topic Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 07:42:59 GMT

Kind of forever I have suspected that I have ADHD (now 21), but always dismissed it because some things didn't resonate about the immediate google search about being a terror in class or behind academically or an outwardly destructive child (or a little boy). Only in the last few years did I do more research and learn about the subtypes and the fact that it sometimes presents differently in females (and listened to people with it speak) - knowing these things it really seemed like a perfect fit, but I kind of told myself I was being dramatic and attention seeking (rationally I know I'm neither of those things but I fear it's the truth and the people I open up to always say this to me and it's hard to clear out the garbage).

Basically I'm afraid that when I finally go to the appointment they won't believe me. My original psychiatrist said she could organise diagnostics with a colleague and then revealed they would be assessing for childhood ADHD (said my MOTHER! had to take the exam for me, and it would be less accurate as I am a female and an adult and then seemed to conclude it might not be helpful, shocking right?). I was certainly shocked and got quite mad... I kept pushing and she revealed that I actually COULD see an adult psychiatrist (why wasn't that the first suggestion??). Anyway I couldn't see him for about 7 weeks, now in only 3 weeks which is still so far away given how long I've been waiting... but soon enough that I'm doubting everything. I've never been able to hold a job and am a uni student so I live with my family which is continuing to take it's toll. I'm always being told that I'm wasting my time with this doctor and setting myself up for disappointment by banking everything on getting a diagnosis. They thought I had narcolepsy but I couldn't afford the test so I have to pay the private script fee for the meds I take for that which is taking a toll too (and hard to get scripts for without diagnosis, hard to function without).

I worry that this is true. I am truly putting all my eggs in this basket... I don't know what will happen when he says "No, you're just having a depressive/anxious/OCD/trauma episode." It doesn't feel like any of those things. I've done all those things and all those treatments, but these things remain. Some of the visible symptoms I had I was trained out of like fidgeting and talking fast/often, I always felt judged for how I move through the world, by me and others. Can anyone relate? What helps with this spiral?

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

Sophie_M — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 14:43:05 GMT

Hi there, tmas!

Thank you very much for the honesty and courage of your post! In moments of this kind of discomfort and uncertainty it is very to calm up and hide so we congratulate you on your help seeking.

It is always important to start from a position of 'know thyself' but without criticism as much as possible. So whilst we encourage you to let go of judging the way you move through the world, it is completely healthy to acknowledge that things don't feel like they are working.

Sadly, ADHD seems to be one of those disorders that can still be hard to navigate, whether diagnostically or in terms of acceptance and lifestyle. It is so pervasive in its impacts that it can look like a lot of other disorders - conversely, some disorders can look like ADHD. Whatever may come of out this stage of diagnostics, please persist! Persist until you find the tools that work for you and make life easier and more enjoyable.

A really good place to start in the meantime is to look at a short course in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) or any apps that use those areas of awareness. DBT is not just for BPD and ADHD but can also be extraordinarily effective for Anxiety, OCD, Depression and Stress Burnout recovery. No matter what, do not give up, keep seeking the things that work.

And remember to reach out to us here if you need any more support! The helpline is open 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 and so is the webchat

Stay in touch, tmas!

Regards,

Sophie M.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 04:59:45 GMT

Thankyou for replying:)

Believe it or not I have tried DBT (and CBT, ERP, another one I forget the name of, “something” profiling?) and none of them helped and worsened my symptoms, only psychotherapy worked but I’ve had to stop ($$$). It helped shift my perspectives on some things I’ve gone through and has in my opinion led me down the path of seeking this diagnosis. I just don’t see how I can reasonably see myself as lazy, stupid, impulsive, and detached when I know that not getting things done the way I’m being told I should isn’t a choice I’m making, I find it extremely upsetting and insurmountable, and that I don’t deserve or need to feel constant, nagging, chaotic self-doubt all the time. I’ve always felt a bit mad, both I and those around me see my brain moving differently, and I’ve actually tried recently to unmask occasionally… I go a bit feral if I get too comfortable, but I feel psychically lighter when I do. Until I’m told I’m being annoying that is.

The idea of masking is wild to me, I had thought of myself as doing it before the thought of any diagnosis at all had ever entered my mind, but I think almost all female born children and taught masking in some form from day 1.

