topic Trust BROKEN in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 00:19:29 GMT

I have been seeing my current psychologist for about 2 years now. We had a good relationship. She knows I struggle with opening up to people & this has been a topic of discussion between us for a long time.

Earlier this week, I was really struggling, to the point of ******** ideation, so I sent her text message explaining how I was feeling & that I thought someone should know.

She did not reply, but today she has sent a text to my partner requesting my parents contact details. She has “threatened” to contact my parents previously & I asked her to not go down that path as 1 of my parents is involved in my childhood trauma & I don’t want them involved at all. I also told her that the thought of my parents knowing makes the situation worse as I would do anything to keep my issues private from them.

i feel so upset & riddled with anxiety right now. I’m ok with her reaching out to my boyfriend & understand her reasons why, but using that threat of the parents makes me scared & annoyed. I even took my sister to a session one time. She could ask for my sisters contact details, why my parents???!!?! I’m a middle aged woman, I don’t see how my parents should be involved when I have previously asked them NOT to be.

Anyway, feeling so scared & alone right now, I didn’t know where else to reach out 😥

Trust BROKEN

Ggrand — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 02:05:50 GMT

Hello TheBigBlue,

I am sorry that your psychologist done that to you..In my mind I think that is so wrong...

If you have your partner as your emergency contact..that is who she should have contacted...to tell him of your SI....and no one else...She has to contact someone due to you being suicidal and her duty of care...

A couple of months ago..I disclosed to my counsellor my SI...she immediately contacted my Dr...and I ended up in hospital...My 2 sons are my emergency contacts...My Dr asked if I wanted them to know..I said no....so they didn’t....Your psychologist..imo should have contacted your Dr. first....then your partner...but not ask him for your parents number....Maybe she panicked because of the care she has for you..but that still doesn’t make what she done right...

Maybe send her another email..stating that one of your parents are the cause of your trauma and under no circumstances do you want them contacted...Or tell her on your next visit..again....Let her know that you feel she has broken your trust in her....and you’re now to afraid to open up to her because of this....

My kindest thoughts Dear TheNigBlue..

Grandy

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 00:10:50 GMT

Hello TheBigBlue,

I'm really glad that you reached out -

I'm honestly confused too about why your therapist asked for your parents contact details. I can't seem to rationalise why that would be a good idea.

Like you, I have childhood trauma as well so I know that if they knew my own struggles it would make things worse and not better. What's important is that you do have a contact person - and you do; so I'm not sure what was going through your therapists mind. I've had this discussion with my own therapist and she's happy for my partner to only be my safety contact.

Have you had another session with her yet? I would really encourage you to share these thoughts with her and ask about why she felt the need to do that. Maybe her reaction will make sense to you - and hopefully she can make things right.

I hope to hear how things go.

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 03:40:18 GMT

Thanks Ggrand & RT.

My next appointment is in just over a weeks time. I plan to go, but I’m feeling so bewildered. It just seems like a boundary has been crossed.

My boyfriend knows the situation with my childhood trauma & my parents, & I trust him to use his discretion if she asks for their details again.

I had this discussion with the psychologist the first time this happened. I told her it makes me more traumatised to think they would know. I’m going to check with her who my emergency contact is (I’m pretty sure it’s only my partner) & if it is I shall remind her again not to try & reach them specifically.

I really felt comfortable with this woman, but I don’t feel safe anymore, when will she again try to get my parents details? And once she has those details, will she use them?

Is it too rash to consider parting ways with her? I guess I’ll have to ask her all this stuff.

aaargggh, nothing is ever simple! 🤯

Trust BROKEN

Learn to Fly — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 04:00:26 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue

I'm sorry to hear about your experience.

Was this the second time she tried to contact your parents, even though you specifically asked her not to?

It's no surprise you feel confused and upset in this situation.

Definitely ask her the next time you see her what were her motives. I understand she might have been concerned about your well being but if you specifically asked her not to contact your parents as this would make things worse for you - that's something I struggle to understand, too.

Take care there.

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Sun, 20 Jun 2021 23:45:45 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue,

Gosh I hear you- whatever her reasons, she has broken your trust and it makes sense you are feeling all the things!

I think the biggest thing next week is to understand why she did this to you. Of course it's important to share how you feel, but I'm not sure how you would rebuild your trust if you don't see her thoughts behind it all.

It's not rash to consider parting ways- you need someone to feel safe with. I imagine I would feel the same with my psychologist if she did this to me, and more importantly didn't try to rebuild the trust that she broke. Honesty and transparency is really key.

