topic Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives in Staying well

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Thu, 22 Mar 2018 20:38:04 GMT

Hi all,

I thought that it might be helpful to have a thread to share self care strategies especially for those of us who often feel time-poor with demanding schedules/busy lives.

I understand everyone is different, and like most things in life, self care also needs to be individualised to suit each of our individual needs, interests, personalities and lifestyles.

I’ll be back later to contribute my own ideas...

Please feel free to share your own self care strategies and suggestions 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 10:28:21 GMT

Hi all,

Here are some of my personal suggestions. They may or may not be helpful or suit you but I figured there is little harm in sharing ideas 🙂

schedule in self care and try your best to commit to it almost as though it was an appointment. I suppose the idea is to make sure you follow through as it is quite easy to think “oh, I don’t have time” if you don’t schedule it in. It could be 30 minutes daily, a weekly activity, etc; it just depends on what works best for you.
I feel morning rituals can be helpful especially if you know you have a busy day ahead of you e.g. spending 15 minutes to complete a pleasant, calming activity before heading out the door to start your day on a more peaceful note.
be very efficient/speedy with unpleasant but necessary tasks and chores and think of shortcuts to complete them faster. Alternatively, if finances permit, you could even outsource some of them. Think of it as spending money in order to save that time to do something much more self nurturing or rewarding. Having said that though, I understand this is not an option for everyone.
breathing exercises can be completed anywhere and help bring forth a calmer state in the here and now.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 11:10:13 GMT

I find printing a to do list each week helful with space to tick of daily tasks & also write in what I've done each day. By using a template on the computer you can allow tasks not completed one week to roll over to the next but not having to worry about forgetting them.

Writing what you have done each day helps keep things in perspective so at the end of the week instead of seeing a list of things not done you are reminded of what you did do. This is important for me as I'm a carer so things often crop up sending my plans haywire.

Your suggestions pepper are good

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Fri, 23 Mar 2018 12:42:37 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you so much for your helpful ideas 🙂

Oh yes, I agree that carers juggle a lot and even though I don’t know personally as I have never been a carer, I would think it’s a very demanding role. I feel even if you love the person you’re caring for, it doesn’t change the fact that it can still be very stressful.

Then again, I have never been a carer so far be it for me to pretend to genuinely understand...regardless, I admire what you do and appreciate it can’t be easy in the least.

You raised some great points about practical to-do lists and maintaining perspective. Great ideas!

Thanks again,

Pepper

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 28 Mar 2018 02:00:04 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for your post! What a great thread 🙂 Love the idea of incorporating more self-care into our lives. This is something that I'm constantly working on!

- Totally agree with scheduling self-care. Sometimes trying to block out 30 minutes feels too difficult for me so I'll plan just one small thing that I can do. Perhaps that's just a little bit of reading. It all counts.

Sidenote: I have an app called YouApp which is a photo based app about micro-actions. A lot of them are self care based. My action today for example is to try and have a mindful moment.

- Have a think about where your day goes. I read a quote once that stuck with me "Make a list of things that make you happy. Make a list of things you do every day. Compare the list. Adjust accordingly". It's so important. It really made me think about the things that I was filling up my day with I didn't even enjoy. Do you have to do these things? Are you doing them because you should? I actually got rid of Facebook for this reason!

- Have healthy food around the house. It's going to be easier to eat well if you have the food around!

- Try to do something each day. This doesn't really apply to the 'busy lives' part, but things like taking a shower and going for a walk are acts of self-care. Your body deserves to be loved.

- Remember the big picture. Self care is important. For so long I've believed and been taught that doing things for self-care is being lazy. I'm trying to unlearn that now. But I know that I'm not the only one who can feel guilty about being nice to yourself. We deserve to love and be loved. 🙂

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Fri, 30 Mar 2018 05:07:04 GMT

Hi romantic_thi3f,

Thank you very much for sharing your wonderful ideas 🙂

I’ll have to look up this app that you speak of...it sounds very helpful. Thanks again.

Funny coincidence that you mentioned thinking about where your time goes each day. I have been thinking about the same thing recently so I have been trying to track how I spend my time to see how I can try to eliminate, spend less/more time on, etc. Great suggestion!

Good point about highlighting the importance of self care and how some of us struggle with a sense of guilt from it, which means we can sometimes feel conflicted about it.

Great points!

Pepper

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Sat, 31 Mar 2018 20:28:29 GMT

Hi all,

I wanted to discuss keeping your physical space/surrounding/environment inviting and clean.

I find when the space that I am in is more pleasant and clean, it automatically lifts my mood a little.

But I also understand, sometimes cleaning and tidying can fall by the wayside if we are busy. I’m certainly guilty of this and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one...

