topic Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction in Staying well

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Sun, 05 Aug 2018 05:05:58 GMT

Alora here, I'm a newbie wanting to say hi. Been battling depression/anxiety since I was 13, lost a sibling at 17 which destroyed me. The solution I found for my pain at the time was alcohol, and here I am 23 years later battling an addiction that I know is destroying me, mentally, emotionally and physically. My life isn't where I expected to be: no kids, no job, little friends, and I'm stuck at home with an injury that's currently preventing me from work, outings or exercise. Trying to be positive and fight the cravings feels impossible at the moment. I hope to share my story, the knowledge and tips I've learned, and get advice from others. Most importantly, I could do with a friend.

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Peppermintbach — Sun, 05 Aug 2018 21:46:10 GMT

Hi Alora,

I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your sibling when you were 17. That loss changed your forever. It must have been excruciating and heart breaking to lose a loved one, and especially at that age...I’m so sorry...

I can relate to turning to alcohol to cope as that’s familiar territory to me. Sighs, anything to temporarily dull the ache, right?

Although I know for some people, it’s no longer about dulling the pain because when addiction sets in, they drink to feel “normal” as their body has become so dependent on it. My point is, dulling the ache or not, I hear you and I can empathise...

You sound like you have much wisdom to impart. Someone who has learnt and lost much over the years...we look forward to getting to know you a little better.

I feel you’re someone with a lot of insight and personal experience to offer. We have much to gain from you and hopefully we can support you in return 🙂

If you’re looking for a friend, there are many friends here to be found. I would be happy to be your online friend and I bet there will be others...I hope we hear from you again when you’re feeling up to writing again.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

geoff — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 23:38:08 GMT

Hello Alora, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your sibling which has caused depression, anxiety and a drinking concern.

If you can't currently work because of an illness that you have sustained, this would make your life pretty miserable so you've resorted to drinking to try and numb any pain from your injury and as a means of coping.

Those cravings you are having are so annoying because you have an addiction and that's why you have been drinking for so long, this isn't your fault, it's happened by a situation that was out of your control.

I have been in a similar situation and needed the alcohol as a way to cope through the day, the strength it has over you is enormous, but would like to let you know you have a couple of friends already, who definitely want to help you.

I feel for you.

Geoff.

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 01:27:38 GMT

Hi Pepper, thanks so much for your understanding and compassion. The loss did change me forever and it’s a matter of learning to live with it. Dulling the ache is precisely what I’ve been doing… but I guess there comes a time when I gotta face up to things and learn to cope with emotions rather than run from them.

Thanks for your faith in me. Not sure how much I can help, but I’m glad to be here. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of depression since I was a kid. But I’ve learned how to cope at times, through sun, diet and exercise. It’s amazing how much nutrition alone can affect the brain/emotions.

Thanx for your friendship, I look forward to getting to know u all.

Alora

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 01:34:04 GMT

Hi Geoff, thanks so much for your reply. It’s great to know you understand, though I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through a similar situation. You’re right, the strength addiction has over me is enormous, but I’ll keep fighting. Some days I fail, but I’m still willing to try again. As painful as it was to lose my sibling, I feel I owe it to him to keep going, never stop trying...

My injury is starting to heal, so there’s a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. It gives me hope to return to a normal life, get outside, exercise eventually. Though every day I still battle my addiction. I’m taking it one day at a time for now. Thanx for your friendship and support, I need all the help I can get.

Alora

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

geoff — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 02:15:29 GMT

Hello Alora, you know it takes strength to reply and you have been able to do this, and with this addiction, it's never easy to control.

One day is easy, while another day it's not so easy because you could have a relapse and decide to drink, don't punish yourself if this happens, this is to be expected, and it's no different to any addiction and as you say it's one day to another.

Be proud of the days you feel happy and never punish yourself for those days you don't.

I think you're doing well, but pleased I'd like to know how you are going.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Birdy77 — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 04:44:12 GMT

Dear Alora (hi Pepper and Geoff),

I am so sorry to hear of the deeply traumatic loss of your sibling. I think it's lovely that you've turned that loss into a positive, giving you motivation to keep on going.

I saw you over on Soup da Loops thread, giving support.

The battle with the booze is something I too can relate to, so I'm putting up my hand to say can I be your friend too (smiling, batting eyelashes) ?

I like the way Geoff has said not to punish ourselves on the hard days. It's good to be reminded.

We try our best. If we fail, we forgive ourselves and try again tomorrow.

Alora, I just wanted to say hi and I'm glad you're here.

🌻birdy

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Peppermintbach — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 22:43:46 GMT

Hi Alora (waves to all),

Thank you so much for writing back. I’m happy to hear from you again...

I feel you’ve written some very poignant and highly self aware posts. You seem to have a deep understanding of your own emotions, which is impressive...

I can relate to how you try to dull your emotions. I suppose sometimes it’s harder to directly face our emotions than to hide from it...I feel you’re so right there...

I’m glad you’re here too 🙂 About being helpful here, in my opinion, all we have to do is share and care. If we share and care, that is about as helpful as it gets. You seem to have both down pat in my eyes...

I agree with you that nutrition has an enormous impact on our emotions. As does our physical health in general...I feel mental and physical health is interconnected.

I look forward to learning more about you...

Kindness and warmth,

Pepper

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 08:33:48 GMT

Thanks so much Geoff. You’re so right, each day can be so different. I am prone to punish myself on days I don’t do so well. But I’m doing okay so far, I’m on day 5 and I nearly gave in, but I got through it. I’m going to take your advice and be proud of that. Thanks for your support and well wishes, it makes a difference.

