topic Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help? in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Tibby — Tue, 10 Sep 2013 11:28:08 GMT

Growing up I was always so cheerful and happy. A few years ago I experienced some trauma and I never cried or talked about it. I was just too ashamed to admit to myself that I wasn't ok. I thought I was getting on with my life, I've been at Uni for three years and I was going quite well. I think it's started to hit me what actually happened and now I'm completely unmotivated to do anything, even get out of bed some days.

I'm think I'm scared of getting help. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm still yet to accept that I'm not coping.

So is it hard to actually call and make the appointment? Walk in and commit to that appointment? Start talking to someone you have never met about what's wrong? Go back for more appointments? Accepting what they have to say?

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 02:27:27 GMT

There is no real easy answer to this question Tibby but I will tell you what I did. 13 years ago I was run over by a car, did a lot of damage to me both physically and mentally. Now for a while my thought was basically its my mind my body I should have control over it. I did not need anyone's help I would sort this out myself. Well I got a really rude wake up call in the form of me nearly killing myself. Was the very first time I have ever been scared of me. That was a wake up call of "Hey you are not handling this as well as you thought and maybe just maybe its time to call someone"

The phone call was not hard to make, walking in for the appointment was a little nervous at first. but once I found the right person to talk to it was all good. Now here are a few things you do need to keep in mind when seeking help. The councilers/pyshs are like shoes you have to try a few on to find that right fit. So the first time you go into someone's office and you just do not feel comfortable with them ask them for a couple of referals, I had to talk to four people before I found the guy that I was comfortable with.

Now as for talking to someone you have never met about your problems, to be honest its the best thing you are going to do for yourself. The reason is that this is a person you will only meet in an office, more than likely you do not run in the same social circles, which is the ideal case IMO because then you do not have to worry about any awkward moments, and with them being outside your "normal" circle they might be able to give you some insight that you had not thought of.

Now as for accepting what they say that's a little tricker, because lets face it the only person that truly knows what is right for us, is us. The guy that I was talking with for a while had a few good ideas and suggestions but some of the things he had to say did not suit or fit me simply because he has never had to deal with the problems that I have had to deal with, so take everything with a grain of salt.

My advice, make the call before you have a rude awaking like I did. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Chris_B — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 05:47:17 GMT

Hey Tibby, Dennis' advice is great. It's perfectly normal to feel hesitant/scared/anxious at each of those stages you mention. Have you got any friends or family you can confide in at this point about what you're going through? Having someone who can walk the journey with you, even take you to that first appointment, can be a big help.

I was lucky enough to have an older work colleague who I blurted out to one day not long after I was first diagnosed with depression and put on meds. I was completely unprepared for his reaction, which was to ask me 'which ones' and then talk to me about his decades of history - and you would have never known. He was a huge source of strength for me in the early days of coming to terms with getting help and trying to find solutions to stay well.

Let us know how you go.

best
CB

____________________________________________________________________
Online Community Manager

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

The_Real_David_Charles — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 06:47:19 GMT

Dear Tibby,

It's OK to talk on the Beyondblue site about your past trauma if physically getting to t a GP/counsellor/psychiatrist, etc, is way too hard for you. Or, like Christopher says "Have you got any family and friends to confide in ?". When you are more specific about the historical pinch point more people on this site can relate to that particular situation. But in general talking to the dog, the Post Office clerk, the Newsagent, the woman across the road who once returned a mis-delivered letter to you, etc, is a good way to get out the angst and be "normal".

I wouldn't make the appointment and tick the box. For an alternative mindset make the appointment and then cancel it if things get too much. So, you already have this cancellation in the back of your mind when you book in. You're not saying I WILL COME AT 9AM FRIDAY like you are in some Gestapo March with the Bavarian Tuba Company playing "Ode to Joy" from Beethoven's 9th Symphony. You want to be flexible and that way avoid the worry.

