topic Re: Men's mental health in Staying well

Men's mental health

Elisabeta — Tue, 15 Aug 2023 09:07:53 GMT

Hi everyone,

I'm wanting to hear more specifically from men who struggle with their mental health.
Please feel free to add on some extra information or don't answer them if they are too direct.
Sorry if anything comes across as being naive, I'm just after some insight into this and would like to understand it better.

1. Why do men seem to isolate themselves?

2. When isolating yourself would you like it if someone reached out to you? Or gave you some space and time?

3. Why is it that men seem to turn to anger when going through a difficult time?

4. Would men like to be more open about their feelings with people and loved ones? Or do they feel like they need to 'man up'?

5. When they don't respond to calls or messages are they choosing to ignore their loved ones or are they just overwhelmed by everything and need time and space?

6. When going through a difficult time is it common not to seem interested in a loved ones day/hobbies/personal life etc? Not that they're not interested in these things but are they more focused on their own stresses that they can't seem to see what others are doing/going through?

7. What are some things people have done that you have appreciated when you've been going through a difficult time?
Or, something you wish someone did to help you through?

Thank you

Re: Men's mental health

white knight — Sat, 19 Aug 2023 02:09:12 GMT

Hi, welcome

I'm 67yo so my answers might differ to another age group

1. Why do men seem to isolate themselves?

I cant cope with being "parented". Many people dont know how to use tact and advise/supervise/help a man without dominating the turf.

2. When isolating yourself would you like it if someone reached out to you? Or gave you some space and time?

If they reached out I wouldnt want them to talk. A hand on the shoulder, a cuppa by my side. Space can lead to an unsafe place allowing me to walk towards unsafe actions. Time is essential. Eventually talk is also.

3. Why is it that men seem to turn to anger when going through a difficult time?

Inadequacy. Lack of praise and appreciation from women and sometimes men can be the core of this issue.

4. Would men like to be more open about their feelings with people and loved ones? Or do they feel like they need to 'man up'?

Weakness is a fear. Anger towards "real men" is present as they are viewed by sensitive men as insensitive and shallow eager to put us down.

5. When they don't respond to calls or messages are they choosing to ignore their loved ones or are they just overwhelmed by everything and need time and space?

I dont want to respond because I'll feel I have to justify my hurt. Women that manipulate get away with it, it isnt illegal but it can be devastating.

6. When going through a difficult time is it common not to seem interested in a loved ones day/hobbies/personal life etc? Not that they're not interested in these things but are they more focused on their own stresses that they can't seem to see what others are doing/going through?

Juggling too many problems is not possible, bit like multi tasking.

7. What are some things people have done that you have appreciated when you've been going through a difficult time?
Or, something you wish someone did to help you through?

It's rare to get it. Friends havent been trained to know what to do so their head is in the sand. Sometimes I wished a hand was on my shoulder.

TonyWK

Re: Men's mental health

Elisabeta — Sat, 19 Aug 2023 06:37:17 GMT

Hi Tony,

Thank you so much for responding, I truly appreciate the insight you have given me.

Thank you for being open and answering my questions, it's nice to hear a man speaking about these sorts of things.

I know it must be hard, I wish people and society as a whole would have a better understanding of this matter.

Thank you

Re: Men's mental health

P12 — Sun, 27 Aug 2023 07:34:25 GMT

Hi Elisabeta,

When I read your message, I felt your impressions could be a little too generalised, as I think each person is different. However, I can understand your perceptions. Here are my opinions about your questions. I am a male.

1. I believe that being independent is a higher aim than being interdependent. Spending time alone is great because it allows me to achieve my goals without being prevented from doing so by other people. For whatever reason, society appears to favour social connection, meaning that opportunities for independence are limited. Individual minds are unexploited resources where independence is still possible although it requires great cognitive effort compared to physical independence.

2. Generally, I would prefer to be alone more than I am able to be. The exception to this is that when I truly need help, I seem to subconsciously and unwilfully receive it. In the past five years the strongest help I have received is from God. The next best help I have received is from one person. I think if you provide thoughtful and purposeful support it can be received, it just takes almost disproportionate effort to provide it.

3. I am not knowledgeable or experienced enough to answer this question. I am sorry.

4. I would definitely like to find someone with whom I can obtain compassion. The trouble is that it is lacking when I have tried to obtain it. I have been searching my twelve years. My experience is that people move away from me when I try to express my feelings and values. Therefore I weigh up in my mind whether making effort is worth the cost. I have compassion telepathically with others and with the natural world and God instead.

