topic First time seeking professional help in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

First time seeking professional help

Garfunkel_Keeps_Me_Hopefu — Sat, 07 Sep 2019 14:12:36 GMT

Hi everyone,

I finally plucked up the courage to see my GP about my anxiety and feelings of depression a couple of months ago and she asked if i'd like to start medication or give seeing a psychologist a go first. I asked to see the psychologist as I still feel quite wary about going onto medication. She referred me and I made an appointment but an hour beforehand called and cancelled, pretending I had been called in to work. I've made another appointment for this Tuesday but I just feel so anxious about it. And I feel ridiculous for being too anxious to go and see someone for help with my anxiety. I don't know how to get the courage to go, I'm so uncomfortable talking about my feelings, even with my fiancee but I really need help, because it's exhausting feeling this way every day.

I was hoping for some advice about what to expect for a first appointment and maybe if possible advice about how to be brave enough to get over this first hurdle? I'm awful for ditching things due to anxiety, usually at the last minute and then hating myself for it.

Thanks

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sat, 07 Sep 2019 14:54:58 GMT

Dear GKMH~

Sorry about the abbreviation, I think if you are talking about Art Garfunkel then you have certainly picked someone who can be a great inspiration, in fact his Sounds of Silence is one the songs that really affects me deeply.

It's a sort of catch-22 (incidentally a film Mr Garfunkle contributed to) in that it is the anxiety that makes it so difficult to seek assistance for the anxiety.

I too have been in that place and have put things off, though just be not turning up (your way was more courteous and better). Depression, anxiety and in my case PTSD too made seeking help a real horror to contemplate.

I was embarrassed at what I'd need to disclose, frightened I'd be put in a ward, and certain I'd end up a tongue-tied mess, unable to give a clear picture and prone to missing bits out

I did get around this problem and as a result received treatment for what was wrong, I'm a different person today - thank goodness.

I took a week to write down (in point form) everything that was troubling me, from nightmares to impotence, bad temper to forgetfulness, anxiety that everything possible that could go wrong would and a host more symptoms.

It took me a while to get everything clear and right, but I did have the time, and I ended up with a document that I felt would allow anyone to understand.

I eventually plucked up enough courage to make another appointment - I'd been worried they'd ask me why I did not turn up before, however nothing was said. It was a long consultation however it was a lot easier than I'd thought. I handed over the paper, the psych took time to read it all and then I just answered questions that amplified what I'd written.

I must say it worked very well, and answering questions is much easier than starting from scratch (plus it was too late to chicken out on things I did not want to talk about:(

The only other thing I'd suggest if you have someone to go with you and wait outside until you have finished your appointment, it does help. You do not have to explain in detail why you are going to them.

Being accompanied takes you mind off thngs on the way in, and helps if you feel exhausted afterwards (which I did) though that was the result of my nervous tension, not the consultation which was friendly and not really a worry.

Do you think you might manage something like this?

Croix

First time seeking professional help

Garfunkel_Keeps_Me_Hopefu — Sat, 07 Sep 2019 16:30:29 GMT

Hi Croix

Yes I do mean Art Garfunkel, 'America' is my favourite S&G song, the line 'i'm empty and aching and I don't know why' finally gave me words to describe how I felt when i first heard it a few years ago and since then i've been obsessed with them 🙂
Thank you so much for your advice, it's made me feel like i've got a friend. I'm already starting my dot-point list as we speak! I didn't realise this was an option so it's a real relief to know they'll be happy to read something and start the prompting from there.
Getting tongue tied is definitely something I worry about, any time i'm asked anything related to feelings all the words seem to just dry up and I end up saying something that doesn't express at all what's going on and I'm scared the psychologist will feel i'm wasting their time.
I'm determined to go this time, i've told my fiancee he has to drag me there whether I like it or not.
Thank you so much for your advice and replying to me, it's really made me feel less alone.
GKMH

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 12:58:24 GMT

Dear GKMH~

I can see how America could fit, I still prefer

"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again"

Apart from anything else "old freind" reminds me I've been there before many times and got though

It sounds as if you have a plan - which is great. Writing things down, being determined to attend the appointment and enlisting an ally to help are all practical and sensible.

That is all really excellent news

Please let us know how you go, you are not alone at all.

