your own file you can paste it in the thread a little later.

Please remember also that we all make our comments with the greatest of goodwill and this is how they are perceived by others reading these posts. No posts are strange or wrong when you write with goodwill and care. I hope you will continue to write in. Your post above is great. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

If someone uses a word you don't understand, please write and ask what it means. I think we are so used to our own vocabulary that we forget others use a different set of words to express themselves.

I look forward to reading your future comments.

Mary

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Durras — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 22:25:59 GMT

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your response and tips and advice I appreciate it a lot.

Will try and do those things, they sound really helpful, for me thou it will be like trying to now build on a new habit and new routine but of course a very positive and helpful one at that. Unfortunately these days just to build myself to do anything is difficult. Suppose to be going to dr, don't have an appointment but really can't be bothered going out.

Again thank you for your response and look forward to future chats

Durras

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

White_Rose — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 22:28:31 GMT

Hello Gertie

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree about reliving trauma. It will always be painful. What I was trying to say was that I would rather use these spot fires as examples and use them to develop my coping techniques rather than rely on an incident by incident discussion and post mortem. I would rather start to manage "stuff" on the spot than go back to look at how I could have managed better. I think it will be more satisfying to cope at the time rather than in retrospect.

And yes, it is my intention to discuss this with the psych. In some ways I think I am already managing better as I can see the stuff I wrote above. Not long ago I would have run a mile rather than utilise his suggested mechanisms. So you are indeed correct about the ducking and weaving. We have had several discussions about the safety of his room and also about my fear of leaving it for the uncertainties of the outside world.

I have noticed in many people the tendency to care for others as a way of avoiding their own pain. And I completely understand why, having done exactly that. It is of course the job of the psych to gradually coax us out of the dark into the light and help us to endure the pain until we can stand again.

Yes, to look at the trauma we had experienced can feel like a mini death and totally scary. And it does not help when others dismiss it as trivial or 'one of those things, just get over it'. For me this has hijacked my life for the past four years and I want an end to the repercussions. I can't forget it or pretend it never happened, but I can live my life in a far happier frame of mind and manage the nightmares. Who knows, they may even go away.

Thanks again for your message. I appreciate your insights.

Mary

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 07 Jan 2016 00:41:42 GMT

Thank you to all who have posted on this thread as it has given me some ideas of how to move forward. Mary, it is good to feel someone else is dealing with similar issues to me. ie feeling you get caught up in urgent issues rather than dealing with important issues to learn strategies to cope on uor own. I definitely need to start writing things down at least daily so I can remember to discuss the important issues and move forward. Gertie I agree with you that it is often easier to avoid the trauma rather than dealing with it. In my case I have discussed it with GPs & Councillors in the past but only when there has been a serious trigger and then it is a matter of dealing with it to be able cope until the trigger goes away and then forget about it until the next trigger rather than dealing with it properly. I also agree with you re using caring for others as a way of coping. In my case as a teenager I would go out of my way to help my parents (including getting up before anyone else to clean windows, mow the lawn and I took over the shopping while still at school because my mum couldn't walk round the shops any more). Looking back this was probably to help stop the guilt from not helping during the bushfire which destroyed our home. Later I cared for my mum after my dad died for 12 years (I don't regret this) and now care for my husband.

I was doing better yesterday & looking forward to spending a couple of days with a friend but that has changed today as my husband is sickand I feel stuck not knowing what to do. His specialist is away. He spent Sunday in Emergency with the same problem and they couldn't find out what is wrong and the medication they gave for the pain stops his normal medication working making him worse. I feel guilty for not doing anything but I don't know what to do. I have made phone calls but haven't received any reasonable suggestions. Most people say they can't help.

Sorry the is me venting my frustration at the situation. I am not blaming anyone as the problem isn't people not wanting to help. Also disappointed about missing my break which I need

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

hope4joy — Tue, 12 Jan 2016 07:07:29 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

thanks for your post, this is a really great question. I had a real worsening of my depression over the last couple of months and it has made me stop and reflect whether therapy is helping or not. I've been seeing the same therapist - a psychiatrist - for i think two years now. Along with a group therapy program I did, I feel like I've got good skills in managing difficult emotions, not acting impulsively, sticking with things even when they get really hard, not being so sensitive and reactive in relationship etc. Which is all great stuff. But I feel like I have just built this base to be able to manage day to day upsets, and now I really want therapy to focus growing 'good stuff' in my life. To get help growing a bigger circle of friends and to get help to overcome some of the limiting beliefs that keep hindering me. I spoke to my psych about this but am yet to know how we can achieve it. I agree that therapy can put so much emphasis on the 'whats wrong' and overlook the 'whats right'. Have you or anyone else got ideas on how to make therapy help create positive change in one's life?

Kind wishes, Christina

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

JessF — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 00:28:25 GMT

This is a really important thread. So many people feel like this, I think, and it can contribute to them giving up on therapy altogether and saying "nothing works". When I first started seeing therapists, I felt the same, that it was all about managing the crisis of the week and not really seeming to move forward. Mary has some great points about starting to rely on a psychologist to manage our crises rather than learning the skills to manage them ourselves. Remember the old saying about, give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime? That I think should be the goal of going to see a therapist.

