topic Struggling to cope, please help. in Staying well

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 08:28:01 GMT

Hi, my name's Tayla and I'm 20. Relatively new to these forums, but I've commented on threads and made some of my own so far so if people could check this out and the others and reply it would mean a lot please, although I'm not forcing anyone.

I have a great Psychiatrist that I'm very thankful for and happy and comfortable with. However it can be a while in between sessions because he has other patients and other work to do, and other non Psychiatry work commitments with other work stuff he does.

I see my GP, but I don't find her as helpful as my Psychiatrist. Yes she's nice and sometimes she helps, but I don't know, I just don't feel like she helps me as much as my Psychiatrist does. I'm not trying to be rude or say anything mean about her, that's just how I'm starting to feel lately.

I live in a small town in Regional Victoria, about 4000 or so people. Lived up here for about 2 years, with my parents. I don't have any siblings, no friends online and in person and no family members apart from my Mum and Dad. They struggle some days too with depression etc also.

I can't do anything here. I've looked for jobs even asked in person and I'm always told no although I'm willing to learn. I've tried to join groups here and I'm always told I'm not allowed because it's for older people. I don't know why. I'd be grateful to join and try to be positive and laugh and meet people, and do whatever they do.

I also can't study because that's super expensive. All of the free courses I've looked up you need qualifications and certain things, for example you had to do a course prior to doing a free one, have to be a certain age and have certain skills, etc. So I don't. I don't have any Employment Agencies nearby, I do look things up online.

I'm not really a sporty person and sometimes I regret that. Even the local sports won't accept me though. Believe me I've tried everything I can.

I even called the local triage and the guy on the phone was so rude, refused to speak to me and help me and I was polite and just asked if I could come in for support because my Psychiatrist and I discussed that and he said I could give it a go. That made me feel so hurt and unwanted because I've never spoken to a triage before.

I went to the local Headspace Centre and was made fun of for my mental illnesses by the managers and group members. I complained and she lost her job. eHeadspace has always been rude and unhelpful to me too.

Please, please help. Anybody. I'm struggling so much.

Tayla.

Struggling to cope, please help.

bpd1990 — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 10:16:33 GMT

Hey,

Im sorry your struggling. I also live in a small regional town and understand how hard to can be to get support or into groups.

the mental health system can be more triggering but please if you need support don't give up! the last thing you might feel like doing is fighting but to get the help we deserve its a long hard fight.

it seem you have are doing everything right. keep researching keep fighting the system and don't let one triage person put you off calling again if that what you need.

I know its hard but stick with it. you have this

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 23:09:43 GMT

hey there bpd1990,

sorry for my late reply but thanks so much for yours.

your kind words mean a lot to me, thank you so much. I'm doing my best. and yeah it's really sad about the mental health especially in a country town. maybe not a lot of people suffer mental health in some country towns (well some farmers do), I have no idea. people hide it well also.

good on you for being strong yourself and trying to help me, I appreciate it a lot. thanks so much.

please take care and be safe.

love and hugs,

Tayla xo

Struggling to cope, please help.

monkey_magic — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 23:35:46 GMT

Hi mb20lover,

Hi again. What a struggle living in a small town can be. I live in a big city so everything's pretty much accessible here. I suppose things will get easier once you relocate which might not be an option for you now but later down the track.
Being persistent helps as well so perhaps writing letters to future employers/ places you want to volunteer at might help. Even though you've already seen them I still wouldn't give up trying.
Being idle with not a lot to do definitely doesn't help depression. When your busy I find depression can sometimes take a back seat and yes it sounds like you are doing everything in your power to get something in motion.
I also use the happy colours app. I used to colour paint by numbers books but lately been using that yes, very addictive app. I actually still have a book I could colour lying around.
I hope connecting to ppl online has helped, it doesn't change the fact not much is happening where u live though.
Please don't give up though as something might still happen. Is Tafe an option at all. I remember being on Centrelink substidised the Tafe fee and it wasn't that much to do my course.
You sound like you have a lot of determination and get up and go.
Well done for reaching out and doing everything possible to get somewhere... it's just a shame it's been out of your control at this particular time.

