topic Re: Spending Christmas alone in Staying well

Spending Christmas alone

Peter56 — Mon, 02 Dec 2024 04:17:58 GMT

I am 66, and my entire life has been a story of loneliness. I have never marries, have no children, partner of family. Since I recently was able to retire from work, to keep occupied, I decided to put something back into the community and have been doing some volunteering 2 days a week that has given me a sense of belonging and feel it's given me a sense of belonging and a meaningful connection with other volunteers, staff and their members.

Since my mother passed away in 2021, I have been spending Christmas day on my own at home, which I am OK with.

However, since I’ve been volunteering, some of my colleagues will no doubt ask me how I will be spending Christmas? e (despite being popular) is alone this holiday.

Sometimes I feel like fabricating some sort of story because I feel a bit embarrassed telling them I will be spending Christmas alone thinking that I’m a bit of a loner.

My position reminds me of an episode in the TV series “Happy Days” where Richie found out Fonzie (despite being popular and saying he had plans) intends to spend Christmas day all alone.

I was wondering if anyone has been in this situation how did they manage it when other people asked? e (despite being popular)

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Eagle Ray — Mon, 02 Dec 2024 09:24:23 GMT

Dear Peter56,

I will most likely be spending this Christmas alone too. I also spent it alone in 2021 and 2022. I do understand what you mean about being asked about it. I have answered honestly and I didn’t feel anyone judged me negatively for it. I think most people are caring and understanding. You may even find someone invites you along to lunch or dinner. I think it’s only a few people who might judge you about being alone, and if they do that’s on them and you don’t need to take on that judgement.

I have a memory of a thread here on this forum on a previous Christmas Day for people who are alone and want some company. So I might start a thread in the Social section on Christmas Day for those of us who are alone.

I feel for you Peter as I’ve really been hit by loneliness lately. I’m in a small town that I just can’t find a sense of belonging in and planning to most likely move back to the city when I’m able. I at least have some friends in the city I have a good connection with.

I think it’s wonderful you are doing volunteer work. Those meaningful connections are so important. I hope you know you are welcome here to chat anytime.

Kind regards,

Eagle Ray

Re: Spending Christmas alone

quirkywords — Mon, 02 Dec 2024 10:38:00 GMT

Peter56

I have a partner and children and grandchildren but I don’t have many friends since I moved to a new town a several years ago after fires destroyed my home and shop. I volunteer. I f eel lost at times and I don’t fit in.

i was wondering could you volunteer on Xmas day at a lunch or go to a lunch at a community centre.
Feel free to write here when you want to.
Thanks for sharing your story.

Re: Spending Christmas alone

tranzcrybe — Tue, 03 Dec 2024 01:37:46 GMT

To save self-consciousness or (undue) embarrassment, it is sometimes handy to provide a generic but truthful response to the effect that you will be having 'a quiet Christmas this year'.

This avoids causing discomfort for the asker when having to process the contrast to 'being alone' and all that implies.

It also possibly seeds the notion that you are in the preferred position of not having to put on the charade of feigned jubilation... hm, a bit Scroogey perhaps, but more common than you might imagine as families disperse and lose touch.

Personally, I take the opportunity of attending a Memorial service to reflect on departed loved ones and many others in their absence to remember Christmas literally in the Spirit. It is a 'different' Christmas but no less engaging and heartwarming to contemplate as a celebration without succumbing to the stereotype.

I think there is a distinction to be made between being alone and loneliness at Christmas, as it is for the most part a very private experience. However, it could be a good thing to invite your compadres to a get together (BBQ, lunch out, drinks) soon after Christmas to share in their experiences, perhaps vicariously, but no less collaboratively for, as they say, 'tis the Season... fa la la la... la la, or something...

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Peter56 — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 02:54:34 GMT

Hi Eagle Ray, Thanks for your reply. Having a forum here on Christmas Day sounds like a good idea. Might catch up with you then. Take care. Cheers. Peter056

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Peter56 — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 03:07:44 GMT

Hi Quirkywords, Thanks for your reply. You're so lucky to have a partner and chldren, you should cherish this. I just might take youre advice and look into doing some volunteering on Christmas Day. Sound like a good idea. Take care. Cheers.

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Ggrand — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 06:36:14 GMT

Hello Dear Peter,

Its okay to say your spending Christmas alone…I have done for the past 7 years, I also volunteer and when asked what I’m doing Christmas Day…I tell them that I’ll be spending a quiet Christmas Day at home, maybe watch a couple of Christmas movies and enjoy the day the best I can….There’s nothing to feel embarrassed about spending Christmas alone…so many people do it, especially I think elderly people like us…some do it by choice, others do it because of circumstances beyond their control….