Don’t really know the point of this rant, letting out the noise I guess. Wanting to seek help isn’t the problem here. If I had time and money I would be doing therapy and I would have pursued assessment earlier, and I hate that I did hide it before now and when I finally want to become something of a human person there’s a brick wall in front of me. I guess I really wanted advice/anecdote from others who share the experience.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 10:31:47 GMT

Hi tmas

I can kinda relate to where you're coming from. My 16yo son was pushing me to get a diagnosis for him, for ADHD, based on the challenges he faces. He wants to be able to achieve VCE marks next year that will get him into studying marine biology at uni. Finally, I took him for an assessment. While he didn't meet the diagnosis for ADHD, the psychologist suggested looking into him being on the autism spectrum, with him being at the high functioning end with great levels of energy which doesn't allow him to keep still while sitting. A serious lack of focus is also an issue, as well as other factors such as not being able to tolerate boredom. As my son says 'I'm not looking for a label, I'm looking to understand how my brain/body works so that I can learn how manage the type I have'.

The skill involved in understanding his triggers has allowed him to manage those triggers somewhat better over time. For example, he's come to understand his sense of wonder can be a major issue. He has a truly brilliant imagination and will wonder through it. If you asked him how tall a certain well known person is, he will imagine them and estimate their height but has has to know for sure how tall they actually are. It's a compulsion. He has to investigate what he imagines while all serious school related study takes a back seat. While some may say, that's ridiculous and he simply needs to concentrate better, it's not that easy. As one person explained, there are parts of the brain that are responsible for wonder and imagination. If exercised too much, they come to naturally override the part of the brain responsible for greater focus. So the skill of exercising focus involves gradual development in relatable ways that actually work. There are plenty of ways that don't work.

I think people can brush off certain behaviours by calling us neglectful, lazy, out of control or attention seeking. At the end of the day, our behaviours exist for a reason. Finding out the reason is what matters most, in my opinion. Once you find out the reason, it's easier to be a more reasonable person. A reasonable person would say 'Ahh, that's why I think and behave the way I do. It makes sense' or they may say 'That's what my trigger is, in this case. I'll work towards managing it'. A reasonable person will always want to know why they behave the way they do (the reason) so they can manage.

You sound like a reasonable person stuck in a frustrating long drawn out expensive process.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Sat, 11 Jun 2022 12:15:34 GMT

I have considered that I might be on the spectrum but I’m really not sure. I definitely have sensory issues, now that my OCD is manageable I can see that (I was told they were somatic obsessions, hyper vigilance, and sensory overload relating to anxiety, but I kind of know that often the sensation came before the spike in anxiety, or was cumulative and I’m not sure if that’s how that works).

I was seeing someone a while back (we were both in very bad places at the time) and she’d received an Aspergers diagnosis at 19, after being told she had a million other disorders first. Granted, she did have a million problems but I just can’t forget one interaction where I mentioned feeling a certain and way, “like there’s a joke that everyone’s in on, but me, and they’re wanting me to laugh to make it easier for them” and she got a bit worked up and basically told me, as a nuerotypical, to stop pretending to be neurodivergent, because she is diagnosed and she’d been a happy (almost oblivious) child. Anyway I took it very personally and buried it until I realised hey… maybe a doctor calling me neurodivergent is seeing something that this emotionally invested individual isn’t…

But, again, any mention of autism or adhd and my family gets extremely riled up. My mother trained me out of fidgeting basically by throwing tantrums so I felt guilty and surprise, it worked! It worked at stopping me bouncing my knee that is… then I picked my skin, ground my teeth, hummed, cracked joints, other compulsive things… and cried when I couldn’t do these things which always made me feel infantile and was chalked up to anxiety frying my brain, and it did feel FRIED.

Now she denies me ever being energetic, and tells me to get off my phone/google to stop making excuses. I was also considered “gifted” as a child (being told that has been an absolute burden) and once the structure of school started changing and no longer indulged my usual habits my grades dropped one at a time This is the only reason I ever got treated, and I know my over achieving mother and sister kind of look down on me for struggling the way I do with studies and everyday things. I did point out to my sister that she was barely a mentally healthy human being and she literally said “well I’m high functioning, so you can’t really talk.” Constant comments like that are wearing me thin, gonna move out soon, but theres things slowing that process down too.