So here are some gentle suggestions to try to stay on top of potential messes:

Do a small amount of cleaning and tidying most days even if it’s just 5-10 minutes each day can make a huge difference.
If you’re in a good financial position, perhaps even consider hiring regular or irregular cleaning services. As I mentioned before, think of it as exchanging money for, in some ways, an even more valuable commodity, time. But I understand this isn’t an affordable option for everyone.
Find ways to make the environments that you spend a lot of time in more inviting e.g. low maintenance indoor plants for your work desk, artwork on your walls, etc.

Kind thoughts to all,

Pepper

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Quercus — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 01:12:48 GMT

Hi Pepper,

This is great idea for a thread. I hope more people contribute.

I have a few ideas to add...

Identify your boundaries and limits. So often we give of ourselves until we are drained and burnt out. It is important to learn to recognise when it's time to say no.
On that note... Practice saying no. Saying no doesn't have to be rude. It doesn't always feel good but sometimes it is necessary.
Delegate when you can and ask for and accept help. Even my 4 year old can help. He makes his bed and tidies his room then helps his sister with hers.
Accept imperfections. When my kids tidy it isn't the same kind of clean I would do. And I've had to let that go. Otherwise I will spend all my time needlessly. Accepting help means accepting others limitations.

I wonder what ideas others will come up with.

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

startingnew — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 08:04:34 GMT

HI Pepper thank you for starting this thread. so many people with hectic lives often forget that small thins can add up too.

i like all the points that are written here by everyone. im finding them pretty helpful so thank you everyone.

Pepper- i agree that a clean house helps me. i often do all my cleaning in one go but your right 5-10 minutes can be a big help in a busy schedule.

Nat- i like the points youve put here here about identifying boundaries and limits as well as accepting imperfections.

a few self care tips to add...

-- small things add up so even 5-10 minutes of doing something you like can help

--Self care doesnt have to be extravegent simple things work just as well like:

sitting outside with a cuppa/coffee
doing a short breathing exercise
a small drawing sketch
giving yourself a hand/foot massage (not everyones cup of tea but an idea)
painting your nails

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 20:52:06 GMT

Hi all,

Nat: thank you so much for those wonderful suggestions 🙂

I found them all very helpful and they are also good reminders for us to not try to do “everything” and that it’s okay to ask for help (e.g. delegate as you said) or look out for our own mental and physical space (e.g. boundaries as you mentioned).

Butterfly Wings (Startingnew): Thank so much to you too!

I think some people will prefer your way of doing the cleaning in one go whereas others might be more like me and do it gradually. I suppose it just depends on what works best for each of us 🙂

Great ideas, I love painting my nails, coffee and sketching (although I haven’t been feeling particularly creative lately).

Thanks again,

Pepper xoxo

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

startingnew — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:22:11 GMT

of course 🙂 what works for some mightnt work for others.

simple things work well i find esp in short time frames 🙂

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Chloe_M — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:34:02 GMT

Those self care tips are interesting, thanks again startingnew

To everyone else looking for self care tips- remember to treat yourself. See a movie with a friend, go to the beach, go shopping, do something that you love or enjoy, or something that is a little bit special.

I went to the movies and went shopping with one of my best friends last Saturday- I felt so good afterwards!

Take care everyone xx

Chloe

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

startingnew — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:36:09 GMT

movies and shopping sounds really good. keep doing the things you enjoy 🙂

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Chloe_M — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:44:07 GMT

haha I will- until I run out of money

guess i'll have to get a job.

Any advice on that?

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

startingnew — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:46:14 GMT

sure, but on another thread so we keep this one on track. perhaps the friends cafe would be a good place to chat.

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Quercus — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 05:24:39 GMT

Hello Pepper and everyone,

I have a thought on the topic of self care.

You mentioned time poor but there are so many other limitations that get in the way of self care. Chloe hit on a massive one... Finances.

The reality is a lot of the suggestions we make cost in three ways... They either cost in time or in money or require the help of others... Which means cost in time and effort maintaining friendships and relationships.

Sometimes it feels easier to just let them all slide and not bother at all. That is where I find myself often.

I remember seeing a psychologist a long time ago and her suggestions just made me laugh (the horrible hopeless bitter sort of laugh). Pay someone to clean or cook.... With what money? Go out to a movie or shopping... With what money? So many self care options require money. I remember her sending me home with a self care checklist to give my husband. He read it and frowned and said well she's not very practical is she? Oh hang on let me just go outside to our money tree. Which made me feel even more hopeless.

It is so easy when you are down to start rejecting ideas. When the psychologist started off with unrealistic things I closed myself off from listening because I felt she didn't get it or didn't care.

Sometimes we need to start tiny. Like SNs list of things like breathing or sitting outside.

Another thing I notice in myself is sometimes I need help to self care. My husband sent me an email today simply with a picture and the words go and sit in the sun hon. I haven't been able to yet.