Likewise you can always change counsellors. The point Dennis and Christopher are making is that you don't have to be held hostage by not coping. Unless your depression looks like Matt Damon. Then, maybe, 2 days tops.

Adios, David.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

vip — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 08:31:02 GMT

Hi Tibby you sound like you are experiencing post-partum depression here remembering your bad experience. Look you have done the 1st step to recovery and thats speaking about it here on this forum. Honestly it will be exactly the same just sitting face to face with someone eg psych or gp and telling them what actually is going on. You really need to be really strong here and just do it. I know I felt scared embarassed ect with the 1st appointment with my psych but when my psych had told me he suffered with depression numerous times it made me feel so much better. Honestly lots of people suffer with it and it is sooo common . Once you have taken this step this will further help your recovery. Please keep those communication lines open. Even write everything down in a journal and hand that to the psych on your 1st appointment if need be. Take care

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Pixie15 — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 10:17:45 GMT

Hi Tibby,

From what I understand in a general way if your trauma is resurfacing it may mean that you have the resources to deal with it. I know from my experience that I have pushed things down in the past because I either had no means or was not strong enough to cope with them. I have recently been undergoing a course of therapy with a psychologist and to be honest it has not been easy but it has really helped me so I would definitely encourage anyone else to consider it. I understand that if you see your doctor you can be referred for free treatment. If you are still at Uni you probably have counselling services available to you as well. The hard part for me was not so much making the appointment but owning up to the fact that I needed help. Best wishes, Chris.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Tibby — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 12:06:48 GMT

Wow! Thank you all for a reply! Reading your advice has, well.. made me feel less closed off. It's big sigh of relief!

Dennis that advice was perfect, I honestly read it and immediately called my GP for a referral, I now have my first appointment with a psychologist next week. I still am very anxious about going though. But at least I was able to make the call. I am so sorry to hear about what you experienced and I really do hope that you are able to recover!

Christopher, I do have friends and family around me but I don't at the same time.. My family and I are really close but I moved out of home and I moved a three hour drive away from home so most support is by phone. But also a lot of my family are going through something seriously medically. I am finding it hard to talk to them because I know they're too worried about their own problems. I worry that I'm just going to worry them further.. My partner has been quite supportive, he has asked me every morning and every night how I'm feeling. The hardest thing so far was telling him that I don't think I'm coping. His response was wonderful. But he unfortunately works 70+ hours a week. I haven't told all my friends, but the ones I have vowed not to leave me alone for long. I still feel like a burden on them though.

I am very happy to let you know how I get on.

Nes a journal sounds like a good idea! I'll start one tonight and see how that goes!

A big thank you for your support!

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

geoff — Wed, 11 Sep 2013 20:50:30 GMT

dear Tibby, I love Dennis's advice and how right he is, straight to the point, and as Nes has said 'lots of people suffer with it and it is sooo common'

The first time I went to a psychiatrist I was so depressed, down in that black hole so much I couldn't have given a damn who I spoke to, or what I had to say, it was just a figure sitting there opposite me, I felt no connection with him, answered a few questions, showed him my drawing of my spider web, which was all my problems coming to a head, the nucleus and that was my brain.

This trauma has affected you so much and you won't get any better until you can relate to a psychologist, and it won't take long until you know whether they are the one for you, and this doesn't mean to stop trying because there will be someone out there, please trust us. L Geoff. x

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Tibby — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 18:52:54 GMT

I'm sorry, apparently I didn't see some of these posts earlier.

I haven't cancelled my first appointment. But I am fearful that I'm not going to connect with my psychologist. How do you handle it? Do you just think s/he doesn't suit me and simply seek someone else?

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 20:45:12 GMT

Tibby congrats on taking that first step. And as for being anxious well that is just normal, hey you can say you are "doing something normal" *grins* I only have a couple of comments. First do not feel like you are a burden on someone, that is what friends and family are for. This might sound strange but some times it helps to lean on someone. The reason I say this is some times it helps the other person forget about their problems for a little bit and try to help you.