They oppose me seeing this new doctor. I’m at a loss.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Sun, 12 Jun 2022 11:55:23 GMT

Hi tmas

I think when it comes to the autism spectrum, for example, it's interesting regarding the different viewpoints. I've found there are typically 2 schools of thought. One is problem based where so called 'faults' are perceived. The other is the school of thought that involves people on the spectrum having greater abilities or them being more advanced in certain ways compared to the neurotypical person. For example, a neurodivergent person may:

have an admirable amount of energy. You could say it's not the energy that's the problem. The issue may come down to how they manage channeling it or a led to manage it. Is the energy managed skillfully? Is it put into something like high energy activities or is it held within at almost intolerable levels for lengthy periods of time, like in a classroom? People can sit still with basic levels of energy but with hyper levels there will often be a parts of the body that reflect such high levels. For my son, it's his legs.
have an almost superhuman ability when it comes to how they hear sound. The problem may not be with sound itself but how sound is managed for someone so incredibly well tuned into it. The ability to hear when a piece of machinery or an appliance is on its way out, on the verge of breaking down (based on the slightest difference in the sound of the motor, which no one else can hear) is incredible. To easily hear when a guitar is out of tune or to hear when there's some annoying high pitch sound on a tv station others can't pick up, until it's pointed out to them, is also incredible. Such a person's tolerance levels will be very different than the average person's
have an amazing ability to feel. Whether you can feel the intention behind a person's words, feel the incredible things you can imagine in your mind, feel when someone's depressing you or shutting you down, feel the stress from the people around you (without them saying a word) or feel if something's 'off' about a person, the ability to feel is an amazing one. The problem isn't necessarily with the ability itself, it may be with not knowing how to manage it

Whether it's an already high level of all 'round energy that easily triggers a person's nervous system into overload/anxiety, the frequency or volume of sound that leads to it or the ability to feel how we interact with certain influences, there are so many possible factors that can lead a gift to feel more like a curse.

Can't help but wonder how you're gifted, what gifts you have.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 11:50:43 GMT

To preface, I don’t believe I’m on the spectrum just from what I’ve read online, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. My childhood was a little (a big little) unstable and I worry they'll tell me it’s trauma responses unburying themselves.

My energy as a kid was very much internalised, and I had restless legs and Insatiable curiosity that had me up until 3 every night reading (at age 8). I did talk very fast and uncontrollably and people thought it was quirky as a little kid, but I was trained out of it slowly, and then forcefully around 10 when I was encouraged into debating to help my speech. I was an insomniac, but just before 17 I suddenly became a hallmark narcoleptic (a complete flip, and preceded by a few years of ssri’s, extreme ocd/depression, panic disorder, etc). It’s improved a bit, but I’m regularly medicated for the symptoms now (no diagnosis).

I often find, whether positive or negative, I will start talking and not be able to stop myself, because there’s always MORE. I sometimes can recognise the point where I’ve gone too far now and I get very insecure. “Friends” in every period of my life said I was too intense and that people think I’m conceited bc I ramble on about my own “knowledge” as if to flaunt it and become dogmatic. I’ve never wanted to do this, ever. I think I just wanted someone to share the joy/curiosity/passion I had for a topic or story and people don’t want to exchange information over little lunch apparently… happens less as an adult, I choose who's around me.

I’m aware of sensory stuff recently. Good because I can avoid things that cause anxiety, bad because I feel more sensitive now that I don’t fight it. Before I thought I was anxious, now I feel that too many people are speaking. I get stuck thinking about my nails, I repeat and undo movements that cause uncomfortable sensations for many minutes (ocd I guess). I know this happens with adhd… and anxiety/ ocd and asd. Too many options, and also the thought that maybe this is just the human condition. I am always in overdrive and think I always have been. It made sense to call it anxiety, particularly given that the overdrive lended itself to negative feelings, but now I have it in good moments too. If I let myself fidget I go genuinely feral, talk excitedly, make better art (art student), I also get angry and nervous so quickly. If the energy is internalised the flip is also internal, and that has been my preferred method of breakdown for a while now.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 22:11:49 GMT

Hi tmas

I find it interesting how 2 simple words can better define certain traits we have, with the words being 'basic' and 'serious'. For example, you can have a basic sense of wonder or a serious sense of wonder. A basic sense of hearing or a serious sense of hearing, a basic sense of energy or a serious sense of energy etc. While a basic sense of something is not necessarily a problem, a serious sense or serious degree definitely holds the potential to create a sense of disorder in life. One of the things that annoys me is when I hear people say something like 'There's no such thing as ADHD' (grrrr). Really?! When a person's attention and/or their levels of energy are creating a frustrating degree of disorder for them in their life, there's no choice but to believe things are serious for them.

