topic Unable to connect with psychologists in Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 09:19:06 GMT

Hi there,

I’ve had depression for a long time and seen a number of psychologists over the years. I’ve never had one that I really felt was hugely beneficial.

This year has been a particularly bad year:

The psychologist I was seeing initially ended up telling me that she didn’t think she was helping me (I had been seeing her for 12 months).

The next psychologist took months to get in to, and when I saw her I didn’t think she was helping. During this time I experienced suicidal ideation for the first time in my life, and she didn’t really respond to this, so I stopped seeing her after 6 sessions.

I’ve just started seeing another psychologist who I liked for the the first two sessions, but I feel as though in the third and fourth sessions he has said some extremely misogynist things - which has had me in tears for days!

Im really mentally unwell, and don’t know what to do to get the support I need. I’m being propped up by my GP and my psychiatrist. But really need a good psychologist.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

Thank you

Unable to connect with psychologists

blondguy — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 11:23:51 GMT

Hello Soloyo

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting with us too...You are strong! You are very proactive with your health by seeking assistance from your healthcare professionals..Good1 🙂

Psychologists are usually are a helpful form of counseling. I am sorry that you have a bad experience with your recent counselor.

I used to have chronic anxiety followed by clinical depression and it is an awful place to be in Soloyo. Its only through my own experience....when we start crying in front of our counselor we have started the healing process. A psychologist may require a minimum of six months of regular appointments to help us heal effectively

Soloyo....the forums are a Safe and Non judgemental place for you to post. There is no judgement here 🙂

Can I ask if you have anxiety combined with your depression ?

you are not alone

my kind thoughts

Paul

Unable to connect with psychologists

geoff — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 20:53:54 GMT

Hello Soloyo, I'm sorry that this has happened, especially when he has mentioned a word that could be very harmful in how you were being treated.

A psychologist has to have the courtesy to know what is going on, but to treat you with all their respect, other wise if they don't, then naturally you are going to leave.

Can I suggest that instead of leaving one psychologist for another, you say back to them that that word upsets you, then they will back off, knowing what their boundaries are.

Psychologists will test us to see how far they can go, that's their job, and we then have to let them know.

Everytime you change psych's it takes a couple of sessions to get to know them, and they are just trying to find out why you are suffering, so set your own boundaries with them, because changing them every few sessions is not going to help you.

I'm sorry for saying this and I mean no harm to you.

Geoff.

Unable to connect with psychologists

White_Rose — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 22:17:01 GMT

Dear Soloyo

Welcome to the forum. You story will have a familiar ring to some people who feel they do not match up with their psychologist.

Can I ask you a couple of questions first? I know psychiatrists and psychologists operate differently but why do you feel you need a psychologist? Does your psychiatrist not offer any form of therapy? I know some often only deal with medication but surely they must offer some therapy.

I noticed you spoke about your new ideation about suicide. Have you spoken about this to your psychiatrist? I think this is so important you need to bring it to the psychiatrist's attention and probably to your GP as well. Has the psychiatrist recommended any psychologists? They are in a good position not only to know many psychologists but also how they manage individually and be able to match you with a compatible psychologist. I know my GP was fussy about who she referred me to.

That's the practical stuff. Geoff is right about giving the psychologist feedback about what they say. People are all different and until a psych knows you pretty well he/she may say something that you take amiss. Speak up about it. I had a psychiatrist who used to fall asleep during the sessions. I felt I had no respect from him, felt I was there to increase his bank balance and of little worth. I got fed up and told him if he fell asleep again I would leave and not return. He stopped napping.

So speak up if the session is going nowhere. But also consider what you want from these sessions. Do you go with the expectation of fixing this or that but the psych appears to disregard you? Ask about it. It may be the psych is trying to help you but therapy does not go in straight lines. In many ways the psychological community has a harder time than your GP who can say you have the 'flu, an ear infection, broken leg etc and the cure is straight forward.

We are complex animals and often do not know where our hurts started. Talking about our lives can help the psych to pinpoint how your upbringing has contributed to your current unwellness, or perhaps your marriage, job. There is so much more than immediately starting a CBT course. I would like to suggest you spend a session with your psychologist on how he/she works, how you can help the healing process, why it seems to take a long time before you start feeling better. These are all valid questions and may positively change your relationship with the psych.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Sat, 01 Dec 2018 12:39:03 GMT

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your messages.