Its good that you can talk to your partner and yeah he does work a lot of hours but this will make him feel important as he will feel that like the white knight, for a lack of a better way of putting things. And as for friends well these are the moments that you find out who your true friends are and who are not.

Just remember the advice that everyone has given you, put it all together and it will really help you, stick with the appointment, if you are not comfy with the person you are talking with ask for another person to talk with. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing, this group is another way to reach out even if you are just having "one of those days" its good to talk.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Pixie15 — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:44:39 GMT

Therapy may not be comfortable. From my experience it is not like have tea and biscuits with Nanna. But I dont think it would be much use continuing with someone who really grated on your nerves for any reason. You will know after the first hour or two.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

The_Real_David_Charles — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 11:17:38 GMT

Dear Tibby,

Your question : "Do you just think s/he doesn't suit me and simply seek someone else ?" (this is before you've had the 1st session)

My question: "Do you think this kind of anxious pre-emptive thinking, logical and well prepared as it is, will entice you to give 100% in your initial appointment ? Or will you be second guessing the whole time, judging responses and being a bit of a Centrelink Admin Officer with a clipboard ? Planning an escape BEFORE the meet seems great and handy but to plant that doubt NOW is kind of like hoping it will fail. What "doesn't suit" may be you - where you're actually driving a wedge in before giving the psychologist a chance. Try to go with a free mind and be yourself. The like / dislike is really a separate issue but if you need this psychological comfort blankie then it's up to you. Psychologists do about 7 years training so judging her/im in a few minutes might be a bit premature. I have ditched a counsellor myself but it took me around 5 sessions to make this decision. But then my original counsellor stopped seeing me over 18 months ago (we lasted 8 yrs and he helped a lot) and we've traded 60 emails since and I just gifted him a DVD for the school hols. We ended up besties within the boundaries. It's a bit unusual but I wanted to demonstrate the opposite extreme.

I know it's rude to answer a question with a question but I'm English !

Adios, David.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 23:26:13 GMT

Hey there Tibby,

I have to agree some what with The real David Charles, I cant agree 100 percent with him because He is English and I am a Yankee...just goes against the grain to say a Brit is right lol... Now I do agree with him about trying not to plant that doubt before you even go an see your psychologist is a little counter productive, go in with an open mind and just sit down and talk. Now the very first psychologist I saw I knew he was not right for me, after only ten minutes he suggested electro shock therapy, I got up said "Check Please" And went and got another referral for some one else.

Now the next lady that I talked with it took me about three times of talking with her before we both decided that she was not right for me. The third person just grated on me, more than like it was me that was doing the grating but I only stayed for about two times before getting the 4th referral and really found a good guy to talk with.

Chris09 made a good point that some times therepy is not easy, but hell if it was easy then everyone would be great and fine and we wouldn't have to deal with things like depression. But stick with it as its well worth the time and effort, and yes you will have to put in the time and more importantly the effort, but it will be worth the effort. Keep in touch and know that everyone is here to back you up when and if you need it, best of luck and keep on swinging for the fence!

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

The_Real_David_Charles — Sat, 14 Sep 2013 09:09:05 GMT

Hey Dennis,

On a more general note isn't it the case that we don't often go for any kind of help on the basis that it "will be too much trouble" ?

Strange that being sick or getting counselling has to be considered before acting on it. But then, even a first date has a bit of young love anxiety and, being American, thoughts of whether you can get to first base. I've worked in the States for a few years and was always intrigued by a visitors invariable descent into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer without even saying "I'm thirsty". Just conjecturing here but if there was an extra tall cabinet next door to the fridge then a visitor (or resident) could just reach inside and pull out the in house counsellor for a session in the same Amercian fashion.

I can't remember which film this situation is from but the character was obsessed with the Royal Family and had life size cardboard cut outs of them littering her lounge. So if the secret cabinet counsellor was busy you could always talk to Prince Phillip even though his considerations seem to be a bit flimsy these days. Lol.

