topic Do or die in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Do or die

Sadlady — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 19:08:25 GMT

Hi Everyone

I'm new to this and I don't know exactly how to start but I'll give it a go. I'm struggling with depression, anxiety and ptsd. This year has been the toughest I've ever had and I've had a few. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and told that I have only months to live. That was 6mnths ago. Now I'm still here but fair from living. I can't do anything for myself and have had to move in with my son. I hate being a burden to my children and I hide my depression ect. As I have always Been a strong woman and brought my kids up on my own. While also working full-time. I guess I have to say I really need to deal with how I'm feeling and hopefully this is the start of that.

Do or die

Peppermintbach — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 19:36:02 GMT

Hi Sadlady,

What a very difficult year you’ve had...I’m really sorry about the diagnosis. I imagine that that would be very difficult and confronting news to digest, and elicits a range of emotions. I really feel for you...

You seem like a very resilient and courageous person, but you have clearly been struggling lately. There’s so much happening, and it must be hard to let your guard down...you’re used to being the one taking care of everyone else, as you said, so it must be hard for the roles to reverse a little...

In a way, I think that’s part of love and being family...sometimes we take care of others and sometimes others take care of us. I wonder if the best way forward for you now is to let people/your children in and let them take care of you for a change.

I realise it’s difficult to shake off the “burden” feeling, but maybe in a way, it’s an honour for your children to give you the same loving care that you’ve bestowed on them all these years. That said, I also understand how difficult it is to let people in/let others helps...I hear where you’re coming from...

If you’re feeling up to writing some more, it would be lovely to hear from you again. No pressure though of course. Thinking of you today...

Kindness and caring to you,

Pepper

Do or die

Sadlady — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 20:12:55 GMT

Hi Pepper

I must firstly Thankyou for farst response. More than that your caring and supportive word's. I am extremely depressed at the moment and I have withdrawn from my support network's. Unfortunately my job was a executive manager for a large community /health center..... As you can imagine how hard it is for me to access resources there. I live in rural town.

My sleep patterns are all over the place, I don't if it health or mental health. I am also struggling with my gp who is being dissmissive about my mental health issues so it is not possible to get help from him. My anxiety is though the roof. Just seems anything I try I just don't get any relief.

I'm so thankful for your time to reply so quickly

Thankyou

sadlady

Do or die

smallwolf — Tue, 18 Dec 2018 07:04:35 GMT

Hi Sadlady,

You have 2 posts, so I think I am still allowed to welcome you to beyond blue. I am sorry to hear about the problems you are facing with your GP on mental health issues, so at the moment it sounds like you have to do it alone. 😞

To help you with anxiety, you might want to check out threads on grounding and mindfulness. Both places will give you ideas to help you combat the constant negative thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. These things can be somewhat individualistic. What works for someone else might not work for you. So if that happens, go to the next idea and try again.

If you access your library online, there are also plenty of ebooks available in the area of psychology. I recently found one that was recommended to me by my psychologist called "The Happiness Trap". So I hardly go to the library itself and just get books online.

I wish you well in everything you are facing at the moment. I will be around if you want to chat some more or have any questions.

Tim

Do or die

Sadlady — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 18:34:01 GMT

Hi Tim

I thank you for your warm welcome. I'm really geatful for you support. Whith your suggestion of accessing the library for some e-books is great. As reading is something I can do and I enjoy it also.

I think it's time to let everyone know that my health condition is a genetic problem. Basically I lack a gene that has caused me to have emphsema. I'm at the end stage of it.

I struggle with this as alot of people just put down to smoking and some have been really cruel, telling me I deserve what's happening to me.

So this forum I'm hoping I don't get judged so harshly.... As my depression is so bad, it going to take alot of hard work to try to come out it. As for my physical health, I can't do anything much as I'm on oxygen 24/7. So that rules out exercising.

There are day's I can't even get out of bed. I am just sad, that I don't want to talk to anyone and turn my phone off.

I'm glad you took the time to welcome me here.

I would also like to know how going and also maybe I can help you in return.

Thankyou

Nikki

Do or die

geoff — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 20:24:16 GMT

Hello Nikki, my thoughts are always with you and feel the pain of how you have been treated, especially by your GP, who should be giving all his support for an illness that isn't repairable.

The applies to those who have not drunk a considerable amount of alcohol but have cirrhosis, this can still happen by the medication you take, and try to explain this to the man on the street is impossible, so this assimilates with what has happened to you.