It's amazing how when you put a number of people together with the same degree of disorder how well they can relate. Put together a group of obsessive wonderers and you suddenly have a philosophy circle or a circle of people who lead each other to wonder about the most amazing things. Put together a group of seriously hyperactive people and you suddenly have an energy circle of enthusiasts who may discuss a lot of constructive ways to channel that energy. A group of fast talkers, who can process what each other is saying at lightening speed and you fit more conversation into the time you're together. A group of people who can process sound in amazing ways and you have a circle of people that all agree on the best places to avoid (shopping centres, crowded events etc). I believe the best guides for us can be ones who relate to our own experiences. With some having more experience, they can share tips on skill development - the skill of speaking slower for those who can't process as fast, the skill of managing a serious sense of wonder through time management (setting time limits) and so on.

It's said that certain conditions can definitely be shaped through trauma and/or conditioning. Whether a person's brain developed this way in the womb or whether it was conditioned into developing this way through life circumstances, what I think matters is that a person is led to manage how they tick, with a similar brain developed through different circumstances. It can become highly stressful and/or deeply depressing not knowing how to best work with it.

Do you feel it's your seriously high energy levels that leave you feeling so incredibly exhausted a lot of the time?

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

Anna84 — Tue, 14 Jun 2022 11:52:20 GMT

Hi tmas,

I completely understand and relate to your fears about being dismissed and worrying people will think you are being attention seeking.

I was diagnosed with ADHD about 18 months ago and I am 37! I wish I new earlier on in life as it has held me back a lot.

I always felt different and to be honest I’ve always felt stupid in comparison to others and could never understand why. It wasn’t until I started reading about ADHD (and how it can be different for females and often goes unnoticed, especially the inattentive type) that it clicked for me and I decided to explore the possibility.

I was so worried that a psychiatrist was going to think I was making things up or trying to get medication but the whole process was actually amazing and validated my thoughts. It’s been life changing in a lot of ways to finally understand and get help.

I think you should definitely go with your gut and don’t be afraid to investigate. It may not be ADHD but it could still point you in the right direction. You don’t have to tell anyone about it if you worry what they might think. I am the same so I have just kept it to myself and my husband.

good luck!

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Wed, 15 Jun 2022 10:16:32 GMT

Previously maybe it did wear me out, but I don’t think the energy is what makes me exhausted, NOW. The tiredness began suddenly and was pretty textbook narcolepsy (though theres a correlation apparently with adhd… makes sense I guess, they’re related to dopamine). Again though I don’t have a diagnosis, and I kind of dont know if thats what it is given my other issues… also I get scoffed at if I mention it.

Before the sleep attacks I was a chronic insomniac, and particularly in my teens I was constantly exhausted in the physical sense but mentally I wouldn’t turn off (even though my mental capacity was iffy at best with little or no sleep). I take narcolepsy meds (apparently theyre used sometimes for adhd too without “addictive” properties) and they help alot, particularly with my mood oddly enough, and I’m less agitated on them and actually able to do some stuff occasionally.

And yes, these things can be good for me - not to toot my own horn but I do have alot of creative ideas (follow throughs a bit ehhh) and LOVE a job thoroughly done, I can never have enough information about something I’m interested in. I can occasionally manipulate essay questions to make room for this and lecturers tend to like it! I’m a good writer and was early to reading and writing as a child (kind of a curse, if youre “gifted” no one will ever believe that youre struggling until its too late and youve fallen behind).

