topic Seeking a partner in Staying well

Seeking a partner

white knight — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 03:14:40 GMT

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, fuel costs, not then!

I devised a formula and my now wife and friends laugh at the idea. I had to find a cheap way of finding the right lady, to fulfil me emotionally with similar ideals and to have a family eventually. My plan began by having a maximum of 3 dates unless the basic criteria was met.

During those 3 dates she need to- offer to pay for one meal. Express some indication she enjoyed children and animals. Displayed a similar emotional level or a level of compassion. Enjoyed similar types of entertainment. When 3 dates had arrived I’d decide if I’d date her again. Clearly I had trouble separating those that were suitable and those that weren't.

My first date with this system came with an English lady I worked with. We went to the Movie- “Purple Rain” by Prince. There is a scene half way through where his father is hurt. It's very emotional. I turned and asked her if she liked the movie…”I don’t like black people”. At the end of the movie I took her straight home. I didn't need to explain, I’d made up my mind with racism she didn’t pass. Previously I'd argue and date her again. Now I'd set my standards.

A few others didn’t pass either. They enjoyed the drives, the meals, that Prince movie (yes I watched it a lot) and saving for their “glory box”. Most earned double what I earned. Then I dated a lady that fitted in with my system. She offered to pay for our fish and chips on a beach and insisted. She paid for some petrol. She loved the animals at a sanctuary and she cried when I took her to that same routine movie “Purple rain”.

It wasn’t without flaws. We married and had two children but she was emotionally abusive and lazy. It lasted 11 years. The moral of the story, use such a system but make it 5 dates and include – work ethic and how she would treat a partner. Develop your own strategies. Set your standards. Have some flexibility but compatibility is crucial.

Movies often have an array of emotions, discuss the movie after over a drink and find out her reactions to it.

The final thing I'd suggest is to begin with a friendship.

Having a formula is quirky but it can work. The quicker you get to know your date the faster the process is one way or the other.

Good luck and keep persisting.

Tony WK

Seeking a partner

smallwolf — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 04:03:53 GMT

Interesting approach. 🙂

I met my wife, my first and only gf, at a party in Uni days. First date was dinner in the city, next was a concert. It was about 4-6 months into relationship we loved each other.

Fouryears later we were married and still together nearly 20 years later. Slow and steady... Wins the race.

Tildeath do us part. Of course this was before the advent of online dating.

Seeking a partner

smallwolf — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 04:07:15 GMT

PS. Before that first date we spoke on the phone for about 3+ hours.

It all just sort of happened. Nothing was planned. Hint: don't pressure yourself into finding a partner.

Seeking a partner

Elizabeth CP — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 07:27:10 GMT

Friendship is the key. Rushing to find the perfect partner is doomed to failure. While it is important to be flexible & learn to compromise you need to have enough in common to make it work & there are some values that are too important to compromise. Expensive dates may be nice but don't necessarily let you see the real person.

I found going skiing made or broke relationships. Having a sense of adventure was important. Some guys failed because they spent the day complaining every time they fell. In contrast my husband went for the first time on a lousy misty day with most lifts closed. He fell over lots. Made a fool of himself but was prepared to listen to me yelling instructions at him & wanted to know when we could go again. Expertise was not required but the willingness to have a go & laugh when he fell gave me a good insight into his character. The wedding was planned to coincide with the snow season so our honeymoon was spent skiing!!!

3 of my 4 married kids took their prospective partner skiing before getting engaged. Those are all successful marriages. The other isn't.

The point is try something which is important to you to see how they react. Trying something new can be a really good test of character.