coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up

cass1981au — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 00:15:26 GMT

I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family and friends, the love and support I got and stories they told me or going though something like I did at some point, I have to share it with the world too

A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up

can't remember when I was truly happy with me, I think it would have been about the age of 21 was truly happy, fit, healthy just loving life and everything about it,

It all became a blur, crying one moment, yelling the next, not able to sleep then get up in the morning nearly impossible

I became one of the many that get a mental illness
I lost control having depression, one day it all just got to much, trying to cope with everything nothing going right, i sat on the floor and just cried for hours, my children didn't know what to do but hug me,

I kept it from my husband, but he new there was something not right,

I kept it from my friends they didn't know how I felt or so I thought

I was lying not just to myself but to the world, the friendly out going girl that was full of confidence that everybody know and loved was just me covering up a side of depression and anxiety, that was taking over me this had to stop and stop now

I think It really begun at the age of 14 being teased horribly by some girls at my school, to the point I left the school, but didn't know I was depressed back then,

after meeting my birth mother at the age of 16, I got a little more depressed not knowing where I fit in and who I really was, I knew I was adopted but I think I really didn't know at the time how I'd feel or how I would react to meeting her

Then my best friend passed away 5 days before I had my first child

But wasn't till I had my first child I was diagnosed with depression for the first time at the age of 23
I couldn't believe it, after 4 months of my daughter not sleeping more then an hour at a time day or night I lost the plot, we went to sleep school with her for help & i was put on meds by the doctor to cope with my life, was on them about a year looking back now I should have stay on them because I relapsed twice back into depression & anxiety,

At 24 I had a miscarriage but really didn’t morn or anything because it was 2 weeks till I was getting married

I will have to say I married the sweetest supportive man ever was the happiest day I can remember within this fight of depression

second time I was 25 was after my son was born, sleep deprivation & anxiety of being stuck in a my little world at home with two children got to me, my body really got to me also this time after having a 4.6kg baby that left me with excess skin and couldn't get rid of the baby fat and didn't see the signs & fell into depression again,

everything was going great with my life when I broke down again, this year, missing family and friends, and wanting to see them more, wanting move home so badly to Melbourne, body image,

asking myself questions what I wanted to do with my life, what did the future hold and why I couldn't cope and do it all, I’m a mother this is my job,

i closed myself off, i was safe in my little world, I now know I'm not that woman and you can't do it all

but this time was different I saw the signs and found help,

It's more a mid life crisis this time, being 31 now

I'm still fighting it, day by day!!! still have anxiety, hard not to with four full on kids,

I look at life differently now days, I don't like my body, but I can change that, i can see my family & friends, I can have some time off and the world wont fall apart

it wasn't easy to share my feeling as i have always run from my emotions and shut them away it was easier to do that I know now life could have been easier it I talked about them out loud,

I’m a Survivor, stronger then I have been in years, just letting this all out I feel free

This has helped me with the healing process don’t get me wrong I have a long way still to go but a weight has been lifted, small steps, but it helped me,

Ask for help, everyone's can change there way on their thinking, doing things they are really passionate about, eat right, exercise and always ask for help,

I closed some door pushed people away but we cant have regrets, and cant go back, as much as I would love to some days, I’m looking forward to what my future holds, first time in years, there is always someone with a story and everyone's is different, open your ears, eyes, arms and your hearts, someone needs you and won't know how to ask for help!

I’m a busy mother of four, a photographer and writing my first cookbook,

I was trying to do to much all the time and ended up in a big mess,

Ask for help

coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up

vip — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 19:28:07 GMT

Hi Cass great motivation story to share. I too am new to this forum and have suffered depression for 22years,. I also had post natal depression after my son was born I can totally relate to all those experience and feelings you had. 3 years ago i attempted suicide and survived. I have 1 little boy who has mild austism and I love him more than anything in this world. I was just sooo ill at the time and too ashamed and scared to ask for help. Being a childcare worker I thought I could easily look after kids but that wasnt the case here. Anyway cut a long story short I am fully recovered working losing my weight at the gym I too put on 22kilos and have totally turned my life around I also fundraise for beyond blue. You did it I did it then we both know every person on this forum can get over this horrible disease, I spoke to someone the other day who told me they dont believe in depression there is no such thing I said to the person please it can hit you any place any time i just hope you never experience it and look back and say gee i shouldnt of said that. I have told that person to get on this website and read these stories from people of all ages listen to the pain from their stories. Thank goodness for beyond blue for spreading the word about depression and educating our future children. Congratulations Cass for beating the black . Take care

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coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up

coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up