topic What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health? in Staying well

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 00:47:50 GMT

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

demonblaster — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 01:03:42 GMT

Hi Q 😊

I think its important to be honest at least with ourselves.

Telling friends how deep it goes I do but kinda in general sense, too much to put on anyone, its a down to them so yes mask when Im down usually and you're right a mask isnt being honest but... sparing people

Honesty in ourselves yes I think we need to be aware of both our goods and bads, usually in depression we dont like ourselves so seeing our goods is important and bad points need work on so yeah honesty.

Thanks for another good thread Quirky 😊

Enjoy your break

Tc (take care

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

giggles — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 02:22:43 GMT

Gee Quirkyword thanks for the opening of this one. Thought provoking for sure. I know l have always expected everyone is telling the truth but now l am older my experience has taught me this is not the case. Always worried when others say,’lets me be honest’ ha so what was going on before that! So for me honesty is admiting to urself first why something does not feel right then if and big if l can do something about it l will. I could not just stop a job because something was bugging me l could not control. I use to get another one instead.

I have also learnt not to apply guilt with my illnesses if someone else is upset with me for say not wishing to do something then surely its on them not me.

I do not believe l have purposely lied to anyone but l have uncovered how l believed what l was taught to discover l did not actually believe alot of the concepts hense the letting go of old stuff. That is personal Obviously to how people see things. I know l honestly do not wish to have any of my illnesses but l do and l honestly do my best everyday. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

Honesty is very much alive in us l kinda feel it sits there waiting to be acknowledge then awoken for the individual to work out for themselves, or with help however that appears for them.

Giggles

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:34:43 GMT

Hello all

Thanks for your comments and for reading to new thread,

DB, I agree there is a shade of honesty when we want to protect people but I wonder if many people have a mask and dont reveal their pain how will we know how we are really feeling?

You are right depression distorts our truth and we see everything through a negative perspective which we view as being honest but which we know later is distortion. Thanks again for taking time to contribute.

Giggles, what a lovely name,

Thanks foryour comment. That is true when people say to be perfectfullyhonest or trust me, you wonder why they have to say it and you are wary hat they will say next.

I agree that honesty to oneself and trying to work out what does not feel right is important.

I think that as you say our concept of honesty can changes as our beliefs change and once I honestly believed I did not have bipolar and did not need help but now that has changed.

Giggles you have given us much to think about and I am interested as to what other people have to say about what Giggles, DB and myself have said.

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

demonblaster — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 08:23:11 GMT

Thanks Quirky ☺

Yeah Giggles I smile every time I see that name its lovely 😀

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

smallwolf — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 09:03:07 GMT

The question is "how are you?"

Depending on my mood I would answer in a number of ways.

The first is "OK" or "I'm good". I may or may not be masking how I was really feeling.

The second response is "Ummm... I'm..." "OK... I think". or similar. This is a clue for other person to inquire a bit further. And means I am not 100% present.

There are other responses, but the one where I can stymie people is when I reply "that depends on whether you want a real answer or not".

We tend to gloss over how we are feeling, for whatever reason. Whether it be guilt or embarrassed, to be that odd person out who reveals their true self, is frowned upon. At the same time, I can speak openly and honestly to my psych. I can now (mostly) speak honestly with my support person(s).

In relation to MH, we probably don't admit to it because you are then the odd one out. Yet if you speak openly about it with other people, they will admit to similar problems. When I told some people about seeing a psych because of ..... they said that were on medication for X, Y or Z. Similarily with parents and other family friends. It we are honest with ourselves, we should be able to speak about it honestly without fear of being perceived as the CRAZY one, because that is how "we" might be perceived in the media. And because you cannot see it (MH), then does it really exist? We know it does, but it is not evident to those around us if they see us smiling.

But if we can be honest with at least our GP or psych, we have chance of making it to other side. Additionally, in being honest with your GP etc. means they get a true-er picture of you, and can prescribe the correct medication, whatever that might be. In being totally honest with my psych. means that we can examine the real issues rather then skirting around the margins.

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 23:35:00 GMT

Hello everyone,

Hi smallwolf, thanks for your interesting post.