Paul - I’m not experiencing anxiety. I’m sorry to hear that you have had trouble with this.

I cry every session, for most of the session... and have done that for all the years I have seen psychologists.

Do you have any other suggestions of measures to know when psychology is actually helping?

Mary - I have only seen a psychiatrist a few times and that was to discuss diagnosis and medication. My impression is that the psychologist is the critical health professional for regular, ongoing support. All the health professionals working with me know about my suicidal thoughts.

I spent the first three sessions with this psychologist discussing my background, and he has a book that he wants me to follow as a form of therapy - basically about mindfulness.

Im at the point now where I don’t know what I need to work on to heal. I’m so lost. Any idea on how to approach this with someone?

Geoff - I think it’s a good point you make about discussing my concerns with the psychologist. I’m not very good with boundaries and tend to be overt accepting of situations that most people find inacceptable. Unfortunately it’s a few weeks til my next appointment and this stress is hard to sit with.

Thanks again for your input. I would love to hear any other suggestions. Thank you

Thanks

Unable to connect with psychologists

smallwolf — Sun, 02 Dec 2018 07:00:01 GMT

Soloyo,

Hi. I hope you don't mind if I ask questions in my post, it is just my thing. And I am sorry that you have not had much success with psychologists.

I have both a psychologist and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist looks after the medication and leaves the head stuff to the psychologist. Her words, not mine.

Do/did you get any homework from your psychologists? I would have to write journals, reframe negative thoughts exercises, mindful eating exercises etc. If something was not working in the next session I would tell her that such and such was a problem or I am stuck with the that. And we would then find an alternative or help me with the point where I was stuck. But I am also a people pleaser and do as I am told.

Now I have been seeing the same psychologist for about a year, and seeing her every 2 weeks. There were 2 periods where I was seeing her weekly as well. I think that I am only starting to see the benefits now. But this is also an individual thing. Some people might take less than, others longer, and that depends on many factors.

I also had to make changes in my work as well. This was because of why I was seeing a psychologist in the first place.

The other thing is being open to new ideas. I am not someone who believed in the ideas of good or bad energies. On an app there was a meditation set in space and on breathing in, feel the good energy entering my body, and breathing out, expelling the bad energy. My first thought was this is crap. But then I said that I had to give it a chance.

There are many things that might otherwise have an effectiveness on the session like whether you can both relate to each other, no personality clash. Do they listen, or interrupt, or just provide advice?

Lastly, what is the book titled? My psychologist uses mindfulness as well, and wanted me to read a book as well.

On healing, what is troubling you the most? That might be a starting point.

Peace and love,

Tim

Unable to connect with psychologists

geoff — Sun, 02 Dec 2018 15:18:12 GMT

Hi Soloyo, thanks for getting back to us.

Crying in a session is something I think most of us have done, I certainly did and it wasn't only one visit, it was several, that's why they always have a box of tissues sitting on the desk.

Once you start crying then they will ease off just a little bit and get you to talk about something else that won't upset, just so you feel comfortable and will respond in an empathic manner.

There is a chance you might leave the session feeling terrible, not because they didn’t understand what you've said but because they did, so what this means they have helped you experience something important.

If they can remember all the names you might have told them, that's even better, that gives you confidence.

They shouldn't be answering a question they've asked you all the time, because this doesn't let you expand your thoughts, so what's the point in paying all that money for seeing the therapist.

If you have to wait for your next appointment then this doesn't mean you do nothing, try and read how other different people have coped with their stress and learn how they have been able to extend their own boundaries, this normally comes from being able to trust your psychologist.

Let us know what you think.

Geoff.

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 07:50:20 GMT

Thanks again for your responses.

I decided to be really brave and talk to the psychologist about the things he said that I found really hurtful. It was a really challenging conversation and I could tell he was quite taken aback. He said he didn’t intend to be misogynistic and will endeavour to be more sensitive in the future.

I also spoke to my psychiatrist who was appalled by the things the psychologist had said. It was good to be validated.