This being said its been overwhelmingly negative so far. I’m in my assessment block and I’m unbelievably stressed. I’m just constantly breathing a little bit too hard. You’d think the worry would make me fuss over the work… but I’ll open my laptop and stare at it for hours straight barely able to do anything. I’ll title the document and that’s all I can do in a month. Unless I’m particularly interested which is hard to maintain when theres any criteria or expectations, and now I’m here with three essays and two reviews in the next ten days and I havent started any of them. In a world without assessment… imagine what I’d do. I just get kind of paralysed and will “do nothing” but my brain is chaos.

This all just kind of sounds like anxiety… but it doesnt feel like just that to me as someone who had had alot of anxiety. I worry it is trauma and my brain is just scrambled, but I’ve responded so well to a stimulant (which is $$$) and trauma is something i’ve truly grappled with and only in doing that have I come to see these things as an issue.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Wed, 15 Jun 2022 10:43:09 GMT

I’m sorry later diagnosis was so hard for you! It’s so common to hear this story and only through these stories have I come to question my own diagnoses.

It’s interesting you say you felt stupid, I always felt somehow behind even though I did well in school and seemed quite emotionally mature (questionable in hindsight). As a child and teen, people (mostly friends and teacher) threw endearing phrases at me like “mini wiki”, “organised chaos”, and “the dumbest smart person” because I seemingly knew alot and was bright or creative, but my spaces were a mess, I constantly forgot everyday things (even though I could recite pi to 45 digits), and would always misread people or be late to a joke/ my own humour was very niche.

I’ve had mixed experiences with professionals. When the process started around 14 my mother came to every appointment because I was so anxious with doctors I couldn’t speak (oddly I was even more anxious to speak with my mum). Only without her involved have I had positive experiences and my psychiatrist who I asked for referal for assessment actually told me that my mum would have to take the exam bc it’s designed for kids (huge red flag and I got so frustrated). Asked why I couldn’t just see an adult psychiatrist and she acted like it was an odd idea. For reference, every assessment my mothers ever taken for me had said I have crippling social anxiety and no other issue (extremely incorrect on every level). It took years for her to believe I had OCD or any other issues and now I’m having the issue with investigating adhd bc I don’t have money to pay so she covers me, but she thinks I’m attention seeking (very incorrect, it’s been so difficult to pursue this even though it’s been in the back of my mind for years). Same reason she doesn’t believe I’m queer or struggling now with life. She’s in my head, and I’ve had dr’s invalidate me before (and be proved wrong), if they doubt me with this it will be hard for me to accept, but she’s told me this will happen and I frankly don’t want her to be right haha. Appt is in one week’s time and I’m extremely nervous, and the timing is horrible but it needs to happen.

I don’t think I’m purely inattentive, but noone seems to notice (only one dr, he’s kind of an angel, and the only dr I’ve been very honest with whoops!). They’ve only called me impulsive in the context of alcohol but thats just because it becomes a problem for them, they don't typically see the energy either. Don’t know how.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Wed, 15 Jun 2022 22:03:58 GMT

Hi tmas

It's a challenge, managing people who scoff at all we may be going through in life. Seeing they can't fully feel or sense what we're going through, this makes them far from being expert on the matter. Wondering if you ever have the occasion where you think 'I'd love to put how I feel into you for a day, so you know how it feels'. Only problem with this 'just for a day' factor is...they don't get to experience the long term impact.

I love companies that employ 'ideas people' just for their ideas and imagination. They employ others to expand on those ideas, bringing them into reality. Everyone brings their own expertise to the table. Personally, my dream job is one where I get paid to wonder and imagine. I've heard Elon Musk say he could never retire from what he does, no matter how much money he has because he loves what he does, he thrives on it. He imagines the most incredible things and says to his people, in one way or another, 'I need you to bring what I see in my mind into reality'. It's said he will not employ anyone who does not share his vision, who cannot see what he sees in his mind. Btw, I believe one of the most fascinating people in history would have to be Nikola Tesla. Incredible, what brought to life and accurately predicted through his visions. Truly fascinating person, in so many ways. Began to study Tesla a bit for my son's sake. While my son has a truly brilliant imagination, he lacks the ability to channel focus at times. I thought how did someone with such a brilliant imagination, like Tesla, take his visions and bring them to life through focus (2 separate practices)? He put a lot of it down to self discipline. He simply couldn't stay in his imagination, otherwise nothing would get done. He had to manage his imagination and what he saw through it so it would compliment his work, not interfere with it. Think I might look for a biography, which might point to clues on such self mastery.