Rather than, how do I solve problem x, the question should be, how do I solve problems *like* x? Because when you go deeper, you will almost always find that there are patterns in your life that cause you to react in certain ways to make you feel like you can't cope.

My solution to this in more recent years is to be much more goal oriented when seeing a psychologist. Sometimes you need to drive this, because they are trained to sit back and listen. Be upfront, and have a session dedicated to what you want to get out of therapy. Doing CBT work for example is very structured. The good therapists will give you "homework" to do, where you analyse different situations that have occurred throughout the week and over time you can start to see the patterns.

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Durras — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 00:36:25 GMT

Hi JessF,

I'm seeing my psychologist for the first time and thinking of making a list of questions based on my bad patterns with thoughts and turning to the bottle. I'm not to sure why I do this, it has been this way for many years as far as I can remember. I'm also not to sure what questions should be based on or how to put the questions to her, I am confused just on this task alone of making a question list but I know and feel it is a vital thing for me to do.

Thank you for your insight with what you have posted and any thoughts to what I should do to prepare for it or with my questions etc.? I want to go deeper into the whys with my past with her and not solve the surface and current but the history behind it all. Only thing is I have blocked out so much of my childhood it is difficult for me to remember things it is all blurry and fussy.

Carol

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Durras — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 03:29:02 GMT

I think my biggest thing is I am confused with my depression and anxiety, I think I have bipolar too.

I have lots of lows lasting weeks to thoughts of whats the point questioning life it's self is it worth it carrying on. Then I have light bulbs going in my mind giving me clarity and focus knowing where I am going giving me direction and I feel so high that I want to celebrate it cause then I feel I can concur anything and overcome anything, A day or two later I am down again questioning that clarity and with no I will fail, cause I am useless and I won't succeed and then feelings of worthlessness come in and more.

I get agitated and frustrated and upset quickly over the smallest things, I tend to block out all outbursts keeping them internal as I don't want anyone to know what I am dealing with but this just boils them more so then I turn to the bottle. I wake up like this and go to sleep like this.

I can't focus on anything on my daily tasks with things to do, everything seems such a chore and demand and effort, so I'm constantly with lack of energy in the afternoon I am tired and want to sleep by 7.30 and wake up by 4.30am but that has been my normal time since having my daughter. I have no sexual drive but go along sometimes with it to keep my husband happy and don't want him questioning my love for him.

Okay stopping now as I am crying now questioning why he loves me as I can't see anything in me for him to love. Going down again. Frustrated with this illness, maybe just maybe it is the weather doing this to me I was fine an hour ago. Damn sickness, illness, hate being this way. So I wanted to share my thoughts with this above to bring to my psychologist on the 3rd and happy for anyone's advice, words of wisdom etc.

Carol

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How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

JessF — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 03:58:40 GMT

Hello Carol, I think if you're going to see someone for the first time it's a bit different than if you have been seeing someone for a while and feel like you're going nowhere.

It can be a mistake when you first walk through the doors to try and do too much. If you think about it like a sportsperson who is prone to getting a certain type of injury, first you have to concentrate on patching up the immediate wound before you can move onto steps to prevent it from happening in the future.

My suggestion would be to start with just one thing. It sounds like your drinking is a bit of a concern for you, and that perhaps some other things flow from that. Perhaps an initial goal from your therapy might be that you would like some assistance to drink less? In exploring this one question, you will find that a good therapist will start to tease out the thoughts and feelings that drive you to drink in the first place, and things will start to move from there.

Start small, I say, and be kind to yourself along the way. You've already taken a massive step in making that appointment, as well as articulating your thoughts and feelings so well on here.

How to make therapy sessions effective Rather than repeating the same things over & over

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 09:54:58 GMT

Hi Carol,

I think Jess gave some good suggestions particularly perhaps focusing on managing your drinking as alcohol magnifies depression and makes it hard to deal with it. You expressed concern re being bipolar. I would speak to your therapist but I doubt if you have it. It sounds like the highs you mention are more a brief lifting of the depression so you are able to feel normal,motivated and more happy rather than a manic episode.

I would let the therapist know that you want to find out why you feel the way you do and to learn to deal with the trauma of your childhood. I would tell her that you can't remember a lot of what happened. She should be able to help guide you to remember what you need to remember at a pace that suits you. Perhaps keep a notebook or journal to write in each day between sessions how you are feeling, & what you have done positive & negative. It doesn't need to be in detail. This may help when you return for following appointments as you can discuss what is happening and perhaps identify any triggers. This means both you and the therapist can learn what works for you and what doesn't so the therapy can be better geared to your needs. Last time I saw my psychologist I told him some of the problems I was experiencing while doing the exposure therapy he had told me to do. He then changed the focus and gave me very different tasks to do between sessions which has been more helpful. Other times I have forgotten to mention things which means therapy is not so effective.