5. I've found that I think more in-depth and slowly than almost every other person I have met. Therefore I would prefer to receive less information than I do.

6. I am not knowledgeable or experienced enough to answer this question. I am sorry.

7. Provide accurate and meaningful supports. I use a range of supports just to try to live sustainably.

Re: Men's mental health

Elisabeta — Sun, 27 Aug 2023 12:56:43 GMT

Hi P12,

Thank you so much for your response.

Yes, I do see reading it now that it is very generalised.

I'm still learning so much about this and I really appreciate you opening up.

Wishing you all the best!

Re: Men's mental health

P12 — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 07:35:28 GMT

Hi Elisabeta, I would be interested to continue the discussion if it also interests you. Thank you.

Re: Men's mental health

quirkywords — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 08:27:02 GMT

Elisabeta

Interesting questions.

I think men are individuals and each question could be answered differently depending on the person.
I hope you are gaining some insights.

Re: Men's mental health

Elisabeta — Tue, 12 Sep 2023 03:43:22 GMT

Hi P12, sorry for the late response.

Yes, I'm more than happy to.

Re: Men's mental health

P12 — Tue, 19 Sep 2023 08:30:42 GMT

Hi Elizabeta,

I am pleased to read your latest reply.

When I read your first reply, I felt a little unsure because it was relatively short. I think I would be able to give better advice if I had more feedback about my response. May I ask why you raised the original topic and whether there was a part of my response that you would like me to explain further?

From P12.

Re: Men's mental health

randomxx — Tue, 19 Sep 2023 12:10:05 GMT

Hi elsiab.

Personally l agree with Quirky in that people male or female , we're all different.

Me , l might skim things if with a mate or my brother and we touch on something while yakking but l'd have no problem talking about stuff it's not that at all it's just a bit of a skim is good enough for me on things like this. l don't enjoy dwelling on it and l think it only makes it worse.

My gf for example loves it if l happen to cry over something. But even that, that doesn't make me feel better, it makes me feel even worse. She cries over anything as do a lot of women but me, l hate it. lt's no shame thing or something, it just makes me feel even worse that's all.

l do love us skimming stuff though and cuddling and her understanding and care, a knowing she gets it really helps. l also love little things she'll do to cheer me up.

But again l don't like dwelling too much it just doesn't help, if it did l would but it doesn't.l've also got some sisters and my daughters just such a little diamond to and sooooo in there. But again of course l don't lay too much on her and the sisters, l just don't really enjoy it

As for any isolation , l love people fun when l'm in the mood but l suppose l'd also be labelled too fairly introvertive when l'm not. l do tire easily of people when l'm done and do love and need time to myself too.

As far as any mh stuff, l also like to just think and feel things through time. l also have my own remedies that pick me up but again l don't like to dwell on it all too much , it just doesn't help, makes it worse in fact.

All the best.

rxx

Re: Men's mental health

Elisabeta — Wed, 20 Sep 2023 01:31:52 GMT

Hi P12,
Sorry I'm not very good with conversations. The reason why I posted the original message is because I was trying to get more insight into mental health as I started seeing someone again I was with last year. He was pulling away from me like he did last year. I decided to ask him why and he told me that he's now seeing someone.
I think now he was using mental health as an excuse, he completely used me. I tried so hard to be there for him, only for him to slap me in the face one more time.
I do agree that society favours social connections. I quite enjoy being on my own also and often have people tell me that I'm a hermit but I don't see anything wrong with this. I think it shows how strong you can be by not having to always be around others.
May I ask what way God has helped you? I'm not religious but I'm part of another anonymous group who often talk about this and I'm curious to know more.
I think as big as mental health is now it's still sadly frowned upon when people open up to others about how they're feeling. The world would be a better place if people were more open minded.

Re: Men's mental health

P12 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 10:46:17 GMT

Hi Elisabeta,

I appreciate your kind reply.

I fear I do not have an immediate suggestion about your situation because I think I am not well skilled in the subject. I have never had a relationship or close friendship. I assume my values are simply not wanted or effective.

However, I hope I can share some of my insight. God has helped me by being the only real friend I have. I have long searched for a human friend but never really succeeded. A few times I have felt close to making a human friend, but I have been unsuccessful. I love God and enjoy spending time with him because I can feel that he loves me too. He helps me when I am lonely or need advice and he provides feedback to my ideas and actions. I particularly like Nature, which I consider to be part of God.

From P12.