topic I want to learn from the past and move forward! in Staying well

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Tue, 04 Dec 2018 20:26:12 GMT

Hi Everyone,

We have returned from our holiday. I can sit here and think about the things that did not go so well or I can remember the good and enjoyable parts and expand on them.

Now I am home, I have the opportunity to create new situations, experiences, circumstances and actions.

I don't need to return to the old way of doing life that did not work so well for me all the time. I have an opportunity to create a new and different existence and way of thinking!

I need to believe I can do this! I need to also realise life with depression and anxiety is part of my reality, I need to find and put in place actions and behaviours that will help me accept all of my life, the good, the bad and the not so pleasant.

Cheers to you all from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

quirkywords — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 03:17:24 GMT

Dools,

welcome back from your holiday.

Your post sounds like an affirmation.

I like you have a plan and are motivated to put it into action.

What do you see as your next step ?

Cheers from Quirky

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 03:54:23 GMT

Hi Quirky,

Hi to you and to All.

My next step may well be to write down what I want my future to look like then write down steps of how I can work towards making that happen.

Having thoughts is great, action is also required!

Today I have attended a group that uses writing as therapy. This group is now taking a break until middle of February! I will set myself a time each week to sit and write positively in a journal. To be reflective, creative and constructive.

When necessary I can write in my other book to let out the not so pleasant stuff and work out ways to deal with those issues.

Putting these thought into action will be step one!

Hope you are doing okay, cheers from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 20:45:23 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to Quirky and all),

That sounds like a great next step 🙂

Writing sounds very cathartic for you. I like how you have a book for different issues/thoughts, plus I think developing an action plan to achieve your goals is fantastic.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 22:17:02 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for your comments. Having two different books to write in will help me to realise just how negative I can be at times and to realise life doesn't have to be that way!

Creating a journal of hope and positivity will help me to see more clearly all of the beauty and happiness there is to be found in life. On a day when I am struggling, I can go to that journal and remind myself of all the good there is in life!

I'm also going to start writing down activities, people I can catch up with and things I can do at home during the summer holidays. The groups I have been involved in all close down for summer.

My husband now has more hours at work as well which is excellent, it just means I have more time home alone so need to do something about that like finding another volunteer position.

Hope you are doing okay Pepper!

Cheers to you from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Tue, 11 Dec 2018 21:36:44 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to Quirky and all),

Even when you’re struggling, I feel your brave and spirited self shines through your words. That’s a gift 🙂

I like how the 2 books will create a sense of balance for you. A book for your uplifting and positive experiences, and the other for your problems/pain/problem solving. It’s a realistic approach that I think is great.

Thank you so much for the well wishes (much appreciated), and all the best finding a second volunteer role! I hope that goes well.

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Tue, 11 Dec 2018 22:51:06 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thanks once again for your kind comments! I do so hope you are doing okay. This time leading up to Christmas can make life "Interesting" as well.

I went to see a Dr the other day and he said I have a virus of some kind, a chest infection and sinus infection and I may be having a reaction to my new anti depressant medication. Some of that might explain why I don't have a great deal of "Get up and go" right now!

My poor head is so dizzy all day I have trouble walking in a straight line! Hopefully the antibiotics will help clear up the infections.

Due to my health issues, I have not done anything about finding another volunteer position just yet.

My journals are working well! I enjoy being creative in the HOPE journal and have a few pages now full of positivity. One page is just pictures of nature cut from magazines.

Today I am going to clean the house, at least start to do so.

Hope you have a good day!

Cheers from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 20:42:04 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

All those health issues sounds rough. The dizziness sounds disorienting...no wonder you haven’t been feeling your best, what with our physical and mental health (plus physical environment) being interconnected. I too hope your meds help...

Your HOPE journey seems to be coming along nicely, which is wonderful to hear 🙂 Your nature page sounds beautiful, and hopefully it brings you a sense of peace and wonder when you look at it.

Thanks again for your kind words and well wishes. I suppose Christmas can elicit a whole range of different emotions in different people. I know it’s a particularly rough time for some people. For me, it mostly just depends on who I’m with at the time 😉

Kind thoughts to you today and all the best with your cleaning plans.

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 06:23:43 GMT

Hi Pepper,

I managed to get some housework completed, so I am thrilled with that! I am appreciating what I can do and trying not to dwell to much on what I have managed to do.

Today I managed to get into the Op Shop for a while and helped out. I took breaks when I needed to. I also picked up a couple of magazines with nature shots in them. I am going to select some pictures out of them and maybe write some poetry or short stories using them for my hope journal.

I'm not sure if we have a Christmas 2018 thread happening yet or not! Usually we do have one gong for people to include their Christmas thoughts and feelings, experiences and expectations.

You are so right that it depends who you are with and how you are feeling in regards to how we experience Christmas.

My Mother in law phoned yesterday to say they will not be providing any gluten free food Christmas day so I will need to take along my own food if I want to eat Christmas Day at their place. I was really hurt and upset at first.

I realise I just made myself depressed and angry, she obviously doesn't care so I will prepare myself some nice food to take along and enjoy and see what goodies I can purchase from the supermarket as well.