But I know at 4pm my mum in law arrives so I can go to the psychiatrist. So it will force me soon to get off my bum. Make the beds. Clean the kids crap off the floors where they've tipped everything bloody toy out as usual. Do the chores and go shower and pretend I haven't just been sitting on the floor since 630. The kids will tell her anyway and it will change nothing.

Self care needs to be tiny. Like knowing someone is coming to check on you. Knowing someone cares. It helps me get through days like today.

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Elizabeth CP — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 09:18:32 GMT

I think the problem was not feeling understood. As you pointed out many self-care/ beneficial things take effort because of the cost in terms of money, time or needing assistance. It is better to do what we can even if that means starting small than doing nothing.

Sometimes it is worth the effort to push yourself to to do things which are hard but worthwhile. Years ago we had 3 very young children (oldest was 3!! & my husband had a very low paying job. We'd just bought a new home so finances were extremely tight & we had so much to do getting the garden under control apart from just looking after 3 kids. We were struggling emotionally & our marriage was suffering under the strain. We saw a counsellor who after listening to our problems & getting to know us suggested we needed a family holiday & we needed to get a babysitter & attend dance classes together. She explained why these would help but more importantly she spent time discussing ideas to help us achieve those goals. With her encouragement & suggestions we made the effort to follow her advice. For us it saved our marriage as well as my sanity. I was really struggling & having something I enjoyed to take my mind off our problems had a huge impact.

Obviously I'm not suggesting anyone else follows this advice as it was clearly targeted at us but it shows how pushing yourself to do something difficult can really help if it is right for you.

The difference I see in my example compared to Quercus is that we felt understood not just about what would help us but our home situation which was not the case for Quercus.

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 19:49:08 GMT

Hi lovely people,

Thank you so much for sharing your self care suggestions, insight and thoughts 🙂

My apologies for the late reply. For some reason, I thought that I had replied to some of the older posts but I just realised I hadn’t...sorry again...

Butterfly Wings (Startingnew): Yes, I’m with you in how self care needs to be individualised to suit each of our respective needs, interests and lifestyles. Thank you 🙂 “Dusk till dawn.”

Chloe: thank you so much for your thoughtful ideas. Movies and shopping with your friend that Saturday sounds like it helped you to recharge and have some fun. I’m happy to hear that.

Nat: excellent and highly valid points, thank you very much. Yes, I agree with you that the trifecta of time, finances and personal assistance/help from others can often either help or hinder self care.

It does sound like your psychologist didn’t seem to quite “get it.” All her suggestions were good in theory but it was clearly with minimal consultation with you as she didn’t understand your circumstances at all. Perhaps it almost even added insult to the injury (so to speak); you were already feeling very low and here she was making unsuitable suggestions.

I suppose it goes back to the point about how self care needs to be personalised/individualised. I like your point about how self care sometimes needs to be tiny. There is beauty in that and sometimes “tiny” is all we can manage at times ❤️

Elizabeth: thank you for your insightful post 🙂 I think your opening sentence possibly highlighted a key struggle and point of frustration/discouragement for Nat (Quercus). Then again, I’m not her so I can’t speak “for” her but I’m just guessing...please feel free to correct me, Nat.

Your counsellor seemed to really understand your situation. She sounds as though she was very caring and took the time to make sure everyone was on board. I’m glad her advice helped and your husband immensely.

Pepper xoxo

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

PamelaR — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 23:32:44 GMT

Hello everyone

Morning Pepper

Just found your wonderful thread. Thank you for starting this. So important.

Self care for busy people - hmmm. Your comments about keeping the house and environment clean and tidy resonates with me. I love having a really tidy place. However, I struggle with doing any housework. It's not my most preferred task. I'd much rather sit on the computer and send another post on BB or FB, or email.

I can be busy in the garden, watering the plants, pulling up weeds, tying back vines. But to tidy up the study, garage - ugh. Can't afford a cleaner. However, I do like the idea of work for work. Maybe I could do something I like for someone and that someone, who likes (does anyone LOL) housecleaning, can do my house.

I keep finding excuses to not do those things I don't like to do. Much more important things. But I do get you when you say - how about 5-10 minutes here and there. I'll try that. However, I'm one of these people who has to keep going until the job is finished. My study cupboards will take days to do. Noticed I already put up barriers. LOL

Much care to you Pepper.

PamelaR

Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

Peppermintbach — Tue, 01 May 2018 18:51:10 GMT

Hi Pammy (and all),

Thank you so much for your response 🙂

Yes, I hear what you’re saying. For some of us, as much as a tidy environment helps our mental state, finding the motivation (or call it what you will) to do it is sometimes another story. Lol.

Actually, I think striking a deal with someone who likes cleaning/tidying could potentially work. I had a former colleague who was super into cleaning. She would actually visit friends to help them clean as she found cleaning soothing.

Maybe doing a bit here and there may or may not work. I suppose there is a bit of trial and error to find what suits each of us...

Thanks again 🙂

Pepper xoxo