topic Healing - what does it look like for you? in Staying well

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 11:11:59 GMT

Hi everyone

My psych friend sent me this from @heidipriebe..

It shows What we think healing will look like then has a FULL circle coloured in with a "Meditating peacefully" label.

Then What healing actually looks like with a 5 sector circle: in no particular order....
* "Having Difficult Conversations"
* "Taking Radical Responsibility For Your Actions"
* "Implementing Healthy Routines"
* "Setting & Enforcing Boundaries"
* "Unpacking Trauma"

wow.

How are you going in your Healing journey?

Please share what's working for you.

Love EM

Healing - what does it look like for you?

quirkywords — Wed, 30 Sep 2020 00:28:11 GMT

Thanks EM for this topic.

I think healing is a personal journey and not of all us will need to achieve all 5 criteria to achieve healing.

I find crying healing this year after my way of life destroyed by the fires, for me healing maybe sitting with my grandchild and enjoying sinisng songs together, it maybe going for a walk and looking at flowers, it maybe excited to find a book at the local op shop that was one I used to own.

Healing is different for all and I suppose it depends on in part in what you are healing.

I am interested in how others respond to your thread.

Thanks Quirky

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Wed, 30 Sep 2020 01:35:30 GMT

Thanks Quirky

There was a gentleness and joy to your signs of healing.

Crying is underrated. During times of grief, loss, trauma, disappointment, betrayal some people think they should just cope and "be okay".

This is denying our very humanity and the depth of our hurt.

Crying is healing and allowing ourselves to cry can be part of our own self-care IMHO.

I can feel the healing in myself physically. It's tangible. I'm enjoying the feelings of joy I have throughout my day.

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Fri, 02 Oct 2020 15:02:14 GMT

Hey blondguy Paul

Is this the thread you asked about?

If not let me know! lol

Healing - what does it look like for you?

Tay100 — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 03:05:01 GMT

Hi ecomama

Thanks for posting here, I really appreciate it! I also think healing involves self-compassion and being kind to ourselves when we slip up from the healing process. This can include engaging in positive dialogues, seeking reassurance, and implementing routines to help us get back on track, ready to reengage and do the hard work.

Tay100

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 13:34:03 GMT

I agree Tay100!

Sleepy21 put me onto Kristen Neff and her talks on self compassion. She speaks so beautifully and makes a lot of sense too!

I was both surprised and delighted to hear that sufferers of PTSD were most likely to heal if they practiced self compassion, self care and stayed socially engaged. VERY interesting.

We absolutely do need to be kind to ourselves. If we treated ourselves like our own best friend would, I'm sure we'd feel a whole lot better.

I guess a REALLY trusted friend would also pull us up if we're going awry too lol.

My journey towards improved MH has taken discipline.

I'd also say it's taken "sacrifices" too. We need to invest time for therapy and work in between sessions. It costs money too for therapists and meds for some.

It can be disheartening when our first and following attempts at improving our mental health don't work but if we keep seeking, we have a far better chance of getting there.

Healing - what does it look like for you?

Tay100 — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 03:00:49 GMT

Hi ecomama

I really the endquote- the fact that you must keep trying (safely and productively, of course), even when times get tough. For example, lockdown and COVID-19, in general, is rough but we have to make the most of it. Persistence is key- and discipline, as you say- and it looks different for each of us at any given time. Some great food for thought here!

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 05:35:05 GMT

Hi Tay100 and anyone else reading!

Any of your hints, tricks and tips for improving our MH is most welcome!

During our lock down here I found the "lines" our days were blurred. Having a new, even a vague, routine helped.

This can be the same for people living alone or people without employment I've noticed.
The days can blur.

Having a vague routine is a great start.
Like meal times & bed times.
Then inserting more structure to our days like a walk & reaching out to others on the BB forums. Texting or calling a friend or family member perhaps.

Today I realised that relaxation is a key thing for mental HEALTH too.
I bought myself a 90c bottle of fizzy to drink this afternoon with ice and some lime juice lol!
SO RELAXING drinking it in the garden and watching nature.

Taking "time off" is really important and something I need to do more often.

"We teach best what we most need to learn" LOL!

Healing - what does it look like for you?

Emmen — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 06:45:30 GMT

Hello ecomama,

This is an interesting thread!

My personal healing journey has been about acceptance (about everything that happened) and to stop blaming myself or putting pressure on myself to control the things I have no control over. Since the COVID lockdowns, I also discovered the importance of relaxation, just taking time off to do the things I love without worrying about everything else. It's amazing how that shifted my entire perspective on life just because I took that time off.

Cheers,
M

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 11:40:41 GMT

Hey Emmen

Love your contribution!

Acceptance wow. So true.

How did you get to 'acceptance'?