I agree when you open up people are likely to tell you they or someone they know is seing a psych or has depression et. By being honest we low others to be honest too.

Being honest with our psychs mean we can unravel the deeper issues.

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

giggles — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 00:51:58 GMT

Hey Smallwolf

Ditto came to mind with ur post. I have always felt that mask of social standings but must admit it has very solid foundations. However when my depression is what l call rampant l truly do not want to play the game so quite simply l don’t. Meds bring me back to working what l need to work u know going somewhere etc.

I guess it comes down to knowing how to work ur system amongst everyone elses. Is it just me or did u see that as funny too?

Thanks for comments Db and quirky

giggles

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

smallwolf — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 01:04:27 GMT

I guess that what I was trying to say, is that a question like "how are you" is really (?) just a throw away statement, perhaps to start a conversation or create the illusion of a conversation. Mostly we say we are ok or good. But if you really look at those three small words, the question can actually be much stronger/deeper than intended. But who wants to go there in the great unknown

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 22:51:42 GMT

Hello all

Giggles thanks for your comment.

I think you are right to need to work out if you are perceiving things the same way other people do. No one sees things in the same way.

Smallwolf thanks for the comment. I think the rods how are you in some ways are throw away lines- do people reall want to know how one is? If you have been honest with a stranger when they asked ow are you- they will change the topic.

Some future start with talking about the weather nit asking ho you are.

Thanks small wolf your comments are welcome and interesting.

Quirk

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

smallwolf — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 01:51:53 GMT

Switching direction to the 2nd part of your question...

I much prefer honesty. If you cannot do something, telling me why is preferable to making up some non-truth. Eventually the truth comes out and then I will think about why couldn't you have just told me that in the first place. And then the internal slow burn of anger starts. I am not one to shout at others, but rather it is internalized.

Much pain can be avoided if you tell the truth in the first place. I think.

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 14:44:39 GMT

Hello everyone

Smallwolf,

I suppose that begs the question what is the truth , what is honesty.

If I truly believe something that to others i not true, have I been dishonest when I believe it is true.

I know infamilies one child will firmly believe their parent was very critical and a sibling will believe how supportive they are. Who is being honest?

any responses welcome.

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

smallwolf — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 01:11:03 GMT

Quirky,

(You are) Starting to get deep(er) now... truth, honesty and belief are all different. I had to include belief - Sorry.

To be truthful is to be factually correct. Put another way is honest and not telling any lies.

Honesty is (speaking) without he intent to deceive. So I can still be honest but not truthful.Think of how we might talk about money. You say that you have $10 in your wallet, when in fact you have $12. To be truthful, you would need to say that you have $12. Being dishonest however is the intent to deceive.

Belief on the other hand is acceptance that something exists or is true without proof.

In this case a child can believe their parents were supportive or critical, based on their own belief system(s) but is without proof. (This of course is separate to abuses that are noticed/visible etc. by 3rd parties.)

So to answer your question

If I truly believe something that to others i not true, have I been dishonest when I believe it is true.

then you are not being dishonest, as you do/did not have the intent to deceive?

And in the example of the children, if that is what they believe, they are being honest. Not necessarily truthful.

Therefore when I am with my psych or talking about feelings etc., I am being honest when I talk about my frustration etc. But that cannot necessarily be shown to be truthful, if facts are needed to backup.

Hope my response does not kill this discussion.

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

Quercus — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 03:00:42 GMT

Hello everyone,

Wolfy your last post didn't kill the conversation it made me understand what was bothering me...

I have this internal debate constantly. For example the facts of my childhood are wonderful. But when I speak about my issues amd experiences with my psychiatrist I feel and see problems. I see how horrible some of the experiences were.

To address these I have to be blunt and honest because burying these feelings leads me right back to harmful thoughts.

And yet I feel so much guilt.

Am I just being a drama queen?

Am I being truthful?

Am I being honest?

Am I full of BS?

Can I trust my memories?

Am I biased?

The list goes on and on and on and on. But the most important thing I worry about is does speaking up hurt others? Is it really worth dissecting my past and digging up everything if I improve at the expense of people I love?

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

giggles — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 03:01:08 GMT

Hey small wolf

that was an excellent explanation. well done for even taking it on to answer. It is true.