The plan is that I will see the psychologist again, however the relationship is very fragile. If he says one more questionable thing I will probably leave. It’s not an ideal scenario and you want to feel in a safe and trusting space... but as I said, I’ve found it really hard to connect with a lot of psychologists - many of them nice people, but just not right for me.

Unable to connect with psychologists

blondguy — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 11:24:39 GMT

Hi Soloyo

I understand that you had that problem with your psychologist that you mentioned above (and fair enough too)

You are a strong (and brave) for talking to the psychologist involved. I am happy that he said that he would be more caring in the future

Can I ask if you have cried in front of your therapist yet? There is no urgency on this as the longer we see one psychologist the better our recovery will be. Sometimes they do have to ask us questions that are 'uncomfortable' so they can understand the pain you have gone through in your life...

I understand you as these visits are usually somewhat uncomfortable and then some!

Its really great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family Soloyo 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Sat, 23 Feb 2019 02:14:28 GMT

Hello,

Im feeling the need to continue with this thread.

I stopped seeing the mysogynistic psychologist at the end of last year. I was encouraged to report him to AHPRA, however when I spoke to them it sounded like there were too many barriers. It has been so damaging.

I have started with a new psychologist. We have had two sessions. She seems nice, but I don’t feel I have gotten much out of these sessions. I plan to tell her this next week.

I feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown. I don’t know what else to do.

Unable to connect with psychologists

Nurse_Jenn — Thu, 07 Mar 2019 12:27:40 GMT

Hi Soloyo,

Welcome back to the forum. I'm sorry that nobody has responded to this thread - sometimes this can happen. I have reviewed the struggles you have had in finding the right fit in your treating therapist. I have heard this story many times on the forum. You are not alone in this struggle. I am also sorry that your previous psychologist made you feel so uncomfortable. If you chose, you can always decide to revisit your complaint when you are feeling stronger. Sometimes just writing down a complaint can be healing, even if you don't want to send it.

Finding a good therapeutic relationship with a psychologist can be really difficult. Like any good relationship it can take time and sometimes persistence to find the right person. Building a relationship and trust with a therapist can take different lengths of time for different people.

I wonder if you have considered other alternatives such as group therapy? This can be a form of therapy (often in combination with individual therapy) that some people get a lot of benefit from. It is generally facilitated by one or two therapists and the group uses experience and discussion to move through issues.

Another strategy is going in to a psychology session with a clear set of goals and objectives in what you want to achieve. By writing down goals and in what space of time you want to achieve them, you can really start to direct your own care. By having this type of conversation with your psychologist you are active in your own care plan and can work collaboratively on the best way to meet your goals. Goal setting can be a really powerful in therapy especially if you are feeling like things are not going how you expect. If you are interested there is some information on goal setting on this healthdirect webpage https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/goal-setting

You have mentioned at the end of your post you were on the brink of a breakdown. I hope that you have found some relief in your last session with you psychologist. Please post and let us know how you are going. If you are even in this state again, many people find it helpful to talk with a support person that you trust such as a friend or family member or you could try the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636. Sometimes when you are feeling really frustrated with the length your recovery is taking, having a chat about it can really help.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

Unable to connect with psychologists

geoff — Thu, 07 Mar 2019 16:08:25 GMT

Hello Soloyo, please accept our apologies for not replying and pleased that Nurse Jenn has replied back to you, who has much more qualified experience than I do.

It's been a couple of weeks since you posted and wonder how you have gone with the psychologist?

It disturbs us to hear that you're on the verge of having a breakdown, some of us know how this feels, definitely including myself, because you feel as though you're falling apart and everything just becomes too much and it's impossible to even focus.

Some of us can relate to this, and I say some because everyone has a different type of illness that brings us to this site.

Hope you can get back to us when available.

Geoff.

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Fri, 08 Mar 2019 01:38:24 GMT

Thank you for getting in touch. I appreciate you providing some suggestions.

A friend of mine feels that I am struggling with psychologist because I have deeply thought through my problems and therefore am finding it hard for someone to add value. I am seen to be be an emotionally intelligent person and therefore want a professional who can atleast meet me in this regard.

There are group therapy options in my city, however I don’t feel I would fit in well in this format of therapy.

