topic When to seek a new psychologist? in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

When to seek a new psychologist?

Rubybleu — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 09:06:24 GMT

This is the first psychologist I’ve seen in a number of years and this time round I’m seeing one for unresolved trauma from childhood sexual abuse and a fair few issues I have from that time and also to deal with a current legal case against my abuser.
ive had 5 sessions now and I just feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I feel like I’m there just talking to a friend and that I’m not getting any real direction on how to improve or solve my issues.
I can’t put there blame on her because maybe it’s just me? Maybe I’m not giving enough or I’m expecting too much after only 5 sessions?
What is everyone’s experience with this? Any advice?

When to seek a new psychologist?

blondguy — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 10:19:16 GMT

Hi Rubybleu

Good on you for being so proactive with your health...and having the courage to write this thread topic too! I understand what you are going through after having counselling for long term parental abuse

Having unresolved trauma issues are difficult to cope with Rubybleu. Can I ask what symptoms/feelings you are experiencing?...only if that okay! Im not sure what symptoms you are experiencing. For myself it was anxiety attacks...poor sleep quality....

Just from my own experience...I started to heal when I started to cry in front of my psych...

my kind thoughts

Paul

When to seek a new psychologist?

Elizabeth CP — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 10:48:19 GMT

Earlier this year I felt I wasn't progressing with my psych but was concerned that stopping & looking for someone else may not help. Before going back I wrote out what my issues were (most of which I had already told him) then I wrote how it was impacting my life. This was important as it gave me time to think & then list all the different issues rather than just those I think of in a session. Then I wrote down what I needed to achieve through the sessions or what changes I felt I needed in my life. This was hard to write but really helped because he could clarify anything he needed & most important then focused on what was important to me

When to seek a new psychologist?

smallwolf — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 11:21:30 GMT

These are only my thoughts based on my experience. Others might have a different experience to me.

I have been seeing the same psychologist for 3 years now. I recall in the first 6 sessions or so, my psychologist was working out what was wrong with me. It was at a very difficult time in my life, and baggage I carried since my teens if not earlier. I have come long way since that time. Most times when I have a session with my psychologist I get homework to do. There are things now that are triggering for me where I go into that scared little boy.

It is difficult to work out how long things might take. Everybody is unique in whatever their issues. I saw a video on YouTube about some exercise. The guy showing how to do the exercise said that some people might pick it up after a day, some a week, month or year. If it takes longer , thats ok. I also use the analogy that mental health is not like cooking 2 minute noodles. It takes time.

With that said, there would be no harm in having a chat with your psychologist about the process and get their input or feedback. Perhaps after that you would be in a better position to make that call.

As an aside, it does sound as though you and your psychologist have a good relationship, which can be half the battle.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Rubybleu — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 11:07:33 GMT

Thanks Paul 🙂 It’s great to hear that you are healing. Crying is unfortunately quite difficult for me to do.

So issues that I currently have from trauma -

Nightmares and frequent night wakings

Social anxiety but also generalised anxiety

Depression

Sexual dysfunction and orientation issues

Low self esteem

I’m sure there’s other things that I can’t think of right now.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Rubybleu — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 11:08:48 GMT

Thank you Elizabeth 🙂

That is a great idea. I will write down all my goals for my sessions and take that with me next time

When to seek a new psychologist?

Rubybleu — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 11:16:50 GMT

Thank you small wolf 🙂 I’m sorry you had to go through something horrible as a little boy 😞

That’s some great advice. Maybe she is still figuring me out and I think I do need to be more direct with her. Homework sounds like a strengthening experience.

When to seek a new psychologist?

blondguy — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 11:17:57 GMT

Hi Rubybleu

thanks for your response Ruby...not that we expect a reply! Your symptoms are the same as what I used to have and yes these are horrible to experience

Nightmares and frequent night wakings
Social anxiety and generalised anxiety, depression
Sexual dysfunction and orientation issues and Low self esteem

I also couldnt cry for 13 years with the same symptoms...It does take time Ruby...I understand.

