topic I feel so incredibly alone in Staying well

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Fri, 24 May 2019 04:12:56 GMT

Im struggling in so many ways, not sure where to begin....

i have no friends, not even online and I feel so alone. I go to the library everyday feeling so alone.

i have so many medical issues. Ive been on poverty-line newstart allowance since november last year. I am waiting to hear if my disability pension claim has been approved or rejected - the waiting is causing me severe anxiety. Everything is now with the processing team including the last phase gp medical assessment. Im terrified I will be rejected as I am not able to work or study.

The only place I can afford to rent does not allow pets, Im so depressed without an animal in my life. Im struggling so badly with this. I have always had a dog.

I am seeing a lady who often wants time alone, to be with her kids alone and to see her friends alone. Im struggling with this because I feel I am not important, financial or good enough for her to want to spend time with me. She tells me she feels guilty when she needs these things, that it shouldnt be ‘ this difficult or hard’. I wonder what I am doing wrong. I want so much to make her happy.

I hope i can find some friends on here for support, I dont want to be alone like this anymore.

I feel so incredibly alone

Summer Rose — Fri, 24 May 2019 07:23:07 GMT

Hi Camellias

I'm really sorry to learn of your struggles and keen to reach out a hand of support and friendship.

I think you've made a smart move posting the way you did, as there are many kind and wonderful people here. There is also a purely social area on the forum, which may be of interest to you.

I love books and libraries and hope yours is terrific. I'm wondering if your library has any clubs or events or volunteer opportunities? If it does, this could provide a way to meet some like-minded people and perhaps start a friendship.

I'm also wondering if you have sought professional help for your anxiety and depression? If not, your GP is the best place to start--with a double appointment so you have plenty of time to talk.

You've got a lot on your plate but you're hanging in there. With the right mental health treatment life can get better.

Kind thoughts to you

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Fri, 24 May 2019 07:37:10 GMT

Thank you @Summer Rose

I desperately need a friend and support.

I sought help from my GP last year. The mental health plan didn’t actually help. I know now what I needed is a friend.

I feel so alone, even when sitting amongst books at the library. I have no purpose, no animals to bring me joy.

I just want to thank you for your reply. What is the social area on here which may be of help to me?

I wish so much I had a friend to talk too, I don’t like feeling so alone.

The library is the only place I can go I know of here where I live.

I feel so incredibly alone

Summer Rose — Sat, 25 May 2019 00:16:30 GMT

Hi Camellias

If you look under the tab "all posts", you will find the "BB Social Zone". Have a look through there and join in wherever you like.

I hear you about your first experience with your gp. But I would really encourage you to keep trying. It's hard (I know because I have been there) but it can really pay off. With the right treatment, most people do recover from depression and anxiety.

I hear you about needing a friend, too. Libraries are wonderful but hard to start up a conversation with a fellow book lover, as per the need to be quiet. That's why it might help to see if there are any clubs, reading groups or volunteer opportunities at your library. At least you would have something in common with the people you would meet. It's a start.

Making friends as an adult is hard. I have always found neighbors a great source of friendship. And I always make the most of casual encounters. Just having a chat with your barista or the person at the post office or grocery store can really brighten your day.

Maybe visiting your local dog park would help. Take some treats and share them with the dogs you meet. You might find a nice conversation with the owner follows.

Of course, posting here is also a source of social interaction and support. I am happy to chat anytime.

By way of introduction, I'm an old writer who through life as found myself owning and helping to run a business. Married 30 years, adult children. Very pleased to meet you.

Kind thoughts to you

I feel so incredibly alone

B_bear — Sat, 25 May 2019 02:33:42 GMT

Hi there Camellias. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I was thinking volunteering at an animal shelter might be a good idea. Giving back always seems to lift ones spirits plus since you love animals you would get to spend time with a heap of fury friends as well as meeting new people. If this isn’t for you there are a ton of other avenues to meet people depending on your age and interests. I hope it works out for you mate.

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 03:05:11 GMT

Hi Summer Rose

It is nice to meet you too. I feel very honoured that there are kind people like yourself on here, offering their time to assist others.

I would feel a purpose visiting dog shelter as much as possible however where I live it’s 1-2 hours drive to the nearest one. Due to my health I’m unable to do this, very upsetting as I know I connect so well with animals and Im sure they need cuddles as much as I do.