Adios, David.

PS I have Irish and Welsh blood too if being English is too much to bear. My point is that therapy should be like singing in the shower. Free and easy.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Sat, 14 Sep 2013 21:17:02 GMT

Hey David,

I do not think therapy should be easy, free yes, easy no. Asking for help was a little hard I will admit, going and doing the talking was not that hard, but what was the hardest, was listening and taking the advice that was given to me. If therapy was easy I do not think we would learn as much about ourselves, or as much about how to deal with the problems that we have. If it was easy then there would be no real journey, and lets face it folks that is what we are one when we start to seek help, its a long journey but its one worth traveling even the ups and downs.

That was something else I meant to tell Tibby and that is that you are going to have highs and lows when talking with a psychologist. That is to be expected so keep going back to the person once you find that right person and you will not only learn more about yourself but you will learn how to help beat this monster that is called Depression.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

The_Real_David_Charles — Sun, 15 Sep 2013 09:11:10 GMT

Dear Dennis (and your 38 - ? calibre pistol - being American. Lol)

Maybe there's a compromise. You can have easy to communicate ideas but the subject matter can be tough. Thus, even when you are struggling and possibly developing more insight the talking bit should flow evenly. Maybe with my manic side of bipolar I can have the opposite problem - over social / talking.

But it all needs to come out. You seem very thorough.

Adios, David.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Mon, 16 Sep 2013 12:17:30 GMT

Hey David

I agree with you that when talking about the problems everything does have to come out sooner or later, I do not believe you can talk to much, but you can listen too little. And I do try to be thorough as it helps not only myself but hopefuly a few other people. The hardest part, at least for me, has always been to listen to other people, once in a while, ok ignore the snickering in the back ground that is just the wife going "only some times?!", I do tend to dig my heels in and stick my fingers in my ears and go lalalla I cant hear you!

But I have and will continue to say this with the very last breath of air I have, and that is take everything with a grain of salt, every person both on this site and those that we talk to, professional or other wise, try to help us the best way THEY know how, there in lies the problem and that is they are not us. Sure they can and often do help but when it comes down to it we are the ones that know what is right for us, once we are in the "right" frame of mind. Listen, learn, and see if the advice that is given fits you, if it doesn't do not feel "bad" about not taking it.

We can help one another by listening, giving our advice as we see it, but what it really boils down to is a simple saying from the Matrix (great movie by the way) I can open the door but you have to go though it."

Best of luck and Tibby I hope you are doing well

Dennis

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Pixie15 — Tue, 17 Sep 2013 10:19:57 GMT

Hi Dennis,

These are good thoughts. I have been told that its about getting to know ourselves. This can be a bit frustrating though when you want to feel better and are hoping for a quick fix. Cheers, Chris.

Is it hard to actually get up and go seek professional help?

Dennis38 — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 12:03:24 GMT

Hi there Chris09

I do not want to scare anyone, especially Tibby but to be honest there have been a few posts on people wanting a "quick fix" and honestly there is no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to depression/anxiety even if there was a quick fix it would not last long, quick fixes never truly last My issues have been going on for 13 years and I do not see an end to them to be honest, at least not that I can see, I deal with them day by day, some times hour by hour. I am a lot better then what I was but still not where I want or need to be. And to be honest if there was a quick fix I do not think I would take it simply because with a "quick fix" I would not have learned as much about myself as I have. And to me that is a good thing, sure I would like the depression and the damned flash backs to go away but if there had been a quick fix I would not have discovered how A: Strong I truly am and B: How weak I really am.

Sounds kind of strange but there you have it, a quick fix is not the best option we are humans, we are not a broken computer or a leaky pipe. I say give up the idea of a quick fix, I do believe it was The Real David said in another post about setting a goal of something like 2 years to "get better" setting goals is a good idea so long as the "quick fix" is not ok I will get better next week, because honestly that might not happen, its better to look for the long term goals then the short term. But hey that is just my two cents.