topic The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean? in Staying well

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Mon, 05 Nov 2018 09:04:59 GMT

Yes you read the title correctly,

How do we mind less ,

How do we learn not to worry over every thing,

How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive.

I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and

how to not mind about what other people think.

Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea.

Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger.

I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel.

I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle.

Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking.

I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not.

Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going.

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

jess334 — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 04:29:23 GMT

Hi Quirky,

I have no idea. I mind way too much about stuff and the only way I cope with it at the moment is to limit my awareness. For example stop watching / reading news.

My mum tells me that I should only worry about those things within my 'sphere of influence', but I don't agree with this. I feel like if everyone did this we would still have segregated schools & no women vote.

So yeah, no answers here, but I am interested in reading other peoples responses.

Jess

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

Moonstruck — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 05:45:42 GMT

Quirky...you asked "what works for you?"...(to stop minding about things that don't matter)...

my answer to that would have to be "nothing". Nothing works for me.

doesn't mean I always over-react, or get terribly upset, or do/say anything harmful or destructive, or fail to relax....but however I handle it....I still "mind about things that don't matter".....my over-thinking causes me immense discomfort......I just hide it well.............luv Moon S

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

Zonnekp — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 05:57:56 GMT

I am learning to distinguish big and small and try to let the small go. Also I am learning to handle feedback, both positive and negative, as simply an exchange of information, rather than a personal appraisal/attack. And thirdly, not all the problems/worries/mistakes are mine (to worry about). That is how I get by...

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 06:24:22 GMT

Hello everyone and thanks for your great responses.

Jess, I stop listening to news on radio ad tv, Some say don't worry about small things and others say worry about small things. I hope we both get some ideas. I think we are people who are concerned with the big picture/

Moon, thanks so much for your input.

I find it hard to hide the overthinking, what is your trick.

Zonnekp, thanks for your 3 steps and I am glad they work for you.

1- let the small go

2-see feedback as an exchange of information not a personal attack- I need to work on that one.

3 Not all problems need to be worried about by me.

What a great list.

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 07:20:19 GMT

Hello all,

Are you trying mindfulness but finding it hard.?

So I feel if we worry less or mind less it may help us focus and be calmer.

What do you worry about ? how do you cope?

any tips about coping with negative feedback would be helpful.

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

Ruby__2 — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 12:11:49 GMT

Hey Quirky

My advice is "don't sweat the small stuff'

Not your problem, pass the ball!Try not to catastrophise xx

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 21:00:33 GMT

Hello everyone,

Thanks Ruby.

Thta is good advice about done sweat the small stuff, yet Jess’s mum told her to only worry about things in her spender of influence. So not the big things out of her control.

I find that confusing as I have had people say don’t sweat the small stuff and others say don’t worry about the big things.

I am glad that it works for you and I suppose that is the key finding something that helps you.

If something is your problem it is hard not to worry about it but I suppose you can break it down and get help for things you cant manage .

Thanks again Ruby.

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

jess334 — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 21:28:48 GMT

Been thinking about this recently.

I think I see 'the small stuff' as things that don't affect the quality of your life - like spilt milk (although I think it's ok to cry if its spilt breast milk!), not getting around to doing the laundry today, having pizza for dinner instead of veggies. That's the stuff we need to let go of.

But other stuff we worry about we need to focus on what we can cotnrol. A big worry of mine is the amount of waste on our planet. I cant change the consumerism that controls peoples, but I can reduce my own waste, recycle, buy second hand etc.

I find mindfulness really difficult at the moment, doesn't matter how often I practice. But 6 months ago I was doing really well at it. I guess life goes through those ups and down and we just have to hang on.

Negative feedback is tricky. I guess it depends on whether you believe it to be true or not. When I receive constructive feedback that I know is true, although it can be hurtful, I think it's important to take it on board. But when it's negative feedback from someone I don't care about (like an irritated customer at work), then I usually debrief with someone, ie bitch about it, and then try to ignore it.

Kind thoughts, Jess

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Fri, 09 Nov 2018 03:34:09 GMT

Hello all

Thanks Jess for you detailed and comprehensive post.

I am guessing your life has changed in the last six months so you need to be patient and give yourself a break.

I think as mindfulness is like the flavour of the month there is a lot of pressure for us to achieve it.

I feel we need to find what works for us.

I find negative feedback that is not true from loved ones the hardest to cope with.

Jess thanks for your contribution to this thread.

There is a thread what is mindfulness? that may interest people.