I try to talk to people I pass with dogs but they generally like to keep to themselves. I don’t know of any dog parks nearby, that would have been nice too.

I hope I can find support here I need it almost daily. I’m sure so many folks have friends and family to support them, I just seem to be in the dark compared to most.

Its so hard to meet people or make friends as an adult. I always had a dog to break that silence and meet new people. It seemed to cancel out my health barriers and people would just focus on my dog. Not many people want to stop to talk to a lonely 40’s something guy.

i love gardening and animals. I’ve lived in this place for a year and I still cannot find anyone to connect with.

Everywhere I look is now filled with memories of a relationship I can no longer steer right. I need purpose as I’m no longer needed and cast aside, I now feel helplessly lost and discarded.

I wish I was as accomplished as you are Summer Rose with grown children, happy marriage and your own business. Mostly I wish I just had friends.

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 03:16:38 GMT

Hi B bear

Thanks for reaching out. It would be just great to visit a animal shelter something I’d feel a good sense of purpose with. It’s just that there isn’t any nearby. There isn’t much around where I live. Driving is difficult now as is public transport. I try to find local avenues something to do with animals or gardening. So far I’ve been out of luck.

Ive always had dogs for as long as I can remember. I had to find somewhere to live ASAP last year and the only place I could afford does not allow any pets so this has lead to a great deep hole in my life. It makes it harder for me to approach people, start conversations etc.

Im not able to work or study. What I enjoy about animals is so many things but mostly how you don’t need money to enjoy their company. It’s just pure TLC.

I’m stuck where I am. Today it’s a beautiful day outside and I’m stuck inside.

Id even settle for a cat but then I’d be evicted. And we all need a roof over our head.

Thanks for the chat mate

I feel so incredibly alone

Birdy77 — Sat, 25 May 2019 03:33:33 GMT

Dear Camellias,

Hello again 😊

If there is a local Neighbourhood Centre in your area, you could volunteer your time to visit socially isolated people, or go to the library for them, or do their weeding/gardening for them?

If there is a Community Garden closeby that would be a lovely place for you to spend time, doing some gardening and meeting like-minded people.

If there is a home for the elderly in your vicinity, you could offer to visit a resident who has no family, maybe read to them or play cards with them?

It's so hard being lonely and feeling disconnected. The above ideas are things that helped me when I moved to a new area where I knew nobody and felt lost. I love gardening too 😊

🌻birdy

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 04:09:01 GMT

Hi Birdy - again 🙂

It sure is hard to find your place when in a new area. It is a lovely place to live but I’m very lonely.

There is a local neighbourhood garden centre, where I could help on the gardens. The only reason I have not helped there is because the form i have to complete for insurance purposes is very intrusive. It’s the only reason I have not gone there often.

I thought I had found peace living here, at my own apartment but in the same town as my girlfriend, her kids. I thought I was slowly becoming apart of their world and becoming a family. Im still thinking about your post and how spot on you were earlier, how you understood so well. I wish we lived close so I could chat with you as it is so hard to find someone who has been through the same things. You’ve even gone through the whole new town, loneliness, disconnected situation.

I know I need help to get through this.

I miss having a large garden to maintain and grow things. I was helping my girlfriend with hers, again I think she thought I was taking over that too so I stopped helping her.

What is your favourite things to garden?

🌺

I feel so incredibly alone

Birdy77 — Sat, 25 May 2019 07:41:52 GMT

Dear Camellias,

That is the wonderful thing about these forums is that no matter where we are in this country, we can chat and get some support and different perspectives from those who have experienced similar things or who have an understanding or just the heart to listen to our innermost thoughts and worries. It's a special place.

What a pain that the Community Garden has all those forms to fill in (or maybe it's a retail garden centre, which I would kinda understand?). The one i hardened at was really cruisy, when it was chilly we lit a fire and shared soup. Pretty nice 😊. Loads of introverts too, extra awesome.

I can understand missing your big garden. The block on which your apartment sits, is there scope to dig a little patch and sow some flower seeds? Set up a composting area? Build a vegetable patch? You might need to ask, no harm in trying?

In dire need of a garden space, I once spruced up the planter boxes at the local train station/village shops. From memory I think I wrote an email to the council, offered my time and labour if they covered the cost of some potting mix and seedlings for flowers.