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 01:02:53 GMT

P.S.

I just thought that I'd add I saw your question on Coach Craig's thread and your psychologist hasn't crossed any legal/ethical boundaries by asking for this information. This is because she's asked them under 'duty of care' which allows her to break confidentiality for your safety.

While you didn't give her permission to contact these people, she's permitted to do so anyway under these guidelines.

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Tue, 29 Jun 2021 08:39:27 GMT

So I emailed the psychologist last week to explain how I was feeling & that I did NOT want my parents contacted etc etc & she replied over the weekend with her explanation.

I accept what she wrote & understand her side. I was meant to have an appointment today with her but thanks to Covid that was changed to a zoom call.

I feel things went badly.
She seemed quite angry that my boyfriend never replied to her message last week. The message asking him for the contact details of parents. She basically told me he was unreliable as my emergency contact because he never responded. I should clarify her message did not explicitly ask him to contact her. I also told her that I may have inadvertently caused that as I had begged him not to give her that information. Today she said he basically chose to let me die rather than take action.

so now I have an ultimatum, Tell (not ask, she specifically pointed out I need tell him) for him to contact her. She has given him until Thurs. She said on Thursday she will contact me & depending on his response she may be asking for my parents number again. She said my choice is to give her the number or cease working with her.

Wow.

I strongly suspect she is going to ask for that information anyway, no matter what is discussed with my boyfriend.

So I’m more confused than ever. There is absolutely no way I have the strength to start over with a new psychologist & go through explaining all the trauma all over again. So if we cease contact, I’m on my own. I can’t see any good outcome coming of that…..

We then discussed how I felt good after helping others yesterday & she was real pushy to get me to volunteer somewhere. I can see how it would help but I told her it was too scarey. I have severe anxiety & not only do I not want to interact with people, the thought of approaching any group or charity is terrifying too.

So I basically feel like the psychologist is done with me. Just like the first psychologist & the Acute care team at the hospital, I’m going to get passed on & somehow magically fend for myself.

Im hurting so much & feel so worthless

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 29 Jun 2021 23:43:10 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue,

Thank you for the update. I'm kind of fuming a little bit over here because this is not at all what I wanted to hear, and I can imagine all the feelings that you have after having that Zoom call.

This sounds like a big red flag for me with her discussion about your safety. Why is your boyfriend not sufficient as a safety contact?

Is that something that you asked her specifically?

I do have lots of other thoughts here but I just wanted to wait to see if you asked her that and what her response was or would be. I'm so sorry that you've had this experience.

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 01:01:24 GMT

The only reason she gave for him not being reliable was because he didn’t reply to the message last week.

I really would love to say goodbye to her & walk out the door, but my rational brain is telling me to take it slow & see what happens in Thurs.

Anyway, place your bets now. I think she will still demand the contact details for my parents & I still don’t want to give it.
I know I could give it & just not ever give her any indication if I am feeling suicidal so she never contacts them. But then that’s not a safe relationship to be in either in case I am in danger 😢

Trust BROKEN

Sophie_M — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 01:16:50 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue,

Relationships can be difficult and challenging and sometimes we need to give ourselves and others some space. It seems that you are anticipating her actions as a way of protections and preparing yourself for their response. Maybe the question to ask yourself is if you want to be in a safe relationship. Indeed, not mentioning you are suicidal can be an unsafe relationship to be in. Do you think there is a safe way you discuss this?

Please know that there is support for you and you can even contact these supports to get advice on how to have this discussion if you wished to. There is Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

It's great that you continue to touch base with the community.

Trust BROKEN

Ggrand — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 06:05:52 GMT

Hello Dear TheBigBlue...

I think what your psychologist is over demanding...Surely she knows by now that you wishes for emergency contact is your partner...She is either just not listening to you or is deaf...sorry about judging her..but in my heart I feel she is causing you more trauma....

You are middle aged..which makes your mother, with all my respect only..is elderly and being contacted by your psychologist could be stressful for her as well....

You have told her several times..you don’t want her contacted...that should enough for her to hear and understand you....After all it is your life and your choice....I know my counsellor is big on me learning to be able to make life choices.....

I am really sorry that your psychologist isn’t listening nor respecting your choices....I really wish she would..Its not fair on you nor is she respecting your wishes...

My kindest thoughts Dear TheBigBlue...

Grandy...

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 23:40:09 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue,

Gosh that makes no sense to me. Your partner can be a reliable emergency contact without anybody else. For me, my psychologist has agreed that my partner can be the contact, and then MH triage or the public system. It's completely understandable that you don't want your parents to be a contact person.