Croix

First time seeking professional help

Nurse_Jenn — Mon, 09 Sep 2019 00:31:17 GMT

Hi there Garfunkel Keeps Me Hopeful,

Great to see that you are getting some amazing support here already. It is so tough to reach out in the virtual space, never mind face to face. You are doing a terrific job of looking for strategies to get you there and Croix' suggestions of writing things down is of real benefit.

I wanted to reiterate the idea of getting your fiancee' support. You said you would make them drag you there but in actually, this is not a bad idea. Having someone drive you to the appointment and sit with you in wait room or even attend you appointment with you is a great suggestion you have made for yourself. As a health practitioner I have always felt that people who are supported by friends and family in appointments is a great thing as it gives a different dimension to an assessment. It also helps loved ones become more involved in the care journey and this way are better able to understand how the path can be made easier and more comfortable. This is of course only a suggestion but might be worth exploring as well.

Please keep us posted and if you need a boost or some more encouraging words - please post again. There are many others who have faced this difficult step and the more encouragement you can find, the better. You are in the right place to get this type of support and as Croix has said, you are not alone.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

First time seeking professional help

Garfunkel_Keeps_Me_Hopefu — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 15:44:13 GMT

Thanks you again Croix and thanks Jenn,

I managed to attend the appointment, even though I was late because I sat in the car park for a good while contemplating not going. But I can't help but shake the belief that i'm wasting the psychologists time. I felt like he thought I was just a stupid young woman, stuck in a rut. I know that he is a professional, and it must be my brain inferring this from his words when he isn't implying that at all but I just felt like an idiot. There are people with real problems in the world doing their best to get by, and I can hardly bear to live through a day of my privileged life. I just feel like i'm trapped and there's no realistic future with contentment and relief. I'm going to keep going to his sessions, if so many people have been helped by it then surely it's worth at least a try.

This forum has given me an outlet, i really struggle to be frank about my feelings in the real world and it's a real relief just to be able to talk.

Also Croix that line from 'Sound of Silence' gets me every time, it's lovely to meet someone who loves them just as much.

GKMH

First time seeking professional help

SilvaLady — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 16:13:28 GMT

Dear Garfunkel,

Keep up the good work. It took me over two years to finally seek some help. It was the hardest decision that I had to make the first phone call. It had helped me in many ways. Even after a year of seeing someone, I still struggle everyday. Just remember that you are not alone, and that there are other people out there who will and can understand.

Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone with this struggle.

Anxiety can affect any age.

SilvaLady

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sat, 14 Sep 2019 13:24:56 GMT

Dear GKMH (with a wave to SilvaLady)~

Well you have made a terrific start, the GP plus the psychologist -and you got out of that car and went in. I will use the same standards on you as I do on myself - that was brave! And you intend to keep going!

You came out wiht negative feelings, ones attached to your unhappiness with yourself. "stupid young woman" , "stuck in a rut", does not have "real problems" like others.

A "perfect life"you should be enjoying. Since when does that include "I just feel like i'm trapped and there's no realistic future with contentment and relief."?

All distortions and lies put in there by depression (which is so good at fooling the mind, you think it is your own thoughts just as I did).

There's a lot hidden in music:
"And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains"

Those thoughts depression planted came flooding back after your visit, you have not seen though them yet, and, like me, you will need help by others to do so. You can get there though -again like me.

I'll risk another quote from S&G

"All your dreams are on their way"

Croix

First time seeking professional help

Garfunkel_Keeps_Me_Hopefu — Sun, 15 Sep 2019 03:52:44 GMT

Thank you Croix and Silvalady,

I feel so relieved to have found this forum, I feel supported and less alone.
I shall definitely persist with the psychology appointments, and try and keep an open mind that chastises me less for my own emotions.
I feel good knowing you're all here to help.

GKMH

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sun, 15 Sep 2019 10:17:21 GMT

Dear GKMH~

I can well understand what you mean when you say a " mind that chastises me ", in fact you have given good examples above.

I never found I could 'think' my way out of it, but there are some thngs that are not bad.

The first is the free smartphone app called "Smiling Mind" which ,after a little practice, does a surprisingly good job of steering the mind away from that particular punishing train of thoughts.

Even the 2 minute introduction lesson (after a small amout of practice) helps a lot.