Their are so many people like yourself and myself who spend it alone…I have Children and grandchildren even 2 great grandchildren, my husband passed away 11 years ago, but my children don’t visit me Christmas, Easter or birthdays or any day really because they don’t like to travel the distance needed to visit me….and it’s hard for me to travel to see them because of my bad hip….and finding someone to care for my 2 dogs…I do get phone calls from them, but it’s not the same…

I tried volunteering a few times for Christmas Day..but was never successful at being able to…those volunteer positions seem to be automatically filled each year by the same people…Do you have any neighbours or friends that will also be alone that you could invite to your home for Christmas?…

Being honest is the best thing to do…fabricating a story could only backfire…Maybe without you even knowing it, one or more of your co volunteers might also be spending Christmas alone….

My kindest thoughts are with you Dear Peter..

Grandy..

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Peter56 — Thu, 05 Dec 2024 09:15:10 GMT

Hi Grandy, Thanks for your advice. Yes, I do agree that honesty would be the best approach here. You've made me feel a lot better about myself. Regards, Peter.

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Guest_70757281 — Thu, 12 Dec 2024 05:46:52 GMT

Hi Peter,

You are not alone, that is to say there are many many people that will not be sharing Christmas with their family or friends.
Myself included.
I have a tweenager and we too have moved away from the place and the people we once called family.

It is hard. Yet, Id rather be on our own for Christmas, than within an environment where my tweens wellbeing and certainly my own is not a priority but is deemed necessary to keep up appearances.
Do you know what I'm saying?

The question I'd like to ask you is do you feel lonely? Is Christmas difficult for that reason....or perhaps another?
Are you overthinking the image you believe people will have of you...just a little?

My Tween said it best

"We aren't alone Mummy, not when we like who we are with and they like us back...and frankly I love me more than I love you"

So love yourself enough to enjoy your day the same as any other, and if you feel the need to be amongst a community don't let other peoples judgements hold you back from living your truth

🤗

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Eagle Ray — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 00:58:36 GMT

Hello Peter,

I just thought I’d mention that I just created a thread in the BB Social Zone for people alone over the festive season. I just thought I’d do it now as I know even the lead up to Christmas can be a bit hard for some people if they’re on their own. I just thought it can be a place for people to connect and have a chat if they want to.

Kind regards,

Eagle Ray

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Peter56 — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 20:31:11 GMT

Hi! Thanks for your reply. It's comforting for me to understand there are many people like myself.

Yes, I do understand what you are saying. I was just more concerned about the image people will have on me, but I will take your advice and I don't intend to feel uneasy about "other peoples judgements" on me.

Cheers,

Peter.

Re: Spending Christmas alone

randomxx — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 21:08:16 GMT

Hi there Pete.

Yeah l agree with others l normally just brush it off with something like ahhhhh, might just take it easy l think, My families scattered far and wide and so that part of things isn't a biggie. Not too many of them will be driving a few 100 k just to see others on a Christmas day and some of them just do their own thing or nothing too.

Normally if l don't go down to Melb to whomever place Christmas will be at that yr l just stay home. My daughters in my area too and if she doesn't go down to the inlawas with her mum which she hates doing and rarely does anyway, we'll often just cook up a roast at home and pig out between us. But there are a lot just on my own too other yrs since divorce. Like this one this yr. On those the neighbours right next door would have about 20bloody cars coming and going all day, dunno which is worst actually but l'd just shut my gates and stay in . Or on a couple of hot ones l've gone down to the beach for the day.

l'm away atm and staying on the river there's be families and huge groups of friends all over this strip all living it up. Bit of salt onto the situation there for sure but l'll prob just lay low if not too hot or if it is have a swim but that'd be it.

Been thinking l might buy a plum pudding and custard though if l can find one ha ha. Mum always made those when l was a kid, still love it.

Anyway don't stress it mate and there's plenty of us here will be in the same boat.

All the best

Re: Spending Christmas alone

Eagle Ray — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 22:13:56 GMT

Hi Peter,

No worries, yes, no pressure to participate. I understand what you’re saying, that the concern is with how others might see you rather than being alone itself. I think these days there really are quite a few people alone at Christmas. You may find there are others at the place you volunteer who are also spending Christmas alone. I think it will be fine to tell people.

I like your reference to Fonzie. As a kid I liked watching Happy Days and I felt a sense of affinity with the character of Fonzie, not because I was cool (I wasn’t) but there was something in his nature I could relate to. I later read an interview with the actor Henry Winkler and he talked about his dyslexia and how hard it was to co-ordinate himself at times in various scenes on the show. I think I felt similar as my brain also has trouble co-ordinating and maybe I was picking something up about him like that as a kid.

Anyway, wishing you a nice, peaceful time over Christmas.