Hope you have some nice plans for Christmas!

Cheers from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Birdy77 — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 06:36:55 GMT

Dear Dools,

Your resilience never ceases to inspire and amaze me.

You are one courageous lady.

I too am glad to hear your journals are helping you. Your poetry/short story idea is great, using the pics you found in the magazine.

My partner and I have to take our own food on Christmas day as well! Not only will they not provide anything vegan at my partner's parent's house, but even if they did I wouldn't trust it because I don't think they even understand what it means. At least you know your food will be safe for you. It does hurt though, I completely understand.

If you're taking gluten free food to share, here's a tip: make sure you get enough of it on your plate first! Last year, even though everyone else was catered for, they all piled their plates high with our food even though that's all we had to eat. So charming. Oh, and then!! they didn't eat it all "oh, so full, can't possibly finish it" , so there was our beautiful food, half gobbled on all their plates and we're sitting there hungry! Quite a lot of steam was coming out of my ears by that point.

Lesson learned though for this year though.

Sorry Dools, for going on about me! I just thought I'd give you a heads up, and saying I can relate.

So glad you got to the op shop today, and took breaks when you needed to.

Take care Dools,

🌻birdy

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 06:53:03 GMT

Hey birdy,

Yu are more than welcome to share your experience here on this thread. I have created this thread for myself and also for everyone to share if they would like to. Like Paul writes All are welcome to share and join in! (something like that anyway)

I do appreciate your comments, I have seen something similar before, I am sure some people just don't think, surely they can't be that selfish! Or can they! Ha. Ha.

Yes, I will be sure to add enough food to my plate first before I openly share what I have. Makes good sense.

I do so hope you and your partner are able to enjoy your Christmas despite what is going on around you! Make sure you have enough food as well on your plates! Sometimes I think we need to politely stand up for ourselves a little more.

A lady today could not understand that just a teaspoon of non gluten free corn flour in a pavlova can make someone with Coeliac disease ill. Some people just don't understand.

I may well make mistakes too if I needed to provide food for someone requiring a vegan diet, due to ignorance not malice. It doesn't take much to ask questions though does it to find out what is suitable. I understand it may be like that for all diet requirements.

Either way, wishing you a "delicious" Christmas!

Cheers from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 21:22:04 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to all your lovely supporters),

Good work getting some housework done. You have such a beautiful outlook. It’s contagious and makes me smile 🙂

Your hope journal sounds like it’s going to be very creative with the nature pictures, poetry and short stories. I bet leafing through it, especially on rough days, will bring you some much needed comfort.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen a Christmas thread. I haven’t contributed to it, but there’s definitely one. Maybe look in the social or staying well section? I’m guessing that’s where it is 🙂

It does sound very upsetting to know that you won’t be provided any gluten free food provided by your mum. I wonder why that is. Reasons aside, it would still be very frustrating...

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 00:16:48 GMT

Hi Pepper,

I will have a look for that Christmas thread, thanks.

Yesterday I worked on my journal for a while as my husband was watching the cricket. I found a picture of a couple of deck chairs. I stuck the picture in my journal and will write people's names underneath. Sometimes I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, so if I see a list of names I will be reminded that is just my depression talking!

It is my Mother in law and my husband's family who are not providing food for me. They keep telling me I am not part of the family, so guess it is just too hard for them to make an effort re my dietary needs. I am going to take along food I can enjoy.

I've wasted enough time already feeling disappointed and hurt, no point in making myself any more miserable!

Today I am going to put up the Christmas tree and the nativity scene.

Tomorrow after Church I will check out the supermarket in the next town over and see what gluten free goodies they may have for Christmas.

Yesterday I was feeling really low so I am going to try and have things planned to do today!

Everyone, hope your Christmas preparation are coming together!

Cheerio from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Birdy77 — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 02:31:56 GMT

Dear Dools,

The way your husband's mother and family treat you sounds very cruel.

No wonder you feel disappointed and hurt.

It is another testament to your resilience that you continue to show up there even though you're told you are not part of the family.

My partner's parents introduce me as my partner's "friend" if any visitor comes over when I'm there. So I kind of understand, although it's more subtle in my case.

People, hey?! I wish I could cocoon myself at Christmas time, away from them all. It's going to be a challenge to say the least, sounds like it will be for you too.

Let's pile our plates high and try to have a good day despite what is happening around us.

We can share survival stories afterwards!

I like your idea of writing down names of people under the deck chairs.

Don't forget you have many, many forum friends who admire and respect you and would love to sit on a deck chair with you and listen to you if you need to talk.

🌻birdy

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 19:29:07 GMT

Dear birdy,

Hi. I am trying to put on a brave face, but some days I am all broken on the inside!

I don't want o go back to where I was a couple of months ago, in a very dark place and struggling immensely!

Finding the ability to do much and be motivated is a bit difficult at times.

Yesterday I did manage to make it to Church on time and a couple of ladies invited me to join them for a coffee after in a café which was lovely.

In the early evening I drove myself back into town and joined in with a different Churches Christmas Evening. It was held out in a park and people brought along their own chairs and blankets. I didn't know a single person there.