My psychiatrist has started me on an additional medication which has helped in calming me a little bit, but leaves me feeling numb and groggy.

My psychiatrist is strongly encouraging me to persevere with the new psychologist. She recommended them and I do value her opinion.

I am aware I’ve become distrusting, but it’s hard to wait two weeks for a psychology session, go in with a plan of want you want to get out of it, share that, and leave feeling like you’ve got nothing from the session.

I would expect to feel better, or feel like I have something to work on, or feel like I’ve learnt something new about myself. But I don’t get any of this.

Are my expectations too high?

Unable to connect with psychologists

White_Rose — Sun, 10 Mar 2019 21:28:03 GMT

Hello Soloyo

I am sorry I have not been replying for a while. It's always good to talk to others who have experienced similar MH difficulties although we are all different. Unfortunately I have been struggling with some difficulties which have impacted on me quite severely. However I am back again and I hope I can offer more support.

I know I have said this before but I think it bears repeating. Hope this is OK. Psychologists and psychiatrists operate differently. I do not claim to be an expert on this and you may wish to ask your respective psychs if my comments are correct.

It seems to me that psychiatrists look at your whole of life experiences to see what has impacted on you in the past and why. The idea is that you can understand why you act or react to different situations. This knowledge can help you heal from the inside out so to speak both understanding what has happened and why. This is a very simplified explanation because I do now understand what happened to me and I know how circumstances shaped my experience. It's not necessarily cut and dried.

Psychologists tend to treat the symptoms much as a doctor would stitch up a wound and it usually heals allowing you to get on with your life. The problem arises when someone keeps getting hurt for no apparent reason and needs stitches. The person is not being harmed by anyone or themselves. The trick is to find out why the person keeps falling over and manage that bit rather than constantly dressing the wound. Does that make sense?

Talking to your psych about what you want to achieve and feeling disappointed could be because you are looking for wound management rather than prevention. So when you get hurt again it becomes frustrating and makes you feel helpless and distrustful. Everyone can see you are hurt but no one looks for the bump in the road you keep tripping over. It may be valuable to talk to both your psychologist and psychiatrist about this and work out a way forward from here.

I do hope this is useful to you and would love to know how it strikes you.

Mary

Unable to connect with psychologists

IreneM — Mon, 11 Mar 2019 02:42:25 GMT

Hi Soloyo

First of all I value your persistence in wanting to see a psychologist as well as continue with this post.

I agree with Nurse Jenn's suggestion on calling the support lines if required. I feel that I should clarify the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist.

Psychiatrist is a doctor who has one year of training on how to give psychological therapy (some refer to it as talk therapy).

Psychologist is not a doctor and has got at least five years training on how to give talk therapy.

A few things about Psychological Therapy and Psychologists.

Firstly they are all different, they have different personalities and therefore will click with different clients.

Secondly there is at least five different areas of Psychology and there is no way that one Psychologist can specialise in every one of them. For this reason it can take up to three sessions for a Psychologist to know what is best for you.

My thoughts are that you need your Psychologist to be upfront with you. The more background information that you and your Psychiatrist (and old Psychologist) can provide her with the better. This way you can get started on a therapy plan sooner. But please be patient with her and ask her to give you homework to work on between sessions. Once you start therapy it is you who does the work. Be open about what you want to change in you.

There are many different types of trauma therapy so don't hesitate to talk to your Psychiatrist about what issues they feel that you have. With your Psychologist ask what sort of therapy they can do for you if any.

From them you can get an actual diagnosis and they can issue medication that can treat certain symptoms …

From your Psychologist, you can talk about everything in your life. Anything that makes you unhappy, stressed. This is how therapy starts. Once they know what issues are causing you trouble - be upfront with her if you know that and ask what YOU can do to treat it. They are there to guide you as you work to help yourself, change the way that you think about things and respond to certain circumstances.

I hope that this clarifies for you.

Irene.

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Sat, 16 Mar 2019 01:46:30 GMT

Thanks for replying.

I want to continue sharing what is happening with me because I’m feeling increasingly overwhelmed.

I have now seen the new psychologist four times. Each session she writes a summary for me to take away - which I appreciate. But it just contains labels for me to google and learn more about.