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 09 Nov 2018 04:16:10 GMT

I think Jess is right about the small stuff. We need to think about the result of what has happened & dicide is it important. For example when my kids were little & my husband brought them in to see me in hospital they looked like they were dressed from the ragbag in mismatched old clothes. I was embarrassed as everyone else was nicely dressed. I had to remind myself that it didn't matter. My kids were healthy & well fed & I probably would meet up with anyone from the hospital again so it didn't really matter. Similarly if something is spilt it can be cleaned up quickly so it doesn't matter.

On the other hand some things do matter Perhaps we need to determine what we can do to influence them rather than worrying about everything. For example there are some things which are important politically so I need to be informed so I can vote for the party with the policies which I believe in. I can't guarantee how others will vote but at least I've used my vote to influence the situation for good.

The other thing we can do is put things into perspective. For example we hear of terrible crimes on the news. We acknowledge they are bad but then remind ourselves that we do live in a society with a reasonable police force & justice system so thee crimes are the exception. Of course there is room for improvement but remember the good as well.

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Fri, 09 Nov 2018 06:23:40 GMT

Hello everyone,

Elizabeth thanks for your posts which are always well thought out.

I agree with getting things into perspective and seeing the big picture but many of us here will always be people who care and empathisewith others.

One thing I still struggle with is getting stuck on one thought and the more I try to work through the feelings and move on, the more I stand still.

i am usually ok but sometimes something unrelated can remind me of that thought from the past and I am stuck again.

Any ideas?

Quirky

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

Zonnekp — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 07:24:18 GMT

Hi Jess334,

I've also tried not listening to stop watching/reading the news, but I find that I feel "left out of the loop". For me, it is better to know what going on around me. And the daily news makes for great dinner conversation.

ZonnekP

The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 09:07:17 GMT

Zonnekp

Thanks for your post. I think there is a fine line between not watching nay news and burying one’s head in the sand. I think we do what we can as individuals to cope with being bombarded with negative news.

i think we take in as much news as we can cope with.

Quirky

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 10:02:59 GMT

Wow it is nearly 4 years since I wrote and a lot has happened I. My life.

I flung the big changes thst happened I just sort of coped with but nearly 3 years after the fires I seem to worry and get upset over the simplest comment. I have become worried over little things. I can rationally say that when a close relative shooshes me that she wants baby to sleep yet I get upset as the relative was talking louder than I was.

i need to mind less and have a thicker skin. I am a work in progress.

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

ecomama — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 10:39:55 GMT

What an interesting thread topic quirky!

I saw in your original post that you were doing mindfulness, meditation.
Dr Joe says there's no such thing as a "bad meditation" and that all people feel that it's not working until they persist and persist and then "AHhhh I feel the difference now".

Once we learn how to BE in the moment, the past doesn't bother us, because we're in the moment.
Then we can expand this zone to our every day moments.
We can feel FREE of the past.

If we ARE worrying then that's the past.
We are falling into our "default mode" of thinking. Mainly because we're not observing our thoughts and changing them instantly.

And I care only what SOME people think. We don't have to care what everybody thinks at all.
They don't have the credibility to make that call about us.

I seldom take on ALL of what even those closest to me think either. SO MANY people have tried telling me what to do! LOL! I laugh because it's usually those people who don't manage their own lives well, so why would I take what they say on for myself?
Answer is I don't.
I don't ask for advice unless it's mechanical or renovations related mostly lol.

I totally agree I'm a work in progress too! I call it "life"! lol.

Brene Brown has tons of information about relationships. Worth a look!

Love EM

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 10:49:29 GMT

Thanks for your post.
I have read many of Berne Browns book and her TED talks. Her books about belonging and courage to be vulnerable are helpful.

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

CMF — Sun, 13 Nov 2022 11:48:15 GMT

Hi Quirky & all,

Well the Universe must have directed me here because I have been wondering how I can worry less. My partner does not worry about anything. He is always happy & positive. Nothing bothers him, he doesn't let people get to him. I'm the exact opposite.

I haven't quite figured out how to worry less. I'm a BIG work in progress.

Cmf x

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

quirkywords — Sun, 13 Nov 2022 22:54:21 GMT

CMF

Thanks we are works in progress together.

i find people say don’t worry it’s not worth it then they later tell me something that worries them. I feel like my worries are insignificant yet there worries matter.

Has anyone found that..?

Re: The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

CMF — Fri, 25 Nov 2022 19:48:36 GMT

Hi Quirky

Yes, some people don't understand our worries cos it doesn't affect them. My mind is so full at the moment that things that would normally stress me out are not cos i just have no room left to worry. I have so much going on at home & work that I can only take it day by day. No room to worry about for now. Hope I don't have a big freak out later lol.

Cmf x