topic What helps to keep well? in Staying well

What helps to keep well?

PamelaR — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 09:45:27 GMT

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

What helps to keep well?

demonblaster — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 09:57:33 GMT

Good on you Pam, at BB here we're very lucky to have you, you have a pure good heart Pam, happy to know you

With you darl

Amazing heart felt soul hugs 🤗

Wishing you well Pammy ☺

What helps to keep well?

blondguy — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 10:04:53 GMT

Hey PamelaR

What an inspirational and heartfelt post 🙂

Looks like we have both had a similar upbringing (with all respect to your parents of course)

To answer your thread topic;

The more frequent the counseling the better our recovery will be
Calm and true acceptance of any anxiety/depressive symptom.....Anxiety cannot exist when we excerise acceptance. Anxiety symptoms can exacerbate when our fear is still there for 'it' to feed off
Being 'simple' for a change and not having high expectations/goals (being 'Gentle' with ourselves)

Thankyou PamelaR for writing such a proactive thread 🙂

BearHugs

Paul

What helps to keep well?

PamelaR — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 10:09:24 GMT

Welcome Deeb. So good to have you as my first visitor. Feel like I've known you for so long.

I want to cry. You know that is so hard for me. I could never do that in the work place. Totally 'in control' I was, but suffering anxiety deep within. I learnt crying (even in women) was a weakness, not valued or worth anything. Showing 'strength', 'calm' was the only attributes worth anything in life.

I have learnt so much from all the people (not family related) about how to keep well.

Have to go now. Dinner is served!! Catch you later on - hopefully you get some sleep DB. Wishing you all the best too. Caught your hugs - lovely!!!

Pammy

What helps to keep well?

demonblaster — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 10:19:42 GMT

☺ enjoy your meal Pammy yeah does feel we've known eachother a while doesn't it

Hun took me many yrs actually not long ago I realised it's not weak crying..it's an oulet.

As often and as many 🤗 as you like lovely

You too have a good sleep

Hey Pauly ☺

What helps to keep well?

startingnew — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 10:44:08 GMT

Hi Pamela

its nice to see you have your own support thread now, ill be more than happy to join your support crew as well xox

What helps to keep well?

Speak Your Truth — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 11:12:33 GMT

Thank you Pam for your new thread - and what gutsy girl you are. Go Pam !!!

Your first paragraph particularly struck a chord with me - “think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.”

I’ve become aware that I am allowing myself to be bogged down in the negatives, the past, the difficult present and (I’m sorry to say) feeling sorry for myself. Bad stuff has happened to me without a doubt but I know how damaging it is for me to stay stuck there. I know I have to remember that bad things DO happen to good people, that I am stronger than I think and that I CAN do it. I know I have to put in the effort and fight for myself, to not to let the turkeys get me down.

With the help of the wonderful people on the BB forums and your new thread Pam I WILL do it.

Thank you Pam.

So I’m offering my version of that “think it's time I move on to 'Getting Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to get well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.”

ive

What helps to keep well?

white knight — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 12:05:29 GMT

Hi PamelaR

You've been a great contributer here on the forum.

Staying well....once medication is "right" I think there is a sweet spot to get to.

Its a combination of many things- keeping busy, no dwelling, distraction, variety, connecting to nature, simple living eg a picnic, agreements/rules with our partners, spiritual contentment, a hobby, accepting the down times and bouncing back quickly, relearning to laugh and dare I say it , loving ourselves.

This level of peace Ive reached and its so satisfying I love to preach it and why not.

Sure its taken many years.

I hope you continue your good work here. You are valued.

Tony WK

What helps to keep well?

PamelaR — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 12:16:52 GMT

Hello Everyone!!

Thank you for joining me!! I'm 'almost' crying. My heart certainly is.

Paul - Caught your 'BearHugs'. How awesome are they. Thank you so much!! Yes, I had kind of guessed we had similar upbringings. In a way that's probably why I feel a connection with you. Can't explain it. But it's been there since being on BB.Thank you for all your compliments. You know, I can't get through the door now - my head is sow swollen. LOL.

Deeb - Dinner was magnifico. Tandoori chicken legs, tahini carrots with shallots, baked garlic pumpkin, rice and salad greens (spinach and kale). Super food. Interesting about crying - I can do it on my own, in my bed, hidden away - especially for releasing. But nowhere else, generally don't cry at sad movies. I learnt to be 'strong' (??), I had to be strong. Couldn't let my mother see me cry otherwise it meant I'd be in for it. Strong upper lip and all that. Thank you Deeb. You're beautiful. I will sleep very well tonight.

StartingNew - how good are you. I'd be very pleased indeed to have you along as one of the support crew. You're great!

Speak Your Truth - how lovely are you. Thank you for all your kind words and support. I am so pleased to have given you inspiration to move to 'Staying Well'. That is so good to hear. I want to help people feel good about themselves. (There is a history to that - stay tuned and I'll explain sometime).

Thank you all for your wonderful support. It's so hard for me to expose what I perceive to be my vulnerability.

PamelaR

What helps to keep well?

PamelaR — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 12:27:03 GMT

Hello Tony WK

Thank you for all your compliments! I do feel valued - thank you. It's so hard to accept - people being nice to me, i.e. giving me such praise. It was never acceptable as a child.