I don’t think insight into a label is enough. It’s like a doctor telling you that you have a broken arm - it doesn’t fix it just knowing about it.

At the third session I told her that I wasn’t finding things helpful. My homework that week was to take a new medication and “try to think about things differently”. I didn’t find this helpful.

At the fourth session, she said as I wasn’t finding things helpful that we should change approaches. She diagnosed me with a different mental illness, suggested a hospital stay and intensive group therapy.

She contacted my psychiatrist who has booked me in for an appointment in a few days time.

Im so overwhelmed. I feel this is out of scope for a psychologist. And I fail to understand what she has provided me in four sessions, besides labels.

I’m highly functional, not suicidal and don’t think I would fit in a group therapy session. I don’t even know what to think of this. Advice please!

Unable to connect with psychologists

Soloyo — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 23:58:42 GMT

And yet another update...

My psychiatrist disagreed with all of the psychologist’s suggestions... which is a bit of a relief, but now leaves me questioning this new psychologist.

Do I persevere with her? Or move on to a fifth psychologist?

These therapists just seem to be causing me so much grief - but I do want to have a good psychologist and have a good therapeutic relationship.

Unable to connect with psychologists

David Nobody — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 02:52:13 GMT

Hi Soloyo

I used to be married to a psychologist, and was with her throughout her degree. That didn’t help me find a psychologist when I needed “treatment”.

My GP was fantastic, I was lucky. He referred me to several Psychologists who he thought would be a good fit for me. They weren’t. No one “clicked”. I had very specific requirements designed to make almost everyone unacceptable.

When this didn’t work he (along with my then partner) suggested a stay in hospital.

I hated that initially as I was “forced” to give the Psychologists a second, third, fourth chance. This eventually got through to me and I started letting people help me.

It took another 3-4 Psychologists before I found one who I liked, didn’t treat me like a child, was smarter than me, didn’t preach from a textbook. Amazingly she is in walking distance from my house, bulk bills, and has appointments on the weekend and late into the evening.

While I was in hospital I changed some of my perceived requirements that helped with my search. I was also “highly functional, not suicidal and don’t think I would fit in a group therapy session“... I was wrong.

Group sessions exposed me to Male Psychologists, Psychologist’s that I didn’t “click” with, Psychologists who challenged my thinking... As it turns out, all of this was good for me. I am far more flexible with help these days. I also found an excellent Psychiatrist in hospital.

If you try group sessions and don’t like them the first time, things might change. But if they don’t change, you can always go back to your Psychiatrist and ask for suggestions. Unlike friends/family, they don’t give up.

David.

Unable to connect with psychologists

blondguy — Sat, 23 Mar 2019 12:01:56 GMT

Hi Soloyo

I am new to your thread topic...and its a good one! I wish I had all the caring support that has been posted above by Nurse Jenn..White Rose..David, Geoff and Irene

When I was 23 I had no idea about talking to a psychologist. (I had anxiety attacks...and lots of them...they were awful) It took me over 10 years to be up front with my psychologists....and when I eventually did, I cried..by releasing all my bad memories I had bottled up...yet when I cried I felt so much peace the next day

You are a proactive with your health Soloyo...Kudos to you!

my kind thoughts for you (any questions are always welcome)

Paul

Unable to connect with psychologists

geoff — Sat, 23 Mar 2019 18:57:40 GMT

Hi Paul, Soloyo, David, Nurse Jenn, Whiterose and Irene, and to tell you 'to try to think about things differently' means you have to try and reconsider things in a positive light, but how can you do this if you're still suffering from depression, you might be able to for a second or two, but to continue doing this is hard work.

I'm not qualified, but the 4 questions your psychologist asked you to do wouldn't seem to be practical and I say this because I was asked to do similar suggestions, but I'd been visiting this psychologist for 20 years or so only because workcover was paying for it.

Previous to this I'd tried about 3 or 4 different psych's who I didn't click with, so there was no point seeing them because I didn't feel comfortable opening up to them.

When I was in a private hospital (Workcover paid for ) part of the program was group therapy which at first we were all nervous but as we were all living there it settled down.

If you decide to move onto a fifth psychologist then perhaps you may have your back up so ask your psychiatrist how to approach this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.