You could also put a little notice at the shops (people still read them!) offering voluntary gardening for the elderly for an hour a week or something?

I especially love my vegetable patch, and am a bit obsessed with growing my own garlic and greens (all kinds of herbs, rocket, sliverbeet, beetroot, asparagus, book choy etc) as these are so expensive to buy and easy to grow. I always try to have flowers in at least a small patch through all seasons for the bees. I have recently planted avocados and and going to try espalier one up a fence (never done it, could be a disaster!).

I also love perennials and trees ... I just love growing plants!

What about you, what are your favourite things to grow and nurture?

🌻birdy

I feel so incredibly alone

Fi23 — Sat, 25 May 2019 09:20:24 GMT

Hi Camellias,

I don't have any friends outside of my family, and although I try and "hold it all together" I feel really lonely too. I also love animals, I'm living at home because I can't find a pet friendly apartment that I can afford (also on Newstart) and I'm here with my little cat and my mums dog and they both send you lots of doggie and kitty licks and cuddles. I started pet sitting a couple of years ago, and although it's not a lot of money and I still fell lonely without any friends, getting to spend so much time with animals is really nice. I'm not sure if you're able/want to pet sit, but it's an option to spend more time with animals when you can't have your own.
From one friendless soul to another, I'm sending you a hug.

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 10:18:41 GMT

Dear Birdy

Thank you for your wonderful reply, you’ve truly helped me today, it’s always the little things that matter, right?

The garden centre does do some retail, all profits go to the church or such I believe but on the form I would be ticking ‘garden only’ it’s still really invasive questions, some medical I do not wish to share. Also they want a person to contact in emergency and I don’t have one. It’s 6months or so I could have been contributing to the gardens now but haven’t had the courage to complete the form. The manager is so kind and nice, maybe she can work with me on this. Each morning I pass her office to go to the library, the library is has free internet and power points for my phone to use, my phone is my only source of contact. I can use the internet library pc for one hour each day. That’s always a rush to type etc and I’m not fast due to balance issues.

what amazing accomplishments you have had, I feel inspired by your stepping stones in life. I’m quite the introvert, I’ve been specific in that ‘ I want to be left alone to garden’ and apparently a few other men are the same who often stop by to the community garden section.

I love camellias, roses, all kinds of trees like cherry blossoms through to the stone fruit tees, I seem to love all kinds of plants and am forever fascinated by what ai come across, most people think Im weird as I literally stop to smell the roses I come by.

I have a small space about 1mx2m but it’s a weird shape sort of a stretched out triangular shape. I could die some seeds there, ask my landlord, otherwise it’s just boring patch of dirt.

I really like the idea of volunteering to help elderly with their gardens, I don’t mean mowing but flowers, trees, watering etc I enjoy. I’d like to help elderly with their dog too, could you help me with some ideas on what to write to put on a notice board please?

oh how I envy your gardens, veggie patch too! I too want to grow my own foods, esp veggies and herbs. What perineals and trees do you grow? I had to look up what espalier was, I wish you the best of luck growing it up the fence!

I forgot to ask, do you like birds too?! (Your username)I’ve always loved birds, all kinds, even when people say ‘I hate magpies or cockatoos et ‘ I smile as there isn’t a bird I do not admire.

i want to grow a cherry blossom tree(but hard where I live but possible future rental?), I also want to try to a bonsai tree indoors- do you know much about them?

I just love growing things!

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 10:41:37 GMT

Hi Fi23,

It is nice to meet you. Thank you for responding to my little post.

I will be your friend, It may not be in person but every connection should count as something unique, don’t you agree?.

I appreciate you sharing some of your story with me(us) here on beyondblue- what a supportive place it is for many of us struggling. I am grateful to have my phone, monthly data to use the internet to be able to get on here and say.. Help, I am struggling, I’m lonely and I have no friends. It helps to say it, and it also hurts.

Im am grateful to hear you have family, it is not something I have.(nil parents, nil siblings etc) I thought I had a family for a little over a year but that is slowly slipping through my hands, I just must not be strong enough or worthy of such a thing.

Hold onto your family, I know you have expressed that deep down beyond your brave face, you struggle. Don’t give up, try to see that things will get better. Look at the lovely people here on beyond blue, what a ray of hope they are & continue to be. I’ve revisited this site the last two days & I feel a tiny bit more hopeful now.