I feel 'by the book' psychologists can sometimes dismiss what they feel or explain it away as something other than what it is, when facing a client. To elaborate, you can have one expert who's expert on all they've been taught, by the book/s, at uni. If they can feel the stress of their client, they may put it down to anxiety, based on what they've been taught. You can have another who can feel their client's stress and the energy behind it. They might question what leads that person to have so much energy to the point where it stresses them.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 00:55:59 GMT

I think the problem was that I never recognised it as energy because I was physically fatigued, and it felt like more of a buzz, or potential energy that I actively suppressed, and people would point it out if let it go for a minute.

I’ve invested time into daily physical movement which has been great for channelling it, and building physical strength has been really nice for my internal self image, and a bit before bed helps me sleep a bit. I also can’t fall asleep in complete silence… my brain runs away without distraction, I privately call it “the bad place”. And good friends/partner means I can be enthusiastic without judgment. Regulation is just out of reach though, its not extreme mood swings but its quite a bit of somersaulting. Also nikola tesla may have been into eugenics… just a content warning.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

livi_mivi — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 06:14:53 GMT

Hey tmas,

What you are going through right now sounds very frustrating. Getting a diagnosis of any kind can be such a lengthy and expensive process and I can completely relate to what you are going through right now. It's even harder when you have family or friends that invalidate how you are feeling/what you are experiencing, whether they mean to or not, as it makes you feel silly for even thinking that you might have underlying difficulties. It's like everyone suddenly becomes doctors/psychiatrists whenever you mention the potential of having a particular disorder/struggling with a symptom. I can't even begin to describe to you how many times I've heard "But you can't have ADHD, you've always _______". Sometimes you just wish you could click your fingers and let someone into the depths of your mind just so they can truly understand how you are feeling.

I would have to agree with therising's comments of there being a reason for the way we behave and it being reasonable to want to understand how we can adapt our behaviours or surroundings/environments to suit our needs more. I understand how scary the thought of being invalidated by a mental health professional can be and never being able to experience the relief that any diagnosis/explanation of your behaviours and feelings can bring. As for that spiral, it's one thing I'm still trying to figure out myself and will definitely keep engaging with this thread. I hope that one day soon, you will be able to find that relief, support and understanding. I just want to reassure you that you have the support of this awesome community and that you aren't alone in your frustrations. Good on you for trying your best to gain a better understanding of yourself.

All the best

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 21:17:42 GMT

Hi tmas

Amazing how greater self understanding can make things easier. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress over time, when it comes to better understanding yourself regarding what works and what doesn't. As I mentioned to my son the other day, finding someone to help you understand yourself even better is like a form of 'fast tracking'. It's like if you connect with a really good psychologist or you connect with a really reliable highly informative person through YouTube, for example, one or both can become your 'go to' for helping make better sense of the way you tick. You can learn in a handful of sittings what can take you years to work out on your own.

There can be such a desperation to meet a 'go to' person, who we go to for all that kind of helpful information. So many things can get in the way of that. Say you desire meeting a great psychologist, what may get in the way of that could be the 2 not so great ones you meet in between time or it could be a lack of money which means you need the time to save in order to see them or it might mean they only have enough time in their schedule to see you once a fortnight as opposed to twice a week. A lot of stuff can slow things down. I've found one major factor that can get in the way of progress can come down to the number of people in our life who steer us away from making a connection with such people. 'What are you doing looking into that?!' (as an expression of judgement or degradation) or 'You should be able to work things out for yourself' are just a couple of common phrases that can steer us in the wrong direction. You know, all that stuff that drowns out your intuition, that thing that says to you almost in a nagging way 'You need help. You can't do this on your own. Don't listen to what anyone else says'.

Can definitely become stressful and/or depressing, not being able to work our self out. Can lead to facing that horrible internal dialogue like 'What's 'wrong' with me? Why am I so 'defective'? Why can't I be 'normal'?' etc. I think when an amazing 'go to' person can explain 'There's nothing wrong with you, your abilities are simply out of control (such as the ability to channel enormous amounts of energy)' or 'You're not defective, you simply haven't developed managing in the most effective ways yet' or 'You are far from mainstream normal and that's definitely not a bad thing', it all becomes rather liberating. It can become a matter of 'Who am I and how exactly do I work, effectively?'.