Alora 😊

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 08:35:44 GMT

Hi Birdy, I’d love another friend lol, and it’s great to have someone who understands the battle with the booze. Feels like such a lonely battle sometimes. So far so good, and I’ll definitely take Geoff’s great advice if I have another set-back. It is good to be reminded. Thanks for your message and support, so glad to be here.

Alora 😊

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 08:38:30 GMT

Hi Pepper, I appreciate your kind words. I do feel self-aware, having dealt with depression for so long. As I got older, I researched to learn more about it. Sometimes I still struggle putting my knowledge into practice, though. Especially when it comes to alcohol. I’ve just started reading ‘This Naked Mind’ and it definitely feels like the conscious mind vs the subconscious. I agree with the mental & physical being interconnected. I can’t exercise atm which has impacted my moods. But coming to this site helps, thanks for your continuing support.

Alora 😊

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

geoff — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 19:36:14 GMT

Hello Alora, I also replied on the Soup da Loop but talking about this addiction, alcohol is such a strong topic.

If AA is not for you or it didn't help, then people have these dominant thoughts that drinking alcohol will be their saviour.

There are many books that can help you stay sober or get you to stop which are really good, but it's not the book that will stop you, it's you yourself that has to have that desire to give it up.

The books will help you learn, but what if someone else is drinking next to you, or you walk past a bottle shop, will you feel at ease not to drink, or can you walk past the pub without having any sweats or having second thoughts, that's the strength you need to decide not to drink.

Believe me, I know it's not easy, it's no different as trying to give up any addiction, that craving, but it can be overcome.

It may not happen the first time or on the second occasion and yes we can relapse and yes we can cut down it's what suits you and what's healthy for you but a topic to keep talking about.

Geoff.

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Peppermintbach — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 21:27:51 GMT

Hi Alora (and a wave to all your friends here),

Well done on not giving in to alcohol the other day as I realise it couldn’t have been easy. 5 days (22nd August) free of alcohol is an incredible achievement 🙂

I love how you try to stay informed and continue to learn and update your knowledge base about mental health. I completely agree with you that things usually sound much easier in theory than in practice...

This Naked Mind sounds like and intriguing read. I’ll have to look it up...

I hope you’re having a good start to the day and I look forward to your next update 🙂

Gentle and kind thoughts,

Pepper

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Birdy77 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 23:37:41 GMT

Hi Alora,

Just wondered how you're feeling and remind you to be gentle with yourself.

I hope your injury is improving, that would add a whole other layer of frustration and temptation to give in to the drink, so be kind to yourself.

How are you liking This Naked Mind? I downloaded the first 40 pages a few months ago, I really like her style. I recommended it to Sou da Loop as well and she said she's ordered it, it might help to know someone else who's reading it /following the steps or whatever (I'm not).

One day at a time Alora.

🌻birdy

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

geoff — Sun, 26 Aug 2018 02:41:55 GMT

Hello Alora, can I also join Pepper and Birdy with our concern for you and please if by any chance you have had a drink don't ever feel guilty, this is common, it's happened to me and I'm sure to so many other people.

It's not like turning a light switch on and off, stopping an addiction is nothing like this, we try and try harder to stop, then we stop, but those problems keep coming back, that's why we relapse, that's not your fault, we understand because the same has happened with us, that's why we want you to talk to us.

There is never any guilt when we want to stop an addiction, we won't criticise you, so talk with us.

We care about you.

Geoff.

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Guest0786549 — Sun, 26 Aug 2018 03:57:13 GMT

Hi all, thanks for your responses. I did end up relapsing and I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. I’m just finding it too difficult while I’m stuck at home with an injury.

Nearly 2 years ago I gave up smoking cigarettes, which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took many attempts but I finally got there. Now that I’m free from it, I’ll never smoke again. I keep hoping it will be the same for alcohol. I can go 2-3 days without a drink no problems, I couldn’t go 2 hours without a smoke! So I guess I just got to keep trying.

When I quit smoking, I gave up junk food too. I lost nearly 20 kilos. But I still had alcohol as my pleasure/stress relief. Since my injury the weight is slowly coming back. So it’s even more important I eat healthily. Problem is, part of me is thinking if I give up alcohol, I’ll have nothing left. I know that’s the problem but I can’t help thinking it. The only other pleasure/stress relief I had was exercise and I can’t do that now. It’s so hard being at home with no proper distractions.

I’m enjoying the book ‘This Naked Mind’ as I have a strong interest in the brain and science. It’s taking me awhile to read though, because I get tired of thinking about alcohol all the time. You know how it goes, the more you resist it the more it’s on your mind..…I feel that changing my mindset is the biggest hurdle. Part of me still looks at it as a pleasure, but I always binge now, no longer in control.

On a positive note, I’m slowly healing. Sleeping better and can go for short walks. It’s a start I guess.

Appreciate all your support.

Alora

Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

Peppermintbach — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 21:09:43 GMT

Hi Alora (and a wave to all your beautiful supporters),

I think it’s completely understandable (and very common) to relapse as Geoff very kindly pointed out. I’m really glad you’re taking it in your stride and trying your best not to beat yourself up over it. Well done on your beautiful attitude...

I agree with you that, in a way, giving up drinking is similar to giving up smoking. I feel the thing is with any substance reliance, it often takes multiple attempts before a person can come completely “clean” (so to speak). Temporary relapse then temporary recovery (and it can happen many times, over and over again) before a point of long term recovery is reached. So you’re on your way, and I feel you know this already ...i feel it’s all just part of the process...

Yes, it would be hard if your brain still associates alcohol with pleasure and stress relief. I feel your book sounds really interesting, and hopefully it also helps take your mind off the drinking too sometimes...

I’m wondering if finding something to do with your hands e.g. art or craft , cooking, etc would help both stimulate and distract your mind. Just a thought...

Kindness and warmth,

Pepper