I am thankful for the kitty & doggy hugs you have sent! How lucky you are to have a little kitty & pooch to give you courage & comfort. It also very good you have a home for now, even though it might not be ideal. I’m in a 1 bedroom apartment it’s all I could afford as I was homeless. Like you, I live off a very poverty-line Newstart, for me that’s a diet of pasta & tea/toast. I try to get free food where I can from local cottage. Took me months to do this, I still feel shame, still feel unworthy.

It’s so hard to find affordable place to live & I don’t know about you but I don’t want to share with strangers, people say is more affordable.

Are you able to work or study? I know I can’t due to life long health issues. Like many others I will be waiting until I’m 90 to get a pension I so desperately need. I keep hoping, I keep praying.

is that your kitty in your profile picture, very cute & cuddly.

Id enjoy pet sitting just as much as you, I don’t require money but I’d find it so rewarding. Animals are such pure creatures. The problem for me is travelling, motion etc I can barely drive anymore. I’m ok if someone else is driving me. How about yourself, how do you get to and fro for the pet sitting you do? Do you have a favourite client(pooch?) Id love to hear more.

I am sending a big hug right back to you and hope it helps brighten up your evening.

🌺

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Sat, 25 May 2019 23:53:43 GMT

Hi everyone

Today I woke up feeling so sick nauseated and just so desperate for answers. Why the silence, why this treatment? Who in her life is making her happier and persuading her to stop seeing me.. all these questions and loneliness.

First thing I did when I woke was check back here for messages.

It feels like a dream. I would do anything to keep holding onto her but it just feels like she has stopped wanting me all together. The worst part is that her effort to contact me feel more like an obligation, then desire/need/want.

I miss her soft skin, her hand in mine, her beautiful voice, her laughter, her singing, the children and so much more. I bet she doesn’t miss me an ounce.

I see these posts of people who have experienced similar, who have survived this, some happily partnered saying it will get better. But when your inlove, the memories, the tastes, sounds are all so hard to move past.

I even try to pin point where it all went wrong, but only she would know this. The fact is she wants more freedom, time alone and to be herself- so does this mean she isn’t herself around me? It’s easier for her to remain a single mother and have a string if men interested in her, then one man who truly loves her and treats her/her children with kindness, love & loyalty. How is that smothering, why is that too difficult or hard? I just don’t understand.

Why isn’t she telling me these in depth things, are her friends more important to her. They are only a picture she paints, what about the real love that goes on behind the feelings she carries from her prev marriage.

The future plans we made, how does someone just throw all that away so easily.

I know I am the opposite of what she has had for the last few years, and I know I’m not perfect, who is. But shouldn’t all her feelings etc be told to me, don’t I deserve that after the time spent together?

Everyone deserves friends, they are a lifeline to many. But when does it become ok that a bf is the last to know how she feels, what’s happening in her life or how easily a friend can persuade her that she isn’t happy.

I guess so never had a chance if she is going to listen to her close friends, over my heart and soul.

I hope everyone struggling is making it though this day in tiny steps.

🌺

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Mon, 27 May 2019 00:28:31 GMT

Being so alone is such a struggle. With no nearby dog shelters, nursing home etc for me to be able to help someone else.

My ‘gf’ cutting me out of her life more each day. Wanting to do less with me.

Sitting at the library hoping something in my life changes for the better, more positivity for me.

Hoping my prayers are answered.

🌺

I feel so incredibly alone

Birdy77 — Mon, 27 May 2019 01:20:02 GMT

Dear Camellias,

I am so sorry you are feeling so terribly sad and lonely.

Your gf is treating you with cruelty and coldness. I wanted to clarify about the post I left on your other thread actually, as I was only going by your very first post there (and I was trying to offer you some hope). You have since come back and said a lot more about how things have been, and I wanted to say that I think she is treating you badly and that in my opinion you should end things (don't leave it up to her), as I now understand that this has been going on for some time.

I know it's incredibly difficult, but if someone you cared about, a friend or even someone here on the forums was describing being treated the way she treats you, what would you say to them? I bet you'd tell them that they deserved better and time to break this toxic tie in their life?