Struggling to cope, please help.

Peppermintbach — Fri, 24 Jan 2020 23:35:57 GMT

Hi Tayla,

Your psychiatrist sounds fantastic, and you seem to have a certain rapport with him, which is important. I think it’s a shame though that there can be long waits between sessions.

The mental health services, & services/activities in general, sound very limited there. I’ve read about issues with limited access to services and activities in regional and rural Australia...it really is quite sad...

What strikes me most is I feel you’re probably very lonely. I think social connection is very important for most of us to have good mental health. I feel sad that you’ve had pretty bad experiences so far...

Even though you seem pretty open to joining those groups and that’s great, the people in your town seem to be unwilling to get past the age difference, which I think is a loss for them...the rejection and lack of opportunity must be hard.

I wonder if there are group activities and events in nearby towns/bigger towns that you could look into?

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

Struggling to cope, please help.

monkey_magic — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 05:25:50 GMT

Hi Tayla,

You posted that you were feeling down on the 3 things you are thankful for thread and I just wanted to jump on and say did u want to talk about it?
I'll be here.

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 05:41:15 GMT

Hey monkey_magic. Sorry for just replying now, been down and a bit busy and we have a family friend over until Monday, so my apologies there.

I get what you mean, and thanks for your kind words.

I did apply for Centrelink for the disability pension for Mental Health because that's what I was told to do by professionals and others, it was stressful but I sent the forms in before Christmas and I'm waiting to hear back from them. It was the only thing I could get because of my circumstances, age etc.

I've looked into TAFE, Uni, all of that. I can't afford it and like I said the disability thing from Centrelink was all I could apply for, because the TAFE stuff etc says you have to be 22 and other stuff and I'm only 20. And other silly stuff like that. TAFE is so expensive and I can't afford that. The free ones you have to have certain skills, you would've had to already do some course similar or whatever, and I don't have any of that. So I don't fit the criteria.

Thanks for saying I'm being persistent etc. I'm doing my best but I keep getting shut down and pushed away. I just want to hide in a bubble or a shell or whatever term you want to use. My life is so repetitious every day - wake up whenever from my insomnia, have a coffee, have a shower, eat something if I'm up to it, take my meds, go for a walk, and so forth. I like being in my room at night alone with my music and watching funny stuff online can help. That's when I feel not really happy exactly but content if you will. I like my alone time, and I've gotten so used to and adapted to being alone so much, even when I was in primary and high school. Which by the way I left in year 10 so 2015 due to bullying (I've been bullied my whole life in person and online) and I was getting physically ill, so much so that I ended up having my first surgery which was pretty major (I could've well you know, if I didn't have the surgery), in November 2018. My anxiety and depression was SO bad, I can't put it into words. Plus I was dealing with a lot like the loss of my Grandparents in 2013 & 2015 then.

Thanks again though.

Tayla

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 05:49:30 GMT

hey Pepper. my apologies for the slow replies, been down, a bit busy and we have a family friend over like I mentioned until Monday. but I prefer being on here trying to seek help for myself and trying to support others. I hope I've done that.

yes I completely agree with you and it's wrong. my Psychiatrist is lovely and in all honesty, the only good professional I've ever had. I'm so thankful. I trust him a lot and he just makes me feel better when I'm talking to him. he always smiles at me, we have chats (in the time we have anyway) not just about my mental health, but also general things, have a laugh, he puts me at ease, etc. to me it's like he's not just my Psychiatrist but also a friend. does that sound weird? I hope not.

and yeah, to say I'm lonely would be an understatement. I do my best every day. that's why I decided to join these forums.

the only things in the closest biggest town from me (which is 30 mins away) is Wellways who never got back to me, and Headspace. I went to the Headspace Centre for an 8 week group back in July last year or something. the manager and group members made fun of my mental illnesses and it was just so traumatic and still is. she lost her job because I made a complaint. that's all there is. even eHeadspace has always been rude to me.

so I've done everything I can. I want to ask my Psychiatrist if I can call him between sessions, obviously not at home or anything like that, like on a business number (the ones starting with 9), but I don't want to make him uncomfortable and I keep forgetting to ask. do you think it could be beneficial writing down stuff I'd like to discuss as much as I can in the time, so I don't forget etc and have it next to me to read when I do Telehealth with him? (that's like Skype).

