topic Feeling worse after visit with a counselor? in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

manchala — Mon, 02 May 2016 11:25:23 GMT

I just saw a counselor for the first time, and in all honesty, I hated it. I guess I expected to leave there in a better mood but I think I felt worse walking out than I felt walking in. I was wondering if it's common for people to feel this way at the start?

I've never opened up to anyone before- not my friends, family or a professional. So I felt very vulnerable and embarrassed, and I cried throughout the session. Every question he asked me felt invasive and was hard for me to answer. I know he's doing his job and that everything paints a bigger picture, but it was just a little intimidating for me. He drew on so many different aspects of my life which has now got me overthinking everything I've ever done in the past- I've given myself a headache and I haven't stopped crying since. I was very in the midst of my emotions so I could barely get anything out of my mouth. I'm worried that maybe he doesn't understand the extent of what I feel because I can't put my emotions into words well. At times I got frustrated at him for not understanding what I was trying to tell him. Whenever he smiled at me I got worried that he was laughing at something I said and I took it as a condescending thing.

I have another session scheduled in a few days and I'm dreading it. I'm regretting going in the first place, I feel like I've 'exploited' myself, if that makes sense. Did anyone else feel the same way when they first started seeing a professional?

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

150lashes — Mon, 02 May 2016 11:39:05 GMT

Hey there

Yes I can relate. My first session was a nightmare to be honest. I was trying to deal with current matters and she kept delving into my past and childhood and obviously trying to figure out what may be impacting me today from there.

I also have an uncanny way of laughing when I get nervous or feel awkward. So I was laughing quite a bit, which didn't help my situation and resulted in her thinking I wasn't taking things seriously..

Anyway I vowed to give one more session a go and if it didn't improve I wasn't going back. But second session was different she was less probing and I was more direct at saying upfront what I did and didn't like and asking her more questions myself. I know this is hard to do if you lack confidence and aren't feeling well though.

I'd go back and tell him how that session made you Feel.. If you don't like the response or can't connect then seek another Psychologist

You don't have to continue with him if you don't like it and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Best wishes always

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

manchala — Mon, 02 May 2016 12:49:46 GMT

I felt that way. I got upset when he tried to diverge the topic to things that never cross my mind when I just wanted to directly tackle the issue at hand. Good to know others can relate, thanks for sharing.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

blondguy — Mon, 02 May 2016 19:09:02 GMT

Hello Manchala

An excellent topic and thankyou for posting. I can understand where you are coming from as my first visit was awful. in 1985. I was in tears and upset too. It took me a few visits to appreciate that he was trying to get me to release a lot of emotion that I built up and had buried deep inside. He was trying to heal me and I had to open up to allow him to heal me.

I also thought that I was meant to come out reasonably contented or clearer but didnt grasp that in order for me to feel better I needed to vent and have a really good cry. After fortnightly visits for six months he actually reduced my severe anxiety to a mild anxiety that was manageable.

For sure after a few visits if you arent satisfied find another one to see. The first few visits can be uncomfortable but most of the time very rewarding in the long run.

150lashes made a great point about communicating to your therapist and letting him know how you feel....that would be beneficial to your healing.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

geoff — Mon, 02 May 2016 19:11:11 GMT

hello Manchala, what you have experienced is normal, because for the first real time you have someone who has been trained to understand what is going through your mind, and yes it can be nerve wracking, because for such a long time the only things you wanted to talk about with your family and/orfriends is what suits you to, but now you have to talk to a person who is trying to make you better.
My first couple of visits was just me crying, a big fellow I am, but felt the size of something so small, cuddled up in the chair, I must have looked pathetic, but she starting to ask me questions and yes it was painful to try and answer them because I couldn't talk, and only answered by yes or no, but she knew that I was suffering so much, but these questions had started to open up what was hurting me so much.
It is difficult to talk to a new person, but I wasn't going to get any better until I could share my problems with only one person, but if she asked me a question which I wasn't prepared to answer in these first few sessions I said 'later on'or 'not now'.
The important fact here is that if you don't feel as though you don't 'click' with him then you need to change, and can I ask if he is a psychologist or psychiatrist, because to me there is a big difference. Geoff.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

White_Rose — Mon, 02 May 2016 22:44:25 GMT

Dear Manchala

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It seems the first experience of seeing any kind of counselor ends in a bit of discomfort. A bit like a first date in some ways. We create the anticipation in our minds that everything is going to be resolved and we will live happily ever after.

The room where you meet your counselor is designed to make you feel comfortable and safe and help you relax. And you did feel safe, safe enough to cry anyway. Delving into any bad situation will make you feel vulnerable because of the hurt you have already experienced. And suddenly you find yourself opening up and saying things you never expected.