The other thing is a self-reward system. Apart from just saying to yourself "that was a win" when you do something that is difficult for you (like getting out of that car) perhaps something tangible to go with it from a lolly to a drink you like, to ringing a freind, to arranging to watch a movie on YouTube or music ... you would have better ideas than me.

Being rewarded helps. Not only as an incentive, but also the fact you are rewarded lifts how you feel about yourself - "I'm worth rewarding!"

You are right, you are not alone, we are here for you.

Croix

First time seeking professional help

SilvaLady — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 23:23:21 GMT

Hello Garfunkel,

I just wanted to check in with you, to see how you were feeling. I know how hard it is to open up to strangers.

And how hard it is to explain those feelings and thoughts. In some ways I'm "lucky" to have some family support, but I often feel like that I'm a "burden" and that I don't want to take up their time with talking to me.

I hope that you are getting the answers that you are looking for. And the help as well.

SilvaLady

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 11:18:10 GMT

Dear SilvaLady (with a warm wave to GKMH)~

First GKMH I hope you are managing, I'd like to say something to SilvaLady if you don't mind.

It is extremely common for people to be reluctant to talk to those close to them about how they feel, and as a result many just bottle it all up.

OK there are times when you do have to explain, "I don't want to do this becuse ..." or "I feel hopeless and no point ... "and so on. You have to do this not only to explain your behavior but to get practical help . Being driven to the doctor being an example of course.

This can in fact be quite difficult for those without experience themselves to deal with, , and often conversations are stilted or miss the point as there is no road-map or easy fix. Everyone ends up feeling bad. Obviously it is not always like that , people driven by care will go to great lengths.

However there is another side. It is quite ok to have conversations that do not directly deal with symptoms or the dark feelings one is having. I often find gentle talk about our pets gives me a lift, they all have their own characters, Nasty Cat is as you would expect, Sumo cat is overlarge, and Foxy Dog looks like a fox.

Talking of their interactions does sooth the mind.

I'm not saying this is limited to pets (though they are a pretty good subject) but can be anything that develops feelings of security and peace.

Kids can say "(Mummy/Daddy/insert person here) please read me a story - I want that one." The child knows the story perfectly well, in fact will probably have favorites, however the reading aloud together develops calm, security, peace.

Sumo is on his special plush blanket by my left elbow, actually has one eye open 'supervising', looks supremely relaxed.

So really you may have more than one way of gettng support from those around you, and actually they might enjoy some of it too

Does this sort of make any sense?

Croix

First time seeking professional help

SilvaLady — Fri, 20 Sep 2019 00:04:49 GMT

Hi Croix (with a wave to Garfunkel),

Thanks for the advice, it helped. I don't have a cat, as I'm renting. But I do have a bird. Knowing that I'm not alone, helps.

With thanks

SilvaLady

First time seeking professional help

Garfunkel_Keeps_Me_Hopefu — Sat, 21 Sep 2019 06:59:50 GMT

Hi Silvalady and Croix,

I'm doing well, I have another appointment on Tuesday and he said he's going to teach me some ways to relax my mind when panic sets in, so it'll hopefully be very useful for me. I've also allowed myself to drop down to just 2 units at uni to try and not overburden my mind at the moment.

Croix i really like your idea of rewarding myself for small steps, i'm definitely going to treat myself to something after my appointment Tuesday, as an attempt to be a bit kinder to myself.

I have recently adopted a cat and he will be hearing all about my feelings from hence forth!

Thank you both for being there

GKMH

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sat, 21 Sep 2019 13:19:37 GMT

Dear GKMH~

That was a lovely hopeful post and I'm very glad. Please do let us know how you get on.

I'm afraid there was only one glaring error:

You said "I have recently adopted a cat"

I know from long experience it is the other way around, cats "select their staff".

Croix

First time seeking professional help

Croix — Sat, 21 Sep 2019 13:32:32 GMT

Dear SilvaLady

Your post immediately reminded me of a poster named Blue's Clues in her thread:

Forums / Long term support over the journey / Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

Blue has feathered friends that seem to rule the household. Listening to the great differences in their personalities is fascinating -and fun

I'm sure if you went to that thread Blue would no doubt enjoy telling you all about them 🙂

Croix