I'm doing a free Mindspot course, and they tried contacting him on the number I provided them that was on my prescription from him, but they said it was disconnected. I don't have an email for him or anything like that. I contacted the company I do Telehealth with but they seem unreliable about passing things onto him most of the time and I'd rather go through my Psychiatrist personally since some receptionists there can be rude.

Tayla.

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 05:53:19 GMT

hey again monkey_magic. thanks for replying again and being there for me, it means a lot. I'm here for you and everyone else on these forums as much as I can be too, and I hope I've supported you and others.

I'm just really down about my GP and other professionals treating me like crap and not doing their jobs and helping me, my Psychiatrist is the only one. I miss him when I don't see him. I don't mean that to sound weird or anything. it's hard.

I'm not eating much lately, but I still go for walks. normally I eat a bit more. with the family friend here, it's hard when I don't have anyone my age or a teen. they talk rubbish and whenever I try and say something no one cares even if I have a laugh. it's like I don't matter. this is why I'm antisocial. sigh.

and just other things.

Tayla

Struggling to cope, please help.

monkey_magic — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 05:55:52 GMT

Wow,

You've certainly dealt with/ are dealing with a lot no wonder you feel down. Life can be like a rollercoaster at times.
I'm glad to hear that you are content at night time listening to music and watching funny stuff on-line. I do the same. Love my music, when I'm driving and watch funny vids whenever. It's really important to have that.
I've only got one surviving grandparent left and grief definitely does take it's toll. An ex boyfriend passed away he was only young which really affected me for a while as well.

Goodluck with getting the disability pension. I, myself am on Newstart and work in an office casually.
Can your parents help out at all with paying for your study?
I hope that you feel better soon.

MMx

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 08:20:21 GMT

thanks for replying again.

yeah I have dealt with a lot, but I don't mean that in a way like "poor poor me, I've dealt with stuff more than anyone else has", I don't mean that at all, so I hope I don't come across that way, apologies if I do.

yeah music has saved my life. I like watching interviews, etc too - anything to do with music. that can make me laugh aswell.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your ex boyfriend and other loved ones. I never met my Dad's parents as they passed away before I was born, I wish I did though. my Mum's parents passed away a few years ago, my Nana in 2013 and my Grandpa in 2015. and my Cockatiel called Coco passed away a few years back too, around the same time, I can't remember the exact year. I miss them all so much every day. grief and loss is so hard for me, certain things are very triggering for me, you're not triggering me though it's just things like seeing funerals when driving past somewhere and other stuff. but I always feel sorry for anyone who lost a loved one.

thanks, I hope I get it also. I can't get a job at all where I live and I don't know why, I've tried everything. yeah my parents can help but it's SO expensive, over $20,000+ and we can't afford that. and as I said the free courses you need qualifications and so forth that I don't have.

thanks, I hope you feel better soon yourself. thanks for checking in on me, means a lot and I appreciate it.

also is it normal to miss my Psychiatrist after sessions? not in a creepy way, I just mean because it's some professional to talk to that's actually helping and cares, rather than everyone else, my GP doesn't even seem to care and help. and I told my Psychiatrist all of this. he seemed to be making more notes than he usually does in the last session so idk?