Back in the early 1980's Beyond Blue didnt exist until 2000. If it helps even a little....I had no idea that the frequency of our counselling with our psych or GP made all the difference with our recovery

any questions are always welcome Ruby...Your input is just as valued as mine or anyone else's on the forums

my kind thoughts

Paul

When to seek a new psychologist?

Ms_Mac — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 10:31:09 GMT

Please don't blame yourself. Something should be changing within a couple of sessions if she is the right person working in the right way for you, and you have a right to let her know this is not giving you what you want. Or if you want, you are allowed to just find another psychologist by ringing and talking or emailing questions to clarify what you want, and make sure you get it. Don't let her talk you into finishing your 6 sessions with her, this is your treatment, and about you getting better.

All psychologists work differently. Some may be really nice and just listen and sympathise and for some people that is exactly what they want. Some will teach you skills that may or may not be useful to you and may have an approach you love, or not. Some have really good insight and can guide you to powerful understanding. Some will be on your wave length, and some will not. Your psychologist is a contractor you hire to work with you to create the results and approach and therapeutic relationship that you want and that work for you. If you hire a gardener and they sit with you and enjoy your garden but don't actually change or achieve anything, you would probably look for someone else. Please don't blame yourself if this lovely person is not giving you what you want/need: she is the professional, and finding out what you want and how you are finding your sessions is something she should have been doing regularly. You may want to tell her the changes you want, the skills you need, the areas you are having trouble in and want to resolve, and that so far this hasn't happened.

Best of luck in your search for the right psychologist for you.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Ms_Mac — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 10:38:31 GMT

Hi Rubybleu, I want to add that most psychologists will say they can work with child sexual abuse, but that does not mean they are all highly experienced and qualified at doing so, or have the particular approach that will really help you. Many have just done a one-day seminar or a small segment in their degree course. Some have worked with a lot of people who have been through this horrible, confusing experience, and know helpful therapeutic approaches. Some have personal experience and really get it. If you have friends who have been through this and found a helpful psychologist, that can help. Or email the psychs and ask what special training or experience they have in this area. It is an incredibly vulnerable area to be exploring with a psychologist, and the chance of retraumatisation or help that fails to hit the spot for you is high. Best wishes.

When to seek a new psychologist?

ecomama — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 17:49:19 GMT

Hi Ruby

I feel much the same as Ms Mac about what you're saying about your psych sessions.

More power to you as you go through this horrendous experience of Courts and a legal battle against the abuser.

I know that the whole legal battle can bring PTSD of it's own, compounding the trauma of your childhood and having to go over it again and again is SO re-traumatising.

I understand your urgent need for bolstering through this!
And I commend your common sense of thinking you may need a new psych.

When I was dealing with the legal battles and Courts (years of hell), I had a Counsellor through Uniting who applied for a grant for free sessions for me.
She BOLSTERED me so well throughout this whole time and I felt it was the only place I could breathe fully whilst seeing her.
She gave me tons of strategies which helped ALOT if I remembered them lol.

The anxiety of Courts was crushing my whole chest.

The nightmares were unspeakable.

I still have this Counsellor. A year after Courts ended (or between cases IDK) I sought a trauma psych.

I think BECAUSE I had my Counsellor I was more able to get my goals straight AND I was more able to know WHEN my psych was helping me and most certainly when her help for me had stopped lol.
And it stopped after 3 sessions.

The 1st 3 sessions were intense and loaded with homework.
I also kept seeing my Counsellor in between psych sessions.
On the first session she did exposure therapy (which may not be appropriate for you bec you are being exposed to trauma now).
It was solid darned hard work for each session and between each session.

She taught me how to do exposure therapy on my own. For this I am eternally grateful.
But for the last 2 sessions she was just collecting data and this wasn't what I was paying her for.
I left.

You may not FEEL strong but you are a very strong individual indeed.

You can take charge of your own MH and drive the support you need.