The thing is that you will not be able to move on and make room for a loving, healthy connection with anyone new while you hang on to this non-relationship.

It hurts so much, I know, and in lots of ways, I think breaking away from toxic people is a lot harder than regular situations. You can do this though Camellias. It's a good thing it didn't go on for many years, would be even harder.

I would be happy to help you come up with some ideas for a notice about helping in people's gardens. You mentioned the community garden is attached to a church somehow? Maybe it would be best to put up a notice there? Ask the nice manager if that would be ok?

Talk soon.

🌻birdy

I feel so incredibly alone

Summer Rose — Mon, 27 May 2019 02:42:00 GMT

Hi Cameillas

Just popping in to say g'day.

So sorry your girlfriend isn't treating you right. Don't know the whole story but I do trust Birdy's judgement. Be kind to yourself.

Just had a thought ... is there a hospital near you? They are often in need of volunteers. And it can be incredibly uplifting just to pop in and take a peek at the new borns. Might sound crazy, but when my dad was in hospital fighting for his life, it was the babes that helped me keep it together.

Given there's no animal shelter near by, was also thinking about birds. Do you like to feed them? Is there a natural place in town to give it a go? Park, lake, pond, beach, woodlands? Or maybe your backyard. Birds can be our friends too.

Kind thoughts to you

I feel so incredibly alone

Camellias — Mon, 27 May 2019 04:12:10 GMT

Good Morning Birdy

Its lovely to hear from you again.

I want to help some elderly people who are alone like me, to do some gardening(small things watering etc) maybe persist their dog or just sit with someone like that in need. I’m not sure how to go about a notice for that, 4 times I’ve gone to write something and it looked awful so I haven’t pinned it on the library notice board. I was hoping the manager who is a local might know some people in need of company.

Im so in love I can’t even pull myself up out of my mind to view this like you suggested ie if this was a friend, etc going through this what would I say or suggest. I just keep thinking about how hard it is to live without her, the children , the memories.

Its been so hard to find someone who accepts me, for me. I truly thought I found that but maybe she has just settled for me, to fill the occasional gaps in her life.

if I let go of her I will truly have nothing and no one to love. I so don’t want her to be the one to end it.. dont think anybody wants that.

If I could just keep busy, could just be financially stable, things would be so much better. I want whatever my purpose is to bring someone else or others happiness, whether it’s unwanted animals, forgotten elderly people or well you get my drift.

Im a 40 something Trans man, my whole life has been a struggle. If I thought she was the one(I don’t love for gender), thought I finally found a family/children, truly thought I was loved...how will I ever know what is the truth anymore. If that wasn’t real will i be blinded for life when it comes to love?

Ive no friends family to physically support me. I live where the only person I really know is her. And to be honest I think she wants me gone far far from her and that hurts so deeply.

I want someone who adores me and wants to support me vice versa. That seems me for me, etc. Someone who is Proud of me, whether I’m poor or an important businessman.

Who will ever love me now, when I thought I had it all.

thank you for your kind words

thank you Summer Rose for your kind thoughts too

🌺

I feel so incredibly alone

Birdy77 — Mon, 27 May 2019 10:19:13 GMT

Dear Camellias,

I cannot even imagine the struggles you have had in your life. You are so courageous to be facing life as you are.

I understand, it is so difficult, even impossible, when you are in the midst of this pain, to be able to extricate yourself and see how badly you are being treated.

Given time, you will be able to see this, and have compassion for yourself. At the moment, I think you are not giving yourself any honour or love or gentleness.

So, in the meantime, take some gentleness and compassion from your friends here at bb, for as long as you need, until you can start to honour your own lovely self.

Be very kind to you.

🌻birdy

I feel so incredibly alone

Birdy77 — Mon, 27 May 2019 23:27:23 GMT

Dear Camellias,

Good morning 😊 how are you feeling today?

I just wrote this down, wondered if it was a start for you, you could tweak it and make it better or different or chuck it right in the bin!! How about something like:

"Free gardening and dogwalking available:
If you have a garden that needs a bit of TLC, or a pet that needs walking and you are not able to, I can help.
I have recently moved into the area and miss having a garden to tend to and a pet to care for.
I would be delighted to help you with gardening chores such as weeding, mulching, pruning and watering, or simply raking up your autumn leaves.
Please call or text me at: "

🌻birdy