Tayla x

Struggling to cope, please help.

monkey_magic — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 08:36:40 GMT

Hi Tayla,

If someone really listens and cares about you I think it's normal to miss them especially when you're feeling like you don't have others to fill that space in your life.
His care sounds like it was heartfelt.
It's great getting all those thoughts out and sharing your life with someone, even if they are a professional.
You've been supportive to me and others here on the forum- good job.
$20,000 is a lot for a Tafe course, geez....
I only payed in the hundreds. I also studied online and that was in the hundreds as well.
I'm currently looking for somewhere to live as I'm thinking of moving closer to work this year. It's making me feel better about life to be honest. I hope you can find things to make U feel better.
MMx

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 09:41:18 GMT

Thanks again MM.

I'm glad you think that, thank you for the reassurance. I'm a person that needs a lot of reassurance so I'm sorry about that. Even just over stupid petty things, that's my anxiety for you and whatnot.

Yes it was, he's lovely. I wish I could just give him a hug and thank him, but he's 6 hours away in Sydney to drive and I'm in Regional Victoria. I'd like to try and go to Sydney to check it out and maybe meet him in person (obviously make an appointment and tell him). To me he seems like the kind of guy that would hug someone or something like that if they were in distress, crying and whatnot. But I don't know, that's just how I feel about him, and I mean that in a kind way. But of course if I do meet him in person I'd never push it or anything like that because I completely understand and respect rules, people's personal space, and all of that. That's totally fine.

Thank you for saying I've been supportive, I've been trying to. I'm sorry if I ramble on though, that's just me, I try to stop for a moment and think about what I say on here. I apologise if I've broken any rules which is never intentional, as in saying certain things on here. I'm doing my best to be respectful of everyone and not trigger people, and all of that stuff. So please bare with me and I apologise if I unintentionally do something wrong, and repeat myself (sometimes I forget things quite easily). Thank you for supporting me also, it really does mean a lot.

Yep, all of the Uni and TAFE courses, all of them, are over $20,000. And like I said with the free ones you won't get in unless you have certain qualifications etc. which I don't. I can't even go somewhere to learn because that's pricey too and nowhere will take me in. I'm trying and getting nowhere. Even if you do it online you still have to pay and all of that.

I'm sorry that you're looking for somewhere to live, but that's nice that you're looking at it in a positive attitude and have a good job. I'm so glad you're starting to feel better about life, that's amazing and I'm proud of you. Good on you. Best of luck with the house hunting, I hope you find somewhere safe and a house close to work and that you're happy with.

Thank you, I hope things get better for me aswell, but more importantly I hope things get better for you. Your support means a lot, I can't thank you and others enough.

Much love and big hugs, please take care and stay safe. Good luck with the house, sorry for repeating myself!

Tayla xo

Struggling to cope, please help.

Miller — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 09:59:11 GMT

Hey Tayla. I’m new to the forums myself. Chin up lovely.
It’s hard when you have to wait so long between appointments .
I write positive affirmations. I scoffed at this idea but after writhing.

‘ I am exactly what my kids need’

‘ I can ask for help if I need to’

1000 or more times , I started to believe it maybe a little.....
Being alone and isolated can be tough but just keep reaching out.

Don’t stop fighting for yourself. It was brave to post here. well done on reaching out! And remember brave don’t mean, not scared! it just means doing it anyway! Remember deep breaths. Sorry I don’t have more to offer.
everyday is a beautiful struggle.

💜

Struggling to cope, please help.

Paw Prints — Sat, 25 Jan 2020 12:22:07 GMT

Hello Tayla,

You have questioned whether it's ok to write things down so you can ask them during your sessions. A lot of us write down questions we may have or things we want to discuss so we remember them in a session. I find it works better for me to say at the start of the session that I have questions & then we don't run out of time before I ask them.

I saw your post on Hanna's thread & thought it better to answer you here. You wrote:

"I just wish I could talk to him right now. I wish I could talk to him between sessions but I don't want to make him uncomfortable by asking. can someone please suggest something, if I should ask and how, what should I say?
please help somebody. thanks,"

This is something you have said in many of your posts so it is clearly something very important to you. This could be one of the things you could write down to talk about. It need not be a difficult question to ask, something like ' the 1st thing (or 2nd/3rd whichever) I want to talk about is: what can I do between sessions when I feel I need to talk to you'.