Feeling more empowered as you go through this whole experience is what you need.

More power to You.

We're always here to support you.

Thankyou so much for sharing and THANKYOU eternally for what you're doing for yourself and our society.

Love EM

When to seek a new psychologist?

Arabesque — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 04:03:17 GMT

Hello everyone

I hope I can post this here. Apologies if I have this wrong, and for the long post.

I have been seeing a psych for almost 12 months, for PTSD and anxiety, and she has recently gone through an assessment and also diagnosed mild to moderate depression. When I have attacks it affects my heart and I usually end up in A&E.

We started well, and she identified that I have PTSD relating to 2 separate issues; a violent home invasion, and years of constant interference/harassment by my mother-in-law. she spoke about doing EMDR for the PTSD, which I was happy about as I had it many years ago for PTSD after I was hit by a car and I found that it worked really well for me. But that seems to have slipped under the radar, and now more recently I am realising that a lot of the time during our sessions she is relating her 'stories' and also getting somewhat zealous about things like diet and exercise and getting quite directive about what (she believes) I should be doing, in relation to all sorts of things (like selling my home, getting the pension etc).

After the last visit I felt like I'd been subjected to a nagging session from my mother-in-law, and have ended up having some significant anxiety attacks as a consequence.

To complicate matters, our GP has also referred my husband to her, and he has seen her about 4 times now, and is finding her really helpful. At the time she asked me if I was okay wit her seeing him, and I said yes, as long as it didn't detract from MY time, because I knew that he would respond well to her, and I also knew that with the way he works, if I'd said no and he had been referred on to someone else he'd have given up even before making a call. That's just how he is. I've wanted him to seek counselling for many many years, so I have been delighted that it's gone well for him.

I am due to go back to my GP for a review now. I'm feeling like I'd like to ask him to refer me to someone else, but not sure if it's a good idea for me - should I persist with this one as the history is established already - but raise these issues with her straight away, or for my husband. He's super fragile and not likely to respond well to me not gong back to the psych, I am pretty sure it would influence his relationship with her. At 3am this morning I decided that I have to look after myself first.

But now I'm torn in all sorts of directions and don't feel capable of making the right decision.

When to seek a new psychologist?

smallwolf — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 07:55:51 GMT

hi Arabesque,

after reading your post my initial thought was that you would chat with your psychologist about these thoughts and see if there is some way to the resolve the issues you mentioned. That does not mean you should not ask for a referral to someone else. From what you were writing it seems your psychologist is talking more about themselves vs letting you talk about your situation. That would be a red flag for me. That and tell you want you should do with your house etc. The only advice that I have ever received from my psychologist was to talk to my wife or person X about some situation.

So if you were not getting this advice from your psychologist would it feel better? Or was the way you felt after the last session the last straw for you?

the other thing that comes to mind for me is that you are paying for a service, for someone to listen to you and to walk with you find ways to resolve the issues presented as opposed to "I think you should ....". In that light, should you decide to chat with them you tell them what is or is not working for you.

With all of that said I feel that changing psychologists would be stressful. For reasons I won't go into, I will be changing my psychologist in July. I had/have questions about the handover, a history and relationship with the current. How and will it work with the new one? These questions were answered but these questions remain in the background.

Not sure if this has helped or muddied the water for you. Of course, the chat with GP can happen and you could ask for their thoughts also.

Tim

When to seek a new psychologist?

Arabesque — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 08:45:00 GMT

Hello Tim. Thanks so much for your reply.

I agree about the red flag with the psych talking about herself. I can understand sharing a little to establish true empathy, but this is more than that, and takes up a heap of my time, which as you rightly point out, I'm paying for!

I also think you're right about the last visit being the last straw in many ways. The fact that I'm almost obsessing about it and managing to wind myself up kind of suggests that I really need to address it. I am pretty sure that if I said half of this to my GP he'd immediately refer me on to someone else, which would be fine for me, but I'm still worried about the knock on effect for my husband. He's doing so well with her. And he's just not in a place where I could sit down and discuss this with him. I might have that way wrong, but I don't want to risk trying.