There is so much you have to cope with, and how does everyone respond, do they take more notice of your mental health or your physical health or just walk away, I sincerely hope this hasn't happened but, unfortunately, people don't do what we expect of them, that's the hardest part.

You need to assess how your family feels if you tell them that you are actually suffering from depression, however, I would naturally understand why you are struggling, so now you should think about what would happen if you share this information about your mental health, if it was me that's certainly what I would be doing.

My heart goes out to you and we hope to hear back from you.

Take care and best wishes.

Geoff.

Do or die

White_Rose — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 21:52:10 GMT

Dear Nikki

I offer you a warm welcome to the Beyond Blue forum and thank you for telling us your story. I am so very sorry to learn of your diagnosis. It is confronting and hard to take on board. I was with my eldest sister at the end of her life which was cut short by ovarian cancer.

There were times when she was angry because as she said, "I'm too young to die. I'm only 66". Unfortunately we have no choice in these matters. I find it cruel that there are people who have spoken harshly to you. Regardless of the reason, compassion is a far better response. And in your case it has nothing to do smoking.

When we know death is approaching we will experience many emotions such as anger, refusing to accept this is happening etc until we finally come to acceptance. My sister found it good to have me there for a while though not as long as I wished. She lived in England. Is there a way you can still be in your family's company even on the days you feel you cannot get out of bed?

Depression feeds on loneliness and it may be possible for your family to help you get out of bed and have a comfortable spot in the living area. Talking etc with these much loved people would be good for you and for them. Regret is hard to live with so I wonder if you can continue being your usual caring mom figure by talking to them and listening. They will remember you chose to be a part of the family throughout your illness even though it was hard.

Do you have grandchildren in the house? I know my grandchildren love listening to stories of my younger days and also stories of their parents. They too will have wonderful memories of you, a gift beyond price. Instead of thinking you are a burden look for activities that are within your ability, such as story telling, and give those to your family with the love I know you have for them.

Perhaps you can ask the children how their day went. They may be hesitant at first but I am sure they will warm to the idea. Activities such as these will help to counteract your depression. Trying to hide it or push it away takes so much energy. Try instead to put other thoughts and activities in its place. Much easier than stamping on it.

Please keep in touch here when you are able. Talking to beautiful people like you is a blessing for all of us.

Mary

Do or die

Clea — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 04:37:05 GMT

Hi Nikki,

I'm new to these forums as well but wanted to reply to your post as I lost my mother to cancer. I would have loved the opportunity to help care for my mother and spend more time with her before she passed. I can understand it must be hard to go from being independent to needing help but your children are probably not feeling like it is a burden to help you.

Do or die

Sadlady — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 08:57:08 GMT

Hi Geoff, Mary and Clea

I'm sorry that I am not going to respond separatly . I just feel that I would be repeating my story. I am so very thankful for your wonderful supportive words.

I have taken in board your advice in regards to telling my family about my depression, I must say that they where aware but not how bad it is. I have only one son that I'm living with and he works full-time and takes care if me the best he can. I do have 2 other sons that live interstate unfortunately, they have come and spent months with me but they needed to return home to there jobs. So I also have my 1 daughter and she lives 3 hours from me, she comes and vists as much as possible usually on the weekends .She to as the boys are wonderful . I have only 1 grandaughter she is my eldest son's daughter so proud to say she was named after me.

Mary I'm sorry to hear of your loss of your sister and that must of been so hard being so far apart. I'm sure she would have loved having you there. I hope to hear more of your story.

Clea I'm also sorry for the loss of your Mum that is a harsh thing to go though. May I ask how old you where when you lost her? I hope I'm not being to forward.

As for my feelings they are very mixed I do feel feel anger and sadness along with complete understanding of what my children must be experiencing. We all communicate with ash other well. I speak with them all on a daily basis.

However the worst thing is that I nursed my mum though her last 3 months. She died of the same illness as I have. Along with that she was only 52 when I lost her. I then nursed my dad though his cancer battle for 6mnths. So unfortunately I know what suffering mum went though and it scares me to know exactly what to expect. As I did with dad. So I guess I'm scared and worry how my children will cope. I'm also only 49 .

As for Drs thy have been so very cold and don't seem to get how I am so depressed. They just don't see to understand.

So Thankyou all for allowing me to share my story and I hope o get to know more of you're stories also.

I wish you all the luck in finding some relief from the horrible things that mental health can effect anybody and everybody needs support and to be cared for.

Again I am so encouraged by your advice

Thanks

Nikki

Do or die

Clea — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 09:37:04 GMT

Hi Nikki, I am happy to share about my mother. I was 33 when she passed away. I also lost my father but that was sudden and I was 24.