What do you expect someone to say to you when you ask how they are?

Giggles

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

giggles — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 03:34:47 GMT

Hey Quercus

Interesting point about wondering if you can hurt others by speaking up. I guess that depends on what the thing is about hey and what the outcome will be for those involved.

I have found it amazing that the unplanned conversations can bring out truths and I have been surprised to hear how people truly feel about something that happened years ago. So on balance I suppose I have hurt some people with out intention because I do not know whats going on in peoples lifes and its vertiually imposssible to know and visa versa. How can they know whats up with us.

So its kinda good to wait things out just to see what is going to happen it might bring an answer that you never contemplated.

I now sit with knowing I only have to look after my feelings and especially those negative thoughts that can have the ability to destroy my life. My fight is personal. No one knew I was unconsciously taking on my families problems and I know they would not care about that because they would not understand how it works. So I do not feel I would accomplish anything with speaking up about certain things and have more personal power resolving something in my way.

However it truly depends on the issue hey. Mine is mainly emotional baggage. I am learning how to break it down so joy can come through sometimes. Actually more nowadays. So it helps with being just more positive in myself. It is not a fix for other problems that will need attention at the right time. But good to know I am not responsiable for other peoples problems anymore more thinking time for me.

Giggles

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 08:25:14 GMT

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the great discussions presented here. It has given me lots to think about.

Smallwolf, you have described the differences well and mentioned intention to deceive as a very important point.

I see your distinction between honesty and truth - but who decides what is truth. The truth can change over time even scientific truths have chnaged over the centuries.

Sometimes when we talk to others how can we honest when we are not honest with ourselves. When I was in denial about my bipolar I would tell everyone I was fine and coping and I suppose I believed that but if I had been truly honest I would have admitted there were timesI was struggling.

Your response has envigorated the discussion. Thanks

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 08:35:48 GMT

Hello all,

Nat, Thanks for your thoughtful post that asks many interesting questions.

You said you worry about does speaking up hurt others? So by examining your past you improve but not your loved ones.

If you tell your pyschologist things doesn't that just stay there ,or are you talking about confronting others or just bringing up things from the past.?

It is a great question maybe even a thread in itself. I suppose

I have on the other end with one of my children wanting to go over the past at great lengths when all it does is get complicated and stress me. I suppose I have dealt with it as I know she needed to do dissect her past to move forwards.The next question is when looking to past people have different views about what happened and different memories.

If to people have totally different truths about what happened at a certain time in their lives that gets stressful and complicated.

I may have gone off on a tangent.

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 08:45:57 GMT

Hello everyone reading ,

Giggles what ain interesting answer to Nats question. I like the way you considered different parts of the question and related it to your personal experience.

I answered it before I read your reply and thats the great thing about questions there is more than one way to answer a question.

You brought up many different points.

I like the way how you have worked out what works for you. Rather than speaking up about some topics you have decided to resolve them personally which gives you more personal power. I had not thought about it like that.

Often if I did thatI was accused of avoiding an issue or denying the past .

I agree it depends on the issue and the importance to the individual.

I like the image of joy coming through the emotional baggage and having more time for yourself and not feeling you have to be responsible for everyone's problems.

Giggle, thanks so much for your post as I find them most helpful .

Quirky

What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

PamelaR — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 09:24:26 GMT

Thank you everyone for such a interesting discussion. It has left my head reeling a little.

I'm not sure I have much too offer, probably just going over what others have already said.

I guess, I see honesty as 'what I believe in, at any given time'. For instance I believe that the memories I have recalled in the past 7 years honestly happened. However, the truth is - did it. I don't really know. There is no one to ask - so I have to live in the belief it did and I honest believe that.

The truth however is always subjective. While scientist try to make out something is the truth, you will just as quickly find another scientist who has an opposing view. Who is right?? The climate change doomsayers or the climate change non-believers? I have my own views on this topic which is based on my values that I use during life experiences and my knowledge (as limited as it is). However, the person sitting next to me on the bus will have a different view point I'm sure. Just as my brothers and I differ in how we perceive our lives as we grew up. I

Hope this has helped the discussion and not stymied it.

Kind regards

PamelaR