Reading back I sound like I'm putting up brick walls.

Maybe I am. I certainly don't feel I can make the right decision.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Arabesque — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 08:57:40 GMT

And Tim, I meant to say that I hope your move to the new psych goes well.

I have no idea, but I'm guessing that you have had a long history with your current person, that must make it hard going to someone new.

I hope the new person is brilliant.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Yuki_Mei — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 04:46:36 GMT

Hi Arabesque,

As a counselling student, I can tell you that finding the right counsellor/psychologist is sometimes a process of trial and error. In terms of professional training, we are actually quite diverse in our own preferable and/or specialised treatments/therapy styles. Just like the uniqueness of every client, so are counsellors/psychologists.

I am very sorry to hear what happened between you and your psych. Yes, red flags happen. It is part of our professional training to understand and to be aware of projecting or impose our own values on the clients. That's why ethical training and constant supervision is mandatory for this profession. Unfortunately, it does not make everything perfect in real-life situations.

I understand well that changing to a new psych can be quite challenging in terms of taking time to build trust and of course retell your history. It might be worthwhile to tell your current psych very authentically how you feel about her and your relationship at this stage. It might open up the conversation and opportunity for both of you to work through this. Or switching to a new one could potentially work more effectively, though there is definitely no guarantee. Either would be a courageous move.

When to seek a new psychologist?

ecomama — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 11:14:58 GMT

Hey Arabesque, welcome to the forums.

I can see you taking responsibility for your Hs journey towards MH and he needed nudges etc along the way. Perhaps you could tell him you feel you've gotten valuable input from the psych but you've 'used all her strategies up' now and feel the need to move on. (Not that I'd make any such assertions to my partner bec it's a private and personal thing to have or change psychs & Counsellors, "horses for courses" etc).
This kind of convo with H may relieve you of that further responsibility somewhat.

I wouldn't go back to her.
She seems to be placing HER personal value statements on to you in a pressured way.
You mentioned "nagging" and you've had enough of that from MIL!!!
Telling you to sell your house? omg what is that.

YOU coming to that conclusion in therapy is another thing entirely.

I've found that so many MH Professionals have kind of degraded themselves, by their words, behaviours, even tempers lol, in sessions with me and now I can pick it almost immediately.
They do this when they've "run out" of stuff to truly help you with but want to keep you (so they don't feel they've failed or something IDK - not my circus lol).

I think of psychs / Counsellors to be similar to teachers... similar to what Yuki Mei mentioned above.... but would we want the SAME teacher from pre-school through to Year 12 and throughout University? Um doubt it.

YET! There are some absolutely BRILLIANT Counsellors and psychs who can 'meet you where you are' and really support their patients / clients in very mentally healthy ways for a very long time, right through to mental HEALTH.
YOUR success is THEIR success.

I've met one lol, my current Counsellor. I've seen myself or, had experiences thru my children & work & personal life with around 50.
BUT just as you may have had "that brilliant teacher in Year 4" who taught you SO MUCH, who really engaged with YOUR learning and helped you soar for that year?
Same as MH profs.
My last trauma psych was AWESOME for 3 sessions, then nope.
I was gone by session 5.

We simply cannot expect ONE person to be brilliant with everything for us.

It wasn't until I took the helm and STEERED my own MH journey with the aim of Mental HEALTH that I attained it.
I have very little C-PTSD left at all now, yet last year that trauma psych told me to medically retire!
She simply had no idea at that point.
I work FT and love it. Raise all of my kids singlehandedly. Doing well!

You've got this!
Love EM

When to seek a new psychologist?

Arabesque — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 13:16:32 GMT

Thank you. That’s really reassuring.

When to seek a new psychologist?

Arabesque — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 13:20:12 GMT

Thank you.

your comment about her placing her personal value statements on me really resonates.

I have some things to think about.