Then you leave and realise you are back in the hard, cold light of day. Did you feel you wanted to go back to the room and talk some more? That's a common reaction also. Someone has talked to you and LISTENED to what you have to say. And it's all about you. No one waiting until you have said your bit so they can say their bit. I found it all rather overwhelming and so I cried. In fact I cried on many occasions when we touched on painful situation.

Please go back and try again. I know when we go to these places we want to talk/ask about specific items and so often we forget. I suggest you write down all the questions you want to ask, including why you felt the way you did. Also write down your feelings and tell the counselor this. You can either read out your questions etc or give the paper to the counselor, whatever you choose.

I believed everything would be done and dusted in a couple of sessions. I saw a psychiatrist initially, and it was a disaster from the start. But not all psychiatrists/psychologists/counselors are like this and I found a psychologist I got on well with. It was like talking to a very caring friend who had a lot of the answers and was prepared to help me do the hard work.

Here's to a better meeting next time.

Mary

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

JessF — Tue, 03 May 2016 01:22:19 GMT

Hello manchala, the only thing I can add to the excellent responses above is the old saying, sometimes you have to feel worse before you can get better. I have had many sessions with psychologists and counsellors over the journey where I have felt worse after leaving a session. I have often found though that this is a good sign...a bit like getting a tooth pulled out. It means that we are getting closer to the issues, and my negative feelings were a mix of fear at confronting the issues, which had been masked by years of denial, and my realisation at the full extent of what I had been sitting on, and the work yet to do. Take it a step at a time.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

manchala — Tue, 03 May 2016 04:26:55 GMT

Hello everyone, thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. It's good to know that feeling this way is not uncommon. I will try and talk to him about how I felt. I hope with some patience things will fall into place and that my next appointment is more comfortable.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

blondguy — Tue, 03 May 2016 10:23:00 GMT

Hello Manchela

Thankyou for writing back. It does take time and patience...You are not on your own....

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

pipsy — Tue, 03 May 2016 10:44:54 GMT

Hi manchala. Hoping you're feeling more positive than you initially felt. Talking to a counsellor can be hard, talking to a friend/family is harder because the patience required is not always there. With a counsellor/psych, the training they have to undergo before they start counselling, means they learn to empathize without actually taking your problems on board. Once you have the confidence that they are there to help, guide and listen it becomes easier to relax. Trying to talk about painful memories is really hard because initially, you don't want to. With their help, it makes it easier to face unpleasant memories, because the knowledge that it's a memory and the person/experience involved is also just a bad memory. I remember when I had to relive some of my painful past, it took a few sessions before I could talk, once I started, the 'dam' opened and the hurt and anger came out. I would ask also (this might sound funny/stupid) how your counsellor would feel about you swearing (I mean really swearing). If your particular memory involves someone who really hurt/upset you, sometimes bad-mouthing them helps relieve some of the pent-up rage you've never been allowed to show. When I was growing up whenever I swore (which wasn't often) my dad would tell me off for **** swearing. Quite contradictory, isn't it. In counselling, my psych encouraged me to bad-mouth him, mum and my older sibling for repressing me. My dad would say because he was the parent and I was the juvenile (his favourite expression) I had to do as he said, not as he did. I remember once he really sailed into me when I questioned his right to say one thing but practice another. I digress, you do need to rid yourself of any anger issues you may have in connection with your past, with the help of your counsellor. That's important.

Lynda.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

Lazykh — Sat, 07 May 2016 08:12:25 GMT

Counsellors (or psychologists, or psychiatrists, or doctors) are like medication... You don't always get the right one the first time you try. But if you persevere you will find one that has the right approach for you. There are some superb professionals who can read people so well that they can click with about 95% of clients. Then others really do a great job with people they do click with, but that's not everyone... there are also some that probably should have done something else with their life instead that didn't require any contact with human beings... Yes, some of them are just crappy. Some of them have no empathy, some of them are obviously bored... But that's not all of them. Please don't lose heart, I think it's a good idea to give another session a go as long as you feel you are up to it, to see if it was just the first one (sometimes the interview can be a bit harrowing when you're being hit with zillions of questions and it takes 2 hours). If it doesn't go better, try someone else, there are plenty of other counsellorfish in the sea.

Lazykh.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

Lazykh — Sat, 07 May 2016 08:17:46 GMT

PS, it's better to change over sooner rather than later, as firstly you'll waste money going over the same ground twice, and secondly and more importantly, the worse an experience you have with the first person, the less likely you will be to see another one, so remember, you are NOT unhelpable, and your counsellor might not be perfect for you.

Read up on clinical iatrogenesis to know more about therapeutic relationships gone wrong... I find it a fascinating subject and see a lot of clients who have really suffered from the effects. (I had one client who had seen 10 therapists before me... and didn't trust anyone) It takes a long time to deconstruct mistrust too, so you are really doing yourself a favour to get out as soon as you realise it's wrong for you, if it gets to that point.

Lazykh

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

150lashes — Sat, 07 May 2016 12:26:03 GMT

Lazykh are you a psychologist?