I hope these suggestions help, remember they are just suggestions there is no real right way/wrong way, just what works for you.

Do you have any hobbies/interests that you enjoy? There are all sorts of volunteer groups who accept help from people your age. Have you ever thought of volunteering?

Take care

Paws

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 06:59:34 GMT

hey Miller. I'm so sorry for just replying now.

thank you for your kind words and for being so sweet, it means so much to me. I'm trying my best to cheer up and be positive and so forth. welcome to the forums yourself, I hope you can find support here. I'm doing my hardest to try and support everybody too.

your words are true, and you did help, so thank you. I'm trying the positive affirmations myself, but I don't know why, whenever I get a good thought about myself or just anything, my brain just pushes it out instantly and basically says "you don't deserve happiness, stop thinking good stuff". so it's an endless cycle of me fighting to be positive, and me feeling like I don't deserve anything good, but a lot of people I know do. like yourself. why I think this way I have no idea, it sucks.

I'm glad that you're starting to feel a little better and whatnot though, good on you and I'm proud of you. thank you again, it means so much. please take care of yourself, I'm thinking of you and everybody else.

much love and big hugs,

Tayla xx

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Sun, 26 Jan 2020 07:08:02 GMT

Hey Paws, I'm so sorry for replying just now.

I'll give that a go about writing down the questions and other stuff I wish to discuss, although some of it will probably make me cry, but sometimes you need to push yourself and do that and do the right thing and tell the therapist.

as for saying that a few times about wanting to talk to my Psychiatrist between sessions and other stuff, I'm sorry for repeating myself. I just get forgetful, my apologies. I hope I'm not annoying. I'll try and ask him, I just don't want to make him uncomfortable. but I'll write that down also and just push myself to ask. he's lovely enough anyway.

yeah I've tried volunteering and tried everything but nowhere will take me in, and I don't know why. tried at the local furniture store, local Hospital, everything. but the answer is always no. I have experience doing work experience in aged care for 2 years and I've even asked there, nope.

it's so frustrating. thanks though.

Tayla

Struggling to cope, please help.

Paw Prints — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 11:08:05 GMT

Hello Tayla,

I really like your new pic... there is something special about flowers.

How have you been today? Have you started the book your Psych recommended?

I had a GP visit this morning, Woofa was not impressed that I didn't take him with me, but its a 50 min trip each way & with the time spent at the Dr's/chemist it's too long to have him wait in the car especially with the humidity around here at present.

Hugs Paws

Struggling to cope, please help.

Peppermintbach — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 23:16:50 GMT

Hi Tayla (& a wave to all),

I feel saddened by your loneliness. I sense it so much through your words. We have this natural human need for meaningful connection with other people...

Speaking of which, is it okay if I ask how are things going socially offline?

I know it’s really hard talking to people in your town, and aside from the age gap, the residents don’t sound very welcoming or friendly...

But that holidaying lady you mentioned elsewhere was lovely...I know she might be only staying temporarily, but it was good that you talked to her last time 🙂

Thinking of you,

Pepper

Struggling to cope, please help.

Guest_4643 — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 11:15:19 GMT

Hi Paw Prints, sorry for just replying now.

Thank you, I found my profile pic on Google just by searching Floral Pictures, so many nice photos. You're right, there is something special about flowers. I guess there's something special about a lot of things.

I've been pretty down lately but I guess I'll be OK. I ordered the book my Psychiatrist told me about, just waiting for it to arrive in the mail. I'm not a huge Reading fan but I'll just force myself to read it when it arrives.

Wow, sounds like a long trip! I hope Woofa is alright and yourself, cute name. Is that Woofa in your profile pic?

I hope you're OK, sorry for taking a while to reply.

Hugs back, and love. Thanks for checking in on me, it means a lot and I appreciate it.

Tayla x