Given that she's set an ultimatum, I'm not really sure what your options are?

I will say though that I don't like the idea of not telling her when you are suicidal - that doesn't sound safe (even though you're smart and know that already 🙂 ); do you think it's worth finding a new therapist?

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 08:29:18 GMT

Well after spending the day riddled with anxiety, I have not been contacted by the psychologist.

Arrrgh, it’s doing my head in! And I still haven’t decided on what I want to do.

And now I’m overthinking everything & I’m wondering if she is testing me & I should have contacted her????

Good times over here in my head. Good times 🤯

Trust BROKEN

romantic_thi3f — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 23:31:04 GMT

Hi TheBigBlue,

Ah that sounds like it's been really hard!

No good psychologist would ever test you.. although that said I do wonder about this one too.

What are all of your options? Would it help to list everything that you can do and are in control of?

I hope that you can take some care of yourself and stay safe this weekend.

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Tue, 06 Jul 2021 12:07:19 GMT

Update: sent a text message to psychologist on Fri offering my sisters details as an additional emergency contact

NO REPLY

i then sent her a text message Mon morning requesting another appointment & asking when she was back in the office.

Tues night & still NO REPLY

Now this woman works for herself, she doesn’t have a receptionist or assistant, You want an appointment, you call or text her. You need to pay? You email or text the receipt to her. So it’s not like I am doing anything out of line. She has been contactable on her mobile since day dot. This was her advice to me.

When I spoke to via zoom a week ago, she even told me to text her to work out my next appointment.

Is my psychologist ghosting me? Has she decided she doesn’t want me as a patient anymore & is hoping if she ignores me I will just disappear?

im am so confused, hurt & upset. It’s causing so much distress. If she doesn’t want to treat me, just tell me so I can find someone else to work with.

Am I expecting too much? All I want is a reply? I would have thought when people’s lives & safety are potentially at risk you wouldn’t just let them dangle by a thread…..

I’ve been let down by this mental health system so many times, I don’t know if I can do it again…

Trust BROKEN

Guest9337 — Tue, 06 Jul 2021 13:04:36 GMT

G'day TheBigBlue,

Great avatar name! Ocean or sky, the big blue captures my imagination. I'm feeling blue about our mental health system too.

I would be frantic to contact an emergency contact of a person whose expressed thinking about suicide. If I couldn't contact the emergency person I might feel helpless about meeting my duty of care needs. Aside from being unable to help the suicidal person, not meeting duty of care of a patient is right up there with career ending events.

I recall panic when two emergency contact numbers of a child I was coaching proved un-reachable. Like honest to god heart gripping panic, despite that the kid was actually fine though injured. Maybe your psychologist felt something like that when she couldn't reach your provided contact and thus feels a genuine need to broaden her options to help you in crisis.

If you decide to continue with her, definitely do meet her need for solid emergency contact details, she's made it clear she needs them. Sound to me like you need her too, so that's cool, maybe - you help her and she'll help you. That'd be a healthy relationship, meeting needs first of all.

I totally relate to not wanting to retell traumatic stories to new health providers, we should only be sharing if we feel safe in a mutually trustworthy relationship. Perhaps state to her what you need to feel safe, make it clear that your parents are not safe people for you, but that xyz persons are.

Perhaps tell your psychologist that you'll call a helpline like Sophie_M has shared with you. Your psychologist is going to appreciate that, going to see you making plans for responding to a crisis.

Do I sound reasonable?

Trust BROKEN

LJpd81 — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 05:21:45 GMT

Hi The big blue.

Just checking in. I hope things with your psychologist improved.

Hope you are ok.

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Fri, 09 Jul 2021 09:02:29 GMT

Hi All,

Thanks for checking in.

I DID hear from the psychologist on Wed. Just a short message to tell me what date she was back in my region & that we can do a zoom call but she will have to get back to me about dates.

I haven’t heard from her since. So maybe next week…….

But the fact she did reply (although delayed) has eased my anxiety somewhat.

Anyway I’m doing ok, the depression has lifted a little. I have a few days off from work now, so I can just relax & make some time for self care

Trust BROKEN

TheBigBlue — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 06:10:39 GMT

Tomorrow will be a week since I last heard from the psychologist, when she said she would get back to me with dates for a zoom call.

i still feel she is avoiding me. It has never taken this long before.

I will chase her up tomorrow. But it’s really messing me up, I couldn’t sleep last night as I felt so alone & abandoned.