I'm glad to read you talked to your children about how you're feeling. I'm sure they want to know. I hope talking about how you're feeling helps you too.

I'm sorry to read about your experience with Drs. Do you have a GP you could talk to? Or can you find a new sympathic Dr?

Do or die

White_Rose — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 23:19:23 GMT

Hello Nikki

Thanks for telling us more about yourself. It is a pity you have only one son near you but that cannot be helped. No need to worry about joint replies, we are all happy to receive group replies.

My mom died on Christmas Day 1999. I did not get a chance to say goodbye because she was in England and I am in Oz. Her death was from a minor fall leaving a pensioner's Christmas party and incompetent care, including inappropriate medication, until she was so ill she was transferred to a major hospital. None of which I knew about until she had gone. I did get to her funeral and my daughters came with me. They of course knew her from her visits to Oz and the time they had spent in England.

This is why I was determined to be with my sister when I knew she losing her battle. She struggled for 11 years which is a long time for ovarian cancer. In the end she was too tired to face anymore surgery or chemo. This was when chemo was pretty rugged and people often died as much from the chemo as the cancer. I discovered Pauline wrote poetry and wanted to get them published but did not know how. I promised I would arrange it and brought them back to Oz. I went through a self-publishing company. I arranged for copies for her daughter and other family members to be sent to England as well as giving copies to my children. The book is a treasure to me.

I look at some of mom's possessions and my sister's and often have a chat with them. You can do these things when you are getting old. 😊It's good to remember the times we had together. To help you through the long days when you are alone how do you feel about writing about your life? You can talk about your children growing up and tell stories about them (The more embarrassing the better 😊) Also tell the story of your life. You have faced so many challenges and come through and although your family may know about these they probably do not know how you managed, what you did, how you felt etc.

These are the details that are so important. I have been compiling my family history for many years but it is the personal stories that make it come alive. Unfortunately I cannot speak to many of my ancestors so I rely on the stories my mom used to tell. They have helped me trace many relatives.

This may help to counteract your depression a little. I know you cannot write much at a time, but maybe a few entries. I would be thrilled to have received this from my mom.

I hope I have given you a few ideas to help you along.

Mary

Do or die

cheesysadusername — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 15:50:36 GMT

hello, I'm new here but I found your post really hit home. I also struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD. however, your unfortunate diagnosis has really made me think about how I spend my time. I'm still struggling greatly so I can't say I know all the answers but I do suggest making a bucket list of sorts, starting out with small stuff, like go on a bike ride or see an old friend etc. make the very most of the time you have left, leave behind the legacy you wish to be remembered and even though it's hard, push your limits. much love and support xx

Do or die

White_Rose — Tue, 25 Dec 2018 20:51:30 GMT

Dear cheesysadusername

Hello and welcome to the forum. When our depression and any other illness hits us it is a struggle to work hard on getting well again. Small steps make a huge difference. Trying to do everything at once does not work and may make you feel so dispirited that you give up on everything. Perhaps you can set yourself a routine for getting up or any other part of the day and follow that until it becomes a habit.

If you would like to start your own thread and talk about your life you will find others responding to you. However, you are welcome to continue here and I am sure Nikki will agree with me.

Mary

Do or die

White_Rose — Tue, 25 Dec 2018 20:54:38 GMT

Hello Nikki

How are you going? Did you spend yesterday with family? I do hope so. Christmas is about family.

Haven't heard from you for several days and wanted to see how you are managing. Can you drop us a line?

Mary

Do or die

Sadlady — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 16:58:29 GMT

Hi everybody

I can't Thankyou enough for all support and advise. It's been very great. I am also very thankful that a few have shared there experience with me. You are truly amazing people in the fact that though your own pain and suffering you still have a little more to give. You all are very strong even if you don't feel it right now. I will take on some of your advise and have started getting my day planned for but I have been thankful suggestions going to take it easy at first. I've had a good but sad Christmas knowing it may be my last. I'm hoping you all had a good Xmas and new-year hope to hear back from you all soon

Do or die

blondguy — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 17:25:17 GMT

Hello Sadlady

Thank-you for your super kind and complimentary post!