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

tmas — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 14:04:21 GMT

Figured I should update after the appt, it was over a week ago but I forgot... I've become overly aware of how much I forget. Turns out it's everything.

The new Dr was very kind, very considerate of my financial arrangement.

Funny story, I couldn't remember any of the plan we had established in the appt, but I did remember him saying to ask reception for his email address so I could stay in contact. Naturally, I forgot to do this so I *emailed* reception to ask for his email address, this is about five days after the appt. Either he has a personal email he thought I could have but actually can't, or (more likely) he meant for me to have reception's email. So I emailed reception asking for receptions email, and they had to reply saying that I had it already. In conclusion I am fleeing to the Czech Republic to either marry rich or perform a small scale reenactment of The Last Holiday (2006) before committing to professional destitution.

I was asking for the email to see if he had some sort of recap notes, or if he recommended another appt. At some point in the day I opened my phone calendar bc I got a surprise notification that I had to take a specific, regular-fortnightly injection for a skin issue and saw a pretty purple dot and clicked on it, only to discover that I had booked a follow up during my last appt and simply forgotten. For all the miscommunications with my last psychiatrist, she had gotten to know me well enough to send me a summary after each appt.

These days I carry a small note book everywhere I go, my BF asked what it was and I opened it and he was quite entertained to find every page was a to do list written the night before every single day of the last two months, and was endeared to the fact that they read "1) wake up, 2) take meds, 3) stretch, 4) brush teeth, 5) shower, 6) text that person about xyz, mention abc, 7) moisturise and get dressed, 😎 place [10 items as checklist] in bag, 9) eat porridge" etc, everyday of my life. It's the only way I get anything done, even moisturising.

The only reason I didn't have my book to take notes in that day at this appointment was bc "I didn't want to look like I had a problem," which is horrible reasoning to have in a Dr's office in hindsight. I'm in a much better mood with assessments over (despite working retail) and now I have a whole two weeks to not improve on myself with, and I cannot wait to watch it slip through my fingers like sand. I'm letting myself get feral 🙂

Fears about seeking Adult ADHD diagnosis

therising — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 22:54:39 GMT

Hi tmas

With that old style 'angel on one shoulder, devil on the other' kind of scenario, I find it makes me more conscious of my internal dialogue. I've lost track of the amount of times I've gone off to appointments and then come home to hear that devilish internal dialogue that can sound a little like 'You're hopeless, the fact you can't remember most of what they said. What's wrong with you?!' etc . Gets a little brutal at times. These days I'm developing the practice of saying to myself 'What would the angel say?'. Can sound a little like 'Don't be so hard on yourself, you know you're memory's not all that great. You need to exercise it to improve it. In the meantime, carry a notebook'. I too am a bit of a notebook gal. By the way, the angel side is far more constructive, inspiring and helpful 🙂

Your daily 'to do' list reminds me of a book I'm currently reading, 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear. I love any book that's mind altering, in a good way, and this book is truly astounding. As Clear mentions, we have dozens of established habits we perform every single day, many of which we're not conscious of as being a habit (good or not so good). From flicking on a light switch or going to the toilet to binging on some addiction, becoming conscious of what we're working with is key to establishing a constructive daily plan. He refers to one habit after another (like with your list) as 'Habit stacking', which creates forward momentum. Without the next constructive habit to go to, we can remain stagnant or stuck in old bad habits.

Clear also speaks of habits being comprised of 4 factors. Every habit has 4 factors which makes it a habit: 1)Cue, 2)craving, 3)response and 4)reward. With something as simple as switching on a light, the cue is the dark room, the craving is for light, the response is to flick the switch and the reward is seeing better in that room. With having a highly addictive non constructive Netflix binge the entire day (I'm guilty of this), the cue can be a day off work/no appointment/free time, the craving is for some laid back entertainment with no effort involved, the response is setting myself up on the couch etc and the reward is not having to do anything I don't want to do. Of course, on the odd occasion this isn't a bad thing, the binge, but when it's an every free day off kind of thing, not good for mind, body, spirit or productivity.

Greater self understanding is inspiring. How to best work with our self is an absolute game changer 🙂