Funny you talk about 'when the medication' is right. Yeh, I think the change in my thyroid medication and my increased antidepressants has had a significant impact on my MH.

My tunnel is widening.

PamelaR

What helps to keep well?

startingnew — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 13:41:30 GMT

🤗❤🌟

What helps to keep well?

white knight — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 13:50:12 GMT

PamelaR

Google

Topic: what life's like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Topic: why are we here?- beyondblue

tony WK

What helps to keep well?

Ggrand — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 15:19:34 GMT

💐

What helps to keep well?

Peppermintbach — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 20:02:44 GMT

Hi Pamela,

It’s lovely to see you sharing your experiences 🙂

I’m mostly just “bookmarking” this thread...in a slight rush so I’ll come back to read it at a later point.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

What helps to keep well?

Guest8901 — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 21:24:35 GMT

Hi Pamela,

Love your new thread. Like you, I never used to be 'into' hugs, not with anyone. My family were always very stand offish, and never showed any outward emotion or affection. My husbands family are the opposite however. And over the years I have come to accept and even appreciate a hug in greeting, farewell or as a comforting gesture. To the extent that its became the accepted norm now, and I even initiate it myself at times.

Nothing to offer right now, but didnt want to lose your thread. And I wanted to return the hug. (:

Amanda

What helps to keep well?

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 22:22:34 GMT

This is an interesting thread. The discussion re hugs is interesting. I don't remember hugs as as a child much but I always knew my parents cared so that is a dominant memory. But now my husband & I have separate beds ( because of his condition he needs a hospital style bed) this means you don't cuddle up at night & I feel more like a carer than a wife.

I think becoming well is about learning what works for me at this stage in my life & then following that. Because my situation is different now (age health, personal circumstances etc) I can't keep doing things the same as I used to so I need to try different things or different ways of doing things. This applies both to things directly linked to your MI but also everyday activities & fun activities because they all impact on our wellbeing.

These forums can be useful in learning from other peoples experience & trigger ideas of ways we can use in our own life. Of course it is a learning curve & we try things which don't work so we throw that idea to the side & try something else.

What helps to keep well?

Ggrand — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 22:57:54 GMT

Hi Everyone,

The hugs discussion, as a child I was never hugged or cuddled. Imo hugs early on in life is important to show your children how much they are cared for, or even been tucked into bed also when younger seals the foundation of a child to be able to receive love and also express love.

The same went for my fiancé , at first I received hugs and they really felt good, but after marriage they stopped, but I did give and receive hugs and cuddles off my children and yes the hugs, cuddles do make you feel special. They also slowed down as my children got older and started their own families, but they didn't stop as when they visited etc hugs were given.

I haven't had a hug, cuddle or held hands, etc, now since September last year and it's taking its toll on me, (not sure for others), but without human contact I'm beginning to fade away, not feeling anything but emptiness inside.

I just want to say, if you have family or friends it only takes a minute to give them a hug, receiving a hug is like a thousand time over being told, I love and care for you, you are important in my life..So please if you can give your family members or friends a hug when you greet them, it will mean a lot to them.and only takes a few seconds.

Kind thoughts, and hugs 🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy....Karen.

What helps to keep well?

Speak Your Truth — Thu, 05 Apr 2018 03:11:41 GMT

Karen in your last post on this thread you said you “haven't had a hug, cuddle or held hands, etc etc).

I understand that because although I’ve had the hugs I haven’t held hands, cuddled or had sex in years and it sure is taking its toll on me too.

That kind of human contact is natural and normal and it’s excrutiatingly hard for me not to get it.

I feel like I'm beginning to fade away too and wonder how I will keep going like that.

What helps to keep well?

Ggrand — Thu, 05 Apr 2018 06:09:28 GMT

Hello SYT,

Your so right SYT, you feel totally unloved, unworthy and..yeah...I'm fading down really quickly, we all need to feel human contact..I don't even talk to anyone for days on end..I'm just so over everything now.. I think I'll just hibernate from now on, what happens will happen... To keep well, you definitely need people and love in our lives..

Kind thoughts,

Karen....Grandy

What helps to keep well?

Speak Your Truth — Thu, 05 Apr 2018 07:41:33 GMT

Karen please, please, please try NOT to think thought like “so over everything,” “just hibernate from now on” and “what happens will”

Sometimes I wrap my arms around myself and give myself a hug, or massage my head or my face or arms or legs in the way that I would love for somebody else to do - gently and with caring.

You know there are so many people on this forum who care so very much about you and you are able to let them care about you - as you read this can you please take comfort from that, even if the feeling doesn’t last long ? You could remind yourself of that 10minutes afterwards all through the day.

I know a little of your story and I do understand, hear, what you say. As there are so many people on BB who understand and care for you, can you consider that there are people outside your home who you CAN meet face to face who would care just as much if you let them ? Can you be brave and have a go ? All the caring people in the world are not only on BB. Is there just ONE person you can trust enough to call and ask for their company a little bit at a time while you build up more trust ? What about one of the ladies at the op shop you go to on Tuesdays.

For all you or I know we may not live very far from each other and I would be there for you very quickly and in person if I could - and I would give you a big hug for as long as you wanted - well, maybe not for hours and hours 😂 but you know what I mean.

I can’t do that but here are lots of hugs anyway - they are really REALLY big ones - just for you Karen 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