You are incredibly strong for taking the time to write and also reply to the members above

If I may mention that I am so very tired of people blaming cigarettes where emphysema or a breathing illness is concerned. It is plain ignorance, and as you mentioned there is a specific genetic predisposition that can leave people with this vile illness whether they have smoked or not

Its really good to meet you Nikki and I'm sorry that I missed your opening thread topic on the 18th

my very kind thoughts and I hope you can post back when its convenient for you

Paul

Do or die

Sadlady — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 13:50:25 GMT

Hi everybody, I'm really really struggling at the moment. As physical health has gotten so had the I'm basically bed ridden and even then I'm not getting any real relief with my inability to breath. I'm so depressed and I constant state of utter panic. To make to worse I'm not going any support or the right care. As my children all need there jobs to survive. I just give up as what can I do I can't sleep properly and then I have to get to see my doctor who just shrugged my depression and dire anxiety away. I'm so so angry that a human is being treated this way I'm at my wits end

Do or die

Nurse_Jenn — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 22:18:36 GMT

Dear Nikki

I have read through this thread and I first want to acknowledge how brave you are for sharing your story and reaching out. On the beyondblue forum you will definitely find different avenues of support and I encourage you to continue to use the forum regularly as an outlet for how your feeling.

Having depression and anxiety is really common and there are many avenues of support out there. My first recommendation is usually go to see your GP and make an appointment to gain a mental health care plan - this way you can access a psychologist. However, it sounds like your GP is not supportive. I have heard a few others on the forum recommend you access a different GP and I wonder if you and your son are able to arrange this? Are there any other GPs in your community that you could see? If there is not, another option could be to bring your son in as an advocate along with you to a GP appointment that is booked specifically for your mental health and gain a mental health referral.

As you have indicated you are palliative in the stage of your illness, I also wonder if you have be referred to a palliative care team? They are generally very supportive to people who are at the end stage of life and can offer referrals to counselling or other services in your community. This of course depends on your location.

These referral processes and appointments can all take time and in your last message, it sounds like you need some immediate support. No matter what stage of life you're in, severe depression can be life threatening and in my opinion can be an emergency. When you son arrives home today, I would advise that you take a trip to your local hospital and get assessed again and indicate strongly that you are having low mood & panic symptoms and are not physically able to care for yourself. This should then trigger some in home care support at a minimum as well as a referral to mental health services. If you are not comfortable taking this path, I would definitely at the bare minimum contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or the beyondblue support line 1300 22 4636. I understand that talking due to breathlessness would not be easy but worth the call. Having anxiety and depression during the last part of your life can be improved with the right support.

In collaboration with your son, make a GP appointment or go to the Emergency Department or make the call to Lifeline or beyondblue. You are worth it.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

Do or die

White_Rose — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 01:04:24 GMT

Dear Nikki

Thank you for keeping us up to. I am so sorry you are having such bad time. May I ask, do you live in the city or out in the country. I think this is what Nurse Jenn was referring to with the availability mental health and palliative care services. Country people tend to miss out services such as these because it is a relatively small population. Not a good enough reason in my opinion.

I do urge you to take Jenn's suggestions on board as much as possible. If there is another GP in your area ask your son to make an appointment, preferably a double appointment and perhaps he can go in with you and speak when you are having difficulties breathing. She then need only to nod to indicate that's what you want to say. Even so I am sure it will be difficult and tiring but you are so strong.

The other suggestion is to go A&E at your local hospital. If there is no to take you then call an ambulance. Having had a couple of trips to hospital with the paramedics I can tell you how absolutely wonderful they are. I have another suggestion for to talk to someone, again acknowledging how difficult it is to speak a great deal. I suggest contacting the Suicide Call Back Service. Please don't let the name put you off and I hope you understand why I make this suggestion. They are very good and have the requisite training. I have spoken with them as have many people on BB. They are so caring and comforting as I discovered when I first phoned them.

Contact details. 1300 659 467 available 24/7.

You can also browse their website at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ They do offer online counselling and if you were interested phone them on the above number and talk about it. I am so sorry that all I can offer is people to contact as I know how much difficulty you have breathing. These people are worth the effort.

If you find another GP ask about in-home care and support. A lady in your situation should be cosseted and cared for not left to her own devices all day. Not a comment about your son as I realise his needs to earn his living. You can also contact My Aged Care if you are over 65. They will come to see you and offer the services you need. I know this because Sunday was not only my birthday but it was my 75th birthday. I had not needed help before. My family and friends came on Sunday to help me celebrate. My daughters took over the kitchen etc.. I have to say I was pleased when they left as by then I was very tired. However it was a beautiful day.

Mary

Do or die

Sadlady — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 13:18:16 GMT

Hello Mary thank you so so much for advice and guiding me through some the serves that you have recommended. Ice taken on bored. I'm not to sue what to do about seeing another Dr as I havee been too that