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

Lazykh — Tue, 07 Jun 2016 00:24:41 GMT

pssst... shh... I do counselling and psychotherapy. studying to be a registered clinical psychologist... don't tell! I just like helping people in my spare time. :))))

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

blondguy — Tue, 07 Jun 2016 12:04:39 GMT

Hey 150:-) always great to see you on the forums. I hope you are doing reasonably okay

Lazykh...I havent had the pleasure yet but welcome to you 🙂 Pssst...dont tell anyone that a psychiatric nurse visited my home in 1983 (from the local council) and helped me in 30 minutes to get the strength to leave my house after the first 'gound zero' anxiety phase. I saw him weekly for 3 months and he made me cry and then get back to work.....My Best....Paul:-)

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

pipsy — Tue, 07 Jun 2016 22:14:57 GMT

Hi Lazykh. Often when we visit psychologists/psychiatrists, as Jess said, it can take time to work through the bad before we start feeling better. Because we feel uncomfortable talking about the bad, often we need time to get courage. If you have a good psych, that helps immensely. If your psych isn't 'in tune' with you, this can be off-putting. However, usually after a couple of sessions this becomes obvious. If this happens, that's when you see about a referral to another psych. Unfortunately, this can have a detrimental affect as the patient loses confidence in psych's in general and refuses to seek further help. I had this problem with a marriage counsellor. She was young, never married, no children, lived at home etc. She gaily informed me I had to try harder to understand my hubby's emotional attachment to his parents. Over a period of 6 weeks I came away feeling worse than I had when I started. I persevered, but finished up telling her (rather nastily) to get married, deal with narc in-laws and a hubby who defended them over his wife. Perhaps I shouldn't have said what I said, but when you visit any counsellor, you expect support, not to be told, rather bluntly, it's up to you to change your attitude.

Lynda

P.S I've actually found more support here.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

Lazykh — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 06:18:35 GMT

Hi there, I think I managed to confuse you all, I'm now a counsellor with limited major issues myself which feels nice after places I've been in the past... I was really lucky I got a great psychotherapist first try who didn't just help me with my concerns, he actually inspired me to do what I do now. I thought that if I could do for others what he'd done for me, I'd feel I'd had a fulfilling life. I love all my contact with clients, regardless of how 'challenging' they are and look forward to the day I finish my study so I can get paid to do what I love!!!

Since becoming involved in the profession, I've met some wonderful people who share this sort of mentality, but unfortunately I've also met some who I wish had chosen to do something else. They are the ones that don't care, the ones that don't think outside the box (i.e. CBT way or the highway), AND more than anything the ones that poach other people's clients. Especially when you have made some progress with them. Especially when the client you hear dropped out soon after changing therapist and is once again, a mess.

Lynda, it sounds like you've had a very bad experience... but I'm so glad that you found what you needed here. I can tell it must mean a lot to you from how much you have given back to the community. And I think it's great that you spoke with candour to your crappy therapist, frankness is a virtue and honesty is a breath of fresh air. I hope she learnt something from it, but there are those sort of people who will just externalise it all instead. We can only hope. Anyhow, it's nice to meet you!

Lazykh

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

White_Rose — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 06:49:03 GMT

I can definitely relate to there being lousy psychiatrists/psychologist/counsellors around the traps. I was referred to a psychiatrist who couldn't get my name right at the first meeting, which I thought was psychiatry 101. Then he was always late because he arrived at least 20 minutes after his first appointment, fell asleep while I talked to him (great for the ego), then swore at me when he got annoyed. And I don't mean mild words. The he wrote to my GP and told her it was all my fault.

Surprisingly I left his therapy rooms. But I have also been fortunate in meeting skilled and wonderful psychologists. Good luck to you on your professional journey. I do hope you are and will remain one of the skilled and wonderful psychologists.

Mary

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

Pseudomonas — Sun, 24 Sep 2017 12:49:12 GMT

Is it normal for counsellors to touch clients to improve trust? Mine touched me at the end of each session. I resent it - am I overreacting? He was also manipulative, trying to get me to change jobs to move to his suburb. He said he was a solution finder and my friend, but he was rather insensitive to my feelings and got my problems wrong after a few weekly sessions.

Feeling worse after visit with a counselor?

ablemabel — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 04:45:40 GMT

This is a very late reply and I hope you were able to find some support around this last year. But I would say no, it's not very normal to touch clients to improve trust. There are plenty of other ways to achieve that and I'm also very concerned about them wanting you to move to his suburb and calling himself a friend. It sounds like this person was overstepping boundaries and it's his job to uphold ethical practice. I'm very sorry that you had this experience, the last person you want to feel manipulated by or uncomfortable with is your counsellor. I hope since this time you have found another professional counsellor. I would even recommend that you report this counsellor to whichever professional body they are registered with (I hope they are registered) so that it's recorded.

All the best