The singing was beautiful, people acted out the nativity play and the children were adorable. A couple of the children playing sheep were very funny with some of their antics. The littlest angels were adorable.

I was so pleased with myself that I went. It was a bittersweet moment, so I will concentrate on the happy thoughts and feelings the evening gave me.

Today I have a counselling session, something caller "Narrative Therapy" done through a teleconference set up in a town 50 kilometres away.

I hope to buy some Christmas goodies while I am in that town.

Hope your plans are coming along okay!

Cheers from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 04:51:16 GMT

The teleconference Narrative Therapy session went okay.

The lady wrote down a lot of what I said and help me clarify some of my thinking and the way I look at my life.

She highlighted a lot of what I already know about myself, so it will be interesting to see where this leads. I will have another session with her in January.

One thing that was highlighted is that I need to believe in myself more and not have so many self doubts!

Right. Time to find that bold coloured cape, fasten it around my neck and allow it to fill me with a sense of power! Watch out world here I come! Mrs. Dools, full of confidence and bravado!

Maybe that will be my gift to myself, allowing myself to have a new sense of who I can be and work on achieving that!

Yah! Go me!

Cheers all from Dools

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 07:13:10 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I like the sound of your superhero(ine) cape. I think it’s inspiring that you’re trying to give yourself permission to do/be who you need or want to be, rather than seeking that “permission” or approval externally 🙂

You clearly covered a lot of ground in your narrative therapy session. I think it’s great how you’re trying to understand your own thought process better. Good for you...I feel self awareness is an excellent quality!

I really liked your idea of the deck chairs and names. That will be very comforting when you’re feeling lonely...

I hope you put up your tree and nativity scene the other day 🙂

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

therising — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 07:30:35 GMT

Hi Dools

First, want to say how inspiring everyone is here, yourself included of course.

Second, your mother-in-law sounds a little 'smudgy'. I believe if we're looking to other people to reflect the truth as to who we are, some of the mirrors we're looking to can definitely be smudgy. A smudge of ignorance here, a smudge of thoughtlessness there and so on. Before we know it, there's no way we can ever hope to see a reflection of our true self when looking to certain folk for feedback. Yep, your MIL is a smudgy one by the sound of it! Wonder how she'd go if you suggested to her that she clean herself up a little before interacting with someone as truly beautiful as yourself 🙂

Watch out for the smudgy folk Dools, there's plenty of 'em out there. When you look to those who clearly reflect your own true nature, you will know them in a heartbeat. Like you, they're the one's who bring out the best in people. They'll reflect you in their acts of compassion, their longing for evolution and their open-mindedness. We tend to click with the 'clean mirror' people.

By the way, doing the vegan thing this Christmas (bit of a health related experiment lately which is having a positive impact) and I tell you now, that dish I bring along shall be truly fantastic indeed. It will be my response to the usual question 'Why don't you eat 'normal' food?' It will be evidence that my food choices are not normal because they're just too incredibly sensational to be regarded as 'normal'. Dools, I suggest decorating your dish like it is the guest of honour - tinsel, glitter, the works! Let it reflect the true guest of honour - YOU. Everyone will be lucky to have you there, a legend on a conscious quest of evolution (a rare breed).

And, yes, some just don't understand. It's not necessarily the lack of understanding that's frustrating, it's more so the disinterest in regard to seeking an education (on the topic in question). Super frustrating given the fact that with greater understanding, compassion is often the outcome.

Take care

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Peppermintbach — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 07:36:46 GMT

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I think that I wrote a post. Though I may have cancelled it accidentally. I can’t remember...

In the mean time, I just wanted to say that I’m reading, listening and that, like many others, I care 🙂

Pepper xoxo

I want to learn from the past and move forward!

Doolhof — Tue, 18 Dec 2018 02:23:39 GMT

Hi therising, Pepper and all who may be reading,

Thanks for some wonderful insights from you both. Sometimes I forget that I have the right to be myself and I don't have to be whom I think other people may think I should be! Or who I think they think I am! Goodness me, how my mind can complicate who I think I am!

The session with the Narrative Therapy did help me see just where some of my thinking and beliefs go in my mind.

Last night I took myself to a community Christmas event. My husband did not want to attend and that was okay. On a not so good day I would not have had the courage to go by myself or would have thought I didn't deserve to go! Where do those warped thoughts come from!

I placed my chair next in the row and the man next to me had a chat for quite a while, then a lady and her Mum sat on the other side and she had a chat as we waited for the event to begin. After the event another lady had a bit of a chat.

I allowed myself to be there and to enjoy the evening. I didn't sit there battling my thoughts over and over again!

I don't need other people to tell me I am good enough! I am good enough just as I am!

Right! Now to try to live that thought each day!

Thanks again to you both for helping me to gain greater insight!

Cheers from Dools

Pepper, yes I did put up the tree and the nativity scene. I have even decided to join my own family for Christmas on Saturday. It will be a 5 hour journey one way so I am staying at my parents for two nights. My husband has to work so can't make it.

Cheers.