Putting blame where it belongs is a big one.
I felt so responsible for things I didn't do but that harmed others I loved.... many levels of society from the perps to Courts to family, even to my Specialist Trauma psych (who I sacked btw lol) WANT to put blame on the victims.
That's abuse.
Maybe it worked for a few centuries but NOT any more.

The guilt we can feel can be overwhelming - was for me at the time.
Others' attitudes compounded the grief and guilt.
Now if it surfaces, I tell them straight.

If it all creeps back in to my "shame forest" I visualise handing it all BACK to the perps in a box lol!
I won't tell you what I visualise that box DOING but I have a giggle.

I also forgive.
Never forget and say "that was okay", but forgive as in hand it back.

Any tips on how you do this Emmen?

Healing - what does it look like for you?

blondguy — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 14:25:26 GMT

Hi EM

Thankyou for the excellent thread topic. I understand that some people have difficulty where ' healing' is concerned. I used to be the same and wasted 13+ years of my 20's / 30's by doing so. For me it was denial and often saying that 'I cant find a psych/doc that understands me'

You asked 'How are you going in your Healing journey? and ' Please share what's working for you'

Its an ongoing journey....and doing well after having acute anxiety issues for a long time
Speaking from the heart and crying in front of my psych was the start of realistic healing..not denial
Realizing that seeing our psych is hard work, There are no butterflies and rainbows
Calm and genuine acceptance of our own symptoms....(This takes work yet the results are worth it)

The more frequent the visits to our doc/psych the better our recovery will be...Monthly is good!...Fortnightly is great.. if our symptoms have a detrimental effect on our ability function daily at work or personal life, weekly visits are crucial

Super helpful thread EM ....Nice1

Paul

Healing - what does it look like for you?

ecomama — Sun, 04 Oct 2020 15:43:20 GMT

Hi blondguy Paul

"Crying for long periods of time releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, otherwise known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals can help ease both physical and emotional pain. Once the endorphins are released, your body may go into somewhat of a numb stage. Oxytocin can give you a sense of calm or well-being.."
taken from healthline.com

We have our own INBUILT hormones for healing! HOW GOOD IS THAT?

Ah denial my long lost friend.. I told it to get lost entirely this year!
Living in denial is how we knew to cope at the time. We usually ONLY know this once we're coming out of denial. IT'S OKAY that we used denial! We survived, ALL GOOD.

So us acknowledging our denial is actually our growth towards healing!

I totally agree Paul, it's darned hard work dealing with our MH issues, going through shedding old habits & thought patterns, seeing Drs, Counsellors, Psychs.

It's HARD but so is building a house lol. We EXPECT THAT to be hard work.
We should expect healing ourselves to be hard work too.

We'd take pride in seeing the house we built.
We can be proud of doing whatever it takes to heal ourselves.

Just a point on the Drs / Psychs you mentioned.... some DON'T understand us lol!
I've been seeking help for decades. It was only a few years ago that a Psych said "Complex PTSD" to me. Then every one I've spoken to since has said same. I wasn't in denial about the diagnosis. I just didn't know about the treatment. Some said there was no cure so I believed it.
NB: don't believe everything you're told!

The PTSD got worse until I couldn't cope early this year. Plus dissociation was observed which I had no clue about either. Luckily my psych friend saw it. SHE told me to get Specialist Trauma Psychology.
I did.
5 sessions went well. I did beyond ALL my homework.
I learnt how to do Exposure Therapy on my own BUT learnt alot without her help eg having someone with me to co-regulate me in potentially triggering activities. Now I can do those things on my own.

Sadly as what's often happened in the past... the Psych had given me all she had... but wanted to keep me for research purposes (my recovery had been so swift, not complete but fast)... then she shamed me. Tut tut.
At the realisation she was using me for data & she had no clue about DV so attempted to shame me.... nope.
I was done.
I still have my Counsellor.

Trust your gut.

Love your work Paul!
EM

Healing - what does it look like for you?

Tay100 — Mon, 05 Oct 2020 03:23:41 GMT

Hi ecomama

Oooo I love the fizzy drink idea! I do the same thing- accessing green spaces and practising 'forresting' is so key to grounding myself and letting my mind heal itself, whether I'm aware of it or not. Not the greatest and keeping up a routine or structuring my days as 6 months of this has really made time go all...timey whimey hahaa, but at least it's something!

Healing - what does it look like for you?

Emmen — Mon, 05 Oct 2020 07:51:00 GMT

Hello EM,

Like you, I don't forget, but I do forgive. It's simply a way of ridding myself of hate and anger so that I can begin to look at the happier things in life.

As for acceptance, for me, that means accepting everything that has happened as events in my past, in my life. I cannot change what happened, I can only accept that they did and move on with life. I know past events do change us and shape the people we become, but I try to also hold an image in my mind on the kind of person I want to be and I work towards being that person. That means letting go of my insecurities and accepting help from others (something I was never able to before). It's been a journey, but I'm glad for the progress I've made.

- M